Keith Telly Topping's World Cup Trivia Page

'Live Together In Perfect Harmony...'

2012-01-05T13:49:00.000Z

Côte d'Ivoire coach Francois Zahoui has rejected Sheikh Yer Man City's request to play Yaya and Kolo Toure in Sunday's Manchester derby in the FA Cup. 'Clubs know the rules,' Zahoui told BBC Africa. 'I'm expecting them [the Toures] for the FIFA deadline.' Under FIFA rules, players can be called up two weeks before the start of the Africa Cup of Nations on 21 January. City had hoped the Toure brothers would be able to play against United before joining the Ivorian training camp. 'The national team in Côte d'Ivoire is led by people who are well educated and I was surprised that people in England think that we don't know the FIFA rules about dates,' Zahoui said, rather patronisingly. Zahoui has insisted they report for a meeting in Paris on Saturday before flying out with the rest of the squad to Abu Dhabi for a two-week training camp. 'Here, when we call-up the players, they are obliged to turn up at the date indicated by FIFA. So when we call them up we know that the clubs need to let them go.' Zahoui said he had travelled to England to discuss the matter with Sheikh Yer Man City boss Roberto Mancini and The Arse manager Arsene Wenger, who will lose Gervinho to the Côte d'Ivoire. Gervinho has made twenty four appearances for the La-Di-Dah Gunners this season since signing for ten and a half million smackers from Lille. 'I said to the managers, "Be careful because there's a great expectation here and we need our cohesion and we have our ten days together and we need a team spirit at our training camp,"' said Zahoui. 'Arsene Wenger was my coach [at Nancy in France] so we have a close, respectful relationship. But even with him I said that the head of the Ivorian federation won't mess about. Don't turn this into a stand-off. So our call-up day is 7 January. I hope and pray they respect this date and that there's not a conflict between clubs and the federation.' The Toure brothers are pivotal players for Sheikh Yer Man City and started the 3-0 Premier League victory over Liverpool on Tuesday. Yaya, whose powerful drives from midfield are a feature of City's attacking play, scored the winner in both the FA Cup semi-final and final last season, and has six goals in his last thirteen games. Kolo has displaced Joleon Lescott at the heart of City's defence since returning from a six-month ban for failing a drugs test. Mancini, whose side host The Scum in a third-round clash on Sunday, said the absence of both players will leave City stretched. Gareth Barry is suspended, fellow midfielder Owen Hargreaves is not considered fit enough, while striker Mario Balotelli is troubled by an ankle injury. 'We have seventeen players,' whinged Mancini. 'I do not know how it is going to work. I always said we could have a problem in January. In midfield, we have a big problem. On Sunday, we only have James Milner and Nigel de Jong available.' Well, you've got one of the richest men on the planet for an owner, mate, get him to put his hand in his pocket. Zahoui's tough stance will also affect yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved Newcastle midfielder Cheick Tiote and Moscow Chelski FC forwards Didier Drobga and Salomon Kalou, who will all miss FA Cup third-round ties this weekend. Tiote has been central to The Magpies impressive Premier League season - they're currently in seventh place with thirty three points from twenty games - starring in the hugely satisfying 3-0 victory over The Scum on Wednesday night. The Magpies are also losing in-form Demba Ba to Senegal. Drogba and Kalou have scored nine goals between them for Moscow Chelski FC this season. The 2012 Africa Cup of Nations includes sixteen teams competing in Gabon and Equatorial Guinea between 21 January and 12 February.

So There Is A God, It Would Seem!

2012-01-05T11:18:00.000Z

Manchester United's title challenge suffered yet another blow after The Scum were, very satisfyingly, swept aside by yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though, still unsellable) Magpies at a windswept St James Park on Wednesday evening. The visitors, who lost to Blackburn Vindaloos on New Year's Eve, went behind before the break when Demba Ba hooked in his fifteenth goal of the season from Shola Amoebi's flick-on. Yohan Cabaye doubled Newcastle's lead with a screaming thirty-yard free-kick before Phil Jones - amusingly - diverted in a late own goal via his knee.

Up For The Cup?

2011-12-05T14:46:00.000Z

Arch rivals Sheikh Yer Man City FC and The Scum will face each other in the tie of the FA Cup third round in January. The Scum will make the short trip across Manchester to the Etihad Stadium looking to avenge October's 6-1 drubbing at the hands of City. Elsewhere, The Arse meet Dirty Leeds, Bristol Rovers will host Aston Villains whilst in-form Stottingtot Hotshots face the might of Cheltenham Town. Non-league Tamworth are rewarded for reaching the third round by having to travel to Everton, Wrexham face Brighton and Fleetwood will play Blackpool if they beat Yeovil in a second round replay. The clash of the Manchester giants is the obvious stand out tie of the draw - with the teams currently sitting first and second, respectively in the Premier League. The neighbours met in the FA Cup semi-finals last season at Wembley with Roberto Mancini's side winning 1-0 to reach their first final in thirty years. They triumphed 1-0 against Stoke. The clubs have only met once in the FA Cup at Manchester City's home ground - back in 1954-55 when City won 2-0. The tie was one of only two all-Premier League affairs to emerge from Sunday's draw, with yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved Magpies hosting Blackburn Rovers in the other at St James Park. Or, whatever Ashley and his chimp are calling it that particular week. Moscow Chelski FC's manager Andre Villas-Boas's first taste of the FA Cup will come at home to Championship side Portsmouth, who won the FA Cup in 2008. Martin O'Neill's first FA Cup tie in charge of relegation-haunted Blunderland will come at another Championship club Peterborough, while Stoke's manager Tony Pulis returns to one of his former clubs, League Two Gillingham. Peterborough director of football Barry Fry said: 'I am absolutely delighted, it is a great draw. It should be a sell-out and with Martin O'Neill going there it gives us half a chance of being on TV.' The Thieving Scouse Schleps must await the outcome of the second-round replay between Southend and Oldham to discover their opponents. Neil Warnock's Queen's Park Strangers face a tricky-looking visit to Milton Keynes where the Dons are pushing for a promotion to the Championship next season. Blue Square Bet Premier Tamworth will be happy with a lucrative trip to Premier League Everton while Wrexham's reward for a stunning 1-0 win at League One Brentford is a tie against Brighton & Hove Albino. Nottingham Forest will host Leicester in a no-love-lost East Midlands derby and Birmingham and Wolverhampton Wanderlust meet at St Andrew's in an equally-no-love-lost West Midlands derby. Derby, meanwhile, play Crystal Palace. Which isn't an anything derby. There is definitely one all-London tie after Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance and Charlton Not-Very-Athletic were paired together. Notlob face the winners of the Chelmsford versus Macclesfield tie.

Sócrates

2011-12-04T13:37:00.004Z

Further sad news for the world of football. The former Brazil captain Sócrates has died at the age of fifty seven. He had been in a critical condition with an intestinal infection since being admitted to hospital on Friday in São Paulo. He, his wife and a friend were all reportedly taken ill after eating stroganoff last week, but his body was too frail to cope, having recently recovered from illness and he suffered septic shock which claimed his life in the early hours of Sunday morning. Sócrates, who was widely regarded as one of the greatest goalscoring midfielders ever to play the game, was moved onto life support on Saturday. He played in two World Cups, winning sixty caps for his country between 1979 and 1986 - many as captain - and scored twenty two goals. At six foot four he was known for his physical strength combined with a silky elegance on the ball for such a big man, as well as two-footed vision, a powerful shot and more tricks than Derren Brown. There have, frankly, been few better box-to-box playmakers in the history of the game. Easily recognisable for his beard and headband, he became the 'symbol of cool for a whole generation of football supporters,' according to the journalist Jonathan Jurejko. He looked more like a rock star than a footballer, with a towering awkward frame, straggly hair - and, of course, the instantly recognisable beard. The 1980s image of Sócrates is still plastered across retro T-shirts today, just like his hero Che Guevara, and his affect on a generation of football fans who fell in love with the Samba Boys of '82 is almost as revolutionary. His style of play was unmistakable; elegant and effortless almost to the point of nonchalance, and with a penchant for the back-heel that prompted Pelé to once remark that Sócrates played better going backwards than most footballers were going forward. Sócrates played for Botafogo and Corinthians in Brazil before an unhappy one-season spell in Italy at Fiorentina. He then saw out his career with Flamengo and Santos before retiring in 1989 at the age of thirty five. The first child of a self-educated intellectual father, a lover of the classics who named three of his sons after Greek philosophers, Sócrates was born in 1954 in Belém, the city on the banks of the Amazon estuary and capital of the North Brazilian state of Pará. Sócrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Souza Vieira de Oliveira came to football relatively late, having trained as a medical student until he was nineteen. Nicknamed 'The Doctor', Sócrates subsequently continued his studies whilst playing for Botafogo Futebol Clube and became a doctor of medicine, a rare achievement for a professional footballer (he was a graduate of the Faculdade de Medicina de Ribeirão Preto). After retiring as a player in the late 1980s he practised medicine at Ribeirao Preto. In his early playing days he was notably unwilling to join in the wild celebrations of his team-mates when he scored a goal (of which there were one hundred and seventy two over the course of two hundred and ninety seven matches. He would have played many more but missed two whole seasons in 1978 and 1979 whilst completing his doctorate); so much so that the fans complained to the club president considering this aloofness as a sign of a lack of passion. The president, in turn, begged Sócrates to be more demonstrative and Sócrates obliged, in future, with parodic celebrations, kneeling on the ground, throwing up his arms and invoking success from whatever Gods there might be. A deeply intelligent man he was also a talented musician, playing trumpet in a salsa band, and was politically active. During his time at Corinthians he co-founded the Corinthians Democracy Movement, in opposition to the then-ruling right-wing military dictatorship in Brazil. Sócrates and his team mates protested against the regime's treatment of footballers, and showed support to the wider movement for democratisation, by wearing shirts with 'Democracia!' written on them during games. Sócrates stated in several interviews that his childhood heroes were Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and John Lennon. As if that wasn't cool enough for a footballer, he was also a heavy drinker and smoker - notoriously, being a forty-a-day man at the very time when he was captaining the 1982 Brazil side, one of the greatest teams never to win the world cup. That second group stage defeat to Italy is still the stuff of nightmares for lovers of the The Beautiful Game the world over. Just like Hungary in 1954 and the Netherlands in 1974, here was a team blessed with, quite literally, all the talents, except for the ability to win the biggest prize of all. Ironically, his younger brother, Raí was a member of the Brazil squad which did win the World Cup in 1994. Sócrates would later note: 'Titles are ephemeral. What matters in football is the passion, regardless of conquests.' He set up a sporting medicine clinic in Ribeirão Preto where he lived with his wife and six children. He was a columnist for a number of newspapers and magazines, writing not only about sports, but also medicine, politics and economics. He frequently appeared on Brazilian TV programmes as a football pundit. At the time of his death, Sócrates was writing a speculative novel about the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. In 2004, aged fifty, Sócrates made an appearance as a substitute for Garforth Town in the Northern Counties League after a one-off deal to become player-coach. He was taken to the Albert Einstein Hospital in São Paulo with food poisoning on Friday, according to his wife. A hospital statement said on Saturday that the former footballer was 'in a critical condition due to a septic shock of intestinal origin.' Previously, Sócrates was taken to hospital twice in August and September this year with bleeding in his digestive tract. After these incidents he admitted that he had problems with alcohol, especially so during his playing career. In a recent television interview, Sócrates said he that had considered alcohol his 'companion' but believed its regular use had never affected his performance on the field. 'Alcohol did not affect my career, in part because I never had the physical build to play this game,' he said. 'Soccer became my profession only when I was already twenty four. I was too thin and when I was young I did not have the opportunity to prepare myself physically for the sport.' Football fans will prefer to remember those balmy nights in Spain in June 1982. And that goal against the USSR. Two body-swerves and a thunderous drive that almost burst the net. Magic.

Gary Speed

2011-11-27T13:41:00.003Z

Some appalling sad news broke over Sunday lunchtime. The Wales football manager, Gary Speed, has tragically died - an apparent victim of suicide - at the age of forty two. Speed had appeared on BBC1's Football Focus show on Saturday afternoon, just hours before his death and seemed in great spirits. He joked that he thought one of his former clubs, Newcastle United, had a good chance of getting something from their visit to Old Trafford that afternoon. This was, he noted, in marked contrast to his own period playing for the Magpies when they had a shocking record against Manchester United. The presenter, Dan Walker, said that off-camera at the BBC's studios in Salford, Gary had talked enthusiastically about how well his sons were developing as teenage footballers and about his desire to come back on the show before Christmas. He also recorded a separate interview about his high hopes for Wales' forthcoming World Cup qualifying campaign. After the show ended, at 1pm, he met up with Match of the Day pundits Alan Shearer - a close friend with whom Speed had played for six years at Newcastle - and Mark Lawrenson to watch the early Premier League game between Stoke City and Blackburn Rovers. Then, just before 3pm, he made the short journey to Old Trafford to watch Newcastle draw with Manchester United. The match finished shortly before 5pm and it is thought Speed travelled back to his home in Chester where, little more than twelve hours later, he was found dead. As news of the tragedy spread, the world of football queued up to pay tribute to Speed. His death was confirmed in a statement by the Football Association of Wales. The statement said: 'We extend our sympathies and condolences to the family. We ask that everyone respects the family's privacy at this very sad time.' A spokeswoman for Cheshire Police said: 'At 7.08am today, Cheshire Police was informed of a sudden death at an address in Huntington, Chester. Officers went to the scene where a forty two-year-old man was found dead. The next of kin have been informed and have confirmed the identity of the man as Gary Speed. There are no suspicious circumstances surrounding the death. The family have requested that they are left in peace to grieve at this difficult time. A family tribute will be released at a later date, but not today.' Speed had taken over the Wales job in December 2010, and after some early disappointments, performances and results had begun to rapidly improve. He said earlier this month that the side's improvement had exceeded all of his expectations. A 4-1 friendly win over Norway represented a third successive victory for Wales, and Speed's fifth win in ten games in charge - seeing his country rise in the FIFA rankings by over fifty places in just nine months. He noted: 'We've progressed further than I'd have thought in this space of time but we've still got a lot of work to do.' Speed won eighty five caps playing for his country during a fourteen-year international career. A national hero, he was given the top job in Welsh football despite only having four months managerial experience with Sheffield United. His former Wales team-mate Ryan Giggs said: 'I am totally devastated. Gary Speed was one of the nicest men in football and someone I am honoured to call a team-mate and friend. It goes without saying my thoughts are with his family at this tremendously sad time.' The Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish, who had signed Speed for Newcastle in 1998, released forward Craig Bellamy from his squad for Sunday's match against Manchester City, saying that Bellamy 'was very, very close to Gary.' Another former Wales team-mate, Robbie Savage, tweeted: 'The world has lost a great man in Gary Speed. I'm devastated. Spoke to him yesterday morning. I'll miss him so much. He came to watch Strictly three-to-four weeks ago. I high-fived him in the front row. He loved the show, he loved life, he loved his family. Devastated.' Alan Shearer said: 'Gary was a magnificent person, bright, fun and a wonderful family man - he lit up every room he walked into. I am proud to have been his friend and will miss him dreadfully.' Former Wales international John Hartson was due to work on the BBC's radio commentary of Swansea versus Aston Villa but was too upset to cover the game. A superb left-sided attacking midfielder, Speed had a glorious twenty year career as a player, mostly at the very top level of the English game. He played professionally for Leeds United, Everton, Newcastle United, Bolton Wanderers and Sheffield United between 1988 and 2009. Rarely troubled by injury - until late in his career - or suspension, Gary held the record for the most appearances in the FA Premier League at five hundred and thirty five, until it was surpassed by David James in 2009. (He's still third on the all-time list behind James and Ryan Giggs.) Born in Mancot, Flintshire in 1969, Gary began his career with Leeds United as a teenage protege, making his league debut when he was aged nineteen. He went on to play a key role as Leeds won promotion from the old Second Division in 1990 during his first full season and, then, as the club took the last ever First Division championship title in 1992 as part of a midfield which also comprised Gordon Strachan, Gary McAllister and David Batty. Fast, mobile, direct, hugely skillful and with keen eye for goal, Speed also featured in Leeds's League Cup final defeat against Aston Villa in 1996. The flags at Leeds United's Elland Road ground were lowered to half-mast and fans laid tributes of shirts and scarves. The club said it was 'stunned and saddened.' Howard Wilkinson, Speed's manager at Leeds, praised him as 'an ordinary, very honest, very genuine, very committed and hard-working bloke.' After three hundred and twelve appearances (fifty seven goals) for Yorkshiremen, he moved to Everton - the team whom he had supported as a boy - in 1996, for a fee of three and a half million pounds. His spell at Goodison Park was not a great success, although he was club captain and, probably, the best player in a rather underachieving Everton side of the period. After sixty five games (seventeen goals) he moved again, to Newcastle United, in February 1998. In his first couple of years at St James' Park, he struggled in another average middle-of-the-table side although the team did get to - and lose - two successive FA Cup finals in 1998 and 1999. But, the arrival of Bobby Robson as manager in 1999 revitalised Speed's career and he enjoyed a glorious Indian summer of three or four years playing some of the best football of his career. Along with the likes of Alan Shearer and Robert Lee he was one of the older heads in Robson's exciting young Newcastle side. He was very much a Robson-type player, the former England manager once describing Speed as 'brave as a lion.' Robson converted Gary into a holding midfielder and, even though his pace was starting to go by then, his vision and tactical awareness helped to bring the best out of many of the youngsters he played with - particularly Craig Bellamy, Nobby Solano, Kieron Dyer and Steven Taylor. Taylor, who came into the first team at St James' Park when Speed was one of the club's senior professionals, expressed his gratitude for the help Gary had given him. 'He helped me through, he was an absolute machine - the best professional in football. He had that aura about him. He always had time for the young lads and helped them feel good about themselves.' After the news of his death broke, Newcastle released a statement expressing their condolences, in which they described Gary as, 'an excellent servant to the club, the ultimate professional, and an exceptional role-model for younger players.' By the time he left the Magpies - many felt he was sold a season or two too early - for Bolton in 2004, he'd played two hundred and eight five times (forty goals) and had helped United back into Europe, including a memorable run in the Champions League in 2002-3. Gary signed for Bolton in a two-year, seven hundred and fifty thousand pound deal in July 2004. He had been capped for Wales eighty five times by this stage, second in the all-time list only to Neville Southall. He was handed his Wales debut as a twenty-year-old in the 1-0 friendly win over Costa Rica in May 1990. After captaining the country a record forty four times, he retired from international football in 2004 after the side's 3–2 defeat to Poland in a World Cup qualifier. He became the first player to make five hundred Premiership appearances when he played in Bolton's 4–0 victory over West Ham United in December 2006. In May the following year, he was named as the First Team coach for Bolton. However in October, he left the job. Conflicting reports of the incident claim then manager, Sammy Lee, relieved him of his duties so he could concentrate on playing. However Speed, in an interview with the Bolton News, claimed that he had chosen to step down himself. Four years at Bolton saw a further one hundred and thirty appearances (fourteen goals) before Gary finally dropped out of the Premier League and ended his career as player-coach at Sheffield United eventually retiring due to a persistent back injury just short of his fortieth birthday. With the 2010–11 season only three games old, United's manager Kevin Blackwell was sacked with Speed being confirmed as his replacement. However, on 11 December 2010, Speed was linked with the vacant Wales manager job and accepted the role as the new Welsh national team manager a week later, succeeding John Toshack who had stepped down in September 2010. Speed was made a Member of the Order of the British Empire in the 2010 Birthday Honours. Gary's professionalism, dignity, intelligence and passion for that game made him one of football's good guys. This blogger's thoughts are with Gary's family, his wife - Louise - and their two young sons - Edward and Thomas - and his many, many friends in the game. One look at former Newcastle team-mate Shay Given, now playing for Aston Villa, in tears on the pitch at Swansea as a minute's silence turned, magnificently, into a minute's applause tells you everything you need to know about Gary Speed and what he meant to people. It's at times like this it's brought home to you that football, great game that it is, is ultimately just a game. Gary Speed. Legend.

But, the game goes on and we, however reluctantly, have to go on with it. Twenty four hours earlier, The Scum of Humanity were held by yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved Magpies in a pulsating match at Old Trafford on Saturday. Javier Hernandez gave United an early second-half lead after Wayne Rooney's volley ricocheted off Steven Taylor before then hitting the Mexican and trickling in. Newcastle drew level from a disputed penalty after Rio Ferdinand was adjudged to have fouled Hatem Ben Arfa with Demba Ba scoring from the spot-kick. Jonas Gutierrez was then sent off for a second bookable offence, Tim Krul made a string of great saves, Ashley Young hit the post, but the Magpies held on. The draw leaves the champions four points behind rivals Manchester City, who travel to Liverpool on Sunday. Newcastle fully deserved a point from a tremendous game after defending stoutly throughout. They were unlucky to go behind in the first place, but with Steven Taylor in particular outstanding in defence, they repulsed everything the home side threw at them afterwards, even when down to ten men for the last fifteen minutes. That Newcastle left Old Trafford with a point also had much to do with Krul's superb goalkeeping performance and the visitors' ability to throw bodies in the way of the ball in a frantic period after Gutierrez's dismissal. Krul somehow got his body in the way of Nemanja Vidic's fierce header while Danny Simpson typified Newcastle's resilience when he cleared a Hernandez effort off the line. At times in that thrilling conclusion, Krul's goal seemed to be protected by a brick wall keeping the ball out of his net as Ashley Young rattled the post with a shot, while a last-gasp Hernandez goal was ruled out after the Mexican strayed offside when he poked home Ryan Giggs's cross. In the opening half Alan Pardew's side had looked to attack at every opportunity with Ben Arfa and Gabriel Obertan effective in creating chances with their vision and touch - both from the centre of the pitch as well as the flanks. Ben Arfa produced the cutest of passes with the outside of his foot to scoop the ball over the United defence to Ba, whose volley tested David de Gea. A cross from Obertan, who was arguably the visitors most effective player in that first half, created Newcastle's best chance, but Ryan Taylor miscued with his volley. However, that Newcastle went in at the break level was primarily to do with Krul's reactions. Early on he saved twice from Hernandez before the Dutch international flung himself to his right to produce a fingertip save from the deftest of flicks from Giggs. Just before the break Newcastle were handed a reprieve when Hernandez miscued with a shot when he probably should have scored. Strangely prior to Saturday, Hernandez had not scored at Old Trafford this season, and he knew little about the goal that ended that run on forty nine minutes. Steven Taylor had fouled Hernandez to win a free-kick just outside the box and although the Newcastle wall blocked Rooney's set-piece shot the England striker was quickly onto the rebound. Rooney's volley went deep into the Newcastle area before ricocheting off Taylor and then off Hernandez into the net. It was a desperately unlucky way to go behind, but the visitors were soon to profit from a contentious penalty that was awarded when Ben Arfa went down after a Ferdinand tackle. Television replays appeared to show the United defender had won the ball reasonably cleanly but the referee, Mike Jones, after consultation with his assistant awarded the penalty. Ba coolly slotted in as De Gea went the wrong way. The Manchester United goalkeeper produced a wonderful save to parry a Fabrizio Coloccini effort, but once Gutierrez had been dismissed Newcastle had only the manpower to concentrate on defending their goal. There were still plenty more heroics to come though, and former Manchester United man Simpson topped them all with the most staggering of goal-line clearances, before Hernandez had his late strike ruled out for offside.

Relegation-haunted Sunderland boss Steve Bruce has insisted that he won't quit despite abuse from fans after a home defeat against Wigan. You're going to have to work harder, you Stadium of Lighters. Take the advice from one who knows. Chants of 'sack the manager' usually bring a, dreaded, vote of confidence. Chants of 'sack the board' usually result in the manager getting the tin-tack. Give it a shot and see if it works

About Bloody Time!

2011-11-24T14:41:00.001Z

American Samoa's national football team - ranked as the worst international team in the world - has won a game for the first time in its history. The US protectorate managed a 2-1 victory over Tonga after thirty straight defeats coverage almost two decades. Reports said the players and coach of the Pacific nation celebrated as if they had won a major championship. Aw, bless 'em. In 2001 American Samoa infamously lost 31-0 to Australia in a World Cup qualifier - the heaviest defeat in international football history. American Samoa are joint bottom of world governing body FIFA's international rankings. Coach Thomas Rongen said the victory would now be 'part of soccer history. Maybe we have a chance to do something special here beyond this one game, but let's enjoy this one right now,' he said. American Samoa's last and only other win came in the 1983 South Pacific Games, where they beat Wallis and Futuna 3-0.

Reds Fight The Blues

2011-10-13T17:51:00.001+01:00

Wigan Athletic chairman Dave Whelan has said that Liverpool's 'scandalous' call for clubs to be able to sell their own overseas TV rights would 'kill half the Premier League.' Liverpool managing director (and greedy waste-of-space cock-bucket) Ian Ayre believes that the current system - where overseas Premier League revenues are shared equally between the twenty Premiership clubs - is 'unfair to bigger teams.' What this has to do with Liverpool who've finished seventh and sixth in last two years in the Premier League is, frankly, beyond this blogger but, there you go. Probably some of that 'wacky Scouse humour' were always hearing so much about. Like Tarby and Stan Boardman and his 'fokkers.' Hilarious. Whelan said: 'I have just read his [Ayre's] comments and I find them diabolical - I just can't believe what he has been saying. It is absolutely scandalous. It would kill Wigan Athletic. It would kill Blackburn.' Liverpool would need at least thirteen other clubs' support for any changes to be made. But Manchester City, Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea are all understood to be against it - at least, publicly - and so is just about everybody else with half-a-frigging-brain in their head. The league's rights deal, which expires in 2013, is worth £1.4bn. Ayre wants to adopt the Spanish model of total and utter shit-faced greed, where individual clubs have the freedom to negotiate their own packages based upon their global popularity. Which, for the purposes of this argument seems to mean 'how many cheap and nasty replica tops we sell each year in Malaysia.' Ayre believes that it would generate far more money for 'the top teams,' allowing them to recruit the best players and 'stay competitive in Europe.' And, he believes that Liverpool somehow qualify as one of these 'top teams' who 'can't stay competative' apparently, purely because his team does sell lots of cheap and nasty replica shirts in Malaysia. Despite the fact that - as noted - Liverpool haven't even finished in the top four of the Premier League for the last two seasons. So, essentially, this jumped up little insignificant squirt reckons, despite actual league position, that Liverpool are one of a so-called 'Big Four' in England. One imagines Manchester City at the very least, and Tottenham Hotspur at a push, might both have something to say about that piece of rank and arrant glakery. The Latics chairman Whelan - someone never short of an opinion, on pretty much anything. often (though not in this particular case) nothing whatsoever to do with him or his club) - is quoted by several newspapers as saying: 'It is the "American Dream," this?' Which isn't, actually, a proper sentence, but never mind. 'They are thinking "How can we get more money?" But you won't get more money by killing the heart and soul of the Premier League and of football in England. The worst thing for English football is for teams like Liverpool - the Top Four let's say - who want to get rid of virtually half the Premier League. We will finish up like the Spanish league with just two teams in it, no competition, no anything, no heart and soul in the league. What we have is the finest league in the whole world and what Liverpool are calling for would absolutely wreck it. The likes of Wigan, Bolton, Blackburn, Wolves, Sunderland and Newcastle couldn't compete.' Latics manager Roberto Martinez agrees, arguing that the Spanish model has 'not worked' in his native country. 'Real Madrid and Barcelona are getting richer and the others are finding it harder, year by year, to compete. That is great for the two football clubs but no good for the league. The good thing we have [in England] is the competitive edge. That is there for a reason. We should realise why.' Asked whether fans in Spain are starting to get bored by the dominance of their own Big Two, Martinez said: 'Yes. They end up supporting Barcelona or Real Madrid. They don't support their own [local] teams because they are not competing. You end up splitting Spain into two football teams. The league suffers.' Liverpool don't, really seem to have any supporters in this thing, with other clubs scrambling to distance themselves from the proposals and the Sports Minister Hugh Robertson believing that the 'provocative' idea would 'lead to an erosion of the competitiveness of domestic football.' Robertson continued that the Premier League, which he describes as the country's 'greatest sporting export,' would not be best served by Liverpool's idea. So, here's an idea for Ian Ayre, then: Why don't Liverpool simply sod off and set up their own one-team league so they can win it every year? Let's see how many replica shirts you can sell in Malaysia then you plank.

The Greed Roadshow

2011-10-12T13:26:00.001+01:00

A spokesperson for Liverpool football club has suggested that it will challenge the arrangement which sees Premier League clubs share equally the billions earned each season from overseas TV rights deals.   Ian Ayre, Liverpool's managing director, said that change to the established broadcast deal, worth around £3.2bn to all twenty Premier League clubs from 2010 to 2013, is a 'debate that has to happen. ' The Anfield club would prefer to move to the Spanish La Liga model, which enables Spain's top teams - Real Madrid and Barcelona - to negotiate their own, extremely lucrative contracts with foreign broadcasters.   The Premier League has focused on collective selling of TV rights since its inception in 1992, involving each club getting an equal share but with bonus amounts awarded for finishing in higher positions. Any change to this system would most likely anger smaller clubs worried at the potentially widening gulf between them and the top teams. In the last round of negotiations, the Premier League was able to more than double international revenue from TV rights, from six hundred and twenty five million smackers in 2007 to 2010 to £1.4bn for 2010 to 2013. Action from the league is now shown in two hundred and twelve countries - which is pretty good considering there are, according to the United Nations, only two hundred and four countries in the world - via ninety eight broadcast partners. It is widely expected that the next deal will be even bigger. But Ayre believes that the 'big four' clubs - by which apparently he means Liverpool, Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal - should be able to tap into their own popularity overseas to sell TV rights. The arrogance of which would be staggering were it not for the fact that it's pretty much what we've come to expect from these jokers. And, by the way, if we're talking about a 'big four' in England then why are either Liverpool or Arsenal in there when Manchester City aren't? I'm just saying. 'Personally I think the game-changer is going out and recognising our brand globally,' the Liverpool managing director swaggeringly told BBC Radio Merseyside using that dreadful 'global market bollocks-speak so loathed by the vast majority of football supporters. You know the people who - in theory, at least, pay your sodding wages, Ian. Of course, as the vast majority of the pimps, the liars and the thieves who run our football clubs will be delighted to tell us, gone are the days when fans coming through the turnstiles can dictate pretty much anything to the - frequently absentee - chairmen and directors who have wormed their way into the heart of the game. But, as we've noted on this blog many times in the past, you can bet your bottom quid that if next Saturday nobody turns up at any Premier League match all of them, collectively, would shit in their own pants and run a mile looking for a way out. 'Maybe the path will be individual TV rights like they do in Spain. There are so many things moving in that particular area,' he continued. Sadly, ladies and gentlemen, this is exactly what's killing football. The measure of a club's success or failure is no longer anything to do with how they perform on the field but, rather, how many cheap and nasty replica shirts they sell in Malaysia. That's why Premier League clubs attract the owners they do - the floggers of mucky mags, dodgy sports gear that falls to pieces when you get it home or shady foreign wide boys out to make a quick killing. Either that or, in the case of two or three, a play thing for a man with more money than sense until they get bored with it and want to play with something else. Greed is what runs English football now, dear blog reader. Greed mixed with fear of failure. Everybody's scrambling to get to the big table for their lick from the trough but, a few of those who've been there for a while don't want to share their moolah with Norwich and Swansea, with Blackpool and Hull. They want it all to themselves. And, what's more, they don't want Sunderland to have much either. Or Newcastle. Or Everton. Or Stoke. And, certainly not Fulham, Wigan or Bolton. Because they're nothing. Little squirts whom the big boys kindly allow to tread the same field as them. But, heaven help them if they start getting all uppity with ideas above their stations and actually go to Anfield and give the Thieving Scouse Schleps a beating. That's just not part of the plan. In the playground we call such filthy, full-of-their-own-importance bastards what they actually are, bullies. Ayre added: 'What is absolutely certain is that, with the greatest of respect to our colleagues in the Premier League, but if you're a Bolton fan in Bolton, then you subscribe to Sky because you want to watch Bolton. Everyone gets that. Likewise, if you're a Liverpool fan from Liverpool, you subscribe. But if you're in Kuala Lumpur there isn't anyone subscribing to Astro, or ESPN to watch Bolton, or if they are it's a very small number. Whereas the large majority are subscribing because they want to watch Liverpool, Manchester United, Chelsea or Arsenal.' Have you ever noticed, dear blog reader, how whenever anybody uses the phrase 'with the greatest respect too...' they're about to say something staggeringly disrespectful to someone? T'was always thus. So, well add rude to arrogant and greedy, then. 'So, is it right that the international rights are shared equally between all the clubs? Some people will say: "Well you've got to all be in it to make it happen." But isn't it really about where the revenue is coming from, which is the broadcaster, and isn't it really about who people want to watch on that channel? We know it is us. And others. At some point we definitely feel there has to be some rebalance on that, because what we are actually doing is disadvantaging ourselves against other big European clubs.' Oh boo-hoo. My heart sodding bleeds for you. This, remember, is from a club that could afford to spend thirty five million smackers on Andy Carroll just eight months ago. I don't see you being too 'disadvantaged,' you disgraceful Scouse chancers. For the breakaway to go ahead, it would require fourteen of the Premier League's twenty clubs to back the move - so that means it's never going to happen. Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson recently claimed that clubs should get more from overseas rights, but also said that the collective bargaining system was 'fair.' It it also the case that La Liga's individual system has attracted much criticism within Spain and elsewhere due to the ease with which Real Madrid and Barcelona have gained a massive financial advantage over their rivals. But Ayre believes that the current situation in the Premier League risks the so-called 'top clubs' (and, once again, let us marvel at the fact that he's including his own in that bracket) from 'losing ground' on their overseas rivals. Which, coming from a club that haven't been in the Champions League for either of the last two seasons because they finished seventh and then sixth and behind the likes of Tottenham Hotshot, Sheikh Yer Manchester City and, on one occasion Aston Villains, in the Premier League might suggest that they should be thinking about getting their priorities right before they worry about 'the top clubs in Europe.' They could start by winning their next couple of matches and getting past yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Magpies and into fourth place in the Premiership. Cart before the horse, guys, cart before the horse. 'If Real Madrid or Barcelona or other big European clubs have the opportunity to truly realise their international media value potential, where does that leave Liverpool and Manchester United?' Love the way this clown has suddenly started speaking for another club. One that actually has been in the Champions League for the last two years. As have Real Madrid and Barcelona. Which, just to repeat, Liverpool have not. Because - in the words of Andy Cameron - they 'didne qualify.' Which was funny, frankly. 'We'll just share ours because we'll all be nice to each other?' he said, sarcastically. 'The whole phenomenon of the Premier League could be threatened. If they just get bigger and bigger and they generate more and more, then all the players will start drifting that way and will the Premier League bubble burst because we are sticking to this equal-sharing model? It's a real debate that has to happen.' Greedy effing Scouse whingers. Some things, it seems, never change.

