Saturday 26 January 2013

Bonjour Tout Le Monde, Nous Somme Les Toon

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Les Toon have added yet further to their French contingent by signing midfielder Moussa Sissoko from Toulouse. Sissoko follows centre forward Yoan Gouffran, centre-back Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa and left-back Massadio Haidara this week, while right-back Mathieu Debuchy signed on 4 January. 'Moussa Sissoko will not go to the end of his contract,' Toulouse said of the twenty three-year-old France international. 'He found an agreement with Newcastle United for a definitive transfer which takes effect today.' Sissoko has won six caps for his country and is the latest Frenchman to take a place in Alan Pardew's squad. Before Gouffran was recruited from Bordeaux and Yanga-Mbiwa from Montpellier, Debuchy arrived from Lille. Sissoko told the Toulouse website that: 'Newcastle are a very good club, despite the fact that they are fairly low down in the standings at the moment. They have quality players and had a brilliant season last year. That is what motivated me to go to this club. I will get game time at Newcastle, and it is important for me as a player to play as much football as possible. I think Newcastle is the ideal club.' Joining on the same day as Sissoko is left-back Haidara, who joins from Nancy. Yohan Cabaye, Hatem Ben Arfa, Romain Amalfitano, Sylvain Marveaux, Gabriel Obertan, Mehdi Abeid and Yven Rochild Victor Moyo are already at St James' Park. Pardew's side finished fifth in the Premier League last season but they are currently sixteenth in 2012-13, two points above the relegation zone. The Magpies have been hit by injuries all season and the new arrivals may help cover for the possible departure of captain Fabricio Coloccini, who has reiterated his desire to leave the club for 'personal reasons.' However, it subsequently emerged that Coloccini has agreed to stay at the club until at least the end of the season. Big of him, considering that he was happy enough to sign a four year extension to his contract as recently as last March. Thursday night also saw quotes from Bastia club president suggesting that Newcastle were the only side to have made a firm bid for Florian Thauvin. The midfielder who celebrates his twentieth birthday on Saturday is allegedly the subject of a two and a half million quid offer from United, with a fifteen per cent sell-on clause and a loan back to the Corsican club for the remainder of the current season. The President also confirmed that The Arse boss, Arsene Wenger, had 'been in touch' regarding Thauvin, but that the only bid currently on the table was from St.James' Park.

An Egyptian court has sentenced to death at least twenty defendants over clashes between rival football fans in which seventy three people were killed last year. The riots began minutes after a league game between Cairo club al-Ahly and al-Masry of Port Said. Blimey, they don't mess about this Community Service orders and ADBOs over there, do they?

Moscow Chelski FC midfielder Eden Hazard was sent-off for kicking a ball boy during the Capital One Cup semi-final exit to Swansea. The Belgian kicked the ball boy who had failed to return the ball promptly after it had gone out for a goal-kick. Swansea captain Ashley Williams condemned Hazard's behaviour. 'Demba Ba told me that the boy held on to it. I saw [Hazard] kick him in the ribs, and you can't do that,' he told Sky Sports News. Swansea manager Michael Laudrup said: 'I think [Hazard] will regret it when he sees it. The ball boy should have let it go but he was pushed first and then he kicks him. I understand as a player when you are behind and you are under pressure you sometimes say or do things you shouldn't but there are some things you cannot do.' The game ended in a goalless draw, Swansea winning 2-0 on aggregate. They will play Bradford City in the final.