A Thousand Days

2011-09-18T10:50:00.000+01:00

Aston Villa and yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United extended their unbeaten starts to the season to five games after an entertaining draw at Villa Park on Saturday. Both teams remain unbeaten this season but that is one of the few positives which Alex McLeish can have taken from a match in which his team were outplayed for long periods. Gabriel Agbonlahor's third goal of the season was one of the other plus points, but it was cancelled out by a Leon Best equaliser and The Magpies came close to scoring a winner several times. Villa had to endure a testing start as the visitors — tidy and ambitious – exerted early pressure. One methodical move resulted in Yohan Cabaye finding space for a shot from the edge of the area in the sixth minute, but his swerving effort flew just wide. A Ryan Taylor free-kick from the edge of the area in the twelfth minute failed to trouble Shay Given but moments later the goalkeeper had to backpedal frantically tip a shot-cum-cross from Gabriel Obertan over the bar. The home side took the lead from their first purposeful attack. Barry Bannan, operating primarily on the right of midfield, switched to the left and curled a cross towards the penalty spot. Fabricio Coloccini blocked Agbonlahor's first-time shot but the ball then fell kindly for the striker, who rolled it gratefully into the net from six yards past Tim Krul. Despite Newcastle's domination, Darren Bent should have put Villa two up in the twenty sixth minute but steered the ball wide from close range after being set up by Stiliyan Petrov. As the first half ebbed away Villa began to retreat ever more. Given had to make a good save from Steven Taylor. Then Jonás Gutiérrez snatched badly at a shot from fifteen yards out after being teed-up by Danny Simpson. Just before the break a close-range attempt on the turn by Demba Ba was deflected over. Villa made a better start to the second period. Agbonlahor could have extended their lead in the forty seventh minute but fired fractionally wide from fifteen yards. But Newcastle quickly re-established control and their equaliser arrived in the fifty seventh minute. The impressive Cheik Tioté delivered an inswinging cross from the left that eluded Richard Dunne. Given blocked Best's close-range header with his feet but the striker slammed the rebound into the roof of the net. Newcastle continued to dominate but a mistake by Steven Taylor in the seventieth minute presented Bent with a chance to score against he run of play. However, his lob over the onrushing goalkeeper lacked power and Taylor was able to recover and clear. Cabaye nearly gave the visitors the victory with a swirling twenty-yard volley in the dying minutes but Given produced a superb save. The Frenchman had another chance moments later from a cross by substitute Sylvain Marveaux but he stabbed wide from an acute angle.

Brazil has begun its countdown for the 2014 World Cup, one thousand days before it hosts the football tournament. President Dilma Rousseff launched the event at a stadium in Belo Horizonte alongside the footballing legend Pele, who is Brazil's World Cup ambassador. Rousseff promised the new stadiums and other infrastructure required would be ready on time, despite major difficulties and delays. The tournament will kick off on 12 June 2014. Before then, Brazil must build or upgrade twelve stadiums. Many of them are behind schedule and over budget. At some, construction workers have been on strike - including the Maracana in Rio de Janeiro where the final will be played and the Mineirao ground in Belo Horizonte where President Rousseff started the countdown. Building work on the new Itaquerao stadium in Sao Paulo - which is hoping to host the opening game - only began in May. Brazil must also deliver huge infrastructure developments such as roads and airport terminals so that fans can move between the twelve venues spread across the huge country. Much of that transport infrastructure is anyway badly needed to meet the demands of Brazil's booming economy and expanding middle class. 'Investing in infrastructure is a way of saying no to the international crisis affecting countries in the Eurozone and the US,' Rousseff said. The 2014 World Cup will be the first in South America since Argentina hosted the tournament in 1978, and the first in Brazil since 1950. Correspondents say that most Brazilians are confident they will make a success of hosting the tournament - after all, they have already won the World Cup five times. Rio de Janeiro is also due to host the Olympic Games in 2016. The two tournaments are being seen as statements of Brazil's emergence as a rising global economic power of the Twenty First Century, much as the 2008 Beijing Olympics served as a calling card for China's confident new role on the global stage.

Stadium of Plight?

2011-08-21T11:27:00.000+01:00

Anyone watching Sky's Football First last night might've been more than a shade startled and/or perfectly terrified by Sarah-Jane Mee's rapidly growing darza of a beehive.

Jesus, if that gets much taller it'll be poking through the roof, love. What do you think this is, 1963?

Of course, if you were watching Football First there can only have been one reason. And it wasn't Sarah-Jane's honey-dripping beehive. Or Paul Walsh's barely monosyllabic comments (it's not a sprint, like, its a marafon, the Premier League, innit?') it was for the most important game of the day, if not indeed the whole season. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Magpies continue to hold the upper hand in recent Tyne-Wear derbies as Ryan Taylor's whippy free-kick earned them a win over The Disgraceful Mackems Slime. The hosts - who've getting been a bit uppity of late what with all their 'we've signed more players than you' malarkey and, frankly, needed a good slapping down and putting in their place - had more possession for most of the first half and the opening exchanges of the second although they had about as much penetration as a ... hang on a sec. Careful Sarah, will you, you could have someone's eye out with that thing. Right, back to the match. Joey Barton - having spent the week, as usual, as public enemy number one of every scum newspaper in the country (he's responsible for all of the ills in the world, you know? The riots? That was Joey Barton. The situation in Syria? Yep , that's Joey too) was denied a goal when his header was punched over the bar by Sebastian Larsson. Appeals for a penalty were turned down by Howard Webb. And his guide dog. Of course, if it had been the other way around and it had been Barton on the line sticking his arms up, no doubt he would have been up before the FA on a charge on 'being a bastard' first thing on Monday morning. It looked for a while as though that incident might prove pivotal in the match but Taylor's free arrow-like kick flew straight in on sixty two minutes. Miss Stéphanie Sessègnon and Asamoah Gyan both had chances for Sunderland, whilst Phil Bardsley was sent off late in the game for a ghastly and crude two-footed tackle on Fabricio Coloccini that could have broken the Argentine's leg. Fortunately, although the game was keenly-contested it did not quite reach boiling point - despite Lee Cattermole spending most of the ninety minutes going round kicking anything that moved (and, anything that didn't just in case it tried). Victory for Alan Pardew's side means that Newcastle are unbeaten in four league games against their North-East rivals. In fact, they've only lost once at Blunderland since 1980. You know, Andy O'Brien, Liam O'Brien, any any any O'Brien ... and all that. Now, it seems, it's Oh, Ryan. Heh. Sorry. Anyway, the manager will have been happy to earn three points during a taxing week following all of the crassly hyped controversy of their match against Arsenal last weekend. And, let's face it four points out of a possible six from the opening two games with no goals conceded by a team with, supposedly, a traditionally weak defence is decent in anyone's language. Although, given the way Arsenal are playing at the moment, last week might come to be regarded as two points dropped rather than one gained. Webb will probably be content, too, that the incident involving Barton did not decide an otherwise tough but entertaining match. Blunderland will doubtless be angry that they did not get any reward from a game for which they controlled - in terms of possession if not chances - for large chunks. But, they lacked any sort of cutting edge up front. It was not quite as bad as last autumn's 5-1 pants down thrashing at St James' Park for Fat Steve Bruce, but this was still a very bad result for the - alleged - boyhood Newcastle fan who must be well pissed off that his next home game is against Moscow Chelski FC. Bruce's side set the tempo early on with Sessègnon effective in a hole between Newcastle's midfield and defence. It wasn't long before the Benin international carved out the first chance for the home side, but his fierce shot was tipped over by Tim Krul. Deployed as a holding midfielder alongside an uncharacteristically off-the-pace Cheik Tioté in Pardew's 4-2-3-1 formation, Barton, who attempted too many ambitious long passes, failed to prevent Blunderland enjoying the better of the first half. Just as it looked as though a Blunderland goal may come, the tide was stemmed by a moment of controversy on fifteen minutes. From a corner Barton nodded Shola Ameobi's header towards goal and it struck Larsson's arm as it was heading for the top of the net. Pandemonium inside the Stadium of Shite. The Geordies went mental. The Mackems just stood around looking a bit shamefaced and Larsson's 'who, guv? Me, guv?' charged towards the linesman to protest his innocence and claim he'd headed it was, frankly, a bit 'the lady doth protest too much.' TV replays subsequently justified Barton's righteous sense of frustration and despite appeals from Newcastle's players to Webb and his assistant (and his dog), the end result was but a corner. Yohan Cabaye was perhaps fortunate only to pick up a booking for a dangerous-looking high tackle on Bardsley, and several players went into the book in the second half as the temperature rose on the pitch. Not only a lovely passer of the ball, the former Lille playmaker showed he can put his foot in, too. More constructively, though, Cabaye forced Simon Mignolet into a fine save courtesy of a curving, dipping, long-range strike. Looks like Newcastle might've signed a good'un in the Frenchie. But Bruce's side remained in the ascendancy as Sessegnon again worked Krul and Gyan clipped the top of the bar with a left-foot curler just before half-time. That left Newcastle looking to break on the counter and target Ameobi from deep corners. Although Cabaye had another swerving shot saved, they made few inroads in the first half. Blunderland began the second half in quieter fashion and that, along with Ryan Taylor's supreme accuracy swung the game back in favour of the visitors. Jonas Gutierrez served notice of his intent with a shot on the hour, and it was the Argentine who was brought down - by Cattermole - for the free-kick which led to Taylor's strike. From the left the defender arrowed his kick into the top right corner, past a flailing Mignolet, and although Steven Taylor aimed to get a touch on it at the back post, the ball flew straight in to give the Newcastle fans The Horn. Coloccini and Steven Taylor – later joined by Mike Williamson as Pardew switched to a flat back five – remained as solid as the eight-foot metal barrier that police had erected outside the stadium to separate rival fans. Bookings for Cattermole and Barton predictably followed and the latter also had the ball in the back of the net late on but was rightly ruled for a marginal but clear offside. Further chances came for Gyan and substitute Craig Gardner, who made his Blunderland debut and young Dan Gosling should have sewn it up for The Glorious Magpies in injury time having been put through one-on-one by Ameobi's delicate flick-on. But, his arse fell out and he shot weakly at Mignolet. Nevertheless, it was a welcome relief that Taylor's goal proved to be the difference between the sides rather than any moment of controversy or discombobulation. While Bardsley's sending off was thoroughly deserved, it served as a mere footnote to a passionate, tough encounter and capped a frustrating afternoon for The Disgraceful Mackem Slime. Which, let's face it, is always a good thing.

Same Old Arsenal, Always Down To Ten Men!

2011-08-13T20:26:00.007+01:00

The Premier League kicked off its 2011-12 season with a day of, frankly, not a lot of excitement. Only six matches were played due to a combination of Sky's schedules and Tottenham Hotshots being too ruddy scared to go out in public in case they got rioted against. In the games that were played Arsenal and Liverpool dropped points against the Geordies and the Mackems, and Poor Old Queens Park Rangers Nil had the sort of opening day that promoted clubs usually dream about. If they've eaten lots of cheese before they went to bed. Gervinho managed to get his ass sent off on his Arsenal debut as Arsène Wenger's side made an unconvincing start to life without Cesc Fábregas and Samir Nasri. It was inevitable, of course. Joey Barton has been the centre of attention all summer on Tyneside - for all sorts of reasons - and he was again in the thick of it at St James' Park on Saturday. With just over a quarter of an hour left the game degenerated into bad-tempered controversy. Gervinho appeared to dive rather theatrically in the penalty area attempting to make a bit of a meal of a hefty-but-fair challenge by Cheick Tioté. The referee, Peter Walton, was having none of it. Barton came across to tell Gervinho to get on with the game and did so. Forcefully. By grabbing him by the scruff of the neck. Steven Taylor tried to intervene and split them up when Gervinho slapped Barton across his mush. That Barton went down as if one of the Klitschko brothers had chinned him was hardly valorous but Gervinho was crassly stupid to do what he did. It was history repeating for Arsenal. In their last visit, that dramatic 4-4 in January, Abou Diaby had been sent off for pushing over Barton. (As the lads at nufc.com noted: 'It was almost the same as last year, just minus the eight goals.') Even earlier in this weekend's game, Barton felt - probably justly - that Alex Song should have been sent to the stands for stamping on him. He clearly gets under this Arsenal team's skin - which is one very good reason why he should be a national treasure - as evidence by Arsene Wnger stalking down the touchline at the end of the game seemingly about to give Barton a mouthful of je ne sais quoi before thinking better of it. Which was a first. Of course, the incident brought out both the best and the worst in pretty much everyone - this blogger very much included. I loved, for instance, Danny Baker's full-hearted defence of Barton on Twitter: 'Arsenal are phoney whiney tough guys - like the cast of Glee doing Scarface. Love the idea that Joey Barton alone is spoiling football from being a parade of graceful athletes. People hurrying past Song to hate him. Football is not the beautiful game. It is the world's drama, theatre, catharsis, riot. The Joey Barton's will never be an advertisers puppy.' Contrast that, for example, with the thoroughly odious and worthless Brian Woolnaugh's 'won't somebody please think of the children!' hysterics on Soccer Supplement on Sunday morning, which appeared to be one short step away from blaming the London riots, the imprisonment of Nelson Mandela and the murder of the Kennedys on Barton. 'Who died and made Brian Woolnough an oracle on football? Has this nugget ever been part of a team or played any form of the game?' asked Barton. No, but he does work for a newspaper that makes up quotes to substantiate non-stories and, previously, worked for an organisation - News International - which hacked the voicemail of a murdered schoolgirl and the relatives of other victims of crime. So, you know, no one is innocent is all I'm saying. That Barton was even playing would have seemed impossible ten days ago. There has been a rapprochement with the club and he may yet stay for the season. His selection was certainly popular with the crowd. They cheered his name loudest when the teams were read out and chanted it before kick off. Barton responding with a salute. The Arsenal crowd made their feelings clear, too. Even before the red card, this was a flat and sterile performance against a Magpies side that struggled to keep sustained possession for large chunks of the game. With twenty minutes left the Arse support was chanting for Wenger to 'spend some of your fucking money.' And they kept chanting it. Most of Arsenal's chances came from Newcastle mistakes rather than their own creativity. Tim Krul came closest to scoring for the visitors, nearly pushing into his own net under pressure from Laurent Koscielny, Danny Simpson clearing off the line. For the home side, Alan Pardew tried to do something about his team's one dimensional approach at half-time. He kept them in the dressing room much longer than Wenger did Arsenal and when they emerged the unimpressive Demba Ba had been replaced by Gabriel Obertan, who took up a position in the hole behind the not-much-better Shola Ameobi. He was impressive in the role and will surely start the next game in a midfield that also includes the interesting-looking, if apt-to-go-missing-for-a-while Yohan Cabaye. Indeed Newcastle were much the better side in the second half albeit without ever really creating a clear cut chance. An expectant Anfield was left just as disappointed as Wenger's men as Kenny Dalglish's much changed and very expensive Liverpool kicked off the new season with a rather tame 1-1 draw at home to Blunderland. Luis Suarez missed from the penalty spot before heading his side into a first-half lead, only for debutant Sebastian Larsson to silence the Kop after the break with a majestic leveller on the volley. Eighty million quid and you can't even beat the Mackems. Dear, oh dear. Top-flight new boys Norwich City and QPR experienced contrasting fortunes on their respective returns to the big time. While Norwich were grinding out a creditable point on their travels to Wigan Athletic, Neil Warnock's Hoops were being comprehensively spanked by a Bolton side who strolled to a 4-0 victory in the capital. Wolves were not as emphatic but no less impressive as they came from behind to claim a 2-1 win at Blackburn Rovers which will put a smile on that miserable oaf Mick McCarthy's boat. The day's other goalless stalemate ensued in the capital as Fulham drew a blank against a resolute Aston Villa, who marked Alex McLeish's bow in the dugout with a decent point. A Liverpool side which included new boys Charlie Adam, Jordan Henderson, Stewart Downing and Jose Enrique as well as January purchases Suarez and Andy Carroll, impressed in the first half at Anfield but faded thereafter as Sunderland left Merseyside with a share of the spoils. Suarez was at the epicentre of all that intrigued during an enterprising opening period. On five minutes he looked odds-on to score as he rounded Simon Mignolet in Sunderland's goal following a rapid Liverpool counter-attack, only to be hauled down by Kieran Richardson. Phil Dowd showed some opening day goodwill in brandishing a yellow card rather than a red one, with the home side's ire exacerbated when Suarez blazed the resulting penalty wildly over the crossbar. It was a disappointment that proved to be short lived. A trademark Adam delivery from a set-piece wide on the right saw Suarez stoop to connect with a header from close range on twelve minutes, which beat Mignolet's flailing efforts with his feet. Whatever Steve Bruce said at the interval in the away side's dressing room had the desired effect. When it arrived Larsson's leveller was a thing of rare beauty, as Stephane Sessegnon's deep cross slung in from the right was met with a delectable scissor kick that left Jose Reina rooted. Having endured a summer of considerable uncertainty and too many chicken jokes, Blackburn Rovers supporters were handed a fillip on twenty minutes at Ewood Park as Jason Roberts bulldozed through a Wolves backline that parted like the Red Sea, allowing the Argentine Mauro Formica to angle a low drive past Wayne Hennessey. It was a lead they held for just two minutes as a bright Wolverhampton move down the right culminated with Matthew Jarvis dinking a smart ball to the back post that allowed Steven Fletcher to climb above Michel Salgado to level. If Salgado was susceptible for Wolves' first he was almost certainly culpable for the second, as his mistimed tackle on Jarvis after the break culminated in a spot-kick. Kevin Doyle's effort was meek and easily repelled by Paul Robinson but when from the resulting scramble the ball fell to Stephen Ward, his sweeping volley from the edge of the box was perfectly executed as it nestled in the corner. Bolton stopper Gary Cahill will have impressed the watching scouts at Loftus Road as his effort on the stroke of half-time deflated Queen's Park Rangers' top-flight return and set the ball rolling for a 4-0 mauling that ended in Clint Hill being sent-off at the death for violent conduct. Cahill's goal was a strike of genuine quality as he took debutant Chris Eagles' pass before bending a sumptuous twenty-yard left-foot drive beyond Paddy Kenny's despairing dive. In truth the party atmosphere lasted less than ten minutes as the familiar sight of Kieron Dyer on a stretcher had the club's board counting the cost of Neil Warnock's gamble on the one-time England man. Subsequent x-rays showed that Dyer did not suffer a broken foot as had been speculated. Dyer has been plagued by injuries throughout his career, managing only thirty five appearances during his four seasons with the Hamsters after sustaining a broken leg and also suffering with a recurring hamstring problem. Injuries also affected his time at Newcastle, when hamstring trouble kept him sidelined for several periods. Dyer should probably look on the bright side, however - let's face it if he'd been a horse he'd've been shot by now. It got no better for the Hoops after the interval. Eagles was the architect again for Bolton's second as his whipped in free-kick took a deflection before Danny Gabbidon inexplicably stuck out his foot to edge the ball over his own goal line. Further insipid defending was punished as the difference between the Championship and Premier League was exposed again, as Ivan Klasnic was afforded too much time to get his shot away from the edge of the box, with Kenny again caught off guard by an unfortunate deflection. With Bolton buoyant three became four before full-time as Fabrice Muamba coolly converted Klasnic's slide-rule pass with consummate ease. Ritchie de Laet endured a nightmare on his Norwich debut as his trip in the area on Franco di Santo allowed Wigan midfielder Ben Watson to emphatically register from the penalty spot. With Paul Lambert a typically energetic presence on the touchline the Canaries dug deep and after Grant Holt missed a gilt-edged opportunity from close range, team-mate Wesley Hoolahan showed him how to do it when he punished a fumble from Ali Al Habsi on the stroke of half-time to lash home a leveller. Both teams were guilty of profligacy in front of goal in the second half as Watson went closest to conjuring a winner as his crisp strike cracked the post. A drab goalless affair ensued in West London as Fulham and Aston Villa could not be separated. John Arne Riise came close to capping his Premier League debut for the Cottagers with a goal only to see his effort drift narrowly wide. Both sides had half chances thereafter but a stalemate that will not live long in the memory will do little to silence those who feel both sides lack sufficient options in attack. Tomorrow, Moscow Chelski FC and The Scum get their seasons underway whilst Sheikh Yer Man City have to wait until Monday to have a go at promoted Swansea.

And, the main question to be asking after watching it all on Match of the Day, though, was who the hell had done that to Shearer's hair? On his forty first birthday an'all. That's just not right. Once upon a time a world of centre halves trembled and used to get an elbow in the face for just looking at him in a funny way. Now somebody's done that to his barnet and, seemingly, got away with it.

You can tell me who it was, Al, I'll fix him for you.

I Predict A Riot

2011-08-09T08:02:00.001+01:00

The Times and Daily Torygraph have attacked football's governing bodies as the lockout of sports journalists from matches over media accreditation disrupted newspaper reports over the weekend, with Tuesday night's coverage of the Carling Cup also expected to be hit like one of Peter Lorrimer's thunderbolt free kicks. Newspaper coverage of the opening matches of the football season was hit as sports journalists from national titles, news and picture agencies were locked out of all but a handful of the thirty six games, after talks broke down on Wednesday night between the Premier League, Football League and a media coalition. Many, but not all, national newspapers dropped match reports over the weekend, with a number also dropping, or limiting, mentions of sponsors' names. Many regional newspapers which take copy and pictures from news and picture services were also affected after the Press Association, a major supplier of sports content, said on Friday that it would not be covering any Football League fixtures over the weekend.

On Monday The Times opted to raise the issue in its third leader on page two, calling the opening weekend of the new season 'a farce' and saying that administrators at the football bodies 'could not be more inept. Instead of encouraging maximum coverage of matches on a marquee weekend, football's ruling bodies have minimised the projection of their product, to the detriment of fans and sponsors alike,' the paper said. Henry Winter, the Torygraph's highly respected football correspondent, called the football bodies 'short-sighted' and argued that the lockout was 'a spectacular own goal. How naïve are the leagues? Do they not want publicity? Do they not appreciate that newspapers, whether in print, online or via Twitter, keep fanning the flames of supporters' interest in clubs?' he said in a piece published on Saturday evening. 'The intelligent clubs understand the mutually beneficial relationship between them and newspapers. Rapprochement is required before a great sport suffers lasting damage.' Winter threatened that if newspapers 'fall out of love' with football they could choose focus more on sports such as cricket or rugby union to make the sport's governing bodies 'realise to their cost what an own goal this ban has been.' The Gruniad also referred to the dispute in its Monday sports section, with Matt Scott reporting that the paper's coverage had been restricted by 'our being denied access to grounds.' One of the key areas of dispute in the agreement is outdated live reporting rights – the existing deal dates back to 2003-04, two years before Twitter even launched – which are currently restricted to a number of 'windows' in a game when updates can be provided. A league source close to the negotiations rejected the notion that the football bodies are out-of-touch 'dinosaurs' and argued that newspapers are not being given the full facts on the proposals by the coalition bargaining on their behalf. 'We are not dinosaurs and we understand the mutually beneficial relationship we have with newspapers,' said the source. 'The way it's being painted I can understand the newspapers' reaction, but the feeling is over here is that they're not being given the full facts by the News Media Coalition.' They added: 'The position over Twitter and social media has been totally misrepresented by the News Media Coalition. Journalists will have greater freedom to tweet under the proposed new agreement.' Among the Football League's Championship, League One and League Two clubs which began their season at the weekend, only Brighton & Hove Albion, West Ham United and Accrington Stanley (who are they?) defied the order to bar journalists from matches. Clubs were ordered by the football bodies not to admit reporters from newspapers and media outlets who had not signed a temporary rights deal. The two sides are understood to be no closer to resuming negotiations, meaning that coverage of the thirty two matches of the opening round of the Carling Cup being played on Tuesday night look set to hit. Npower, the title sponsor of the Football League, did not provide an updated comment on the disruption beyond the statement issued on Friday that it 'hopes negotiations can be concluded swiftly.' A spokesman for Premier League sponsor Barclays, which is likely to see coverage of its brand curtailed if an agreement is not reached before kick-off this weekend, said: 'We are not going to pass any comment on this story at as we see it as separate dispute between the Premier League, Football League and the media.' The football bodies have offered media an extension of the existing deal, with a seven-day termination clause so no media outlet is tied to it, with the aim of hammering out an agreement in the first few weeks of the season. The News Media Coalition, which is collectively bargaining for news and picture agencies with the Newspaper Publishers Association, which represents most of the national titles, has rejected this offer.

Still on the subject of footie, Gabriel Obertan is set to move from The Scum to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (but, still unsellable) Magpies on Monday. The twenty two-year-old French winger signed for the Old Trafford club from Bordeaux in July 2009 but failed to gain a regular place in the first team. 'I wanted to bring pace and he will bring us genuine pace,' manager Alan Pardew told BBC Newcastle on Saturday. 'I think away from home last year that was a problem for us hitting teams on the break - Obertan will offer that.' He added: 'He hasn't had many opportunities at Manchester United. I think he'll get more opportunities here and his confidence will grow. He'll become a stronger and a more physical player. Sir Alex is somebody I know well and he thinks he'll do very well for us and so do I. It's done so much as medicals, you don't want to say it's definitely done, but we're looking forward to seeing him.' Obertan is a former attendee of France's famous Clairefontaine academy. He made twenty eight appearances and scored once in regular competition during his time at Manchester United. That strike came in United's 3-0 win away to Turkish side Bursaspor in the Champions League in November 2010. Obertan would become the fifth French speaking player to sign for Newcastle during this transfer window, following the arrivals of Demba Ba, Yohan Cabaye, Sylvain Marveaux and Mehdi Abeid. Add those to the three Frenchies (or, French speakers) they already have in Hatem Ben Arfa, Cheick Tiote and Yven Moyo and it might be a case of onions, frogs legs and a bit of the old ooh-la-la in Les Toon's salle de kit next season. C'est la Vie. Rumours that Monsieur Joey Le Barton has a bit of the hot Latin temperament in him cannot, at this time, be confirmed or denied.

Two football matches have been postponed and questions raised over other sporting events after a third successive night of rioting in London. Tuesday's games at Charlton and West Ham United were called off on police advice. In the case of the latter, it was a pity as this blogger feels that obese buffoon Sam Allardyce could've been given to the rioters for target practice to appease their wrathful and naughty ways. BBC Sport says that it understands the Football Association will 'hold a routine meeting with police' on Tuesday over whether England's friendly with the Netherlands will go ahead. England's cricket team were locked in their hotel ahead of the Test against India amid trouble in Birmingham. The team are staying in the city centre ahead of Wednesday's contest at Edgbaston, with England scheduled the practise at the ground on Tuesday. Batsman Kevin Pietersen relayed the information to broadcaster Piers Morgan in a tweet. 'They have just locked our hotel in Birmingham mate. Riots just started here. Insane,' stated Pietersen on Twitter. His colleague Tim Bresnan added on the social networking site: 'Just seen the rioters in Birmingham fleeing down the main street followed by a load of police in the full get up. What's going on?' It's a riot, mate. You're from Leeds, surely you've seen one of them before? BBC sports news reporter Joe Wilson said on Tuesday that nearby hotels had been advised to lock their doors. He wrote: 'Helicopters circling over Bull Ring, about half mile from England hotel. Spoke to England head of security, confident all players safe.' Meanwhile, the FA will be guided by police advice, but at this stage is planning for Wednesday's game between England and the Netherlands to go ahead. A Metropolitan Police spokesman added: 'Every football match in London is subject to assessment around police resources.' The managing director of Club England, Adrian Bevington, stated that he was heading to Wembley Stadium early on Tuesday to discuss the matter. 'Deplorable scenes of disorder once more - heading into Wembley now for meetings,' he tweeted. Isn't it just beyond great to know that, these days, journalists get all of their information about anything from frigging Twitter? West Ham said in a statement that they were informed by police that 'all major public events in London were to be rearranged because of the need to focus police resources elsewhere.' A Metropolitan Police spokesman said they were aware of the West Ham statement, but were unable to comment on any potential impact on the England game at this stage. Crystal Palace are also set to play Crawley Town at Selhurst Park on Tuesday and that game may also be affected, given the stadium is close to the scene of disorder in Croydon. In London, violence broke out for a third consecutive day with riot police deployed and firefighters tackling blazes across the capital, following disturbances in Tottenham on Saturday evening and Enfield on Sunday night. Shops were looted and buildings, among them a furniture store in Croydon, set alight as police clashed with youths. Meanwhile, rioting spread across London on a third night of violence, with 'unrest' flaring up in other English cities. An extra seventeen hundred police officers were deployed in London, where shops were looted and buildings were set alight. Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester and Bristol also experienced disturbance. The prime minister has returned early from his holiday to discuss the unrest, which first flared on Saturday after a peaceful protest in Tottenham over the fatal shooting of a man by police. Because, of course, as everyone knows, what's really needed to calm down an inflamed situation is to thieve a new pair of trainers and a wide-screen HD ready telly. West Ham's game against Aldershot was the first to be called off, announcing the news on the Hammers website. Charlton's stadium, The Valley, is close to Lewisham where rioting occurred on Monday. A statement on Charlton's website read: 'Clearly the most important factor is the people's safety. The police have told us they believe the match should be postponed on safety grounds and obviously we have taken that advice.' BBC sports news reporter Leon Mann tweeted: 'Organisers of Ghana v Nigeria tell me game still set to go ahead tomorrow at Watford FC as planned.'

So It Ain't So, Joe!

2011-08-02T07:43:00.001+01:00

ESPN has renewed its exclusive broadcast agreements to Italian, Dutch and Russian football, as well as made its English Premier League goals mobile app free to all users. The new deals enable ESPN to continue offering live and exclusive coverage of Italian Serie A, as well as the Dutch Eredivisie and the Russian Premier Liga. ESPN said that it will air at least two matches each week from Italy's top division, alongside Coppa Italia games, and the Italian Super Cup clash between AC Milan and Internazionale this month. It will also broadcast 'dozens' of games each season from the Dutch and Russian top leagues. The Disney-owned broadcaster, which expanded its UK market position in 2009 following the collapse of Setanta UK, will continue to broadcast magazine programme ESPN Kicks - Serie A, alongside weekly highlights and goals from the Eredivisie and the Russian Premier Liga. Jeroen Oerlemans, the vice-president of TV channels at ESPN, said: 'The renewal of these agreements is an excellent result for all football fans in the UK, giving them access to live and exclusive coverage of some of Europe's leading football leagues and competitions. We are building an excellent portfolio of live football and sport on ESPN.' ESPN snapped up the rights to Serie A, along with German, Dutch and Russian football to bolster the reduction of its English Premier League TV rights down to just twenty three games per season in 2010-2011, with Sky holding the remaining one hundred and fifteen. Last month, the broadcaster announced its opening fixtures for the 2011-2012 football season, starting with Newcastle's clash against Arsenal on 13 August. ESPN has also today launched an enhanced version of its ESPN Goals app, the mobile service offering 'near live' highlights of all goals during the Premier League season.

And, speaking of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (if unsellable) Magpies, Joey Barton will be allowed to leave Newcastle on a free transfer, the club has announced. Relations between the twenty eight-year-old and the club have been strained after contract negotiations broke down earlier in the summer, leading to Barton frequently airing his frustrations on Twitter. 'Newcastle United can confirm that Joey Barton has been placed on the transfer list on Monday,' said a club statement. 'The player has been advised that he can leave the club on a free transfer.' And, as usual, that was all they said, because the idea of them actually letting the supporters of the club know just what the smegging hell is going on up there is, obviously, too much like hard work for the vile and odious Ashley and his mouthpiece. Earlier on Monday, Barton, who has a year remaining on his contract at St James' Park said on Twitter that he would make an announcement on his future at 4pm. But before he could do so, the club made their statement on their website saying he could leave the club for free before the end of his contract. On Sunday, Barton tweeted that there was unrest behind-the-scenes at Gallowgate after the club fined full-back Jose Enrique for accusing the club of 'lacking ambition' also on Twitter. It's worth noting, at this point, and without going into any of the rights and wrongs of all this malarkey that this is one of the main reasons why yer actual Keith Telly Topping dislikes Twitter so much. Because it's almost designed to stir up trouble where keeping ones trap shut in public might, just, not stir up trouble. How many people now - in a variety of different fields - have found themselves sacked, fined, suspended or the subject of tabloid interest - because they've made their mouths go on Twitter? You'd think one or two of them might have learned something by now. 'If only we as players could tell the fans exactly how it is, without them above fining us lots of money. There will be a time and a place,' tweeted Barton. 'If it wouldn't effect [sic] team morale and cause unrest within the dressing room. Am certain Jose's comments would be the tip of the iceberg. And, again, it would be left to those magnificent fans to pick up the remnants of their once great football club. If I wanted to leave, I'd just come out and say "I want to leave." Things need addressing as am not prepared to go through a relegation again. If I didn't care, I'd say fuck all and pick my money up.' Barton has been furiously tweeting on a variety of topics in recent days ranging from criticism of US/UK foreign policy, his impending fatherhood and the sanity of Manchester City's Mario Balotelli. In response to the club's announcement, Barton said: 'Somewhere in those high echelons of NUFC, they have decided I am persona non grata.' Blimey. Joey Barton just used Latin. And correctly, as well. See, he's not just a gormless thug with anger issues. Barton later added: 'I am on a free but the honour of wearing those B+W stripes, surpasses that. One day the board might realise, what the shirt signifies. HONOUR and PRIDE. Thanks for your continued support. Toon Army.' In his final tweet on the subject, Barton also quoted from The Smiths' 'That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore' ('I've seen this happen in other people's lives now it's happening in mine'). And, he's not wrong, you know. It is too close to home and it is too near the bone. Newcastle's owner, the vile and odious Ashley, had hoped to sell the twenty eight-year-old, who joined the Magpies from Manchester City for £5.8m in 2007, this summer but a deal has not materialised. This has also, for the second time in six months, rather spectacularly undermined the latest occupant of the vile and odious Ashley's manager's office, Alan Pardew, who has been making nosies all summer about wanted Barton as part of his side - to the point of making him club captain. Dear blog readers may remember in January Pardew making numerous statements that Andy Carroll would not be sold. Just before Carroll was sold, to Liverpool. Bet you're really regretting taking on this particular poisoned chalice now, Alan. Although, I'm sure the pay's good. After serving a six-month ban from football and a seventy seven-day prison sentence for common assault, Barton has rebuilt his career at St James' Park. Though he clashed with then manager Alan Shearer and was suspended in 2009, he resolved his differences with the club and played a key role in helping the Magpies gain promotion to the Premier League under Chris Hughton in 2010 winning over many supporters who had previously been openly hostile towards his continued presence in the club. Including, it should be noted, yer actual Keith Telly Topping who always admired Barton's ability but considered him at times a liability. For the most part, those rash and violent tendencies were curbed by Barton who seemed to be maturing, rather unexpectedly, into a reasonably decent human being. Last season, he scored four goals and set up nine more as Newcastle ensured their top flight survival by finishing twelfth. For many supporters he was a leading contender for player of the season. Talks on the subject of a new contract were put on hold when Andy Carroll left for Liverpool in January and stalled once more when his good friend and captain Kevin Nolan signed for West Ham, despite Barton saying that he wanted to stay with club. As the club's unofficial fansite nufc.com sensibly notes: 'So, a situation that has festered for over two months comes to a head less than a fortnight before we open up our league season. Good old Newcastle United. That our first game sees us meet Arsenal at SJP is grimly ironic, given that last season's 4-4 draw on Tyneside was a prime example of Joey Barton's positive effectiveness: controlled aggression, coolness from the penalty spot, a refusal to give up the fight and inspiration to galvanise those around him on the field and in the stands. In a word, spirit - the very thing that many fans were relying on Barton to provide this season following the departure of Kevin Nolan. His departure makes us look less United, less threatening and less competitive - in isolation cause for concern but as a whole, a massive worry.' That's what you get for supporting Newcastle, dear blog reader. A club that never has a drama where a crisis won't do in its place.

It's That Time Again

2011-07-31T15:20:00.001+01:00

England will face Montenegro, Ukraine, Poland, Moldova and San Marino in Group H when they bid to qualify for the 2014 World Cup finals in Brazil. Scotland and Wales were drawn together in Group A, and will play Croatia, Serbia, Belgium, and the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. Northern Ireland are up against Portugal, Russia, Israel, Azerbaijan and Luxembourg in a tough-looking Group F. Only the nine group winners are guaranteed a place at the tournament. With thirteen places available in Brazil for European teams, the eight-best second-placed teams will play-off against each other to go through. The Republic of Ireland were drawn against Germany, Sweden, Austria, Faroe Islands and Kazakhstan in Group C, while France and world champions Spain are in a Group I - the only European group without six teams - along with Belarus, Georgia and Finland. 'Three years is a long time and 2014 isn't now,' said France coach Laurent Blanc. 'Spain are currently the best team there is but we don't know if that will be the case in two or three years' time. You have to go up against the best if you want to achieve something at a World Cup.' In the qualifying process for the 2014 World Cup, two hundred and three teams will play an eventual eight hundred and twenty four matches across the globe. The draws for the Africa, Asia, Oceania and the North, Central America and Caribbean regions also took place in Rio de Janeiro on Saturday, although no draw was made for South America as its nine teams qualify through a one-group championship. The finals will take place between 12 June and 13 July 2014, and a decision on whether to introduce goal-line technology will be taken at next March's meeting of the International FA Board, the game's lawmakers. England manager Fabio Capello was present at the draw, although he is set to move on next summer after the conclusion of the European Championships. Montenegro drew 0-0 with England at Wembley in October in their qualifier for Euro 2012 in Poland and Ukraine. 'It is not an easy draw,' said Capello. 'You have to be really, really focused and play every game like a final - but that will be another manager's job. We know Montenegro very well and we have to play against them again. Poland are improving and will be really focused and will be tough opponents. With Ukraine I remember the game we lost against them in the last match during the qualification for South Africa. Moldova are not so strong, and San Marino the same.' Wales manager Gary Speed said: 'It's obviously a tough draw. It's a really tough group, but it could have been worse. There are no weak teams in the group. It's one of those groups where everyone can beat anyone.' Scotland boss Craig Levein admitted he had hoped to miss Speed's side in the draw, saying: 'I would have rather avoided Wales because obviously it brings in that home international rivalry, which we probably could have done without. We have recent good experience of playing Wales, when we won against them over in Dublin recently, but also not so long ago we lost 3-0 to Wales, so it's a bit of a mixed bag.' Northern Ireland manager Nigel Worthington said of Group F: 'It looks a reasonably tough group, but it could have been worse. There is a fair bit of travelling but you have to deal with that.' The total of two hundred and three teams vying for one of thirty one World Cup spots in Brazil surpasses the two hundred who participated four years ago. The only associations not to have signed up to compete for 2014 qualification are Bhutan, Brunei Darussalam, Guam and Mauritania. FIFA would not draw Azerbaijan and Armenia together, nor Russia and Georgia, because of political conflicts which they said could lead to fan violence during matches.

Rio Ferdinand reportedly sparked a White House security alert after a series of posts on Twitter. The plank! The Manchester United footballer was at the White House with his teammates as part of their pre-season US tour. Ferdinand posted pictures of the president's security guards and the state dining room. He tweeted: 'The security needs beefing up here at the White House!' before secret service agents removed the pictures from his phone and Twitter account. 'Whoa, someone has got into my phone and taken down my pics off Twitter. This is deep,' wrote the inarticulate glake. Only, his spelling was worse. 'Is Jack Bauer in Washington? [sic],' he concluded. 'What an experience having the opportunity to go into the White House, thank you. Now where are my pics? My pic of the security was removed quick, rapido, sharpish, fast. They don't play here in DC. I feel like I'm on 24 right now.' Yeah. It's called 'national security' you daft pillock, they do not let any old Tom, Dick or Rio waltz around the White House taking photos that terrorists could use to case the joint. Haven't you ever watched The West Wing? No, stupid question, it hasn't got Cheryl Cole or a voting element in it so you wouldn't understand it. Also, they use words of more than one syllable. Man United, eh? Think they bloody own the gaff. A team meeting with Barack Obama was apparently cancelled at the last minute as he had to deal with the ongoing US debt crisis. At least, that was the 'official' reason given. Maybe, like all right thinking individuals, President Obama simply hates The Scum.

Crisis? What Crisis?

2011-05-30T20:57:00.000+01:00

FIFA has provisionally suspended executive committee members Mohamed Bin Hammam and the odious Jack Warner after a meeting of its ethics committee on Sunday. Football's governing body will now open a full investigation into allegations that financial incentives were offered to members of the Caribbean Football Union. CFU officials Debbie Minguell and Jason Sylvester have also been suspended. But FIFA president and slimy turd Sepp Blatter was found to have no case to answer. Which is, of course, a surprise because one would have thought he'd at least have the case of being a slimy turd to answer. Petrus Damaseb, deputy chairman of the ethics committee, said of Bin Hammam and Warner: 'We are satisfied that there is a case to be answered.' However, FIFA insists that they are both innocent until proven guilty. If found guilty, they could be expelled from the organisation and banned from all football activity. Bin Hammam was the only candidate due to oppose Blatter in the forthcoming election for the FIFA presidency - which will go ahead as planned on Wednesday - but he withdrew in the early hours of Sunday morning. The Qatari and his colleague, vice-president Warner, were forced to answer charges of bribery over allegations from executive committee member Chuck Blazer in Zurich on Sunday. It was alleged that they offered bribes at a meeting of the CFU on 10 and 11 May. A file of evidence claimed bundles of cash of up to forty thousand dollars were handed over to members of the CFU at the meeting in Trinidad. The payments were allegedly made to secure votes for Bin Hammam in his campaign to challenge Blatter for the presidency. In turn, Bin Hammam effectively claimed that Blatter was aware of some wrongdoing but did not report it, in itself a breach of FIFA's ethics code. Meanwhile, executive committee members Ricardo Teixeira and Worawi Makudi have been formally cleared by the Football Association of any wrongdoing following allegations of bribery made by former FA chairman Lord Triesman in relation to England's failed 2018 World Cup bid. Warner has made public an e-mail which claims that Mohamed Bin Hammam 'bought' the 2022 World Cup finals for Qatar. FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke admitted he sent the e-mail, which also questioned why Asian football boss Bin Hammam was running for FIFA president. Valcke wrote: '[Hammam] thought you can buy FIFA as they bought the World Cup.' However, Bin Hammam responded by telling BBC Sport on Monday: 'I don't know why he [Valcke] has said that.' Possibly because he believed it to be true? Just, you know, a wild stab in the dark there. The Qatari added: 'If I was paying money for Qatar you also have to ask the thirteen people who voted for Qatar.' To which the obvious reply is 'oh, I'm sure they will now.' Asked whether Valcke's allegation was true he said: 'What do you think?' Valcke stressed that his e-mail to Warner was intended to remain 'private' and pointed out that Warner had only published selected parts of it. 'He [Warner] sent me an e-mail asking if I want that [Bin Hammam to run for FIFA president], he said that I should ask Bin Hammam to pull out,' Valcke added. Valcke also denied that he had influenced FIFA's ethics committee, which suspended Warner and Bin Hammam on Sunday over separate allegations of bribery, pending further investigation. He stated: 'The first time I met the chairman of the ethics committee was yesterday at 1700 before we went to the press conference. I had no contact at all with anyone.' Bin Hammam was suspended a matter of hours after withdrawing from the FIFA presidential race on Sunday morning. His decision leaves seventy five-year-old incumbent Blatter, who is seeking a fourth term in charge of the organisation he has run unopposed since 1998, as the only man running for the office. FIFA has said its election will go ahead, as scheduled, on Wednesday. The thoroughly odious Warner, who is president of the North, Central American and Caribbean confederation, has reacted angrily to the allegations of bribery and the FIFA ethics committee's decision to suspend him. The Trinidad and Tobago government minister raged: 'I look on the suspension as the worst form of justice by any sporting organisation. They came premeditated, they weren't prepared to listen, they were hand-picked to do a task and they did just that. The guys were hand-picked by Blatter. A kangaroo court would be a decent thing to say.' Warner, who also turned on Valcke, stated: 'I wrote to Valcke telling him, among other things, that the outcome of the elections may cause some fracture in the Arab world which we can ill afford now and that I will like to ask Bin Hammam to withdraw from the race. To which Jerome replied to me and I quote: "For [Bin Hammam] I never understood why he was running. If really he thought he had a chance or just being an extreme way to express how much he does not like anymore [Blatter]. Or he thought you can buy FIFA as they [Qatar] bought the [World Cup]."' Warner showed the e-mail to television crews and added: 'You don't have to believe me, you don't have to like me, nobody has to eat with me, drink with me or sleep with me but Jesus Christ, take the truth when you see it.' Warner has also accused Blatter of making a gift of computers and an unauthorised one million dollars to Concacaf officials. 'I indicated that at the Miami Concacaf Congress on 3 May Mr Blatter made a gift of one million dollars to Concacaf to spend as it deems fit,' Warner said in a statement. 'This annoyed [UEFA] president Michel Platini who was present and he approached secretary general Jerome Valcke complaining that Mr Blatter had no permission from the finance committee to make this gift to which Jerome replied that he will find the money for Mr Blatter. I also indicated FIFA, through Mr Blatter, organised gifts of laptops and projectors to all members of the Caribbean and no objections have been made today of this to date.' However, Platini said on Monday that he was 'having a joke' with Swiss Blatter. The Frenchman said: '[Blatter] can give [to] the projects that he wants to give. I joke, I said "but Sepp, this was not accepted by the committee" - but he can give many projects to many national associations and we will confirm in the GOAL project after. In many Congresses for many, many years the president can give one or two projects to national associations - he has his own budget and he can give to one confederation and then it has to be approved of course by the executive committee next time.' Blatter has denied any wrong-doing as have Warner and Hammam, who are accused of offering financial incentives to members of the Caribbean Football Union. In a file of evidence it was claimed bundles of cash were handed over to members of the CFU. The payments were allegedly made to secure votes for Bin Hammam in his campaign to challenge Blatter for the presidency. Last week, Qatar 2022 World Cup officials denied allegations, published in the Sunday Times, that they paid bribes in return for votes. Meanwhile, independent Australian senator Nick Xenophon has demanded that FIFA refunds the Aus$45.6m they spent on their unsuccessful bid to host the 2022 World Cup. Xenophon said: 'It appears corrupt and highly questionable behaviour goes to the core of FIFA. Australia spent almost forty six million dollars on a bid we were never in the running for. Now we hear that bribes may have been made to fix the result for who will head up FIFA.' According to Reuters, China's Zhang Jilong will take charge of the Asian Football Confederation in the absence of Hammam. In a press conference on Monday, Blatter said that the organisation is 'not in crisis,' merely 'in some difficulties.' Which is a bit like says Barcelona are merely a decent footballing side.

Offside?

2011-05-26T08:42:00.002+01:00

FIFA has long sullied its reputation, with one corruption charge after the other against its top executives. The recent cash for vote scandal is not the first one to hit the organisation and nor will it be the last, at least according to football journalist Brian Glanville in a devastating attack on FIFA at the Sportstar website. 'The lunatics, you might say, are taking over the asylum. Or purporting to,' Glanville begins. 'FIFA President Sepp Blatter, seemingly desperate to be imminently re-elected for a fourth term, has suddenly insisted on a three-week investigation by his flaccid so-called ethics committee into the dirty work at the World Cup crossroads. This hot-on-the-heels of the revelations made by the former main-man at the Football Association, Lord Triesman. Who had nothing to say on the scandalous subject while being unimpressively in charge; save telling his young lady friend an unconvincing tale about Spain and Russia getting together to bribe referees, which she promptly and treacherously made public. Goodness knows that after that undercover investigation by the Sunday Times, we already knew far too well that several members of the World Cup selection committee had elicited huge bribes. To which the ineffably feeble and evasive response of the FA's World Cup bid committee was to impugne the BBC Panorama television programme for having made further alarming revelations on the chicanery that was going on. Killing the messenger, indeed. It soon transpired that the nineteen million pounds allegedly spent by the English World Cup bidding committee was money down a drain which would have been usefully - if deceitfully - deployed only by making bribery approaches to those biddable World Cup representatives. Russia and Qatar, the ultimate sheer parody of a host country decision, had long since bought and paid for. There was, in fact, a beautiful recent irony when Mike Lee, the Englishman advising Qatar on what seemed a wholly incongruous bid, criticised the Football Association for running an inadequate campaign. Just a day or so before it was revealed that Qatar had paid millions in bribes to two members of the World Cup selection committee. For all you know, Mr Lee might well have been as white as snow. He was even in England's bid for the 2012 Olympics, but it is surely legitimate to suggest that in the Qatar affair - a tiny country with no football legion and a roasting hot summer climate - he was either very naïve or very cynical. Especially ludicrous was the typically flagrant response of the outrageous Jack Warner of Trinidad who, having promised England his vote and, most humiliatingly, been invited into the 10, Downing Street residence of Prime Minister David Cameron and in the Zurich preamble, being courted not only by Cameron but by Prince William, the heir to the throne, duly voted elsewhere. But the shameless Warner has a long record, chronicled in detail in Andrew Jennings' devastating book, Foul! Time and again Warner, in his role as President of CONCACAF, whose votes had been vital to Blatter, and head of the Trinidad Federation, has grabbed huge sums of money out of FIFA, by no means always repaid, while for years on end he failed to pay the members of the gallant Trinidad team which surpassed itself in the 2006 World Cup, the money they were due. That Triesman and company should have initially courted this shameless man was horrible to see. In this regard Triesman revealed that Warner had demanded for his vote two and a half million pounds to build a so-called education centre in Trinidad. Predictably and vociferously, Warner denied this only for Dave Richards, the head of the FA Premier League, to confirm the story. Round up the usual suspects, you might say. Not least the former son-in-law of Joao Havelange, with whose FIFA presidency the rot set in, Ricardo Teixeira, an old foe of Pele. He asked Triesman, in Qatar, "Tell me what you've got for me?" To put it politely, Teixeira is no stranger to controversy in his own country; yet he survives.' All of this comes on the day that FIFA presidential candidate Mohamed bin Hammam has denied bribery allegations made against him by FIFA executive committee member Chuck Blazer. The American claims that FIFA's ethics code was violated at a meeting 'organised' by Bin Hammam and Jack Warner. Four officials, including Bin Hammam and Warner, will face a FIFA ethics hearing on 29 May, ahead of the presidential vote. Bin Hammam said that he is 'confident that there is no charge to answer.' The Press Association says that a file has been sent to FIFA which includes sworn affidavits by several Caribbean Football Union members, who claim they were offered thousands of dollars in cash for 'development projects' at the meeting earlier this month. The file, which includes photographs, says some of the cash was accepted, but some of those who refused to take any money approached Blazer. The Caribbean meeting, on 10 and 11 May, was in relation to the FIFA presidential election which takes place on 1 June. The other two officials to face the hearing are Debbie Minguell and Jason Sylvester from the CFU, which represents twenty five FIFA member nations as well as five territories not affiliated to FIFA. Bin Hammam - the sixty two-year-old president of the Asian Football Confederation - is running against current FIFA president Sepp Blatter to be the new head of football's world governing body. Bin Hammam released a statement on his website, which continued: 'This has been a difficult and painful day for me today. But, if there is even the slightest justice in the world, these allegations will vanish in the wind. This move is little more than a tactic being used by those who have no confidence in their own ability to emerge successfully from the FIFA presidential election. I remain deeply indebted to Mr Warner for his sense of fair play because without his support and understanding I would not have been able to meet with several important member associations of FIFA to discuss my election manifesto. Here I completely deny any allegations of wrongdoing either intentionally or unknowingly while I was in the Caribbean. I will offer Mr Warner my full support in ensuring we are discharged honourably by the FIFA ethics committee, a body which I hold in the highest esteem. I am confident that there is no charge to answer and that I will be free to stand in the FIFA presidential election on 1 June as originally planned.' FIFA has announced that Claudio Sulser, the head of the ethics committee, will not take charge of the hearing as he shares Swiss nationality with Bin Hammam's presidential rival Blatter. The committee's deputy chairman Petrus Damaseb of Namibia will instead chair proceedings. The FIFA statement read: 'On 24 May 2011, FIFA executive committee member and Concacaf general secretary Chuck Blazer reported to FIFA secretary general Jerome Valcke possible violations of the FIFA code of ethics allegedly committed by officials. In particular, the report referred to a special meeting of the Caribbean Football Union, apparently organised jointly by FIFA vice-president Jack A Warner and FIFA executive committee member Mohamed Bin Hammam, which took place on 10 and 11 May 2011. This meeting was linked to the upcoming FIFA presidential election. In view of the facts alleged in this report, which include bribery allegations, FIFA secretary general Jerome Valcke, in compliance with art. Sixteen of the FIFA code of ethics, yesterday requested the FIFA ethics committee to open ethics proceedings.' The allegations - levelled by Warner's longtime Concacaf ally Blazer - are likely to wreck Bin Hammam's already fading hopes of defeating Blatter in the vote by FIFA's 208 national members. 'The intriguing part of this is the person who has brought the complaints, Chuck Blazer,' former Sports Minister Richard Caborn told the BBC. 'He obviously has been on the inside track in FIFA for many, many years. He's very close to Jack Warner. What his motives are, we will have to wait and see. It could well be the start of a total look at how FIFA is run in the future. Whether the pressure is now telling and that people are saying: "We have now got to make this organisation fit for purpose."' MP Damian Collins, who named Confederation of African Football president Issa Hayatou and executive committee member Jacques Anouma in Parliament as allegedly receiving bribes from Qatar 2022, called on FIFA to abandon next week's presidential election. 'FIFA needs to have a proper independent investigation and the timetable does not allow this to happen before next week,' said Collins. 'If Bin Hammam is suspended it would be unacceptable for the election to simply become a shoe-in for Sepp Blatter. There must be a new election with new candidates allowed to come forward.' Both Hayatou and Anouma have denied the claims while Qatar 2022 World Cup officials described allegations they paid bribes in return for votes as 'distressing, insulting and incomprehensible.' News of the FIFA inquiry comes soon after FIFA launched a separate investigation into claims made by former Football Association and England 2018 World Cup bid chairman Lord Triesman. Triesman alleged that four FIFA members - the odious Warner, Nicolas Leoz, Ricardo Teixeira and Worawi Makudi - sought 'bribes' in return for backing England's failed 2018 World Cup bid. Warner said the allegations made against him by Triesman were 'a piece of nonsense.' On Sunday, Blatter angrily denied that FIFA is totally corrupt and added there is no evidence to support recent accusations of wrongdoing. Blatter's campaign adviser Brian Alexander said the FIFA president would not comment on the case. Of course, it's worth pointing out that the FA's recent decision to abstain from voting in the upcoming FIFA presidential election may seem like a principled stance, but in reality it is a step away from one of the biggest issues ever to face football at just the moment a breakthrough seemed to be on the horizon. After the Panorama and Sunday Times investigations, after Lord Triesman making allegations in front of a Parliamentary commission and after the widespread condemnation at awarding of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, it felt as though a tipping point was approaching. A perfect storm was brewing, with conditions in place which could have seen a new president with an open agenda for reforming the game's governing body. The net seems to be closing on the Executive Committee members who allegedly sold, or at least tried to sell, their votes on who should host the World Cup for money or honours. Removing one vote from the process still leaves two hundred and seven in it. Nominating and actively supporting a third candidate would have at least given the dissenting voices a platform within FIFA's cavernous headquarters, bringing those accused to task in their own back yard.

Anyone Know If There's A Frivolous Fraud Office?

2011-04-22T20:09:00.001+01:00

The Serious Fraud Office is examining a con that allegedly took in Sven-Göran Eriksson and the North Korean government, the BBC's Panorama has claimed. Investigators are also looking at how the same conman 'stole a football club' and broke a bank. Convicted fraudster Russell King persuaded the former England manager to join Notts County FC as director of football and to visit North Korea. King denies any fraud and said he was just a consultant on the deals. Eriksson was appointed at Notts County in July 2009 following a takeover of the League Two club that promised to bring millions of pounds of Middle Eastern investment. 'For me as a football man it was fantastic, building a club from the bottom of League Two and having the funding to do it, to be a Premier League club. It's like a dream, so I signed. Big mistake,' Sven said of the deal. The promised money never arrived and the club was left seven million smackers in debt. Eriksson says there were early signs that all was not as it seemed. 'I started to have doubts when they came and told me the milk bill has not been paid,' he said. King claimed that his Swiss-based mining company had assets worth almost two trillion dollars because it had the rights to North Korea's gold, coal and iron ore. He told Eriksson the Notts County's promised cash would come from that mining deal. He then persuaded Sven to join a delegation visiting Pyongyang in October 2009. 'I was in the palace and they were handing over to the North Korean government so-called shares,' Eriksson told Panorama. 'I asked them how much that was and what they told me was not millions, it was billions of dollars. They used my name. Of course they did. At the end it became a big, big mistake.' Russell King's business deals had credibility, the programme alleges, because they appeared to have the backing of First London plc, an investment bank with advisers including Conservative MP Tim Yeo and Air Marshal Sir John Walker, a former British spymaster. The bank sent Sir John, a former head of defence intelligence, to check out King and the Korean deal, but he was also, apparently, taken in. Walker said of the deal: 'What do I think of Russell King? Not a lot. He was good at chat, but that was his business. He was a con man. I was taken the same way Sven was taken. They just wanted names.' King also managed to get control of almost half of First London plc without paying a penny for the shares, after he convinced its bankers he was managing billions of dollars for the Bahraini royal family. But Fawaz Al Khalifa, President of the Bahraini Information Affairs Authority, says that King was lying about his royal connections: 'He might have met members of the family here or there, but we have no financial connection to him or his company.' First London PLC went into administration last year with debts of almost nine million pounds and the Financial Services Authority has been examining the deal that gave King control of forty nine per cent of its shares. The FSA has now passed its finding to the Serious Fraud Office. 'In this case the acquisition of control occurred without the FSA having been given the prior notice which the law requires it to be given,' said an FSA spokesman. First London plc's parent company, First London Group plc, is still in business. In a statement, its lawyers said that the failure to notify the FSA about the change in ownership was a mistake that had been rectified: 'This was simply an error and not done for any ulterior or questionable motive. As far as our client is aware the FSA were satisfied that the information provided was in compliance with all legal and regulatory requirements. Our client is unaware of any investigation by the FSA or SFO.' King, who was jailed for insurance fraud in 1991, denies any involvement in the running of Notts County or First London plc. But Panorama has obtained dozens of e-mails and numerous testimonies which seem to show that he was secretly pulling the strings at Notts County. King even referred to himself as Lord Voldemort, the character from the Harry Potter novels who 'can never be named.' The club had been owned by a supporters' trust, but King persuaded the fans to sell it for just one pound after they met one of his supposedly wealthy benefactors in Bahrain. Abid Hyat Khan was introduced as a Middle Eastern prince, but Panorama has discovered he is actually on the run from British police. He absconded from the UK in 2008, when he was due to stand trial for allegedly stealing almost one million pounds. Khan denies posing as a prince. Peter Trembling who was appointed as Executive Chairman at Notts County told the Nottingham Post how he became involved with King. He said that he was introduced to King, who was then based in Jersey, by his friend Nathan Willett in 2005. Trembling said he had become close friends with Willett after meeting him through work in Dubai in 2000. He said: 'Russell King wanted to get involved in my business at the time, Affinity Partnerships, which worked with lots of banks as a credit card consultant. He said he had contacts all over the world and I'd make a lot of money.' Trembling added that, in the following year, King and Willett left Jersey for Bahrain. He said that he stayed in touch with them and, in early 2009, they contacted him asking his advice about investing in an English football club. 'They had tried to buy Newcastle United,' he said. 'I told them they were better off going for a smaller club and building it up. At one stage, they were looking at all sorts of clubs. Liverpool was on the radar. Then they said they had the money to buy Notts County.'

Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham has reportedly been given special permission to fly to London for the royal wedding on Friday 29 April before returning to the United States a day later in time for his side's Major League match at FC Dallas. Of course, what would be really hilarious is if Becks gets to the Abbey and finds out that his invite had all been a big mistake.