Bradford City manager Phil Parkinson doubts that a team from the fourth tier will ever reach a major cup final again. Parkinson saw his side stun Aston Villains 4-3 on aggregate after a 2-1 defeat at Villa Park on Tuesday night to reach next month's Capital One Cup final. He said: 'I think it'd take some doing for anyone to do this again. We had a really tough run. It wasn't just the Premier League teams, we had tough games with Notts County and Watford too.' Bradford went into the second-leg at Villa Park 3-1 up but Christian Benteke reduced the deficit for Villa. James Hanson headed Bradford level on the night before Andreas Weimann scored a late goal for Villa. Parkinson's side started their run to the final with an away tie at Notts County the week before the league campaign started in August. En route to the final, the League Two side have seen off the (other) Magpies, Watford, Burton Albion and Premier League sides Wigan, The Arse and, now, Villa. Their date at Wembley is the first time they have reached the final of a major competition since winning the FA Cup in 1911 and the first time a side from the fourth division has made the final of a major competition since Rochdale in the League Cup in 1962. Parkinson believes the money earned by the run to the final will secure the future of the club - as well as the place of his side in the history books. Parkinson added: 'These lads will be remembered in the history of Bradford City for years to come. There's a 1911 lounge at the club to celebrate the cup victory of that year. Well, in years to come, there will be a lounge named after this cup run and these players because of what they've achieved. To go to Wembley is going to keep the club going for quite a while, I imagine. For the city of Bradford, it's massive and I really feel that this can galvanise the area.' They will meet either Swansea or Moscow Chelski FC in the final on 24 February, with the two Premier League sides due to meet on Wednesday night. Parkinson says he would prefer a final against Swansea, who have a two-goal lead going into the second leg of the semi-final. 'I think a Swansea City against Bradford City final would be great for football,' he told BBC Sport. 'These competitions are normally always won by the big teams so it would be great for us to meet them. We'll go there as underdogs and we will definitely enjoy it.' City have fallen off the pace in their push for promotion from League Two and have failed to win in the league since Boxing Day. But Parkinson is confident that, despite the distraction of a cup final, his side has enough strength to win promotion. He said: 'The cup is probably bigger now because we're in the final but we're greedy and we want both. We've found it difficult to get going after some of our cup games and that is understandable. Having said that, I think we're good enough to get our league campaign back on track and look forward to our Wembley game.' The Bantams return to league action with a home match against Wycombe on Saturday.

The Scum's manager sour-faced whinging old gas-bucket (and drag) Sir Alex Ferguson had accused assistant referee Simon Beck of denying Wayne Rooney a clear penalty as Stottingtot Hotshots came from behind to snatch a late draw at White Hart Lane last week. Ferguson singled out Beck for criticism after Clint Dempsey's late goal prevented The Scum restoring their seven-point lead over Sheikh Yer Man City. Which is most unlike him since he seldom singles out anyone for criticism, he just whinges about the manifest unfairness of life in general. 'It was a clear penalty kick,' he whinged. 'But there was no way the linesman was going to give that - he gave them everything. He had a really poor game.' This is not the first time Ferguson has had a high-profile disagreement with Beck. In 2010 The Scum's manager was furious when Beck allowed Didier Drogba to score from an offside position as Moscow Chelski FC won at Old Trafford to take control of the title race. On this occasion, Rooney went down after a challenge by the Stottingtot Hotshots defender Steven Caulker midway through the second half and Ferguson was apoplectic with rage that Beck did not flag for a foul. 'I am disappointed with him - we have not had a good record with him,' Ferguson told BBC Sport. 'With Chelsea a couple of years back, he gave onside to Didier Drogba and he was three yards offside. You remember these things because it is [in] important games and that was an important game today. It was a clear decision. And he was ten yards away, maybe twelve yards away from the incident and he doesn't give it. And yet he gave everything else.' The football authorities have, reportedly, asked Ferguson to 'clarify' his comments. Not that they will do anything about it once he has, of course. As Ferguson's recent, hideous and provocative comments about yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies being 'a wee club in the North East' proved, Ferguson can, seemingly, say whatever the hell he likes - no matter how calculated it is to provoke an angry reaction in others - and simply get away with it. Because, he's above the law. And then The Scum's many supporters (few of whom, actually, live in Manchester) wonder why it is that the rest of the football world hates them and celebrates in any misfortune which may come their way.