There's Only One Greedy Bastard

2011-04-20T08:31:00.002+01:00

A somewhat off-colour Scumchester United missed the chance to open up a nine-point gap at the top of the Premier League as they were held to a draw by yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still seemingly unsellable) Newcastle United. The visitors were guilty of poor passing throughout, though Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs both missed good chances. And striker Javier Hernandez felt he was fouled in the box by Danny Simpson late on, only to be booked for a dive. The Magpies thoroughly deserved a point, though, and might have had a penalty of their own when Anderson appeared to fell Peter Lovenkrands. Both decisions could have gone either way, with contact seeming to be made on each occasion, but the referee Lee Probert - who otherwise had a very good game - waved the appeals away to ensure an absorbing clash ended goalless at St James' Park. It is a result which could prove valuable for Newcastle, taking them as it does to the forty-point mark teams often cite as necessary to guarantee safety from relegation. While much of the media may put the result down to the leaders suffering an off night, that fails to reflect the effort and application that Alan Pardew's side demonstrated. Once again the Magpies star man was Cheik Tioté the Ivorian central midfielder whose three million pound transfer from FC Twente is starting to look like the bargain of the season. And, how nice it was to hear the home fans showing their genuine appreciation of the four years of constant shirking and malingering that their club received from Michael Owen when he came on as substitute for The Scum to several rousing choruses of 'There's Only One Greedy Bastard'!

The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend?

2011-04-03T17:16:00.003+01:00

Sepp Blatter will this week meet the new Football Association chairman, David Bernstein, to try and secure England's vote for the FIFA presidency. Ironic, you may think, considering how reluctant he was to give England anything the last time FIFA were voting on something. Which, as it happens, is interesting. Because, his visit has come at the worst time in terms of his allegedly efforts to clean up the game. This weekend, fresh claims emerged over the controversial FIFA vice-president the vile and odious Warner's alleged involvement in a World Cup ticket scandal. You may remember that just before the World Cup bid for 2018 took place, in December, the BBC's Panorama programme in an episode about various alleged dodgy dealings within FIFA had claim that the vile and odious Warner was involved in the resale of World Cup tickets to touts as recently as the summer of 2010. The programme brought howls on indignation from England 2018 bid team and from the prime minister who would subsequently attempt to blame the failure of the bid on the programme. And, after the vote, in which Russia was awarded the hosting rights to the tournament, the vile and odious Warner took apparent pleasure in stating that the British media's less than servile and fawning attitude to FIFA was why the rest of the world would never vote for and England-hosted tournament. Well, perhaps now Panorama and the Sunday Times and all of the other parts of the British media which claimed the FIFA was a bent as a David Beckham free-kick might be vindicated. The Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet says it has proof that Warner, whose support is key to Blatter's hopes of re-election, attempted to sell tickets on the black market, in direct contravention of FIFA rules. The paper, which has long been investigating Warner's activities, quoted a black-market ticket dealer as saying a deal was set up with Warner to provide tickets for South Africa. According to the paper, the Caribbean Football Union ordered tickets for several matches including the final. Dagbladet said it was in possession of the receipt for that order and claimed Warner's cut was sixty per cent, even though the deal eventually broke down. Essentially exactly the same claims which were made by Andrew Jennings in the Panorama programmes but, with additional, alleged, documentary evidence. The revelations will heap pressure on Blatter as he bids for a fourth term of office. Warner was publicly reprimanded by FIFA over a 2006 World Cup ticketing scandal involving his family but nevertheless kept his place on the FIFA executive committee. These claims will renew calls for action against the controversial Trinidadian who is one of the most powerful men in the world game - and one of the least liked in many quarters, particularly Britian. (The Daily Scum Mail's Martin Samuels memorably described Warner as 'the duplicitous, odious FIFA vice-president who has been allowed to rule the world from Trinidad and Tobago.') Blatter, who is taking on Asia's Mohamed bin Hammam in a fight for world football's top job on 1 June, will discuss his manifesto with Bernstein in a lunchtime meeting at Wembley. Bernstein has made it an aim of his chairmanship to rebuild bridges with FIFA and distanced himself from reports that the FA are keen to back any Blatter opponent in one of those 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' type of alliances that always produce good results. As the Western world's support of and arming of Sadam Hussain during the Iran-Iraq war, of course, proves. A number of influential figures in the English game favour Bin Hammam, who must convince FIFA's two hundred and eight nations that it is time to unseat Blatter after thirteen years in charge, and to elect a ninth FFIFA president. Warner was recently returned for a sixth time as head of Concacaf and he will determine where the thirty seven votes of the region will go. The support of Warner and of UEFA dead that oily little twat Michel Platini is seen as vital to both presidential candidates. Both have spoken recently of the need to rid the game's governing body of corruption.

Showing all of the tact and diplomacy for which he is, rightly, famous Fulham chairman Mohammed Al Fayed has told fans that they can 'go to hell' if they do not appreciate a new Michael Jackson statue at Craven Cottage stadium. Al Fayed unveiled the statue on Sunday prior to the west London Premier League team's match against Blackpool which the Cottagers won 3-0. The statue was commissioned following Jackson's death in June 2009 and was due to be erected at Harrods before Al Fayed sold the Knightsbridge store. 'Why is it bizarre? Football fans love it,' he said after the unveiling having, presumably, taken a poll on the subject. Outside the stadium, Fulham fan Michael Tune said: 'We're a laughing stock. It has nothing to do with football.' Another Fulham fan, who wanted to remain anonymous (presumably because he's a Fulham fan), said: 'It makes the club look silly. I thought it was an April Fools joke.' But Al Fayed said: 'If some stupid fans don't understand and appreciate such a gift they can go to hell. I don't want them to be fans.' That's a really good idea, mate, piss off your own supporters. That always works when a Chairman tries it. Doesn't it Mr Ashley? 'If they don't understand and don't believe in things I believe in they can go to Chelsea, they can go to anywhere else,' he added. Al Fayed's decision to relocate the statue of Jackson to Fulham's stadium is likely to divide opinion. The singer was a friend of Al Fayed's but his only known link to the football club is that he attended one game as a guest of the chairman, against Wigan Athletic in 1999. Where he gave a stunning rendition of 'come and have a go if you think you're hard enough' at half time. But Al Fayed said: 'People will queue to come and visit it from all over the UK and it is something that I and everybody else should be proud of.' What, and stick around to watch a game afterwards? I very much doubt it, pal. Kit Symons, who played in the match Jackson attended in 1999 and is now under-eighteens manager at the Cottagers said: 'It is great. The big thing is it is obviously something that the chairman feels very, very passionately about and he has decided to erect this statue and fair dos to him.' Reflecting on the time of Jackson's visit, he added: 'It was just happy times. The chairman obviously used to bring high profile people down the games. Tony Curtis was here a few weeks after and it was just fantastic times.' Central defender Brede Hangeland said the decision to erect the statue was backed by the club's players. He said: 'Some of our players are Michael Jackson fans, some aren't, and that's the same in the general population. His music has been on in the dressing room a couple of times. I'm sure we won when his music was played! We have the deepest respect for everything about the chairman. If he wants to do this then it is all good.' Perhaps inspired by the statue, Fulham beat Blackpool 3-0 in the match which followed the unveiling. It was a thriller.

The Greed Roadshow

2011-02-17T20:40:00.001Z

The European General Court has ruled that UK football fans can continue to watch major events on free-to-air TV in future. Both FIFA and UEFA - pound signs flashing in their eyes as they worked themselves into a tool-stiffening orgy of debased greed - had challenged a decision allowing the UK government to designate the World Cup and European Championship finals as free-to-watch events. Both are on the UK list of 'protected events' of national sporting importance. The EGC now says that an EU member state can prohibit the exclusive broadcast of games at these two events on pay-TV. The court also dismissed FIFA's action against Belgium for showing all World Cup matches on free-to-air TV in that country. FIFA and UEFA had argued the current set-up interfered with their ability to sell television rights at the best price. And to make vast wads of cash that could then be used in sleazy behind-the-scenes deals and backhanded activities and vote rigging when it comes to who hosts major competitions. Allegedly. They had said there was no reason why all games at tournaments should be shown free on UK television, as part of a list the national sporting 'crown jewels' which have to be made available to everyone to watch. The court disagreed. Which was funny. The EGC said 'the court holds that the [European] Commission did not err in finding that the United Kingdom's categorisation of all World Cup and Euro matches as "events of major importance" for their societies are compatible with European Union law. Consequently, FIFA's and UEFA's actions are dismissed.' They then added 'and the greedy, corrupt bastards can go screw themselves.' Only, they did it quietly whilst no one was listening. Apparently. The EGC, formerly the Court of First Instance, is the first European court where a decision is made. Appeals about its rulings are taken to the European Court of Justice. FIFA and UEFA now have two months to launch any appeal. The two football bodies had argued that any games featuring England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland would have still been shown on TV for free, as would have the finals and semi-finals of the tournaments. But the rest of the sixty four World Cup matches and thirty one European Championship matches would not have been free in the UK. UEFA had said the listing infringed its property rights, as it resulted 'in a restriction of the way in which the applicant may market the television rights to the Euro [championships].' It had also said that showing the entire tournament on free-to-air in the UK had led to 'a disproportionate and unjustified distortion of competition on the relevant market.' An EU directive gives all member states the right to designate sporting and cultural events of national interest for broadcast on free-to-air TV stations. Hence, the Broadcasting Act 1996 gives the British government the power to designate key sporting and other events as 'listed events.' The purpose of the list is to ensure that such events are made available to all television viewers, particularly those who do not have subscription television. 'This obviously is a bad day for rights holders,' said Daniel Geey, competition and EU regulatory expert at Field Fisher Waterhouse law firm. But, a good day for everyone else, it should be noted in the interests of balance. 'FIFA and UEFA argued that the listing legislation constrained their ability to sell the broadcasts at the maximum commercial level to the widest possible selection of broadcasters.' Geey said that the two football bodies had emphasised to the court they only wished to sell the rights to games that did not include the relevant member state's teams. 'The General Court ruling however stated that the World Cup and European Championships are to be regarded as single events rather than individual games and that individual matches should not be divided up into "prime" or "non-prime" matches,' Geey added. And he said that the ruling would have the knock-on effect of insulating free-to-air broadcasters from pay-TV competition. In December 2008, the Labour government announced a review of the list, carried out by an independent advisory panel headed by former FA chief executive David Davies. The panel reported in November 2009 with its recommendations. 'I have read with great interest the summary of the findings of the European court,' Davies told BBC News. 'It's remarkable how they reflect the debate and conclusions that our own panel on listed events came to eighteen months ago. Personally, they don't alter my view that for the UK at least, the best solution in the future would be a voluntary agreement on the broadcasting of events of national resonance. If the will is there among the broadcasters and the sporting governing bodies, this is achievable, and maybe today's judgement could bring that agreement nearer ' In July last year, the Coalition government said that any decision on the future of the list would be deferred until 2013 - after the conclusion of digital switchover in 2012. The UK Department of Culture, Media and Sport said they were pleased with the result. 'We welcome the decision from the EU and continue to support the principle of protecting sports events for free-to-air coverage,' a spokesman said. Emma McClarkin MEP, the Conservative sports spokesman in the European Parliament, added: 'We need to ensure that the crown jewels of our national sports are accessible to everyone. I hope that FIFA and UEFA will not appeal this ruling.'

The Day The World Went Mad!

2011-02-05T19:32:00.007Z

On a quite remarkable day in the Premier League, forty one goals were scored in eight games. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United produced a quite stunning comeback from 4-0 down at half-time to earn a draw which shocked title hopefuls Arsenal to their very core. Theo Walcott, with a smug grin on his face that was jolly satisfying to see wiped off come the final whistle, had scored after just forty four seconds before a Johan Djourou header and a shot from Robin van Persie put Arsenal 3-0 ahead inside ten minutes. Van Persie headed his second and Arsenal's fourth before half-time as Arsenal threatened to treat the whole thing like a training ground match. Most of the crowd and, apparently, most of the United players were simply hoping it wasn't going to end in a cricket score. However, Abou Diaby was given a straight red card after the break for pushing both Joey Barton and Kevin Nolan. Barton, having a superb game in midfield for United, then scored two penalties either side of a strike from Leon Best (who also had another, seemingly legitimate, goal disallowed). Finally, the best player on the pitch, Côte d'Ivoire international Cheik Tioté score his first Premier League goal when he hit a stunning long-range equaliser for the Magpies with three minutes left. Deep into injury time, United even had the chance to win the game but Kevin Nolan's shot from the edge of the box from Nile Ranger's knock-down rolled agonisingly inches wide of the post. To be fair, the second penalty, when Mike Williamson found himself sort-of sandwiched between Koscielny and Rosicky, did appear to be more than a bit soft but, other than that, this genuinely seemed to be a case of one team simply wanting it more in the second half than the other. Needless to say, well-known faceache (and drag) Arsène Wenger didn't see it that way - in an interview with BBC 5Live he managed to blame pretty much everyone and everything apart from his own defence for Arsenal being the first Premiership side ever to surrender a four goal lead. He also broke his usual habit of 'not actually seeing' incidents in which his players are sent off to suggest that, yes, Diaby has been 'a bit rash' but then, quite disgracefully, implied that Barton should have also been dismissed for the initial - robust but perfectly fair - challenge. Which wasn't even a foul, let alone something warranting dismissal as Match of the Day footage subsequently proved. That's Arsenal and their manager down to the ground, I'm afraid. Let them play football against you and they'll tear you to bits with a smile on their face but stand up to them and show them a bit of fight and they do not like it. It was noticeable that after the sending off Febregas, basically, man-marked the referee for the rest of the match instead of, you know, getting stuck in and trying to win the ball and do something with it. It had been a miserable week for Newcastle up to that point following the departure of Andy Carroll to Liverpool on Monday and then a serious facial injury to Shola Ameobi during Wednesday's defeat at Fulham. Magpies manager Alan Pardew had his arms crossed and a curious look of 'Oh no! Here we go again!' on his face for long periods of the opening half as he watched in horror from his technical area. Pardew later suggested that his side had, perhaps, not been mentally right before the game and were, like some of the fans, feeling a bit sorry for themselves after a few days of adversity. His team were seemingly blown away during the opening half hour, but they won a most unlikely point - which must feel like a victory - after playing with incredible drive, pace and determination after the interval. All the while roared on by a passionate and fifty one thousand crowd at St James' Park. As the nufc.com website put it, this was 'One hundred and thirty years of Newcastle United's history encapsulated in ninety five minutes. Unbelievable and difficult to digest at the same time. Just when you thought things couldn't get any dafter...' As previously noted, there's one thing about being Newcastle fan, it's never, ever dull. Arsenal could have kept the pressure on Premier League leaders Manchester United, at least temporarily reducing the deficit at the top to just two points, but they crumbled following the dismissal of Diaby. The confidence and attacking flair which had characterised their play in the opening half totally vanished, replaced by a shaky and unsure side prone to panic which could not defend a handsome lead and often struggled for long periods to get the ball off a team which had not won in their previous four games. As it happened, two hours later, Arsenal were probably looking at it more as a point gained rather than two dropped as Manchester United, improbably, lost their first game of the season, 2-1 at bottom club Wolves. The Scum had led after three minutes when Nani drilled home inside the near post after turning George Olokobi. But Olokobi made amends by heading in an equaliser soon after with United's defence sleeping as Matt Jarvis executed a short-corner routine. Kevin Doyle then glanced the winner just before the break, after which the visitors failed to carve out any clear chances. Elsewhere, there was also a remarkable game at Goodison Park where Louis Saha grabbed four goals as Everton broke Blackpool's spirited resistance. The hosts dominated before the break and Saha stroked them ahead but Alex Baptiste's six-yard shot levelled it. A neat near-post Saha effort made it 2-1 but Jason Puncheon's sidefooted finish and Charlie Adam's measured header put the Tangerines ahead. Saha headed home to level at 3-3 and he added his fourth on the break after substitute Jermaine Beckford's fizzing volley. James McCarthy struck twice as Wigan clawed their way out of the relegation zone with a thrilling win over Blackburn Rovers at the DW Stadium by the odd goal in seven. Jason Roberts put the visitors ahead, only for Wigan to race into a 3-1 lead through McCarthy's double and an opportunistic goal by Hugo Rodallega. Chris Samba made it 3-2, before Ben Watson's penalty made the game safe for the Latics. Blackburn's David Dunn scored a late penalty but Wigan held on for the win. Carlos Tevez's first-half hat-trick helped Manchester City see off West Bromwich and end a three-game winless run. The Argentine had already hit the post from Aleksandar Kolarov's cross when he slotted home from the spot after Steven Reid hauled Kolarov down in the box. David Silva set Tevez up to make it 2-0 and he celebrated his twenty seventh birthday with a third goal, converting another penalty after Jerome Thomas handled. Marc-Antoine Fortune wasted Albion's best chance when he fired wide. City could have been further ahead at the break but for Baggies keeper Boaz Myhill tipping a Kolarov thunderbolt on to the bar and also denying Silva when he was clean through. Clint Dempsey headed a late equaliser at Villa Park to earn stubborn Fulham a draw against the Villains. John Pantsil had gifted the home side the lead when he nodded a Stewart Downing cross into his own net. The visitors hauled themselves level when Andrew Johnson headed in after Steve Sidwell's strike was parried by Villa keeper Brad Friedel. Kyle Walker's stunning thirty-yard drive restored Villa's lead only for Dempsey to equalise in the seventy eighth minute. It was Dempsey's tenth goal of the season and, although both teams had to settle for a point apiece from a finely balanced game, they provided an entertaining spectacle. Substitute Niko Kranjcar's injury-time blockbuster gave Tottenham Hotshots a dramatic win over Bolton. Rafael van der Vaart put the hosts ahead from the the penalty spot after a Kevin Davies handball. The Dutchman then missed a retaken second spot-kick, before the Notlob Trotters hit back when Daniel Sturridge's shot squirmed under Heurelho Gomes. Jermaine Jenas's free-kick hit the post as Spurs pressed and Kranjcar sealed the win with a fearsome twenty five-yard strike. It was a vital and timely contribution from the Croatian midfielder, who struck just as the game, and with it Tottenham's Champions League aspirations, seemed to be slipping from their grasp. In the day's early kick-off, Robert Huth scored two late goals as Stoke fought back to stun Sunderland. Kieran Richardson rifled in Phil Bardsley's low cross for the visitors on two minutes, only for John Carew to score from a possible offside position. Sunderland edged ahead when Asamoah Gyan fired in after the break but the match turned on its head on eighty three minutes. Two Jermaine Pennant free-kicks caused the damage, first swinging in for Huth to bundle home and then teeing up the German to stab in the winner in injury time. It was an astonishing conclusion to a match which had ugly goals, controversial goals and a beautifully created goal. That will be no consolation for Sunderland boss miserable faceache Steve Bruce who will be furious after his sloppy team gave leads away twice having dominated the game, and seeing the officials fail to flag offside for the first equaliser. So, that'll be funny if nothing else.

And, speaking of Blunderland, Niall Quinn has said that he 'despises' fans who choose to watch Sunderland's 3pm Saturday kick-offs in pubs, while listening to 'some overseas commentator.' Sunderland's chairman was reacting to a legal opinion that was delivered by an advocate of the European court of justice yesterday. By concluding that the sale of exclusive rights to televise football on a country-by-country basis was contrary to the principle of the European single market, Juliane Kokott suggested that a Portsmouth landlady, Karen Murphy, should not have to pay a fine and costs totalling eight thousand pounds, after the Premier League took her to court for using a Greek decoder to show Premier League games in her pub, the Red White and Blue. Although Kokott's opinion is not yet binding, it could be made so by European judges. Pubs in the North‑East often show what have been regarded as illegal foreign broadcasts – usually from the Middle East, southern Europe or Scandinavia – of 3pm Saturday Premier League games which are not transmitted by British broadcasters. Quinn feels this is an 'easy option' which is reducing crowds at the Stadium of Light. Well, you could try lowing your prices a bit, mate. The Sunderland chairman said: 'Contrary to the opinion of the advocate general, the illegal showing of Saturday 3pm fixtures involving Sunderland has an extremely detrimental effect on our attendances. I can point to the evidence uncovered by an agency who covertly visited pubs and clubs in our catchment area and witnessed thousands watching the illegal broadcasts. My belief is a significant number of these people are taking the easy option of spending their money in the pub, watching their team, as opposed to supporting their team and helping to create a better atmosphere at the stadium. Our attendances are down for a couple of reasons and I would never criticise anyone who doesn't come to the stadium because of financial constraints but I despise those who spend far more than the price of a ticket watching some overseas commentator describing the action. All clubs thrive on full stadiums. Loud, passionate support is the backbone of football and when our stadium is full we are a force to be reckoned with. I know this first hand – when I was a player we could beat teams from the second they walked out of the tunnel, the atmosphere was so intimidating. To anyone watching the game illegally in the pub I will continue to say: "By doing so you're not supporting your team, you're actually damaging the progress of the club." We have a real chance here to make this club feel great again but to do it we need everyone behind us. I would urge these people in the pubs and clubs to come back to the Stadium of Light. And I reiterate, despite this opinion yesterday, it is still illegal to show games in this fashion.' It is. But, probably not for too much longer. Thanks for your contribution to the debate, Niall.

Oh Carroll! I Am But A Fool ...

2011-02-02T11:59:00.005Z

There's a joke currently doing the rounds on the Internet. No, this one's clean and doesn't involve Richard Keys, don't worry. 'Shell-suits, trainers, Andy Carroll,' it begins. 'Mike Ashley has a long history of selling utter crap to Scousers.' It's not quite as good as the one about Fernando Torres's move from Liverpool to Chelsea collapsing after Torres's wife failed to agree personal terms with John Terry. But it does, undeniably, give a bit of brief light amusement to the situation. Actually, though, as with many football-related jokes, it's more than a bit unfair to both Scousers and to Andy Carroll himself - the lad is already a fine player with the potential to be so much more than that. At twenty one he can, if handled right and if he manages to keep himself out of nightclub fights and, you know, jail, go on to become the best Premiership striker of his generation and England's centre forward for the next decade. He certainly has the ability to. Liverpool have taken a colossal gamble paying thirty five million quid for a very young lad with raw talent but also with experience of just over forty premiership games (and a mere seventy minutes in an England shirt). But it's a gamble which could pay off massively. For Newcastle, Mike Ashley has taken an equally big gamble. If not bigger. It's virtually impossible to argue with the fact that thirty five million pounds for Carroll is too good a price to turn down. Hell, he's a good player, he might even be a great player in a few years, but he is not, by any stretch of the imagination, the eighth most expensive footballer ever to walk the planet. If the eighteen million quid Villa paid Sunderland for Darren Bent looked daft money (and it did), then this is positively obscene. Especially in the middle of a recession. But, for all that, as you'll find repeated in all the bars and clubs around Tyneside this week, 'you can't play a big bag of money up front and expect to get twenty goals a season off it.' Ashley has, quite literally, tossed a coin in the air and speculated that a Newcastle side which has, frankly, somewhat over-achieved thus far this season still has enough about them not to get relegated. It's a calculated risk. The club are currently in ninth place in the Premiership and sit nine points above a relegation place with thirty points for twenty three games. Even without Carroll, they can score goals but they also have an unfortunate habit of letting them in at the other end in increasingly ludicrous ways. It's almost certainly a far better position than most United fans expected them to be in at this time of the season when it started back in August. Is it false? Some results suggest not, others that it is. But, still, realistically four more wins and maybe a couple of draws from their last fifteen games, in theory, should be more than enough to keep them up. It might take less than that - particularly with one or two clubs apparently in free-fall at the moment. Although this has been a very strange year in the Premiership in terms of everybody beating everybody else. In the past, several clubs have certainly found themselves in apparently 'nothing to worry about' positions such as this during the first week in February, only to find a quick run of four or five defeats in a row and, suddenly, they're back down struggling for their lives among the dead men at the wrong end of the table. Ashley's gamble, if it comes off, is that United survive this season with the (weakened) squad they have. If they do and, in the summer, they spend every single penny of that thirty five million knicker (plus a bit more from their next chunk of TV money and next year's season ticket sales) and bring in let's say three or four real quality eight to ten million pound signings (a striker, a right winger and a centre half are three positions they need filling, along with cover at left back) then selling Carroll is, perhaps, going to look like one of the best bits of business in the club's history. Or any club's history, come to that. Regardless of how he actually gets on at Anfield (and, I think it's fair to say as far as most Newcastle fans are concerned - aside from two games each year - we genuinely wish him all the very best for the future after what he did for us in the last eighteen months). As with so many things in football, the trick is to try to predict the future. If it comes off, you look like a genius. If it doesn't, you're a plank. For better or worse, the next three months are going to define Mike Ashley's entire ownership of Newcastle - everything that's gone before is the mere prelude. Two points about the Carroll transfer really trouble me, however. Firstly, it spectacularly undermines Alan Pardew's position as manager at Newcastle just at the point where most Toon fans were kind of coming around to a grudging acceptance of the bloke and even a mild warmth that he seemed to be making all of the right noises and producing some decent results - albeit, with Chris Hughton's team. For the last month Pardew has said, repeatedly, whenever asked by the press, that Carroll was going absolutely nowhere. That Carroll was one of a handful of players (Joey Barton, Tiote, Enrique, Nolan, Steven Taylor, Ben Arfa) around whom Pardew wanted to build a side. Never once did he say 'Andy Carroll's not for sale ... unless we get stupid money offered, of course, in which case every man has his price.' Which I think most fans would have, with a heavy heart, accepted as the way of the world these days. Yesterday, Pardew was having to field some pretty awkward questions at his first post-transfer deadline day press conference. It was put to him that if fans can't trust him on this matter then why should they believe anything he has to say in the future. 'What can I say?' he replied meekly. 'We didn't force anybody to leave.' And that brings us to the second troublesome question. Did Carroll jump or was he pushed? A series of text messages between Carroll and the North East fanzine editor Steve Wraith on Monday afternoon, published in the national press yesterday, suggest that Carroll himself wanted to stay at Newcastle until the club made it clear they'd prefer the money. That's certainly the stance that Carroll himself has taken in his post-signing interviews. The club - through Pardew - have hotly denied this. Carroll claims that Derek Llambias asked him to hand in a written transfer request. The club deny this and say that it was Carroll himself who handed in the request without any prompting from them. (Interestingly, the text of the actual transfer request has not yet been made public.) So, essentially, either Andy Carroll is lying or Mike Ashley (via his various spokesmen, including Llambias and Pardew himself) is lying. Given the previous track record of Ashley, who has form infamously saying one thing to the fans and then doing exactly the opposite and claiming his original statements were mere 'public relations' (an entire industrial tribunal case was fought, and lost, over exactly that) lead many observers to know which side they believe. Watching the saga unfold on Sky Sports News on Monday afternoon was certianly a classic example of that curious modern TV-rolling-news phenomena, information and disinformation colliding head on and producing only confusion in their wake. For two hours mid-afternoon the broadcaster, in the guise of their North East correspondent David Craig, was confidently telling their viewers from a vantage point somewhere outside St James' Park that Craig's understanding was Newcastle had rejected Liverpool's overnight bid of thirty million pounds for Carroll. But they had let it be known to the Reds that an increased off of thirty five million would be acceptable to them. Andy Carroll was, by all accounts, already on his way to Liverpool at that time (around 2pm) to discuss terms claimed Craig. When, actually, Carroll was in Alan Pardew's office just a couple of hundred yards from where Craig and his camera crew were standing, discussing whether he'd get a new contract or not. On that much, pretty much everyone agrees. So who was telling Craig all this other stuff? Who told Sky that it had been 'intimated' Newcastle would accept a thirty five million pound bid? Somebody, somewhere, was sending out highly mixed signals. Within twenty minutes of it being announced that Newcastle had turned down Liverpool's 'increased' offer (which was described as 'thirty five million plus add-ons' and which happened at around about 4pm), Carroll's handing in of a transfer request was also announced - live on Sky - as was the statement that the club had, 'reluctantly', agreed to sell. If all of that doesn't sound like 'public relations' and - not unusually for Newcastle - particularly banal and unbelievable public relations at that, then nothing does. For what it's worth, despite their being a Tiding of Magpies involved, there are no black and white areas in this particular example of football gone mad. Newcastle, if they manage to keep themselves up, could - could, mark you - emerge a stronger better, more balanced side. Liverpool have signed a player with huge potential which might, long term, prove to be the start of something really special for them. Or, it could be the 2011 version of Peter Marinello. (That's a reference for all you fortysomethings out there!) Time will tell. In football, as in life, it usually does. Moscow Chelski FC have spent fifty million quid on Fernando Torres, a World Cup winner with astonishing natural goalscoring ability but someone who can be even more of a sulking child than the two they've got already, Anelka and Drogba. Only Happy Harry and Tottenham Hotshots appear to have lost out, but they've already got Steven Piennar so what they hell are they complaining about? The Andy Carroll transfer saga suggests that, on a day when football quite simply suffered from a manic overdose of ego-driven insanity, there remain only three proper certainties in life. Death, the rent man and the fact that being a Newcastle United fan is never, ever, dull!

Sky Smash!

2011-01-26T14:07:00.005Z

Andy Gray has reportedly complained to 'friends' - well, the four friends that he had left, anyway - about feeling 'stitched up' after being sacked by Sky Sports. All following publicity surrounding a series of apparently sexist comments which he made. The presenter got the old tin-tack from the broadcaster after suggesting on Saturday that assistant referee Sian Massey would not know the offside rule due to her sex and then when previous lewd comments he made to his colleague Charlotte Jackson appeared on YouTube on Monday. According to the Mirra - who for some reason seem to be taking on the role of Gray apologists at the moment, which is probably wholly unconnected to the fact that Gray is currently suing their rivals the News of the World over phone-hacking allegations - Gray believes that his superiors have used the issue to allow them to promote younger staff. 'He feels like he has been stitched up and people working against him at Sky have set all this up to get him the boot,' a 'source' allegedly claimed. Oh, this is really good. Apparently Andy Gray believes that he is the innocent victim of a Miriam O'Reilly-style bit of ageism in the area! Brilliant - I shall look forward to theforthcoming Industrial Tribunal with great interest to see what happens next. Let's be fair, you've really got to admire bare-faced crass denial like that. 'He loved doing that job,' the nameless - and, probably fictional - 'source' allegedly told the Mirra. 'And didn't get much of a chance to get his point of view across. But it feels like a changing of the guard at Sky and this will give bosses a chance to promote Ben Shephard and Jamie Redknapp quicker.' Conspiracy theories that Gray was, indeed, the victim of deliberate leaks by someone - or several someones - within Sky as a direct consequence of his forthcoming legal action against another part of the Rupert Murdoch News Corp empire have been doing the rounds since the Mail on Sunday first got hold of the off-air sound clip from an 'anonymous source' late on Saturday night. They may even be true, far stranger things happen in the TV industry. The excellent Jim White, for instance, makes a highly persuasive argument in this article concerning the 'real' reasons that Gray was sacked. 'The reaction of his employer is far more to do with Sky's anxiety to end a series of damaging headlines at a time of a highly sensitive takeover. This was corporate public relations. He was embarrassing them, full stop. Yet part of that embarrassment came from within. If Sky's own employees had not leaked so prodigiously, no-one would have been any the wiser, the headlines would not have been generated and the corporation would not have been compromised. Gray was, quite simply, knifed by those he had patronised down the years.' But, Gray might like to consider the fact that if he hadn't said what he did, there would have been nothing for any naughty troublemaker to leak in the first place. So, you know, sorry Andy old chap but I've got no sympathy for you whatsoever. You broke the eleventh commandment and got caught. The latest footage to have entered the public domain, let us remember, showed an off-air incident in December, when Gray asked Jackson to 'tuck this in,' gesturing towards the microphone near his groinal area. Jackson can be briefly seen looking a touch embarrassed and turning away, whilst Gray and his co-presenter Richard Keys - who has also been disciplined for his role in the discussion about Massey - burst out guffawing like a pair of ignorant overgrown school bullies. The law firm Schillings have confirmed to the press that they have been instructed by Gray regarding his dismissal. Gray's fiancée Rachel Lewis added yesterday: 'He's wanted to apologise for the last few days, desperately. He was told not to by Sky.' The Gruniad's Richard Williams had a slightly different take on matters: 'The alacrity with which the Sky Sports bosses dispatched Andy Gray to the knackers' yard suggests that they saw no merit in flogging more life out of a dead workhorse. To a channel whose public image is established by the cast of interchangeable junior estate agents and blonde autocuties reading out the bulletins on Sky Sports News, the old centre-forward had passed his sell-by date some time ago. In the estimation of pretty well everyone, except Gray himself, the one-time penalty-area bully has long since lost the aura of authority created by his playing career with Aston Villa, Wolves, Everton and Scotland. When the world – ie the Premier League in Sky's terms – was new, he embodied a certain gritty outspokenness that lent an air of authenticity to the channel's glossy coverage, with its fanfares and fireworks. But YouTube, that deadliest of witnesses, harbours a whole series of occasions on which Gray could be expressing opinions on football matters that entitled him to be seen as the voice of the people only if the people concerned yearned for the days of leather balls, dubbinned boots and casual prejudice. Perhaps Barney Francis, Sky's managing director, feels that Keys is too valuable to sack. If that is what he thinks, much of the nation would disagree. The emergence of another clip seemed to provide a further illustration of his unreconstructed view of womanhood. It is hard to imagine a Save Richard Keys protest outside the channel's Isleworth headquarters. To anyone outside the close circles of the two presenters the only immediate cause for regret is the understandable decision of the referees' association to withdraw Massey from her scheduled duty at tonight's match between Crewe and Bradford. Noting the unusually high number of applications for media accreditations, particularly the requests for photographers' passes, they concluded that the twenty five-year-old official would not be permitted to go about her duties in the right sort of ambiance. The Sun – owned by Sky's major shareholder, Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation – also sank to predictable depths, filling its front page with a photograph of an off-duty Massey dancing at a social function, wearing a skimpy top and a short denim skirt. It was the sort of utterly harmless image that many women of her age put up on their Facebook page but its use here was blatantly exploitative, freighted with a nudging insinuation but having no bearing on the subject's role in the story.' As, indeed, this blog stated yesterday. And, this is one occasion where yer actual Keith Telly Topping does want to say 'I told you so.' To go back to Jim White's article for a second: 'That Gray is not a particularly pleasant bloke will come as little surprise to those who saw him on television exploring the outer reaches of self-importance. And Richard Keys is, so those who have worked with him attest, not much nicer. Their saloon bar banter about the assistant referee Sian Massey was not unusual, apparently. It was as ignorantly incorrect as it was inappropriate. By the very excellence of her performance Massey refuted the pair's laughable insistence that women are somehow genetically incapable of mastering a set of rules. As to Keys's claim that her presence on the Molineux touchline was evidence of a "game gone mad," it might be argued that the elevation of someone on the grounds of their sustained competence marks a rare moment of sanity in the sport. More difficult to defend on mental health terms is the idea that the front man of a television show is worth more than one million pounds a year. Or as they probably don't say in the Manchester City dressing room, fifty nurses. If a haughty self-regard coupled with old-school views preclude someone from doing their job then half the sports media are unemployable. You only have to look at some of the candidates to replace Gray on Sky - Glenn Hoddle, Graeme Souness, Stan Collymore, Paul Merson - to see that inappropriate behaviour is endemic in the calling. If everyone has to be a decent person to do the job, the future is silence.' Of course, the numskull dinosaurs who fill up the comments sections on the websites of newspapers like the Sun, the Daily Scum Mail and the Mirra will continue to bleat their pathetic mantra that this was 'all just a bit of harmless fun,' some 'workplace banter' that, twenty years ago would have been perfectly acceptable. I agree, it probably would have been - this blogger indulged in a fair bit of it himself, I'm sure most dear blog readers, of both sexes, have done too at one time or another. The point isn't that it used to be acceptable, rather that it isn't acceptable now. In life, things change all the time and people (and their attitudes) have to change with them or they become moribund in this society. Bear baiting was the most popular form of Saturday night entertainment in this country once upon a time. If Sky Sports had been around in those days, they would've probably been covering it, live, from the Dung-Heap Arms in Chelmsford with commentary by ye-olde Sir Richard of Keys and Smash It. And they would have got a huge and voyeuristic audience for it and that would have been perfectly acceptable. But society has changed and we know better now. In many ways the changes are for the better, perhaps in some others ways for the worse. But to argue against the process of change, in and of itself, is to show yourself to be an example of exactly what Mr Keys and Mr Gray have been accused of being. Dinosaurs. In other words, soon to be extinct.

Meanwhile, Keys himself has blamed 'dark forces at work' for escalating the Sky Sports sexism row, which has led to the dismissal of his former partner Andy Gray and put his own job on the line. Keys said that he apologised to Sian Massey on Sunday afternoon - just hours after the initial Molineux recording was leaked to the Mail on Sunday - but was told by his employer that his apology could not be made public. 'We were wrong. It shouldn't have happened, but there are some dark forces at work here,' said an emotional Keys on TalkSport on Wednesday morning. 'From something that was controllable, I have found the reaction to be extraordinary. I cannot believe the frenzy that's blown up. If I had been able to get out the fact that I'd apologised on Sunday I don't think it would have been as frenzied as it has been.' A new video entitled Richard Keys making lewd comments about girlfriend of co-presenter has, as mentioned above, appeared on YouTube showing Keys before a game at Chelsea's Stamford Bridge with Jamie Redknapp, Ruud Gullit and Graeme Souness. Someone off camera mentions a girl and Keys asks Redknapp: 'Did you smash it?' Redknapp replies: 'I used to go out with her.' Keys then adds: 'That is a stupid question, if you were anywhere near it. You definitely smashed it. You could go round there any night and find Redknapp hanging out of the back of it.' During the comments, Gullit looks at his mobile phone, whilst Sounness motions to kick Keys in the ankle. Redknapp laughs rather nervously.

My Sister Is Not My Enemy

2011-01-26T11:25:00.001Z

The hilariously funny controversy surrounding comments by Sky Sports presenters Richard Keys and Andy Gray took a new twist on Tuesday when reporter Andy Burton was disciplined by Sky for referring to assistant referee Sian Massey as 'a bit of a looker.' Later, it was confirmed that Gray had been booted out of the door by Sky 'with immediate effect.' Burton was stood down from Wednesday night's Carling Cup semi-final second leg between Birmingham and West Ham after footage emerged of him remarking on the appearance of Massey during Saturday's game between Wolves and Liverpool. It followed Sky Sports' decision to remove Keys and Gray from duty before Monday night's Premier League game between Bolton and Moscow Chelski FC after both were recorded making off-air remarks about Massey. Burton became implicated in the controversy after Sky Sports' sister station Sky News broadcast footage of a touchline conversation between him and Gray prior to Saturday's Premier League game between Wolves and Liverpool. Burton says: 'Apparently, a female lino today, bit of a looker according to Steve the cameraman.' Gray responds: 'A female linesman?' Before the touchline reporter adds: 'He says she's all right. I don't know if I should trust his judgment on that.' Gray then says: 'Nah, I wouldn't.' It is unknown at this time whether Steve the cameraman will face any disciplinary action as well. Burton has previously hit the headlines in 2007 after being involved in a pub fight with Richard Bacon. Keys and Gray were recorded before the same match questioning Massey's appointment for the fixture, claiming that women 'don't know the offside rule.' Sky Sports insisted that Keys and Gray had not been sacked for their disparaging remarks but was unable to confirm exactly when the duo - who have been the faces of the network's football coverage for two decades - would be back on the air. Hours later came the confirmation that Sky had terminated Gray's contract 'in response to new evidence of unacceptable and offensive behaviour.' Sky's statement continued: 'The new evidence, relating to an off-air incident that took place in December 2010, came to light after Andy Gray had already been subjected to disciplinary action for his comments of 22 January 2011.' Sky Sports managing director Barney Francis said: 'Andy Gray's contract has been terminated for unacceptable behaviour. After issuing a warning yesterday, we have no hesitation in taking this action after becoming aware of new information today.' It is not clear whether the incident in question is a YouTube clip which emerged on Tuesday that appeared to show Gray making lewd and suggestive comments to co-presenter Charlotte Jackson before going on-air. The former Everton, Aston Villa and Scotland striker, believed to be on a seven-figure salary and a key component in Sky Sports' growth story over twenty years, recently began legal action against the News of the World – another arm of Rupert Murdoch's empire – over phone hacking allegations. With this weekend being the fourth round of the FA Cup, for which Sky do not hold the live rights, the next presenting opportunity for Keys would appear to be the Premier League match between West Brom and Wigan on Tuesday week. Or, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Magpies visit to Fulham the night afterwards. That is if he's still a Sky employee by then. Massey, meanwhile, was due to be back in the spotlight on Tuesday when she was scheduled to the line in Crewe's League Two game with Bradford. However, a few hours before the match the PMGO confirmed that Massey had been withdrawn from the fixture, whilst stressing that this decision had nothing whatsoever to do with any question about her ability. General manager Mike Riley said: 'PGMO and Sian believe that with any football match the focus should not be on the officials but on the players and the game itself. That is only fair to those connected with the clubs and their supporters. Sian is an excellent professional who has unwittingly found herself in the middle of a story that has nothing to do with her competence as a match official. Sian only wants to be notable for her performance as an assistant referee and is keen for things to get back to normal so she can return to officiating as soon as possible. Sian has the full backing of PGMO and we hope she continues her development, which has shown excellent progress so far. It is important for PGMO to have talented people from all backgrounds getting involved in refereeing. The more people are attracted to the game the better standards will be and the more everyone can talk about the football.' Old Hairy-hands Keys reportedly telephoned the official on Sunday night to apologise for his remarks. Gray did not call Massey to say sorry but Sky Sports insisted that Keys had done so on behalf of them both. A spokesman told Press Association Sport that Sian had accepted Keys' apology, adding: 'It wasn't a case of Andy not apologising. It doesn't really make sense for both of them to call.' Well to be fair, it didn't really make sense for the pair of numskull dinosaurs to make the bloody comments in the first place. But they did, didn't they? It was not known whether Burton would be making a similar apology and neither is it known whether Keys has apologised to West Ham United vice-chairman Karren Brady, whom he also disparaged for suggesting that sexism was rife in the game. Brady said that Keys and Gray's comments about Massey 'make my blood boil' and she was joined by a number of anti-discrimination groups and many others within the game in condemning the pair's remarks. Sky Sports' managing director Barney Francis issued a statement on Monday, which read: 'Those views are inexcusable, entirely inconsistent with our ethos as a business and employer, and will rightly offend many of our customers, our people, and the wider public. They are inexcusable from anyone at Sky, regardless of their role or seniority. We have dealt with this matter by taking immediate disciplinary action. As with any employee it would not be right to go into detail on those proceedings. However, they have been clearly warned about their behaviour and reminded of their responsibilities.' The decision to stand the duo down from Monday night's broadcast saw Sky disband their usual Isleworth-based studio operation, with a new team sent at the last minute to Bolton. The programme was presented by David Jones instead of Keys, while Jamie Redknapp and Eidur Gudjohnsen were drafted in as pundits and Sam Allardyce joined Martin Tyler in Gray's usual place in the commentary box. Meanwhile, it has emerged that the Football Association switchboard was inundated with calls yesterday from women inquiring about becoming officials. Rumours that the first question they will be asked is 'do you understand the offside rule' cannot, at this time, be confirmed or denied. Meanwhile, the Daily Scum Mail which first broke the story on Sunday was, itself, the centre of controversy after a piece on the continuing story contained a photograph of Sian Massey - apparently taken from her My Space page - which showed her dancing at a party. And, they weren't alone, either. Take the Sun, for instance. Many readers of these scum tabloids may well be asking themselves if using such an image in a context such as this isn't, in and of itself, an example of crass and exploitative sexism from a bunch of sick hypocrite lice. And wondering if, for example, a story broke about Howard Webb being criticised by two of Sky's team, whether the Scum Mail or the Sun would be quite so quick to find a topless photo of him on the beach on holiday to illustrate the story with.

Spider's Webb

2011-01-10T18:04:00.002Z

Here's the photo that got Ryan Babel into loads of trouble.If ever you needed proof that footballers these days have too much time on their hands!

A Rocket To Russia

2010-12-03T16:09:00.006Z

And, still it continues. As reported yesterday, the British media has been blamed for England's failure to win the fight to host the 2018 World Cup, as the BBC faces a backlash from a bunch of numskulls on its website. Three hundred and eighty seven to be exact, according to the Daily Telegraph. That's the average attendance for a GM Vauxhall Conference match, incidentally. Just thought I'd mention that. Yesterday, Russia was named the host of the world football showpiece in 2018, beating England and joint bids from Spain and Portugal and The Netherlands and Belgium. England's campaign was dogged by controversy, including an unflattering expose in the Sunday Times and an edition of BBC's Panorama on Monday that alleged widespread corruption at football's governing body, FIFA. This was possibly best summed up by the Gruniad's headline, FIFA Sticks Together And Damns the British Media. According to BBC News, England 2018 bid chief executive Andy Anson claimed that FIFA president Sepp Blatter talked to members of the executive committee about the 'evil of the media' just prior to yesterday's vote. Anson said: 'I think that was unhelpful - the last thing those guys hear before they go and tick the box is the evil of the media. That is not helpful and actually inaccurate. I was told by someone who was in the room that that's the last thing they were told by Sepp Blatter. There was a final sum-up before they voted and I think it was at the beginning of that. That's not helpful to our cause.' Junji Ogura, from Japan's FIFA executive committee, praised the strength of England's bid, but said that the negative media coverage was a 'big influence' on the voters. 'I thought England was a very strong candidate. Their presentation was one of the best presentations,' he said. 'But I think there was a big influence from the BBC and the Sunday Times. These reports possibly influenced people. It made damage for some people.' Last night, the BBC website was 'inundated' with comments as some glakes blamed the timing of Panorama for England's failure in Zurich. Reports the Gruniad Morning Star. And the Sun, which produced a headline of BBC Ruined Our Bid Says Campaign Boss which managed not to mention the excellent journalistic scoop of their own sister paper, the Sunday Times' at all. The Daily Scum Mail, meanwhile, came up with an alternative scapegoat. And, a barely-concealed sickeningly racist one at that. If you're in the least bit disappointed that England didn't get their bid accepted, as yer Keith Telly Topping momentarily was yesterday afternoon, then do take a glance at this pox-ridden drivel - written by one Paul Harris - and a few of the bonehead numskull comments it attracted and, you know, celebrate. We might not have won the World Cup bid, dear blog reader but, Jesus, we're better than this. Harris, however, need not be all that despondent; after all, Russia has such a world class record of racial harmony and tolerance you'd've thought he'd be glad a country with a significant white supremacist faction had got the gig. Thankfully, at least, the Scum Mail employ one proper journalist - well, if you can call West Ham supporter Martin Samuels that. On a pinch, I suppose. His article on the subject was a bit more user-friendly: 'FIFA have given their two World Cups to the countries in which the press is most muzzled, most powerless, most murdered - certainly in Russia - and least able to question their masters. What sticks in the throat is that we knew all this, and still allowed ourselves to get sucked in. The correct response when meeting Jack Warner, the duplicitous, odious FIFA vice-president who has been allowed to rule the world from Trinidad and Tobago, is to summon the fraud squad, not shake him by the hand. We sent the Three Lions - David Beckham, David Cameron and Prince William - to Zurich but we may as well have sent the Three Stooges. The bid was doomed from the start because FIFA does not like the power and wealth of the English club game, and hates being questioned or criticised when it makes another self-serving or toothless decision. The shame for English football is not that the bid was lost but that it was lost as we tried to compete on their terms. We played FIFA's game; that horrible, schmoozing, lobbying, crawling, venal game, that we thought would grease us through the door. And it still wasn't enough.' A leaked e-mail sent by a BBC News executive told World Service journalists that 'reaction to the FIFA decision has become part of the story.' The executive also said that thousands of comments had poured in about the World Cup decision. 'Criticism of the BBC (and to some extent the Sunday Times) is part of that story and we should reflect that.' On Tuesday, the BBC defended its decision to air Panorama's corruption investigation so close to the vote, after the Football Association described it as an 'embarrassment' to the corporation. Given the events of yesterday, is it worth wondering if the Football Association, those noted appeasers of bullies and charlatans, have changed their collective minds?

Into The New

2010-12-02T16:13:00.008Z

England missed out on the right to host the 2018 World Cup after football's governing body FIFA picked Russia to stage the event for the first time. Russia saw off rival bids from England, Spain and Portugal and the Netherlands and Belgium to win a secret ballot of FIFA's twenty two executive members in Zurich. None of whom are, obviously, corrupt. England hoped that Prince William, oily David Cameron and David Beckham would give them an advantage. Ultimately, however, all of their talking, hand-shaking and brown-tonguing, not to mention a budget of - reportedly - fifteen million quid spent on the bid, it all ended with England garnering a mere two votes. One of which came from their own representative. Meanwhile, Qatar was chosen to host the 2022 World Cup. And, to be honest, if we're talking about 'legacy,' one of FIFA's supposed main criteria in terms of developing the game internationally then those two are, on the face of it, pretty good choices. I'm sure both will put on good shows. Despite a bid described as 'excellent and remarkable' by FIFA president Sepp Blatter following Thursday's final presentations, the executive committee rejected sending the 2018 tournament to England for the first time since 1966. 'We'd heard a rumour two or three minutes before we'd sat down that we hadn't been successful,' said former Newcastle and England captain and BBC pundit Alan Shearer. 'We'd also heard we'd gone out in the first round. Congratulations to Russia - they had a fantastic bid. I thought the guys who got up and spoke for us were magnificent. They couldn't have done any more. At the end of the day, it hasn't been successful but you try your best. I was hoping that I might see a World Cup in my lifetime in England. I wasn't born in '66. It hurts but you have to congratulate the winners. Everyone was very happy and very confident with the bid we put in. We couldn't have done any more. It's disappointing. I'm a loss at what to say. I'm sure [Cameron, Beckham and William] will be as disappointed as the rest of us. Those guys have worked tirelessly. If we haven't got it this time, when are we ever going to get it after what those guys have done?' Eddie Afekafe, a community worker who grew up in Manchester, acted as compere for the presentation in what was regarded as an inspired move. He told how football gave him a chance - compared to his school friends, many of whom were stuck in gangs. 'England 2018 would change the lives of millions of people like me,' he said. Though England is blessed with a series of excellent stadia, good transport links and policing, it is thought a number of behind-the-scenes factors possibly went against England. The BBC's recent Panorama investigation - broadcast on Monday - accused three FIFA executive committee members of accepting 'corrupt' payments and alleged that FIFA vice-president Jack Warner - somebody with whom David Cameron was seemingly quite happy to schmooze like a good'un this week - had been accused of attempting to supply ticket touts. Michel Platini, president of European football's governing body UEFA, insisted that the documentary would not alter members' votes or wreck England's chances. But he did claim that the British media's arduous relationship with football's international governing body could jeopardise England's chances of success. African confederation president Issa Hayatou - whose vote England had high hopes of capturing - Brazil's Ricardo Terra Teixeira and Nicolas Leoz of Paraguay were all accused by Panorama of taking payments. England 2018 bid adviser Sir Keith Mills said: 'I think we're all gutted. We felt over the last eighteen months we had an outstanding bid. I think we had the best bid technically. I think our three lions did an outstanding job. You have to understand that FIFA's view of a host city is different to our own. Their message was today they want World Cups to go to developing countries. None of the mature countries in the world are being selected.' Ex-England striker BBC Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker added: 'I'm obviously devastated along with the rest of the team. We put a lot of effort in and are going home empty handed. We gave it our best shot. We put in a strong bid and it was a great effort by the guys this morning. All you can do is wish Russia well and hope they have a really good World Cup. Always we've just said you don't know how you're doing and how you're going to do. It's so secret once they get in there and we'll never know to be honest. English football will carry on regardless. We're very strong in our country in terms of our league. It could have been a huge boost. It's a real shame we'll never get a chance to prove that. It's a slightly strange experience lobbying and entering the political world.' Qatar will host the 2022 competition after beating rival bid from Australia, Japan, South Korea, and the United States. The FIFA executive committees' decision came as a surprise after the US and Australia bids had been highly-fancied (as, indeed, had Spain for 2018). Australia's bid fared even worse than England's getting just one vote. Of course, the Daily Scum Mail were quick off the mark in a tawdry and rather sickening bit of blame-apportioning. In addition to being spitefully racist, this article noted: 'Six FIFA officials were suspended last month following a Sunday Times investigations and on Monday BBC Panorama claimed three other FIFA members had taken bribes in the 1990s.' Interestingly the very next paragraph added: 'The bid also endured confusion as it's board constantly changed and was engulfed in a scandal in May when Lord Triesman was forced to quit after making unfounded allegations about Spain and Russia colluding to influence referees at the World Cup.' They failed, of course, to remind their readers exactly who it was that published these 'unfounded allegations' - the Scum Mail on Sunday. Hell hath no fury like a British tabloid who backed the wrong horse. Although, to be fair, if you want to see an even more thoroughly shameful and mendacious piece of scum journalism, check out this one. By the way, in an ironic twist whilst the bid decision was being revealed on Thursday afternoon on BBC2, ITV4 were busy showing From Russia With Love - one wonders if they had a tip-off in advance?

The loss of England's World Cup 2018 bid went down very badly with many English newspapers, with a lot of attention focused on the somewhat contrasting reasons for Russia being in the news. The Independent used a nice footballing cliché, A day of two halves, in a piece which contrasted Russia being chosen to host the tournament on the same day that its Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin, was accused of corruption in the latest batch of Wikileaks revelations. Fifa bungs Russia the World Cup was the Sun's take on the same allegations. The Daily Scum Mail posed a question which, it alleged, every football fan would be asking: Was it a stitch-up? Which, genuinely, makes a change from 'How can we blame all this on asylum seekers ... or the BBC?' Downing Street, the Scum Mail continues, has 'done little to hide its anger' and suggested that David Cameron 'has no plans' to congratulate Vladimir Putin. Which, one is sure, the Butcher of Grozny will be absolutely devastated by. According to the Daily Mirror, the England camp are 'seething' at being 'betrayed' by what it calls 'dodgy voting.' Andy Anson, in particular, is widely quoted in several newspapers talking about alleged 'collusion.' Hang on, is this the same Andy Anson that was wittering on last week about the BBC being 'unpatriotic' for suggesting, essentially, the same thing? How very curious. The Times has a satellite picture showing arctic conditions over the UK. It sums all the big stories under one headline: Frozen out. Several columnists show they were not impressed with the high-powered team which went to Zurich for England - oily David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham - and they leap to the defence of the British media in general. According to the Daily Scum Mail's resident gobshite Richard Littlejohn, 'the presence in Switzerland of this A-List triumvirate was the final depressing fusion of royalty, politics and celebrity.' Good God, I actually agree with something Littlejohn's said. It must be the End of Days. Simon Jenkins in the Gruniad Morning Star defended the honour of the British press after criticism of the BBC and the Sunday Times for exposing FIFA corruption. 'In this World Cup Sewer,' he wrote, 'we reptiles of British journalism hold our heads high.' But he says 'the grovelling of the Prime Minister and the second-in-line to the throne before this Zurich racket has been a national humiliation.' In Owen Gibson's piece in the same paper, he adds, along similar lines: 'What went wrong? Everything. The strategy to deliver Jack Warner, the controversial CONCACAF president who throughout the two‑year bidding process had successfully made England dance to his tune, failed. The visit to Trinidad by the former prime minister Gordon Brown, the overtures of his successor Cameron, the Beckham coaching clinics and the meetings with the future king all counted for nothing. Instead Warner, who had insisted that the BBC Panorama programme which accused him of arranging ticket touting would not affect his vote, and his two CONCACAF colleagues backed Russia. Senes Erzik, from Turkey, who England also thought they had in the bag, also deserted them. Nor was there sufficient support from the African delegates so actively courted by England in the hope that historical investment in football development and support for Hayatou's failed attempt to topple Blatter in 2002 would reap rewards.' Paul Joyce in the Express believed that the decision was 'to do with politics and slapping down a nation whose free press had dared to try to expose the stench of corruption.' The Daily Mirror praises the bid team and reserved its anger for 'any dimwits' thinking of blaming the BBC or the Sunday Times. They should remember that 'in Russia, critical journalists are murdered,' it says. A valid point, well made. 'The culprits for this most excruciating humiliation of football's motherland since England lost to the USA in Belo Horizonte sixty years ago were to be seen skulking in the ante-chambers of Zurich,' writes nasty curly-haired Little-Englander Jeff Powell in the Scum Mail. 'In the rodent-like rush to jump off the ship of blame, the incompetents in charge of our national game sought to hide the grotesque ineptitude of their bid to stage the 2018 World Cup behind the allegations broadcast by the BBC and published by the Sunday Times and our sister newspaper the Mail on Sunday. It is an excuse as feckless as the entire England campaign. Nor can they get away with crying foul at FIFA for dumping them bottom. After all, it was the same preening crew, who led the English public down a cul-de-sac of false hope, who were busy trying to ingratiate themselves with the executive committee who run the world game.' Jeez, I agree with that as well. Littlejohn and Jeff Powell in the same day. Just kill me now. In a wonderfully piss-taking piece in the Mirror, one of this blogger's favourite football journalists, Oliver Holt, makes a mock confession: 'I have been "unpatriotic." I wish to recant. It is a crass insult to FIFA to say that it is the greatest sporting body on the planet. It makes me feel sick to think that anyone in England could ever have put our 2018 bid at risk by being so insensitive as to suggest it. FIFA is so much more than that. It is the best-run, most farseeing, intuitively brilliant, environmentally friendly, sexual equality conscious, racially aware, daylight-saving, job-sharing, liberal, fertiliser-free, organically farmed, fair trade organisation of any sort, anywhere in the world. Under the leadership of the Dear Blatter, it cares little for profits and alliances with corporate partners who make soft drinks that fatten up kids and is concerned only with the good of the game. If every government was run with as much transparency and wisdom as FIFA, the world would be a better place.' Sarky bleeder! The Telegraph's excellent Henry Winter begins his article on the fiasco with: ''"We were stitched-up," confided a member of the England bid team. "The Prime Minister was stitched-up. He thought he had a number of votes locked down ..." FIFA's credibility was battered on Thursday, not by any allegations of corruption but by the cynical game of collusion and vote-trading that patently went on in FIFA House. All the fish are soiled.' According to Sporting Life, Anson suggested that FIFA members had 'lied' about their votes and the millions of quid spent on England's 'glowing' technical report was 'money down the drain.' Anson added: 'David Dein, myself, David Cameron, David Beckham and Prince William were looking people in the eye and asking them for their vote and being told "yeah." I am not sure what else you could do.' Err ... not believe them? Just a wild suggestion, there, you know. Everybody lies, ask Dr House. Asked if the England bid team had been lied to, he replied: 'I am not going to name names because that is not fair on individuals but clearly some people have. We thought we had more than six votes, perhaps seven or eight.' Sky Sports News sought out the sagacity of former England manager Graham Turnip Taylor: 'FIFA, for me, is full of people who say "yes" to your face and "no" behind your back. Their reputation has not changed for many years. [England] have little or no influence; we are considered to be arrogant and know-alls and FIFA don't have to answer to anyone. I think it is about time that FIFA were really investigated. Our journalists have been blamed for this – I don't get into that.' Still, bright side, it could have be far worse; down under after their own failed bid, the headline in the Sydney Morning Herald was Boot goes in over World Cup 'farce' which is bad enough, as you might imagine, but they're also getting a hiding in the cricket as well.

The Ball Is Round. It's The Game That's Bent.

2010-11-30T20:09:00.002Z

The BBC has vigorous defended their right to broadcast a documentary which alleges that three FIFA officials took bribes in the 1990s. As reported yesterday, Nicolas Leoz, Issa Hayatou and Ricardo Teixeira allegedly took the money from a sport marketing firm which was subsequently awarded lucrative World Cup rights, Panorama claimed in Monday night's programme. The BBC investigation was shown three days before a vote to decide the hosts of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, a vote that all three men will have a vote in. BBC executive editor Clive Edwards said that it was Panorama's job 'to investigate corruption and wrongdoing.' The International Olympic Committee has asked the BBC to hand over any evidence it has relating to the claims made against Hayatou, who is also a long-standing member of the IOC. The alleged bribes are included in a confidential document listing one hundred and seventy five payments totalling about one hundred million dollars. The three men did not respond to Panorama over the allegations, not even to say 'we deny these allegations,' which some may consider curious. FIFA, world football's governing body, also declined interview requests to address the allegations. However, in a statement issued on Tuesday, it said the case was 'definitely closed' as the allegations had already been investigated in Switzerland, with no FIFA officials being convicted. This, despite FIFA having what they publicly describe as 'a zero tolerance policy [against] all violations of standards.' In its programme, Panorama reported on evidence a fourth senior FIFA executive - vice-president Jack Warner - continues to be involved in the resale of World Cup tickets to touts as recently as this summer. The BBC stood by its decision to air the allegations ahead of Thursday's vote in Zurich. Clive Edwards told Radio 4's Today programme that Panorama had received a list showing the alleged payment of bribes in October, and had spent the intervening time checking the claims and putting them to those named. Edwards added Panorama presented its evidence to FIFA on 10 November. 'Some people have said that it would have been better to do it after the vote but it is surely nonsense to suggest that you know a process could be flawed and you don't say anything until after it has happened,' Edwards said. 'I am not prepared to sit on information we have. I believe that it is in everyone's interest that there should be a fair process and that corruption should be exposed.' The BBC has been criticised by the English Football Association, of course. A statement from the FA described the investigation as 'an embarrassment to the BBC. We stand by our previous position that the BBC's Panorama did nothing more than rake over a series of historical allegations none of which are relevant to the current bidding process. The 2018 team are entirely focused on winning the bid for England.' They forgot to add, seemingly, 'by any means necessary, and we don't care who we have to sleep with to achieve this.' But Michel Platini, president of football's European governing body UEFA, said that the Panorama programme should not affect England's bid to hold the World Cup. Speaking to reporters after the documentary aired, he said: 'I don't think this programme will have an effect, no - but I think what may affect the decision is the atmosphere going back a long time and what people have been writing about FIFA in the British press for many years.' The alleged bribes to the three members of FIFA's executive committee were paid by sports marketing company International Sport and Leisure and date from 1989 to 1999, Panorama reports. The company collapsed in 2001. FIFA granted ISL exclusive rights to market World Cup tournaments to some of the world's biggest brands and ISL received millions more from negotiating television broadcast rights. Some details of the alleged bribes emerged in 2008, when six ISL managers were accused of misusing company money. Bribery was not a criminal offence in Switzerland at the time the money was allegedly paid out, although is was against FIFA's ethics code. But Panorama has obtained a confidential ISL document which lists one hundred and seventy five secret payments. The ISL list shows a front company in Liechtenstein called Sanud received twenty one payments totalling nine and a half million dollars. Teixeira was closely linked to Sanud by an inquiry of the Brazilian senate in 2001. It found that funds from Sanud had been secretly channelled to Teixeira through one of his companies. FIFA president Sepp Blatter said in a statement that the 2008 court case had largely exonerated the former ISL officials. Largely, being the operative word. He added: 'It is important to stress that no FIFA officials were accused of any criminal offence in these proceedings.' And, indeed, nobody is accusing them of that now. Merely, of doing things contrary to FIFA's own ethics code. You know, the one they have a zero tolerance of? Allegedly. The recipients of most of the money paid by ISL into accounts in Liechtenstein cannot be traced. These latest allegations of wrongdoing by FIFA executive members come after two of the twenty four committee members were banned last month from voting in Thursday's ballot. The bans came after the Sunday Times - in a brilliant bit of journalism - accused Amos Adamu and Reynald Temarii of being willing to sell their World Cup votes. Panorama also says that it has seen e-mails and an invoice which show Warner was involved in the procurement of eighty four thousand dollars worth of 2010 World Cup tickets. The e-mail trail suggests that the tickets were destined for the black market but the planned deal - including thirty eight tickets for the final in Johannesburg - collapsed because the touts were not prepared to pay the asking price. In 2006, Panorama revealed that Warner had sold tickets on the black market for that year's World Cup tournament in Germany. FIFA subsequently ordered Warner's family business, Simpaul Travel, to make a one million dollar donation to charity to 'compensate for the profits it had made through resale of 2006 FIFA World Cup tickets.' Asked to respond to Panorama's allegations by the Press Association news agency, Warner said he had 'no interest in this matter ... now or ever.' And this, ladies and gentlemen, is a man that David Cameron - your prime minister - is going to meet this week, shake hands with and then, presumably, get down on his hands and knees and, quite literally, beg to vote for England's bid for 2018. What, exactly, that says about Cameron's own credibility, I'll leave up to the individual reader to decide. Although I'm sure some of you would like, as I would, an explanation from the prime minister of this country as to since when has investigating - and potentially uncovering - multi-million pound corruption been 'embarrassing?' Is the prime minister going to tell the CPS to add crimes like that to all the others that they don't think are worth investigating? England will almost certainly lose the 2018 bid on Thursday. They would have probably lost it anyway - England aren't particularly well liked by many in FIFA due, in no small part, to decades of rather sniffy colonialist attitudes towards foreigners by the FA. But, more recently, the England bid was always a long-short because FIFA don't like the British press and it's been an even longer shot since the Scum Mail on Sunday published the details of a gossipy conversation between the bid's first chairman, Lord Triesman and some woman he knew in a restaurant which, ultimately, caused Triesman's resignation. It became an even longer-shot when the Sunday Times exposed the nefarious skulduggery surrounding Adamu and Temarii six weeks ago. In the last few days, however, all of that has been quietly forgotten by, and you'll like the irony here, people like the Scum Mail on Sunday's sister paper, the Daily Scum Mail, and Sky News, which shares a major shareholder, Rupert Murdoch, with the Sunday Times. These, and many other organs of the British press who've never been shy to publish anti-FIFA stories in the past, now sense the chance to pass the buck for us 'losing the bid' onto another messenger and blame a convenient scapegoat - the Beeb - should the bid fall. Which it's likely to for all sorts of reasons, a mere one of which is that FIFA, seemingly, don't like people who investigate them. I'd like the World Cup to be played in England in 2018 as much as anyone - and I include David Beckham, Prince William and David Cameron on that - but, if that means we have to bend over backwards to accommodate (alleged) bullies and (again, alleged) corrupt individuals then, personally, I reckon that's a price that isn't worth paying. Still, you never know, come Thursday FIFA might surprise us all and prove to be bigger and more transparent than they've been painted. Somehow, however, I doubt it. Once again, I'll close with the thoughts of the Telegraph's Jonathan Liew: 'For months, the England 2018 team have been furiously lobbying the BBC to scrap the programme, or at least move it to a less inflammatory time slot, ideally just before Doctors on a Friday afternoon. A bemused BBC, for its part, has been accused of "sensationalism" — which is a little spurious when you consider that Panorama is up against I'm a Celebrity on ITV — and a "lack of patriotism." The criticism is somewhat understandable, given the amount of time and effort invested in the bid: the hours spent waiting by airport baggage carousels, the interminable four-course lunches with deaf old men. For it all to come to naught as a result of half an hour of television must seem a little deflating. But all perspective has been lost. When did it become a condition of hosting a World Cup that all criticism of FIFA be suppressed? There's a term for that. It's called "bending over." Whatever happened to the idea of World Cup hosts being decided on the basis of stadiums and transport and Nelson Mandela? It's only a TV programme, for heaven's sake. If FIFA is going to form a negative view of this country as a result of a TV programme, surely that programme should be The Alan Titchmarsh Show? There's hardly a football fan in the country that wouldn't like to see the World Cup being held in England. But if it means telling our broadcasters what they can and can't show after EastEnders on a Monday night, then let someone else do it.'

Bend It Like FIFA

2010-11-28T14:24:00.004Z

In 2006, the award-winning investigative journalist Andrew Jennings published a book called Foul! which - allegedly - looked into the vexed subject of allegations concerning all manner of alleged naughty shenanigans and alleged dodgy malarkey going on, allegedly, within world football's controlling body, FIFA. These included alleged million dollar bribes to secure alleged marketing rights for the company ISL (not alleged, they actually do exist) along with alleged vote-buying to secure the alleged position of alleged FIFA president Sepp Blatter and suggestions of bribery attributed to the alleged CONFACAF president Jack Warner. None of which have ever been proven in a court of law, it is important to add at this juncture. The book - and an attendant episode of the BBC's Panorama which Jennings fronted - was well-reviewed, sold in considerable numbers and, if even a quarter of its allegations are true, suggests that football is, essentially, as bent as a boomerang from the top on down. If true. Which, as noted, these allegations may not be. Although, let's put it this way, nobody has yet sued Jennings over any of the allegations which he made. So, four years on the BBC have given him another go at the subject. In Panorama: FIFA's Dirty Secrets - 8:30 BBC1, Monday - Jennings again investigates corruption allegations levelled against some of the FIFA officials who are set to vote on England's (alleged) World Cup bid, claiming to have found new evidence which supports accusations that several executives have taken bribes. Jennings also probes the existence of what are described as 'secret agreements' which could benefit FIFA financially should England succeed in their bid to host the 2018 tournament. Although, in the interests of linguistic fairness, one can rightly point out that if Jennings knows about them, then they're not really secret any more. Now, the first thing to note here is the timing: The BBC are broadcasting this documentary just a couple of days before the announcement is made on who has won the 2018 bid. Which, of course, had led to accusations of the BBC being 'unpatriotic,' by Andy Anson, the head of England's 2018 World Cup bid. And, therefore, hardly an impartial source in this matter. 'I'm incredibly disappointed with the timing of what the BBC seem to be proposing with Panorama,' he said. The BBC themselves argue that the programme, will be 'in the public interest.' And it's jolly hard to argue against that - particularly as any notions of 'patriotism' have absolutely no place in the world of investigative journalism - that's a ludicrous, risible suggestion by Mr Anson. If there has been corruption going on, and Jennings and the BBC can prove it in this programme, then they have a right - indeed many would argue a public duty - to bring such wrongdoing into light and expose it to wider scrutiny. My only slight worry is that the programme is going to end up a fudge, just like Panorama's infamous 2006 episode on the subject of transfer dealings in British football and the role of agents, Football's Dirty Secrets (note the very similar title) did. That promised much in pre-publicity in the way of specific allegations about specific transfers but, ultimately, produced very little hard evidence against any of the individuals named - or alluded to - in the programme. Although, again, it's worth recording that four years on - and despite lots of hot air being blown by the likes of that obese clown Sam Allardyce, Harry Redknapp and Kevin Bond - nobody has actually sued the BBC over anything which they alleged within the documentary. (Bond filed legal papers against the BBC, but withdrew the libel action, eight days before the trial was set to commence.) So, you know, the jury remains out on this one. Anson's accusations came on the day that FIFA released an executive summary of the various 2018 bids, which rated England as 'low risk,' a rare piece of good news for the 2018 team which has been buffeted by frequent setbacks - very few of them, of the BBC's making let it be noted. In May, Lord Triesman stepped down as England's 2018 World Cup bid chairman after reportedly accusing the Spanish and Russian football federations of conspiring in bribery in the course of a private conversation with a woman who was, secretly, taping what he said and then selling the story to the Scum Mail on Sunday. Classy. More recently England's bid suffered further damage internationally following corruption allegations made against FIFA by the Sunday Times newspaper - albeit, corruption allegations which appear to be broadly true and have led to the recent bans on at least two members of the FIFA executive committee who were caught in a sting operations, seemingly asking for money in exchange for their votes. Anson, who also criticised the Panorama programme - sight unseen - as 'sensationalist,' has been to see the BBC's director general Mark Thompson about the documentary, but the 2018 bid chief was quick to make it clear that he had not asked for the programme not to be shown. Which is good because, frankly, if he had, I'd've expected Mark Thompson to have his arse thrown out of the building and into the gutter just as I would any special interest individual who sought to tell the BBC what it can and cannot broadcast. 'I just told him what the potential implications of doing it would cause,' said Anson, who alleges that he 'knows' the contents of the letters Panorama had sent to FIFA executive committee members it had wanted to interview. 'The issues seem to be things dealt with by the Swiss courts and by FIFA in the past. They're not happy with someone raking over old issues but then, no one would be.' No, indeed. Particularly not if there is any actual criminality involved, mate. Bank robbers seldom seem to enjoy the police 'raking over old issues' either, I've noticed. Doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. Quite the opposite, in fact. 'Maybe we're overreacting. I'm hoping it's an uninteresting and uninspiring programme.' Actually, I think most viewers will, rather, be hoping the opposite. Asked whether Panorama is looking at how much England's bid will cost, Anson replied: 'The time to look at that was when we chose the host cities. If they really cared about that, the time to do it was then, not with two days to go before the vote.' Which, I have to say is something that I do agree with. I think the timing of the programme, rather than the contents, is what's most at issue here. Anson also insisted that he would not want the government to intervene over the Panorama broadcast given the BBC is publicly funded. Not that they could, the government (of any political persuasion) has absolutely no authority - morally or legally - to tell the BBC what it can and can't broadcast and any suggestion that it ever should, under any circumstances, is an outrage that needs to be slapped down damned hard from a height with much righteous indignation. The BBC belongs to the licence fee payers, not to the government. 'It is not up to the government to stop the programme,' Anson added, quickly, perhaps realising he was on the verge of going too far. 'The government has been unbelievably supportive of the bid. We have a free media in this country and the BBC can do what they want, I just have to make sure they understand my view of what they are doing.' Former FA chief executive Mark Palios told BBC 5Live: 'It's naive to think people will not be affected by this. It's a small vote - there's only twenty two people - so one or two votes may make all the difference.' Anson, however, remains upbeat about his bid's chances of success and maintains that England have not lost a single vote during the past month. In which case, one has to wonder what all the fuss is about? Dare say we'll find out on 2 December one way or another.

David Cameron, meanwhile, says that he is 'frustrated' at the timing of a Panorama probe into FIFA, but said that it will not affect England's 2018 World Cup bid. The BBC programme investigating world football's governing body will be broadcast on 29 November - three days before the vote on 2 December in Zurich. 'Is it frustrating that Panorama's doing this programme a few days before? Of course it is,' Cameron told the BBC. 'But it's a free country. I think FIFA will understand.' This statement, from the thoroughly odious Warner, would appear to suggest otherwise and that he - at least - has already made his mind up who he's voting for. And who the rest of CONFACAF is going with, for that matter. England 2018 bid chief executive Andy Anson as mentioned previously had, ridiculously, accused the BBC of being 'unpatriotic' in airing the programme so soon before the vote as though the concept of patriotism is, in any way, a factor in the exposing of alleged wrongdoing; which is what Panorama claim they have evidence of. With a recent Sunday Times investigation into world football's governing body also resulting in two FIFA officials being banned while four others were suspended, the British media were feared, by some, to be 'harming' England's hopes. Although if the allegations about some of FIFA's top brass are true and can be proven then the question of whether the Prime Minister of this country should be quite so keen to hang out with them and lick their collective chuffs in an effort to get them to award this country the tournament is something which, I dare say, a few parliamentary voters might have something to say about in four years time. Be careful what you wish for, David, baby, it might just come true. Cameron, for example, has been photographed during this process happily shaking hands with Sepp Blatter. If, as Andrew Jennings suggests in Foul! Blatter really is as bent as a nine pound note, and if the BBC can prove that - all very big 'ifs' admittedly - then what, exactly, does that say about David Cameron's own credability? Panorama defended its decision to broadcast the programme as being in the 'public interest.' A BBC spokesperson stated: 'Panorama has a reputation for strong, independent and probing investigative journalism. The findings of the Panorama investigation into FIFA will be in the public interest.' And Cameron was keen to emphasise the positives of the British media. 'I think we also have to try and convince them [FIFA], yes we've got a robust and independent media, but our media love football and when it comes to the World Cup,' added Cameron who will be part of a thirty-man delegation in Zurich next week trying to win votes. 'In terms of audience, in terms of the press coverage around the world, actually the media will give it a fantastic boost here in this country.'

Derby Day Napsters

2010-10-31T15:56:00.010Z

Yer Keith Topping had a thoroughly entertaining afternoon on Sunday watching the Tyne-Wear Derby, dear blog reader. In which his beloved, though still unsellable, Magpies defeated 'them lot from doon the road' 5-1 in what was, by the end, a bit of a hiding. What a pity, however, that Darren Bent scored that goal for Sunderland right at the end, thus robbing newspaper sub-editors everywhere of the chance to use Wey-Aye Five-Oh for a headline on Monday morning! For anyone who believed that Chris Hughton might struggle to survive much longer as a Premier League manager - and, if anyone can work out exactly where that rumour actually started, let me know, because yer Keith Telly Topping is pretty convinced it didn't originate anywhere within a twelve mile radius of Tyneside - or who imagined that Big Titus Shambles really had re-invented himself as an ultra-calm and reliable Premier League quality centre-half with the Black Cats it was an assumption-challenging sort of afternoon. St James Park was near its fifty two thousand capacity as the one hundred and forty first league meeting between two of British football's oldest, and bitterest, local rivals took place. Sunderland's Newcastle-born manager Steve Bruce return to his 'beloved' St James' Park, his words not mine, and the club he supported as a boy (something which he occasionally mentions in interviews, you might have noticed) accompanied by a squad of players who, as nufc.com observed in their pre-match coverage, 'also spend much of their time on Tyneside - living there, socialising there, attending police stations and magistrates courts etc.' Now, now - we've got one or two of those ourselves! Those who subscribe to the view that a four-four-two formation represents 'yesterday's men' in football terms or believe that Shola Ameobi was a Premier League striker with an uncanny ability to miss the barn door from three feet, were also in for a disquieting afternoon as preconceptions were thoroughly shattered just as emphatically as Sunderland's seven-match unbeaten league run. Mike Ashley, Newcastle's much-hated owner, is unlikely to think about sacking Hughton after his side dramatically exorcised the memory of a series of recently disappointing home performances at the expense of their fiercest rivals. Although, with that buffoon Ashley and his guffawing non-entity of a sidekick, Derek Llambias in the boardroom, you can never be too certain about pretty much anything. Hughton - keeping the four-four-two system that worked so well in United's win at West Ham last week - saw his tactical plans pay-off and Big Titus experienced a torrid return to Gallowgate being thoroughly terrorised by both Ameobi and Andy Carroll before getting himself sent off for a pointless hack on Carroll when the latter was through one-on-one with Simon Mignolet early in the second-half. By that stage, however, the game as a contest was all but over. Ameobi scored twice, once from a penalty in first-half injury time, whilst a resurgent Kevin Nolan registered a memorable hat-trick, United's first in a derby match since Peter Beardsley scored a memorable one on New Year's Day 1985. Small wonder then that, in the away dug-out, Steve Bruce, a Walker lad and childhood United fan (has he mentioned that recently?), but one who - allegedly - twice turned down the chance to become manager at St James', endured possibly the most uncomfortable afternoon of his tenure in charge of Sunderland. What a shame. Ironically it was Hughton looked the more nervous of the two as he shook hands with Bruce before the kick-off. He need not have worried. At the end of a manic first-half featuring lots of blood and thunder, some downright tasty tackling, precious little midfield possession but a considerable amount of excitement over the kind of football the English league used to specialise in, United were three goals to the good. Sunderland were, perhaps, the better side for the first quarter of an hour but, once United's midfield - and particularly the impressive Joey Barton on the right - began to get the ball down and knock it around - the home side grew in confidence and strength. The first goal arrived on twenty six minutes when Barton's corner was headed on in a crowded penalty area by Ameobi. Despite striking the dropping ball with his back to goal from an almost horizontal position, Nolan somehow flicked it over his shoulder and above Phil Bardsley into the roof of the net at the Gallowgate End. Sunderland's defensive record has been much improved this season but they regressed to some bad habits from the days of yore when conceding the second, eight minutes later. Their backline was all over the place as Andy Carroll - who had a splendid game up front - collected a blocked Jonás Gutiérrez effort with a wild scissor kick. It broke in the box and fell for the unattended Nolan, marginally onside, who had time to not only bring the ball down but recover from a slightly dodgy first touch before coolly shooting his sixth goal of the season. Bruce immediately brought his thirteen million pound Ghana striker, Asamoah Gyan off the bench as, with Ahmed Elmohamady withdrawn, he switched from four-five-one to four-four-two, a significant tribute to Hughton having won the tactical battle for the opening stages. Within minutes, though, Bruce's side were three down, Ameobi scoring clinically from the penalty spot after Nedum Onuoha tripped Gutiérrez as he surged into the box. It got worse for Sunderland early in the second half. Bramble, the former Newcastle centre-half, and looking every inch the lumbering plank he appeared to be for much of his time at Gallowgate, marked his return to Tyneside by being shown a straight red card for sending the accelerating Carroll crashing just outside the area. And, how the crowd enjoyed that after some of the comments Shambles had made about Newcastle supporters since he left the club. Quite rightly referee Phil Dowd judged Bramble had to go. Dowd himself had a decent, if a bit erratic, game being authoritative but at least communicating with the players unlike many of the more stand-offish referees. He did, however, make something of a rod for his own back early on by dishing out three or four pointless yellow cards which meant that, the longer the game went on, he had to carry on in the same manner. The game was tough and physical but never nasty and, of the nine yellow cards that accompanied Bramble's red it was probably only a late tackle by Cheik Tiote, an annoyed Lee Cattermole having a swipe at Jose Enrique and, late on, a cynical foul by Michael Turner on Carroll that actually deserved their cautions. I was particularly unimpressed by Danny Simpson being shown the yellow card for a tackle in which he missed Gyan by some feet but played the ball into touch. It appeared that it was Gyan's outraged reaction to a perfectly fair tackle which then got Simpson booked. That sort of thing - players getting fellow professionals booked or sent off by either feigning injury or reacting angrily to perfectly legal tackles is - I must admit, something which makes yer Keith Telly Topping's blood boil, so it does. Cattermole had been in a running battle with Nolan all match and Bruce, perhaps wisely, decided to take the booked Subnderland captain off and replace him with John Mensah. The Ghanan centre-back's first contribution was to bring down Carroll just outside the area from which he was lucky not to join Cattermole in the book. He was soon cautioned, however, for making his mouth go following a bit of handbags with Nolan before a corner. Ameobi volleyed a fourth goal after a Carroll header rebounded off the bar before creating the fifth himself by nodding on a corner from which Nolan completed his hat-trick. Although Darren Bent claimed a late goal it proved no sort of consolation to Bruce or his players who will probably feel like spending the coming week indoors with the curtains closed. And, the only disappointed people will be those sub-editors previously mentioned. The win lifted Newcastle above their local rival in the Premier League table to seventh. Can we stop the season now, please, that'll do yer Keith Telly Topping.

In somewhat related news, yer Keith Telly Topping had a very nice e-mail earlier this week from Colin, the lad who runs the independent Sunderland website, Salut! Sunderland to ask me if I'd like to do an interview with them in a semi-regular slot where they talk to a fan of their next opponents about all-things-f-word-related (Who Are You?). A sort of 'be nice to a tame Magpie for the day', if you like! Which I was delighted to do. Check it out, it's one of yer Keith Telly Topping's - slightly - more articulate rants than usual on the subject of his beloved (though, still unsellable) Magpies. I'd previously talked to Colin's website a couple of years back when the age old story of when, exactly, Tony Blair started supporting Newcastle came up yet again.

Big Mal

2010-10-16T15:39:00.001+01:00

Malcolm Allison, the coach who helped inspire Manchester City to great success in the late 1960s, has died at the age of eighty three. Allison arrived at City in 1965 as assistant manager to Joe Mercer. The club went on to win the Second Division crown in 1966, the League title in 1968, FA Cup in 1969 and European Cup-Winners Cup and League Cup in 1970. Allison managed elevens clubs at home and abroad in a lengthy career, leading Sporting Lisbon to the Portuguese League and Cup double in 1982. He took charge of Crystal Palace on two separate occasions and also had spells as manager of Bath, Plymouth, Galatasaray, Toronto City, Middlesbrough and Bristol Rovers. During his playing days, Allison made more than two hundred and fifty appearances as a ball-playing centre half for West Ham, before losing a lung as the result of tuberculosis in 1958. He was part of the famed academy - a clutch of young, eager football theorists like John Bond and Noel Cantwell who amended the team's tactics after being inspired by the brilliant 1953 Hungarian side. Graduating into coaching with West Ham's youth team, Allison was credited with kick-starting the career of one of his first protégés, Bobby Moore. Big Mal - as he was known - always had an eye for publicity, and was famed for the Lucky Fedora which he wore during Crystal Palace's lengthy 1976 cup run and his love of cigars - but his later years were dogged by ill health. A statement on the Manchester City website read: 'Flamboyant, brilliant and larger than life, Malcolm will be sorely missed by everyone at the Club and beyond.' City plan to pay tribute to Malcolm at the forthcoming game against Arsenal, and have also pledged 'an appropriate commemoration to his life and work in the memorial garden at the City of Manchester Stadium.' Mike Summerbee told BBC Radio Manchester that Allison was 'the greatest coach this country ever had. And still is, without a shadow of a doubt.' He added: 'Joe Mercer was the figurehead but Malcolm Allison was the key to the door, really. He brought fitness levels to football that are still there now. He was the forerunner of fitness and tactics way beyond his time. We were doing things in 1965 on running machines at Salford University with massage based fitness, we trained in Wythenshawe Park with Derek Ibbotson and some of the Salford rugby league lads - that's how hard it was and how good it was. He was just quite an amazing man. A great personality and a well read man as well, a very intelligent person. He was a character. His life was full, every day he lived his life and his enjoyment was a pleasure for us as well. We worked hard together and we enjoyed ourselves together and he was a great personality and gave you the confidence to believe in yourself as a footballer.' His life in football was never far from controversy, Allison becoming a regular in the tabloids because of his relationships with, among others, Christine Keeler of the Profumo scandal and two Miss United Kingdom winners. In 1976 the Football Association charged him with disrepute because of a News of the World photograph showing him in the Crystal Palace players' bath with the risqué actress Fiona Richmond, who he had invited to a training session. Allison's TV appearances on ITV's panel of experts during the 1970 and 1974 World Cups remain the stuff of legend. He was one of the first celebrity managers - pre-Brian Clough - and a member of ITV Sport's innovative World Cup panel, led by Brian Moore, at the Mexico World Cup in 1970. Forget Pele, Champagne Malcolm was the undoubted star of the tournament. Packing an enormous cigar - sometimes blowing smoke into fellow panel member Derek Dougan's face to put the Irishman off - and looking as though he'd been having a great time in the Green Room beforehand, Malcolm used the opportunity to give the viewers his - never dull - thoughts on many aspects of the world of football and beyond: 'Why are we technically better in Europe? Because we play against peasants!' Either that, or he'd spend the programme criticising Dougan's choice of shirt. Skill!

No Go, Togo - Or, Where Have All The Club-A-Go-Gos Went-Went?

2010-09-15T14:32:00.006+01:00

The head of the Togolese Football Federation has confirmed that the team which played a match against Bahrain last week was 'completely fake.' Chairman Seiyi Memene told the Associated Press that the FTF did not know the players who competed in the friendly game at Bahrain's National Stadium in Riffa. Memene said: 'We cannot send our players to play friendly matches abroad without the approval of FIFA. The players that took part in the friendly match against Bahrain were completely fake. We have not sent any team of footballers to Bahrain. The players are not known to us.' Chief of staff at Togo's sports ministry, Nabine Gnonh, confirmed that investigations had been launched and added: 'We don't have precise information at this point. We haven't received the list of the players who played this match and we still have to check if they were members of the national team.' The Bahrain Football Association also launched an inquiry into the match at the weekend after it was suggested that it was sold to the country by 'a fake footballer's agent.' Speaking to the Gulf Daily News, a BFA spokesman appeared to reject the claim, while noting that 'everything seemed to be in order until after the game.' Bahrain national team head coach, Josef Hickersberger, told the GDN that the poor performance of the Togo side was 'a a wasted opportunity' ahead of the West Asian Football Federation Championship, which starts on 24 September. 'Togo did not play their best team; for sure none of their professional players were there, I know some of them and didn't see any of them,' he said. 'They were not fit enough to play ninety minutes; the match was very boring, and basically it was not good for us because we wanted to get information about the strength of our team, especially playing with many of our professionals.' The publication went on to report that a letter listed a twenty-member Togo team, including each player's passport number and date of birth. However, a completely different list of eighteen players was provided by a team official a few minutes before the start of the match. Bahrain easily won the match 3-0.

England's back-to-back wins in their opening Euro 2012 qualifiers have resulted in them moving up one place to sixth in the - of course, completely meaningless - FIFA world rankings. Spain remain in top spot, ahead of the Netherlands, with Germany third, Brazil fourth and Argentina staying in fifth. England are just ahead of Uruguay, Portugal and African's top rated side Egypt. Chile complete the current top ten. The Republic of Ireland have risen three places to thirty third, with Northern Ireland's recent impressive start to their Euro campaign seeing them jump fourteen places to forty fifth, Scotland are forty seventh (though, God only knows how much lower they'd've been if one hundred and forty first placed Liechtenstein had held on for a point at Hampden) and Wales eighty fourth. France's recent poor form has dropped them to an all-time low of twenty seventh. Following their disastrous World Cup campaign, new coach Laurent Blanc's side lost their opening Euro 2012 qualifier at home to Belarus, although they subsequently beat Bosnia. Italy, after their own dreadful World Cup are currently thirteenth. England, of course, also had a poor World Cup campaign in South Africa this summer - although they got further than both France and Italy - but have since enjoyed something of a resurgence in the Euro 2012 qualifiers. Fabio Capello's side beat Bulgaria 4-0 and Switzerland 3-1 earlier this month. FIFA updated the standings, which take in results over a four-year cycle, using one hundred and fifty nine international matches played over five weeks. San Marino, Anguilla, Montserrat, American Samoa, Central African Republic and Papua New Guinea are joint two hundred and second (and last) rated, just behind Andorra.

The Agony & The Ecstacy

2010-09-08T12:35:00.012+01:00

The 2012 European Championships qualifying groups kicked off over the past few days with some expected results but more than a fair share of surprises. Actually, that's not strictly speaking true - the tournament actually started over a month ago when, for some bizarre reason, Estonia played the Faroe Islands in Tallinn and Kaimar Saag's injury-time winner gave the Estonians the points. But, to all intents and purposes, the tournament as a spectacle kicked off with a series of matches over the weekend. England began their campaign on Friday with a comfortable 4-0 win over the hapless Bulgars at Wembley, a Jermaine Defoe hat-trick temporarily banishing bitter memories of that appalling and woeful World Cup fiasco which we all had to sit through. Capello's miserable band of over-paid, under-performing prima donnas at least conspired to continue their moderately - and I do use that word, please note - impressive start with the further 3-1 victory in Basel last night. The very lively Adam Johnson hit his second goal in two internationals, the Bent Mackem also scored, as did Rooney. This time, on the pitch. Lazio's Stephan Lichtsteiner was sent off for a rather crude hack on James Milner although the Swizz did score the best goal of the game, Xherdan Shaqiri hammering a twenty five yard spanker past a curiously nervous-looking Joe Hart. England currently lead Group G with six points from their two games. Montenegro also have two wins from two, a victory in Sofia last night following their giving the Welsh a damned good fisting at the weekend. A result which ultimately led to John Toshack leaving the job of national coach with the pithy comment 'I've taken the boys as far as I can, there are no longer any senior players left in the squad for me to upset, so, with that in mind, I think it's time for me to call it a day.'

Elsewhere, in Group A, Germany and Turkey look to be running away with that one already, both with two wins from two. Ze Chermans 6-1 win over Azerbaijan (Klose and Podolski, inevitably, being among the goals) and Turkey's narrow victory over ten-man Belgium being the highlights of the group so far. In the night's other match, Austria beat Kazakhstan 2-0. Group B also has two teams with a one hundred per cent record - the Republic of Ireland who had a comfortable win over Andorra following Friday's victory in Armenia, and Slovakia. The Slovak's victory over a very disappointing Russia in Moscow last night was, probably, the surprise of the entire tournament so far, although it possibly shouldn't have been as they looked a more than decent side in the World Cup. Remember that victory over the, admittedly rather poor, Italians?

And, speaking of the Eyeties, they've got off to a cracking start in Group C with, again, a one hundred per cent record of two wins from two. They beat Estonia in Tallinn on Friday and followed that up with a comfortable 5-0 walloping of the Faroe Islands in Florence. Pirlo, Quagliarella and De Rossi were among the goalscorers. Their main threat in the group will likely come from Serbia - four points from their two games so far - and Nigel Worthington's Northern Ireland whose usually dogged home form has now been allied with an ability to pick up results away too. As in their one game so far, Corry Evans giving them victory over Slovenia.

Group D appears to be the most wide open of the lot, especially after the favourites, France, continued their horrible World Cup form with an opening day defeat at home to Belarus. Dinamo Minsk's Syarhey Kislyak scored an eighty sixth minute winner that did for Les Bleus in the Stade de France. Florent Malouda's goal in a 2-0 victory over Bosnia-Hercegovina yesterday at least gives the French some points on the board but they're already behind Belarus - who followed their victory in Paris with a draw against struggling Romania - and surprise packages Albania who also have four points from two games. Albeit that does include a hard-fought 1-0 win against Luxembourg.

In Group E, it looks to be a two-horse-race between Sweden and the Netherlands. Zlatan Ibrahimović was rampant in the Swedes 6-0 win over group minnows San Marino just four days after the Sammarinese had run into Schalke's Klaas-Jan Huntelaar who was also in genuinely sparkling form. He scored a hat-trick in Friday's 5-0 victory. Huntelaar also scored both goals in the Oranj's 2-1 win against Finland in Feijenoord last night. With five goals already, he's way out in front as the tournament's leading scorer. Elsewhere in the group, Hungary - long overdue a good international tournament campaign - beat Moldova 2-1.

Croatia appear to be the obvious form-team in Group F although they were unable to find a way past the stubborn Greeks in their second match following an emphatic 3-0 win in Lativa. Israel are the other Group F team with four points, having beaten Malta 3-1 in Ramat Gan last Thursday and then drawn 0-0 in Georgia. Yossi Benayoun's hat-trick in the Malta game makes him the group's leading scorer. With just one goal in two games, and two points, Greece appear to be carrying on where they left off in the World Cup by trying to bore all the other teams to death.

Utter strangeness abounds in Group H where Norway's win in Iceland and subsequent 1-0 victory over Portugal see them comfortably at the top of the group. Denmark, who've won their only game so far - also 1-0 against Iceland - are in second place. But the big news here is the fact that Portugal have only managed one point so far. Their opening game was an extraordinary 4-4 draw with Cyprus in Guimarães. Andreas Avraam's last minute equaliser came after the Cypriots had led twice and Mark Clattenburg had, remarkably, got through a match booking only one player. Mind you, that was for 'looking at me in a funny way' so, let's not laud him too much.

Perhaps the biggest load of fun and games thus far have come in Group I. Scotland have a marginal lead in the group but that only tells a fraction of the story as, following a point in their opening game in Lithuania, the Scots were within seconds of drawing with Liechtenstein at Hampden Park. The part-timers from the mountains took the lead in the first minute of the second half through one of their few professionals, thirty six year old captain Mario Frick. Kenny Miller equalised twenty minutes later but it wasn't until the seventh minute of injury time that a Stephen McManus header from a corner spared Craig Levein's team what would have been, by general consensus, Scotland's most embarrassing result in their entire international history. Liechtenstein, currently ranked one hundred and forty first in the world and with a population some two thousand less than the crowd which attended the game in Glasgow were actually the better team for large chunks of the game. The Liechtenstein manager, Hans‑Peter Zaugg, after stressing he was proud of his players, questioned why two minutes more than had been allocated for stoppage time was played. 'They showed five minutes and played seven,' he said. 'I could take half a minute, but no more. But we weren't cheated, Scotland scored a good goal.' It was a bad night all round for Ukrainian referee Viktor Shvetsov who booked eleven players, many for the most trivial of offences but, somehow, managed to miss one of the worst tackles this blogger has ever seen - a truly horrific leg-breaker on Alan Hutton by Michele Polverino - despite being only a few yards from the incident. Luckily Hutton got up and walked away from it. Lithuania's shock win over the much-fancied Czech Republic in Prague conspired to leave Scotland topping the group at the end of the night. This morning they will, surely, have the decency to at least be a bit embarrassed by that. The Scottish Football Association also described as 'disgraceful' the booing of the Liechtenstein national anthem. A section of Scotland fans jeered the anthem - which has the same tune as 'God Save The Queen.' The SFA's acting chief executive George Peat said he was embarrassed by the booing. 'I apologise unreservedly to our visitors for the crass reaction to their anthem,' said Peat. Reigning champions Spain, who won their opening match 4-0 in Liechtenstein on Friday remain the overwhelming group favourites.

That Sixual Feeling

2010-08-22T15:43:00.011+01:00

Yer Keith Telly Topping's beloved - though still, seemingly, unsellable - Newcastle United achieved a rousing victory over Aston Villa in their first home game in the Premier League since their return to top-flight football. In front a crowd of almost forty four thousand, Joey Barton opened the proceedings with a screamer from twenty five-yards, whilst skipper Kevin Nolan scored two on the day. But it was the Tynesiders number nine, Andy Carroll, who stole the show with a sensational hat-trick. The Toon's boss Chris Hughton saw Peter Lovenkrands return to the fold after shaking off an ankle injury, but the Dane had to settle for a place on the bench. Defensive signing Sol Campbell also remained sidelined for this encounter owing to a lack of match fitness as did Danny Guthrie and long-term injury casualties Steven Taylor, Danny Simpson and new signing Dan Gosling. Villa's caretaker boss, Kevin MacDonald, had striker John Carew in the starting line-up despite the forward having an ongoing knee problem, while fellow forward Gabriel Agbonlahor was absent due to a hamstring injury. MacDonald also chose to hand new signing Stephen Ireland his debut for the club after the midfielder arrived from Manchester City earlier in the week. Newcastle's first home game following their return to the big boys league, and a sobering - albeit, in a way refreshing - 3-0 defeat at Old Trafford on Monday, began positively, with a clear idea of how to go about their movement in the attacking third of the pitch. But the visitors were no less an attacking force early on. And their efforts earned them a golden opportunity as midfielder Ashley Young was taken down by goalkeeper Steve Harper as he chased a long ball. The referee pointed to the spot, to Harper's evident fury, and Carew stepped up to take it. But it was a shocker of a spot kick for a player of his experience - going for power instead of placement - and the ball sailed harmlessly over the bar. Less than a minute later, Jonas Gutierrez passed to fellow midfielder Barton, who let loose a beautifully struck shot from twenty five yards, which flew past Brad Friedel into the top corner of the old onion bag. Game, as they say, very much on. Barton - seemingly enjoying his football again after three seasons of more or less constant injury, controversy, fall outs with managers, common assault and more than a bit of porridge - had declared that he would shave off his recently acquired Oswald Mosley-style moustache as soon as United recorded their first win of the season. So, you can get the Gillette Mac-III out tonight, Joey. At this point, a special mention must be made concerning about crass, ignorant and disgraceful, excrement-agenda smeared Mackem supporting scumbag Louise Taylor in the Gruniad Morning Star for trying to stir some shit up by suggesting that the comments of a few glakes on the Internet misinterpreting Barton's celebration as a right-wing salute constitutes a major controversy. Or, even a minor one. 'A glorious afternoon for Newcastle United, featuring a hat-trick from Andy Carroll, was overshadowed [my italics] by Joey Barton's questionable goal celebration today.' No it wasn't, you silly bag. Not even remotely close. To be fair, even the vile, rancid numskull Taylor - who already has quite a bit of previous over exactly this kind of vomit-flecked anti-Newcastle manure - wasn't alone in her scummish stirring. The Daily Scum Mail also got in on the act. What a lovely bedfellow to have, Louise, your mother must be so proud of you. In fact, that's about the only time you'll ever see those two excuses for newspapers agreeing on pretty much anything ... other than their mutual loathing for Top Gear. I never thought, or particularly wanted to, see the day when I'd quite literally be punching the air at a cross-section of Daily Scum Mail readers' replies to a story and seeing them calling it what it is, absolute rank diarrhoea. I particularly enjoyed 'Zayd of Cardiff's response: 'If this is twisted into a nazi salute then it shows how desperate the tabloids are for some controversy.' Again, my italics. And, you can add to 'tabloids' dreary leftie-scum broadsheets too, it would seem. Anyway, back to the match and a little past the thirty-minute mark, the home side doubled their lead when a great early cross by Jose Enrique saw Carroll head the ball it into the path of Nolan, who headed it towards goal. The attempt was blocked but the former Bolton Wanderers midfielder grabbed the rebound. The hosts went into cruise control after thirty four minutes, when a corner from Barton saw defender Richard Dunne make a mess of the clearance. This allowed Carroll, who'd had a very good first half to that point, to showcase his predatory skills by striking a low left-footed shot into the bottom corner. Villa had a decent amount of possession for a short period in the second half, when there appeared to be a lull in the storm. But the second city outfit were unable to capitalise on their possession, as it was only a few more minutes before they hit the rocks again. Though, they did provide the crowd with their best laugh of the day when, at four-nil down, their answer was to bring on Emile Heskey! Hilarious. A corner from Barton in the sixty eighth minute ended up with Mike Williamson lobbing the ball back into the box. Carroll took it brilliantly on the volley and scored from fifteen-yards out. Following the fourth goal, the Villains looked completely deflated and their arses fell out completely as United looked like they could score at every given opportunity. The impressive Wayne Routledge missed two glorious opportunities for the Magpies as those Toonies who'd made the sacrifice of having a pint at the pub in favour of egging their players on were treated to a special day at St James' Park. Nolan tried his luck from close range to find the back of the net for a second time and, to cap a perfect afternoon for the Magpies, twenty one year old Carroll bagged his third with a shot in stoppage time from a pass by substitute Xisco, as former Toon striking legends Alan Shearer and Malcolm MacDonald looked on in appreciation. Hughton's team may not be particularly pretty but, for today at least today, they looked streetwise and up for it, Andy Carroll bullying Richard Dunne and co into the white flag of submission en-route to a hat-trick in exactly the same way he bullied a lot of Championship defences last season. All on a day when Villa simply, and quite shamefully, surrendered in the late summer sunshine. There is a feeling around St James' that Alan Smith may soon be surplus to requirements, especially as Hughton had today completed the signing of Cheick Tioté, the Ivory Coast defensive midfielder, from the Dutch champions, FC Twente. Tioté still requires a work permit but securing it is expected to be a formality. However, Smith had a fine match today as did Jonas Gutierrez - heavily criticised by Shaun Custis on this morning's Soccer Supplement after an ineffectual performance at Old Trafford. Mind you, Custis - that worst of creatures an exiled Georide in London with a crappy misty-eyed nostalgia for a place he couldn't wait to get away from in the first place - also had a go at Nolan who was probably the best player on the park today. So he clearly knows nowt! The six-nil victory for United followed Chelsea and Arsenal demolishing their opponents - Wigan Athletic and Blackpool respectively - by the same scoreline yesterday. Of course, as always in such circumstances, the inevitable question is were United really that good or was it Villa who were that spineless and wretched? Or, was it a bit of both? To be honest, I can't give you a short answer on that one, dear blog reader. Probably it was a bit of both. I only know that at the start of the season I'd've taken a fourth bottom finish for my club and avoidance of relegation like a shot. This afternoon, I'm starting to think of upping my ambitions for the season. To fifth bottom, at least! The result leaves United in seventh place in Premiership. Okay, can we just stop the season now, that'd certainly do me! As the Daily Mash did a brilliant send up of the whole thing, I'm just concentrating on the fact that we've got three points from two games. Another thirty seven of those and we'll be safe from relegation. Priorities, gentlemen. Always priorities.

One additional point: As previously mentioned, dear blog reader, yer Keith Telly Topping always used to have something of a soft spot for the Villa - along with Man City and Everton - but, a couple of years ago, I had the extreme misfortune to cross paths with a couple of their more gobby shitescum lice supporters on an Internet message board who had crawled out from under a stone and had plenty to say for themselves about other clubs many faults. Of course, when Villa themselves subsequently had a bit of a bad run, like most crass Internet bullies, they promptly shat in their own pants and ran an effing mile. To such an extent that since that day, hoping the Villa get a ruddy damned good shafting off whomsoever they're playing is always one of the first things this blogger looks for, hopefully, each weekend. So, as you can probably tell, I'm an extra specially happy Mag today.

Accrington Stanley? Who Are Dey?

2010-08-12T08:06:00.003+01:00

Accrington Stanley have been rewarded for their Carling Cup defeat of Championship Doncaster with a second-round tie at home against yer Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United. Bradford, who beat Nottingham Forest, will host Preston, while Derby's conquerors Crewe will entertain Ipswich. Morecambe will play Burnley, Southend travel to Wolves and Port Vale meet Fulham. The ties will be played in the week commencing 23 August, with the Premier League sides involved in European competition joining in round three.

According to the Daily Mirror - so, as ever, take this with a vat of salt if necessary - Craig Bellamy has 'ruined' any chance he had of being named in Manchester City's twenty five-man Premier League squad after criticising boss Roberto Mancini as reported yesterday. Mancini is said to be 'seething' over Bellamy's outburst, in which the mouthy Welsh troublemaker claimed that he had not spoken to his manager in six months and criticised the Italian for his perceived aloofness.

Meanwhile, the Daily Scum Mail alleges that Sunderland manager and former Manchester United captain Steve Bruce had to borrow a Leeds tie to be allowed into the VIP area at Elland Road on Tuesday to watch his son, Alex, make his debut for the club. Derby boss Nigel Clough was allegedly refused entry last weekend because he was wearing a tracksuit.

Steven Gerrard scored twice in four second-half minutes as England came from behind to defeat Hungary in their first outing since their awful World Cup campaign. England, by and large, received warm backing from the seventy two thousand crowd inside Wembley, with applause comfortably outweighing booing after a performance during which Fabio Capello's team produced some occasional eye-catching attacking moves. But the crowd did voice their severe dissatisfaction when Phil Jagielka unfortunately guided a low cross into his own net after sixty two minutes. Capello had apologised for the team's performance at the World Cup in the build-up to the friendly, while Gerrard admitted that he expected his team to be booed. And while it is true that the likes of Ashley Cole and Wayne Rooney were the subjects of jeers as they were substituted, with the latter responding by waving to the crowd, the large-scale outpouring of frustration did not materialise and England were applauded from the field at the final whistle. England began the match with seven of the team thrashed by Germany in the starting line-up, but there were few comparisons to be drawn with their abject performance in Bloemfontein as Capello's men started at a crisp pace and looked full of energy and invention. The coach had moved away from the much-maligned 4-4-2 formation, opting instead to play Barry, Gerrard and Lampard in a central midfield area, with Adam Johnson and Theo Walcott, who were both left out of the World Cup squad, providing the width as Rooney operated as a lone striker. Rooney was rarely isolated as both Lampard and, particularly, Gerrard showed a willingness to push into advanced positions.

To Leave One Club, Mr Bellamy, Might Be Regarded As Misfortune. To Leave Twelve Looks Like Carelessness

2010-08-11T11:19:00.005+01:00

Craig Bellamy had a furious row with Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini back in February - and says he has not spoken a word to the manager since. Craig Bellamy falling out with a manager at a team he plays for? No, surely not? The Welsh striker claims that he is not the only player at Eastlands to be cold-shouldered by the Italian. Bellamy, thirty one, has been nursing a knee injury and has hardly featured in pre-season while players such as the Brazilian, Jo, have been playing regularly. The ten million pound signing from West Ham said: 'I haven't spoken to the manager since February. There are a number of players, like Carlos Tevez and me, who he doesn't speak to and keeps us away. I'm not sure if it's personal. Maybe it's the way he deals with things and it's his manner. But I've got a fair indication of what they all think, though, as I've had eighty minutes in pre-season. I've even seen players not part of the club over the last three years get more minutes than me.' During City's recent tour of the USA, Bellamy indicated he wanted to stay with City and fight for his place. With his age and a series of knee problems against him, he felt remaining at Eastlands was his best chance of winning silverware. But Bellamy is now eyeing the exit door, according to the Sun, and claims he is not short of offers - with Spurs and Wolfsburg showing an interest. A reunion with Mark Hughes at Fulham or a move to hometown club Cardiff also appeal, although it is doubtful either could get near his current ninety thousand pounds-a-week wages. Bellamy added: 'There's been two clubs in the top seven who have tried to get me. Man City obviously want me to go, but not to one of their rivals. I've turned down Wolfsburg - they are the only club they tried to push me into. City wanted Edin Dzeko so they were pushing for a deal and wanted me to go the other way. But I've had my most offers ever and felt more wanted elsewhere. It's obvious Spurs have tried for me but Man City have declined.' Mancini will name his twenty five-man Premier League squad at the end of this month and Bellamy fears the worst, even though he claims he would like to stay. The Welshman said: 'If I'm not on the list, which is unlikely, then the only games I will get are with the reserves. I'm so committed to where I am and with the new players coming in I'm driving to stay here. But that's unlikely to happen. I've just come back after my best year in football. I got double figures in goals and double figures in assists and that's all as a midfielder. Enough said.' Bellamy hopes his former Wales, Blackburn and City boss Sparky Hughes might be able to raise the funds to take him to Craven Cottage. He added: 'If you look at my form with Mark Hughes I don't just become a good player, I become one of the top players in the Premier League. He gets the best out of me. Cardiff is another possibility. I've always wanted to play for them and my wife and kids live there.' Now, yer Keith Telly Topping was fortunate enough to see Bellas for three years at, probably, his peak when he was playing for Bobby Robson's Newcastle, and I have only this to say at the man. Craig Bellamy, at his best, is an asset to any team ... and a sodding liability to any club. I mean, there does reach a point after a player has been signed and then left one club after another for year-after-year throughout his career that he has to look at himself and say 'you know, I don't think the problem so much is with them, it's me.' Great player, and I mean that. Fast, nippy, scores goals, creates goals. But, rubbish attitude. I always remember years ago, Bruce Rioch his first manager at Norwich saying that Craig was 'a great lad. The only problem is, he wants to run the club!' Argumentative, angry little sod who works his ticket and, generally, gets on people's nerves - at Norwich, at Coventry, at Newcastle, at Celtic, at Blackburn, at Liverpool, at West Ham and, now, at Man City. And, always with the opposition, which is the good part of his game! So, who's next to experience everything Craig has to offer in the way of team morale building and good old fashioned Boy's Own Fun during nights oot on the pop? When he had something thrown at him from out of the crowd during last year's Manchester derby the police were said to have narrowed down a list of suspects to 'everyone who's ever met him.'

Aston Villa chairman Randy Lerner's right-hand man has said Martin O'Neill did a great job but left because he thought he was bigger than the club. General Charles C Krulak - no, really - believes O'Neill quit as manager because he was unwilling to accept the financial limits he was expected to work under. 'No one person is bigger than our club. Not me, not Randy, not chief executive Paul Faulkner, not Martin,' the General added, before bellowing 'secure that shit, boy! Yessir, I lurv the Corp!' No, he didn't. But, it would have been pure dead funny if he had. 'What's interesting is that apparently only three of those understand that.' Krulak said there was 'no question' O'Neill had done a good job for Villa in his four years at the club but he felt coverage of the Northern Irishman's exit had been one-sided. 'There is no question he did a good deal for Villa and I've said over and over that he did a fine job,' he commented. 'At the same time, I can promise everyone that he knew and understood the long-range plans for the club and bought into them. Martin was absolutely supported by the owner. All one needs to do is look at the money spent. The reality is the wage-to-revenue issue was not addressed and apparently he was unwilling to help address it. He knew full well about the need to bring wages in line with revenue - the same as every Premiership club.' O'Neill has yet to reveal his reasons for resigning on Monday - only five days before the start of the new Premier League campaign. Meanwhile, Krulak thinks there could be tough times ahead for Villa but is confident they can still make a realistic challenge for the Champions League after three successive top-six finishes. 'Do I think we have some rough times ahead? Probably but nothing that we can't handle,' added the non-executive Villa director. Didn't your boys say the same thing about Iraq? Anyway ... 'I have been in some tough scrapes before and I never got out of them by wishing it away. I just put my head down and continued to grind it out. At the end of the day, is the aim to get into the Champions League? Absolutely. Is this realistic? Absolutely. Do we still have a way to go? Absolutely. We will continue to try to do what is right by the Villa with the very best of intentions. Will we always get it right? Probably not but we will work damn hard to do the right things.'

An investigation has been launched into allegations that North Korea punished some players and the coach after its team lost all their World Cup matches. FIFA says it is looking into claims made by Radio Free Asia last month that the squad was publicly humiliated and coach Kim Jong-hun sentenced to hard labour. FIFA's president said a letter had been sent to North Korea's footballing body. North Korea lost to Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast at the World Cup. Radio Free Asia reported that North Korea's national team had been summoned to a public meeting in Pyongyang, where players were criticised by officials, including the sports minister, for six hours. The players were then ordered to reprimand their coach, the report said, quoting anonymous sources in North Korea and a Chinese businessman said to be 'knowledgeable' about North Korean affairs. The report also spoke of 'rumours' that the coach was sentenced to 'forced labour at a residential building site in Pyongyang.' There were no reports of the meeting in North Korean state media, nor has neighbouring South Korea been able to confirm the claims. After the team's impressive performance during a 2-1 defeat to Brazil, the North Korean authorities overturned a ban on showing live games. The match against Portugal - the state's first ever live sports broadcast - could not have been worse, with the national side thrashed 7-0 in a match that stunned commentators. Speaking at a news conference in Singapore, FIFA president Sepp Blatter said of the allegations: 'The first step is the federation and we'll see what the answer will be, and then we can elaborate on that.' Asian Football Confederation chief Mohamed Bin Hammam said he had met several World Cup players in North Korea last month, but coach Kim was not present. 'There was an unconfirmed report that these players have gone through torture or something like that, but I can't confirm that,' he said. 'I haven't seen anything with my eyes or heard anything with my ears. Maybe this FIFA investigation can clear the air.'

Newcastle's pursuit of French international midfielder Hatem Ben Arfa looks to be in the balance, given the latest updates from his current employer, Olympique Marseille and from French sources. Hopes had been high on Monday that a deal would be concluded, despite the two clubs still haggling over the level of fee payable for a season-long loan at St James Park. French newspaper L'Equipe wrote: 'Hatem Ben Arfa is undoubtedly very close to discovering the joys of the Premier League. The former Lyon player has in effect been authorised by Marseilles to negotiate with the directors of the Magpies for a loan of one year with an option to buy according to the club cited by Agence France Presse.' The information was later denied by Marseilles chairman Jean-Claude Dassier and coach Didier Deschamps. The two clubs have agreed a loan of one season for €1.2m, together with an option to buy at the end of the season. The amount of the option has not been revealed. However, Monday evening then brought the following comments from Dassier on the official OM website: 'We have a meeting every Monday. It was a professional meeting at the heart of the transfer window. We had to sit down and make sure we all knew where we are and everything went well. We made a certain number of decisions but you have to be discreet during the transfer window. Our desire is to reinforce the squad. Newcastle United are interested (in Hatem Ben Arfa) but for the moment we have not reached an agreement, so we aren't talking about it. We are working with the representatives of Newcastle and with Hatem Ben Arfa.'

The Mirror claims that Ian Holloway is on a collision course with Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston after becoming exasperated with his meddling and cautious financial approach. The club finally confirmed yesterday their play-off heroes have been paid their bonuses for winning promotion to the Premier League last season. But Seasiders boss Holloway, forty seven, is desperately struggling to attract new players to the club due to Bloomfield Road's rigid wage structure. Strikers Rob Hulse, Jon Stead and now even free agent Marlon Harewood have all turned the Tangerines down. Holloway offered Harewood - who looked such a useless lump whilst on loan at Newcastle last season - a two-year deal including a goal bonus and survival bonus. But Oyston dramatically (though, perhaps, sensibly) rescinded Holloway's offer yesterday and only tabled a twelve-month contract with the option of another year on the same money just if Blackpool survive. Oyston's decision prompted Harewood to walk away from negotiations and left Holloway fuming. It adds to his misery after also missing out on Leicester striker DJ Campbell, who scored eleven goals for the Seasiders while on loan last term. 'The one I wanted to do more than anything else was DJ. I'm sorry I am not in control of that,' Holloway said. But Oyston has at least coughed up the players' bonuses due from last season. Oyston said: 'We didn't get the first chunk of Premier League money in the bank until Thursday and they have received it. I'm delighted about that and I hope they earn another five million this year by keeping us in Premier League.'

Second City, Second Class Ambition

2010-08-10T09:16:00.004+01:00

Aston Villa are looking for a new manager after the shock departure of Martin O'Neill only five days before the new Premier League season starts. The club have yet to comment on the situation but names linked with them include Ajax manager Martin Jol and United States coach Bob Bradley. Villa play West Ham on Saturday, with reserve-team boss Kevin MacDonald preparing the team in a caretaker role. Rumours have claimed that the highly-regarded O'Neill resigned on Monday over the club's transfer policy. Both Villa and O'Neill - who led the club to sixth place in the top flight and the Carling Cup final last season - have refused to disclose any reasons behind the decision, which brought his four-year tenure to an abrupt end and threw preparations for the new campaign into turmoil. In May, owner Randy Lerner insisted O'Neill had pledged his future to Villa after much speculation over whether or not the former Leicester City and Glasgow Celtic boss would leave. But it has been widely speculated that O'Neill - one of the most articulate and likeable managers currently working in the game - felt it was the end of the road after learning that he would not be able to reinvest most of the money generated from England midfielder James Milner's imminent move to Manchester City. Lerner had backed O'Neill in the transfer market since the latter replaced full-of-his-own-importance David O'Bleary in August 2006, from which point the Northern Irishman has largely transformed the fortunes of Villa. But it became clear this summer that similar investment would not be forthcoming, with Lerner insisting that Villa, who face Rapid Vienna in the Europa League later this month, would have to adopt a sell-to-buy policy. BBC Radio 5Live's Midlands football reporter Pat Murphy stated that while there are names in the frame, there is no single stand-out candidate to replace O'Neill. 'Alan Curbishley is available, there's no compensation issue and he's desperate top get back into Premier League management,' he added. 'So is Sven-Goran Eriksson, who feels he has unfinished business after being sacked by Manchester City. Eriksson would appeal to Randy Lerner because of his understated diplomatic style, rather than the engaging and bloody-minded Martin Jol - who recently flirted with Fulham while playing fast and loose with his present club Ajax. Gareth Southgate has recent Premier League experience at Middlesbrough, where he was unluckily sacked, and his time as a manager will surely come again. But many Villa fans have not forgiven him for criticising the club for a lack of ambition when he left ten years ago.' He also wasn't unlucky to be sacked having led the club to relegation. Ditto Curbishley with West Ham. It's remarkable, isn't it? Every time a job comes up for grabs, it's the same handful of names in the frame. The reason why most of them are unemployed in the first place is because they - often spectacularly - failed in the previous job or jobs. See also, Sourness, Graeme. And, indeed, O'Bleary, David. Bradley, whose contract with the US Soch-her Federation runs out in December, has became one of the bookmakers' favourites for the vacant job after stressing that he would love to work in Europe when asked about the Villa speculation. 'I have said over and over as well that I am always excited about new and different challenges,' he commented. 'Certainly coaching in Europe at some point is something that I would love to do.' Lerner is a fellow American, while Bradley had previously been linked with the Fulham managerial position before the appointment of former Manchester City boss Mark Hughes. Milner's exit would come only a year after former Villa captain Gareth Barry also moved to Eastlands. Former Villa captain Martin Laursen said he was not surprised that O'Neill left the club but added that he did not think his departure would be followed by several players. 'He wanted more than Randy Lerner could give him,' Laursen told BBC Sport. 'He is so ambitious that when he doesn't get what he wants he walks away but I don't think more players will leave. If Martin O'Neill gets another important job then he might take some with him but I don't think players will leave because O'Neill has gone.' I must admit, I always used to have something of a soft spot for Villa - another good club that had massively under-achieved over the years. That was, until a few years ago when I had the misfortune to cross paths with a particularly arrogant and gobby, full-of-his-own-pomposity supporter of the old Villains on an Internet message board. Someone who had plenty to say for himself about other club's lack of success when he, himself, had absolutely not a sausage to be bragging about. Since then, I've always looked at Villa's results with him in particular in mind, hoping for a few very richly deserved spankings every season. But, I like Martin O'Neill a lot too. Where he turns up next is, frankly, anyone's guess.

Tango'd

2010-08-09T08:14:00.004+01:00

The Manchester United defender Wes Brown - the world's first entirely orange footballer - has announced his retirement from international duty with England. The thirty-year-old's announcement follows a similar one by Blackburn goalkeeper Paul Robinson earlier on Sunday. This will obviously come as a considerable surprise to most England supporters who believed that both had effectively retired from international football years ago. Wes Brown, the classic definition of modern times of that seventies staple 'the utility man' (i.e. someone who is a bit crap in a number of positions. See also Paul Madeley, Leeds United and England.)

In the weekend's other major football news, the Lack-of-Charity Shield at Wembley produced the first significant result of the new season: The Scum 3, Moscow Chelski FC 1.

And, finally, Fabio Capello has apologised for England's dismal World Cup and insisted he will fight to turn things around. The Italian coach avoided the sack as England boss after the tournament and begins the build-up to Euro 2012 with a friendly against Hungary on Wednesday. 'I say sorry to the fans that joined us in South Africa,' he said. Capello also said he would remind Wayne Rooney of his responsibilities after reports of poor behaviour by the player outside a nightclub last week. The England boss said he understood fans had 'spent a lot of time and money following England' in South Africa. 'I'm really sorry,' insisted Capello. 'But we have to look forward now for the European qualification matches.' Now, if only one or two of his players could manage the same level of 'at least trying to look like they mean it' ...

Robson Remembered

2010-08-01T11:00:00.002+01:00

A ceremony to mark the first anniversary of the death of Sir Bobby Robson has taken place in Newcastle. The legend was remembered before two of his former clubs PSV Eindhoven and Newcastle United played in a pre-season friendly at St James's Park on Saturday. Stan Valckx, captain of PSV during Sir Bobby's time at the club in the early 1990s, presented the current United manager, Chris Hughton, with Valckx's shirt. Sir Bobby, died aged seventy six on 31 July 2009. A one-minute applause was observed by the sixteen thousand plus crowd after the presentation of the shirt, which happened prior to kick-off. Robson, who grew up at Langley Park near Durham, was first diagnosed with cancer in 1991. He beat bowel cancer in 1992, a malignant melanoma in 1995 and a tumour in his right lung and a brain tumour, both in 2006. In 2007 he vowed to 'battle as I've always done' following the start of chemotherapy treatment after being diagnosed with cancer for the fifth time. He set up his cancer charity, the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation, in 2008 to raise funds for a trial and research centre at Newcastle's Freeman Hospital. More than two and half million pounds have been raised since it was launched - more than £1m of that was raised or donated since his death. A skillful wing half with West Bromwich Albion, Fulham and England during the 1950s, Sir Bobby managed Ipswich Town to the greatest period in their history between 1969 and 1982. He was England manager from 1982 to 1990, taking the national side to the quarter-finals of the 1986 World Cup in Mexico and reaching the semi-finals four years later despite an often uncomfortable relationship with the more scummy end of the tabloid press, something often forgotten in the wake of his quasi-deification by many of those self-same newspapers since his death. He sent a decade managing some of the best clubs in the Netherlands (PSV), Portugal (Sporting Lisbon, FC Porto) and Spain (Barcelona) before an emotional return to Newcastle, the club he had supported as a boy, in 1999 saving the club from what seemed a certain relegation in his first season and then leading an exciting young United side that he built to three Top Five finishes in the Premier league in the early years of the next decade. The match between United and PSV, perhaps fittingly, ended in a 2-2 draw.

Post-World Cup Meltdown

2010-07-30T09:45:00.005+01:00

Five thousand unsold gold-plated Frank Lampard iPods are to be melted down following England's dismal World Cup flop. The Moscow Chelski FC midfielder teamed up with Dragons' Den firm Goldgenie to launch the twenty four-carat iPod Touch, costing up to six hundred smackers. Which is about twenty minutes wages for Lampard if you're counting. But now bosses at the company are set to salvage the gold from all of the remaining iPods, which feature Lampard's laser-etched signature on the back. Goldgenie, backed by James Caan, is said to be planning to rebrand them with childrens' cartoon character Hello Kitty. A source told the Sun: 'It's not exactly melting down - it's a chemical process. But basically Goldgenie are recovering all the gold so they can use it again. They thought loads of people would want them during the World Cup but the backlash against England was so bad that they've had to scrap the whole thing.' Inarticulate, permanently-bewildered-looking Lampard - thirty two and currently dating Christine Bleakley - launched the sixty fourGB gold-plated iPod at Harrods in May. A spokesman for the footballer said: 'Frank donated all his royalties on the sale of the iPods to the Teenage Cancer Trust. He also made an up-front donation to the charity. It's disappointing the iPods have not reached sales targets as Frank wanted to help the TCT for which he's a patron.' A Goldgenie spokesman said: 'We may have over-ordered due to World Cup hopes, but that's no reflection on Frank's popularity.' Oh, I'd've said it very much is, actually.

Oh, Sol A Magpie (Again)

2010-07-28T15:27:00.002+01:00

Newcastle United have completed the signing of defender Sol Campbell on a one-year contract. The former England international had been a free agent after his deal with Arsenal ran out this summer. 'At this stage of my career I couldn't have wished for a better move,' the thirty five-year-old told Newcastle's official website. 'To join a club such as Newcastle, with it's proud tradition, heritage and magnificent support, is absolutely tremendous for me.' In signing Campbell, Newcastle have fought off reported interest from Sunderland, Celtic and Arsenal, who were apparently keen to retain the player's services after he rejoined them midway through last season. He becomes manager Chris Hughton's third summer signing following the arrivals of Dan Gosling and James Perch from Everton and Nottingham Forest respectively. Newcastle are preparing for their return to the Premier League after one season in the Championship. And, despite some good young players coming through, their squad still looks woefully short of both experience and, frankly, numbers. So, to be honest, any signing is a good signing right aobut now. 'I'd like to thank Chris Hughton for putting his faith in me and aim to repay him and the supporters by giving everything I possibly can to help re-establish this great club in the top tier of English football,' added Campbell, who has been given squad number five. 'I just want to play and can't wait to get started. There's a real buzz about the place and that's great. I've played at St James' Park numerous times and always found it a fantastic place to play, there's always a tremendous atmosphere. Chris will focus everyone together and get the team ready for the season. It's nice seeing [assistant manager] Colin Calderwood too, having played with him at Tottenham.' Hughton was a coach at Spurs when Campbell was coming up through the ranks at his first club. 'I have known Sol since he was a lad and am fully aware of what he has to offer,' stated Hughton. 'That is experience, quality, calm assurance and leadership. He's a dedicated professional, a terrific addition to the squad and I look forward to working with him again.' Hughton is keen to strengthen his defence as the club wait to discover the extent of Steven Taylor's shoulder injury. The highly-rated Taylor is set to miss the start of the Premier League campaign at least, with Newcastle's first game being at Manchester United on 16 August. However, there are fears - not expressed by the club, but in various parts of the media - that he could be sidelined for 'several months.' Campbell, who recently returned from his honeymoon after being married in Northumberland earlier this month, made eleven appearances for Arsenal last season after clinching a move in January. It was his second spell with the Gunners, whom he initially joined from north London rivals Tottenham in a highly controversial move in 2001 that still tends to cause a few curled lips down White Hart Lane. He won two Premier League titles and three FA Cups with Arsenal before joining Portsmouth, with whom he also won the FA Cup in 2008. He began last season with League Two side Notts County but left the club by mutual consent in September 2009 after having played just once for the (other) Magpies. A former England captain, Campbell has seventy three international caps to his name. Great player in his time, of course. I guess it's just a question of how much he still wants it.

Moscow Chelski FC In Holden McGroyn Shock

2010-07-24T18:35:00.002+01:00

Sulky-if-a-bit-brilliant Moscow Chelski FC striker Didier Drogba is likely to miss the start of the season after undergoing a groin operation. The club described the procedure performed on the Cote D'Ivoire international as 'minimally invasive.' Which is meaningless. It is expected that Drogba, thirty two (but, with a mental age of six), will return to full training in about three weeks. That estimate would, however, put him out of the Charity Shield match against The Scum on 8 August and the start of the Premier League campaign a week later. A short statement on Chelsea's official website said that Drogba had been troubled by a groin injury for part of last season and the decision to have the operation on Friday was intended to 'optimise his rehabilitation.' Or, 'fix it' as we normal people say. Drogba has been a prolific scorer for Chelsea since joining them from French club Olympique Marseille in July 2004 for a reported fee of twenty four million smackers and was on target thirty seven times for his club during the 2009-10 season to help London's only Russian club to a first Premier League and FA Cup Double. He then went to the World Cup with the Cote D'Ivoire squad and despite fracturing his right arm in a pre-tournament warm-up game, played in all three group matches wearing a protective cast. Drogba scored in the 3-1 defeat by Brazil as Les Elephants failed to progress to the last sixteen. Chelsea have a series of injury concerns ahead of the new Premier League campaign, which they will begin with a home match against newly promoted West Bromwich Albion on 14 August. New signing Yossi Benayoun also has a groin problem - maybe it's contagious - first-choice goalkeeper Petr Cech is expected to be out for about a month because of a calf injury and defender Alex hurt his thigh in training. Chelsea's defender Ricardo Carvalho has, in effect, issued a 'come and get me, big boys' plea by saying it would be 'a dream' to join his former boss, Jose Mourinho, at Real Madrid. 'If there was a possibility to sign with Real Madrid, I would go there right now swimming or running,' he said in an interview published Saturday in Spanish sports newspaper AS. Some - minimal - tough times ahead at Torpedo Stamford Bridge, perhaps?

Ou Est Les Team, Nes Pas?

2010-07-23T17:13:00.002+01:00

The French Football Federation has suspended all twenty three members of France's World Cup squad for their next game. New national coach Laurent Blanc requested that no member of the squad be selected for a friendly against Norway in Oslo on 11 August. France failed to win any of their three group games in South Africa. The campaign included players boycotting training in support of Nicolas Anelka, who was sent home for insulting coach Raymond Domenech. The sanction means France's opening qualifier for Euro 2012, at home to Belarus on 3 September, will be the first opportunity for any of the twenty three to feature in a Blanc squad. Blanc said: 'I obviously cannot act as if nothing had happened in South Africa. I followed the events with sadness, I was disappointed with the sporting results and I was shocked by certain behaviours. I will integrate these elements into my analysis and my thoughts. I always had the principles, rules of conduct and not just in my sporting life. They have not changed and I will not change.' The crisis that engulfed Domenech's last tournament as national coach resulted in the resignation of FFF president Jean-Pierre Escalettes, with his successor due to be unveiled on Friday. The one-day training strike, on 20 June, came after Chelsea forward Anelka was sent home from the tournament following a heated exchange with Domenech at half-time during the defeat to Mexico on 17 June. France captain, Patrice Evra, accused a 'traitor' within the party of leaking details of Anelka's rant to the media and of destabilising the squad, and the skipper was then seen arguing with fitness coach Robert Duverne at the start of the scheduled training session. Duverne stormed off the training ground and the players headed for their bus and refused to train, leaving Domenech to read a statement to the press on their behalf. Former France defenders Lilian Thuram and Marcel Desailly called for Evra to be banned from national team duty over his part in the insurrection and Escalettes took a similar stance. But Blanc said upon his unveiling as Domenech's successor: 'It is not for me to decide on sanctions. I am not the bogeyman. If I consider they are the best players in their position, I will take them.' Meanwhile, goalkeeper Hugo Lloris has admitted that the decision to strike was 'completely stupid.' The Lyon star told French sports newspaper L'Equipe: 'We acted as a team. To strike was the decision of a squad who felt lonely, who believed that no-one had stood up for them and who had a message to convey. We went too far. It was a very awkward decision, a big mistake. It was completely stupid. But there were so many problems. We all want to improve the image of Les Bleus. We must make all possible effort, give everything. It's important for us. We must go back to basics - respect for the jersey, of course, the team and the institution of France. We have a great desire that what happened in South Africa should not happen again, that there should be no self-destruction like that any more.'

A Legal Matter

2010-07-21T17:27:00.008+01:00

For anyone who watched England's very dispiriting World Cup campaign recently but imagined that better times were just around the corner, this afternoon on EuroSport they were given a very rude awakening from their rank denial. England were frustrated as they went down 1-0 to the Netherlands in their second game in Group A of the UEFA Under-19 Championship in France. Steven Berghuis' sixth-minute header settled the match in favour of the young Oranj. Noel Blake's England side could, perhaps, have felt somewhat unlucky after Aston Villa's Nathan Delfouneso saw a second-half strike disallowed when he was erroneously adjudged to have handled the ball. But, in truth the England side, featuring the cream of teenage talent in this country, were a woeful second best to a team with far more skill and class about them. England battled hard and could clearly run all day but, frequently, they resorted to a depressing long ball game - hoofing the ball down field towards the strikers and bypassing midfield completely. The Dutch keeper, Jeroen Zoet, was lucky to see the ball rebound wide of the post when he charged out of his area and cleared against Frank Nouble but the win was no more than the Netherlands deserved, with their flying wide man, Jerson Cabral, particularly impressive for Wim van Zvam's team as England's backline looked shaky throughout. In the day's other game in the group, Antoine Griezmann and substitute Alexandre Lacazette scored twice each as the hosts, France, hammered Austria 5-0 to all but secure their qualification for the semi-finals.

Two French international footballers have been charged with having sex with an under-age prostitute. Franck Ribery, twenty seven, and Karim Benzema, twenty two, who have both been linked with moves to Premier League clubs, could face up to three years in jail if the case goes to trial. The indictments are the first stage of an investigation launched by magistrates intent on cracking down on an alleged celebrity vice-ring in Paris. Detectives bugged the Zaman Cafe, a pricey nightclub just off the Champs Elysees, which they suspected of giving clients access to minors working as call girls. Four people - including the club's owner, a waiter and a man suspected of pimping girls to celebrities and sportsmen - have been placed under investigation and could also face trial. Ribery, whose twenty two-year-old brother has also been charged in the sting, arrived at the Palace of Justice in Paris in handcuffs but was freed without preconditions after the hearing. His lawyer Sophie Bottai expressed surprise at the charge, saying: 'The only thing that's new since the last time he was questioned is that the World Cup is over and he played badly. There's not a single element of physical proof,' she added. 'This woman told them she was of age, was all made up, dressed up, appeared very switched on.' The Bayern Munich winger has never denied paying for sex with the young woman at the centre of the scandal, Zahia Dehar, who is now eighteen years and four months old. Adult prostitution is in itself legal in France, but pimping, solicitation and running organised vice networks are banned. The country's general age of consent is fifteen years, but in the case of prostitution a young person remains legally a minor until he or she reaches eighteen.

The International Football Association Board says that Champions League games will have two extra assistant referees next year. The system was tried in last season's Europa League and will be retained there and used in Europe's elite club competition for the next two years. The refereeing experiment will allow FIFA to take a decision on its' long-term viability in 2012. Goal-line technology will be discussed at the IFAB's next meeting in October. Other tournaments in Asia and South America will also try out the extra officials system. FIFA president Sepp Blatter has long been a staunch opponent of using technology to help referees make decisions, but the outcry over high-profile mistakes such as Frank Lampard's disallowed goal in England's World Cup loss to Germany seem to have caused a softening of the official stance. FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke told BBC Sport the Lampard incident, where the ball hit the underside of the bar and clearly came down over the line, before bouncing away and no goal being given, had been 'a bad day' for tournament organisers. He also said the 2010 World Cup would be the last 'under the current refereeing system,' without giving further specific details.

Silvio Berlusconi contrived to put Milan's new coach Massimiliano Allegri in the shade by publicly demanding his team play with more than one striker this coming season. In an extraordinary news conference on the first day of pre-season training, the Italian prime minister and Milan owner fielded every question and left Allegri and several team members to sit in silence. Berlusconi told the new coach what tactics he should use after falling out with last season's coach, Leonardo, as Milan again ended the campaign without a trophy. 'We don't want to see just one forward up front. To win you have to score. To have chances you've got to have forwards close to the goal,' Berlusconi said. 'I appreciated Leonardo a lot but I disagreed with him in how he fielded the team. Ronaldinho must play on the shoulder of the strikers even if he has a tendency to drift left.' Ronaldinho has been linked in the media with a move away from the club but Berlusconi was adamant the playmaker was staying. 'He is the number one attraction at Milan,' he said, 'Ronaldinho does not want to leave. I'm sure he is happy to stay.' The futures of Gennaro Gattuso and Klaas Jan Huntelaar look less certain. 'I would be happy for Gattuso to stay but we are not against people saying they want to leave,' Berlusconi said. 'We can't exclude [the sale of Huntelaar] even if we are convinced of his qualities as a main striker.' The seventy three-year-old, who arrived by helicopter, welcomed the new signings Mario Yepes, Marco Amelia and Sokratis Papastathopoulos but was lukewarm over the prospect of luring the Barcelona striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic back to Italian football. 'I don't know how well he'd fit into the Milan dressing room,' he said of the former Internazionale player.

So, you thought Steve Bruce knew what he was doing when it came to central defenders, did you? Big Titus Bramble is, apparently, set to undergo a medical at Sunderland as he looks to seal a move from Wigan. The two clubs are reported to have agreed a fee in the region of one million pounds and, although personal terms are yet to be finalised, talks are said to be ongoing. If Bramble passes his medical he could fly out to join the rest of manager Bruce's squad in Portugal where they are currently in pre-season training. The twenty nine-year-old former Ipswich Town and Newcastle United player missed the end of last season with a foot injury. He had initially been expected to be sidelined for fourteen weeks but said recently that he was ahead of schedule in his race to be fit for the start of the season on 14 August. Bramble began his career with home-town club Ipswich, making his first-team debut in 1998 and helping them to a fifth-place finish in the Premier League and a spot in the UEFA Cup in 2001. The following season, however, Town were relegated from the top flight and Bramble, who had twelve England Under-21 caps, moved to Newcastle. The wisdom of buying the centre half from a team which had just gone down whilst conceding sixty four goals wasn't questioned when Sir Bobby Robson paid six million pounds for Bramble in July 2002. The player went on to make over one hundred appearances for the Magpies. And also, make about a hundred defensive errors - roughly one-per-match - almost all of which seemed to result in goals against his club. Some of them were laughably memorable ... unless you had the misfortune to be a supporter of the club in question. In which case, they're merely painful. At the end of the 2003–04 season, readers of the football e-mail newsletter The Fiver voted Bramble - nicknamed by some of his more unkind critics as Titus Shambles - as 'the worst player of the year in the English Premiership.' One reader wrote: 'Titus's occasional flash of brilliance is heavily outweighed by the total inability to think before attempting what inevitably turns into a hashed clearance, a mistimed tackle, an own goal or a penalty for the opposition.' To be fair, most Toonies really wanted Titus to succeed and, for a couple of years gave him far more support than he deserved. And, in odd flashes, he did seem to have the makings of a decent enough defender. Ultimately, though, after a while that one-calamitous-mistake-per-game ratio looked like sticking with him for the rest of his career and many wrote the lad off as a tryer but a bit of a plank. Built like a brick outhouse but with the touch of a hippo and the grace of a giraffe-on-ice, Bramble was subsequently highly critical of Newcastle's supporters - the people who, remember, had paid his, highly inflated, wages for the previous five years - following his transfer to Wigan in 2007. 'Maybe I should have moved on from Newcastle to get first-team football earlier,' he said. 'The Newcastle fans aren't as good as everybody says.' Nice. The feeling was, trust me, entirely mutual. So, it'll be interesting to see what sort of reception Big Titus gets from the Gallowgate on 31 October if he returns to St James with, of all people, the Mackems. Football supporters do tend to have rather long memories when it comes to being insulted by former players. Particularly those with - genuinely - as little reason for feel hard-done-by as yer man Titus Bramble.

Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine

2010-07-21T12:15:00.008+01:00

Newcastle striker Andy Carroll says that he is proud to have been handed the famous number nine shirt at St James' Park. Carroll, twenty one, follows in the footsteps of Tyneside heroes Albert Shepherd, Hughie Gallagher, Albert Stubbins, Jackie Milburn, Len White, Wyn Davies, Malcolm MacDonald, Chris Waddle, Davie Kelly, Alan Cole, Les Ferdinand and Alan Shearer among many others in wearing nine for the Magpies. 'I'm immensely proud. It's an unbelievable feeling,' Carroll told the club's official website. 'Alan Shearer was my idol as a young lad and who would have thought I'd be following in his footsteps?' The highly-rated Carroll became a first-team regular for Newcastle last season, scoring nineteen goals as Chris Hughton's side won the Championship title to secure an immediate return to the Premier League. 'It's every young Geordie lad's dream to be a Newcastle United number nine and I'm so lucky to be given that chance,' he added. 'It's an opportunity I relish and intend doing my utmost to do the shirt proud. When you look at the fantastic players down the years who have worn the shirt, it sends shivers down your spine. It's amazing. Having grown up following and watching the team I'm obviously aware of the great tradition the number nine shirt holds. It's probably unique in football in that sense and to be wearing it is incredible.' Nigerian international Obafemi Martins, who left the Magpies for Wolfsburg in August 2009, was the last player to wear the nine shirt the canny Toon.

Meanwhile, Chris Hughton has revealed that, contrary to confusing reports coming out of the club, he does have cash to spend on players but the Magpies must get value for money in any transfer dealings. Hughton is preparing for life back in the Premier League after impressively guiding the Magpies to Championship success last term. While Newcastle owner Mike Ashley insisted in May that were would be no 'new capital spend' on players, Hughton now says there will be cash to strengthen his squad. But he wants to follow the examples of Birmingham and Wolves, who stayed up last term with. largely, the squads that got them promoted the year before. The Newcastle boss told the Daily Mirror: 'We have players from the last time we were in the Premier League who have improved and will be better players.' They've also got rid of many of the spineless, cowardly, play-when-they-fancy-it shits who got them relegated in the first place. I like Hughton - he's not, perhaps, the best orator in football but last year when everybody else was losing their water and doing jazz hands about what a 'fiasco' the club was in danger of becoming, he was the one bloke who kept his head, got the players together and pulling in the same direction and managed, somehow, to produce a team that weren't always pretty but got the necessary results. There's been much speculation in the tabloid scum press this summer that Hughton is, effectively, being set-up as the fall guy for United's next relegation battle. I've certainly heard that said, not least by Shaun Curtis on an episode of Sky's Soccer Supplement a few weeks ago. Personally, I think this massively misreads the respect with which he's held by many United fans who consider him to be the man that, effectively, saved us from going straight into the third level of English football. That buys him time that others may not have been given. 'We have to get the right tactics and continue some of the feel we had last season. Birmingham and Wolves did well with the squads largely that got them promoted. Having said that, yes, there is money to spend. Newcastle is in a different place to where we were a few years ago. The sums we had to spend then are not there any more. We have to be careful and get value for money. I expect players to come in before the end of the summer.' Hughton also warned Toon fans to keep their feet on the ground as he seeks to re-establish the Magpies as a Premier League force once more. He added: 'It would be silly to say I can see us challenge in the next year or couple of years. I have to be realistic. One year ago we were plying our trade in a lower division. It has to be a growing progress. We have to become a steady member of the top flight.' In other words, no more idiotic vanity signings of mercenary arseholes like Michael Owen. Good. I think most Toonies are quite realistic these days and are right behind such a sensible, and well-articulated policy. I think if you took a straw poll right now among Magpie fans and asked what they'd regard as a 'successful' season for next year, most would say 'fourth bottom and avoiding relegation.' That has to be the first priority for any promoted club. And, as Birmingham and Wolves proved last year, and others have in previous years, it's certainly not impossible. It's just a pity the rank morons who actually run the club couldn't have said all this common sense stuff three months ago, instead of issuing their confusing and provocative 'statement' in May. But, then again, what do you expect from glakes like Ashley and Llambias who still, to this day, haven't even bothered to actually thank the public - and specifically the forty three thousand plus average crowd - for their continued support last season when they had no right to expect it and even less right to actually deserve it? Forty three thousand three hundred and twenty six to be exact. A higher average crowd than Chelsea's. Just a hundred people short of Liverpool's. Thousands more than Sunderland's, and Villa's, and Tottenham's, and all those other 'hotbeds of football' around the country safely in the upper reaches of the Premier League. A 'thank you' might be quite nice, Mr Ashley. You know, if you're not too busy that is.

We're Back!

2010-07-18T15:23:00.003+01:00

Second half goals from Leon Best (his first for the club) and teenage strikers Nile Ranger and Haris Vučkić saw yer Keith Telly Topping's beloved - though still, seemingly, unsellable - Newcastle United get off to a winning start against Carlisle in their first pre-season game for 2010-11. After a goalless first half, which saw Peter Løvenkrands have a shot stopped on the line and Steve Harper and the woodwork deny Ian Harte, the game came to life after the break. However something of a dampener was put on the victory as defender Steven Taylor, making his first appearance since January, was forced off in the final ten minutes with what appeared to be a shoulder injury. Taylor missed the second half of last season firstly with a knee injury and then with a broken jaw. It is the second time that a pre-season Brunton Part jinx has struck United - three years ago Joey Barton, making his Newcastle debut, broke his metatarsal in a corresponding fixture and missed the first three months of the following season.

An excellent crowd of over seven thousand - swelled by three thosuand travelling supporters - turned out at Brunton Park as Newcastle's manager, Chris Hughton, named a strong starting line up including Alan Smith as captain in midfield partnering last year's Player of the Year Kevin Nolan. The real stand-out performer, however, was Wayne Routledge. The winger injected some much-needed pace and craft into a sluggish Newcastle midfield after Hughton's numerous half-time changes. United's next match is another friendly with recently promoted Norwich City at the Carrow Road next Saturday.

Not Early Enough Retirement

2010-07-15T21:33:00.003+01:00

Aston Villa substitute Emile Heskey has announced his retirement from international football effective immediately.

This will, presumably, come a considerable surprise to most England supporters who thought that he'd already done that seven or eight years ago.

Uncle Johan And Anti-Football

2010-07-12T18:21:00.002+01:00

Johan Cruyff has launched a scathing attack on the Netherlands' performance in their 1-0 defeat to Spain in the World Cup final last night, criticising their 'dirty' tactics and their style of 'anti-football.' Cruyff was at the heart of the Dutch team that earned a reputation of playing what was described as Total Football in the 1970s, and the pioneer of the style that earned the Dutch the reputation of being a joy to watch. The current Netherlands team played in a style that was the antithesis of that last night and a disappointed Cruyff admits it saddened him to witness their thuggery. 'On Thursday they asked me from Holland "Can we play like Inter? Can we stop Spain in the same way Mourinho eliminated Barça?"' Cruyff told El Periódico, in reference to the way Internazionale defended their way to a Champions League semi-final victory over Barcelona. 'I said no, no way at all. I said no, not because I hate this style – I said no because I thought that my country wouldn't dare to and would never renounce their style. I said no because, without having great players like those of the past, the team has its own style. I was wrong. Of course I'm not hanging all elven of them by the same rope, but almost. They didn't want the ball. And regrettably, sadly, they played very dirty. So much so that they should have been down to nine immediately, then they made two [such] ugly and hard tackles that even I felt the damage. It hurts me that I was wrong in my disagreement that instead Holland chose an ugly path to aim for the title. This ugly, vulgar, hard, hermetic, hardly eye-catching, hardly football style, yes it served the Dutch to unsettle Spain. If with this they got satisfaction, fine, but they ended up losing. They were playing anti-football.' Cruyff has also joined in with the criticism of the referee, Howard Webb, who has been heavily attacked for the way he managed last night's stormy game. Webb dished out fourteen yellow cards – including two to send off the Dutch defender John Heitinga – but Cruyff believes he could have been even firmer, and should have shown a red card for Nigel de Jong's karate kick to the chest of Xabi Alonso as well as handing a second booking to Arjen Robben for kicking the ball away. Cruyff added: 'When we say, often, that we do not like talking about referees, it is true and, above all, because only refereeing like that last night by the Englishman Howard Webb can create in us a state of such indignation that then, yes, it is necessary to comment. Because you can referee wrongly, make a mistake, but what you cannot do is create your own sense of justice and, even worse, invent a very personal application of the rules. Not only did he not send off two Dutchmen but he also looked the other way at times when he should have involved himself. A World Cup final deserves great refereeing and, above all, deserves a referee who dares to do everything it means to be a judge.'

World Cup Diary - Day 31: Here's Where The Story Ends.

2010-07-11T22:13:00.008+01:00

The Netherlands v Spain
Ontspanje. That's a Dutch word meaning, essentially, 'relax.' But also, more literally, it means 'De Spain.' Significant! And, with that linguistic example of rank cleverness, welcome to the end of the world. Gary Lineker, in the thoroughly tasteful suit and tie, kicked-off the BBC coverage with lovely little montage of the tournament's memorable moments with an Alabama Three soundtrack. Tasty. Lee Dixon then claimed that when he met Nelson Mandela and shook his hand sme years ago, 'shivers went down my spine.' I'd get that checked out by a doctor if I were, mate, it could be polio. The two Alans and Dicko were also, like Gary, besuited. And looked very nice. Clarence Seedorf, meanwhile, was wearing a bright orange replica kit and making no bones about whom he was supporting (he added a nice scarf at half time when it was clearly getting a bit chilly up on the gantry). I couldn't tell you what the shower on ITV were up to. I'd made my choice. In fact, they made it for me.

Early highlights of the BBC coverage included a brief bit of the opening ceremony with Nelson looking a bit bewildered but smiling in all the right places, at least. And then, one of the great meeting-of-mind moments of the World Cup, Garth Crooks interviewing Howard Webb. The Beeb picked out an England flag in the crowd with 'can't Play, can't Ref' on it. By the end, a lot of Dutchmen would be agreeing with that. Shearer - never Howard Webb's biggest fan - said 'Team spirit and organisation has taken the Dutch to this final. Take Wesley Sneijder out of their team and they don't have any other really great players.' I think Arjen Robben might have something to say about that, pal. But, you kind of knew what he meant. Garth did a superb interview with Rudi Krol who seemed terrifically confident. Jonathan Pearce produced a rather thoughtful little piece on changing Dutch attitudes to winning with, or without, style. But still the panel seemed to sniff at any vague suggestion that anyone other than Spain was going to walk this. 'I'm trying to build a case for the Netherlands to win the game and it's very difficult,' said Dixon. 'Spain are in such good form and their ability on the ball is unmatched. The Dutch do have match-winners in Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder and Robin van Persie, though - they'll need all three to turn it on for them to have a chance tonight.'

And so to the match. The BBC had gone for Guy Mowbray as their commentator, a bit of a surprise, perhaps, as Pearce had been widely expected to get it. He gave a poetic little flourish to begin with about destiny that brought something of a disgruntled 'humpf' from Mark Lawrenson beside him. What followed was a desperately disappointing first half. Spain were pretty on the ball - and had loads of it - but had no final pass and no penetration. The Dutch, on the other hand, just never got going at all. In the first fifteen minutes, they were all over the place but, then they seemed to buck their ideas up and go for Plan B. Kick the Spanish up a-height. And boy did they do that with some gusto. As for goals, they seemed to be waiting for Robben to have a moment of inspiration. One which never came. The game was niggly and littered with fouls. Howard Webb produced five yellow cards including two - for Van Bommel and De Jong - which might easily have been another colour. The latter's throat-high kung-fu-kick on Xabi Alonso had Lawrso producing the finest moment of the first half. 'I hope none of you are having your tea at home!' Guy Mowbray summed up the half thus: 'The game has lost its edge, lost its pace. The Netherlands have stopped Spain from dominating but they haven't taken control themselves. For me, the match is at a very iffy stage.' Two hopelessly missed chances just before the break at either end - from Mathijsen and Pedro - summed the half up even better.

Horrorshow.

Half-time was a succession of rants from Hansen ('total football? Total thuggery more like!') calmed down somewhat by more sensible comments from Shearer and Dixon. The Dutch, they noted, had realised that they couldn't, possibly, play Spain at the their own game so they'd gone for Plan B (or, is it C?). Stop them playing, by any means possible. And it was working. 'If this had been a group game, the Netherlands would probably already be down to nine men - at least,' noted Shearer. The second half was better although only marginally - not that you'd believe it if you listened to miserable old Hansen at the climax. I was very disappointed with Hansen tonight I must say - and I normally like him a lot. I thought his attitude was a fucking disgrace. He's whinged all the way through the match and made his favouritism crystal clear and I hate one-sided whingers more than I hate the Nazis. The other three, at least, made a token gesture of a bit of balance, which was far more inclusive and more fitting with the occasion. Anyway, there were more yellow cards, Spain tried to pass the sodding ball to death and the Dutch had a great chance when Robben got through one-on-one with Casillas but the Dutchie's arse fell out. David Villa had an even better chance but his shot from six yards was charged down by Heitinga. Into injury time, with other options available, Sneijder - who had a total nightmare of a game throughout - tried an ambitious shot from near the half-way line. And almost - almost but not quite - hit the corner flag. Desperate. Truly desperate. But, nowhere near the worst World cup final ever. I mean, not even in the same league as 1990 or 94!

Extra time: Suddenly, we had an open, end-to-end classic on our hands. Well, it got a bit better, anyway. Chances at both ends, last ditch tackles, outrageous dives. And that was just in the first five minutes! 'The first signs here that this is starting to open up' noted Mowbray. Fabregas had a great opportunity at one end, Robben a carbon copy of his earlier miss at the other. Still no goals. Lawrenson said he though this was the best period of the whole game and he was probably right. Iniesta missed. Time ticked onwards. Inevitably, with the number of cards that had been issued, you knew it wasn't going to end eleven-a-side and, sure enough, five minutes into the second half of extra time, Johnny Heitinga pulled back Iniesta on the edge of the box and took the long walk. Replays suggested the Spaniard had made a bit of a meal of it. A bit of a meal and desert and port and brandy afterwards. Then in the space of a couple of minutes, everything went wrong for the Dutch. A corner they should have had for a huge deflection, wasn't given, a foul against Elia wasn't given and, up at the other end immediately, the ball broke to Iniesta, who scored. Chaos ensued. Spain won - the better, more inventive side, undoubtedly. But, it was a rather downbeat and unfortunate end to a decent, but hardly vintage, tournament of some highs but more than a few lows.

Goals: 145
Red Cards: 16

World Cup Diary - Day 30: Third. It Comes Right After Second. And First.

2010-07-10T21:28:00.006+01:00

Germany v Uruguay
So, this is the final time that ITV and I shall meet in this World Cup - or, indeed, in term of international football, for a long time to come. Thank Christ for that. If there were awards given to a major broadcasting for getting it wrong in so many ways, on so many levels, they'd have won this one hands down. Their opening segment was what you'd expect, frankly, another debate on the manifest unfairness of That Bastard Handball (get over it, guys, nobody else much outside of Ghana is bothered in the slightest, it's yesterday's news), the crass patronising of a couple of excited Spanish commentators and a 'no, honest, the Third Place Play Off isn't a complete waste of bloody time' assurance. Oh, and yet more of Andy YOU KNOW NOTHING Townsend. In relation to the Third Place Play-Off, it is a really tough sell. I mean, who cares who's the third best team in the world and who's the fourth?! I'm sure if you asked either, they'd much sooner be playing tomorrow in the final. Or, failing that, being back home enjoying a day at the beach. Peter Drury drew the short straw, commentating on what he described himself as 'the World Cup's game of "might-have-beens."' I'm currently trying to work out if there's a more pointless thing in the world and, assuming that there isn't, what does it say about me that I'm spending a Saturday night in my gaff watching it?!

Of course, as so often happens in matches like this, it was a effing blinder! Played in what was little short of a monsoon, the first half started with a shockingly bad over-the-top tackle by Aogo on Diego Perez then got better, quickly. Four years ago, Bastian Schweinsteiger scored a couple of belters in the equivalent game and he nearly did it again there - after his well-struck thirty-yard drive was blocked and spilled by Fernando Muslera, that man Thomas Mueller got in quick as a flash to coolly tap in from eight yards. Then, arguably Schweinsteiger's first mistake of the tournament cost an equaliser. He was dispossessed by a fine Perez tackle on halfway and suddenly Uruguay broke with pace as Luis Suarez fed Edinson Cavani on the inside left channel and he slipped the ball nonchalantly past the amusingly named Hans-Joerg Butt with his right foot.

At half time, bloody Chiles and flaming Townsend were still going on about Ghana's injustice and Suarez's hand-of-cod. For Christ's sake give it a rest.

Second half. They really are a lovely team to watch at times, Uruguay. Egidio Arevalo played an immaculate - if unconventional - one-two down the right with Suarez and his cross to the edge of the box is acrobatically volleyed into the ground and into the Germany net by Diego Forlan. That wasn't in the script. Back came Ze Chermans, equally pleasing on the eye and with more raw power about them. I'm not sure Fernando Muslera's mind was properly on the game. He came for yet another cross, this time flung in from the right by new Manchester City signing Jerome Boateng, got nowhere near it - for about the third or fourth time - and was helpless as Marcell Jansen headed into an empty net. As noted, a blinder. A pointless blinder, admittedly, but a blinder none the less. Ten minutes from time a corner from the German right was headed into the six-yard box and after Lugano couldn't adjust his feet quickly enough to clear, the ball popped up to Sami Khedira who looped a header into the corner of the net. In the last minute, Suarez threw himself over and got a free-kick on the edge of the German box. Forlan hit the crossbar with the last kick of the game which would have earned him the golden boot, instead of just a share in it.

And that was it, Germany got some meaningless medals, Uruguay didn't. Ultimately pointless. But bloody entertaining!

Goals: 144
Red Cards: 15

World Cup Diary - Day 29: Squid's In

2010-07-09T20:43:00.004+01:00

Paul the Psychic Octopus has predicted that Spain will defeat the Netherlands in the World Cup final. He also predicted a win for Germany against Uruguay in the third place match. He has so far correctly forecast every World Cup game involving the German national team. He predicts by choosing a mussel from one of two boxes bearing the flags of the competing nations. The two-year-old cephalopod has become an international celebrity on the back of his top tipping. His prognosis of South Africa's World Cup final, made from his tank in the Sea Life Aquarium in the western German city of Oberhausen, has been relayed on satellite TV around the world. He correctly predicted all of Germany's World Cup games, including a shock defeat by Serbia in the group stages and the ousting by Spain on Wednesday. After that defeat, there were calls in Germany for Paul to be roasted with lemon juice and olive oil or turned into a plate of paella. But his owners said on Thursday that he is safe with them. 'If Paul gets it wrong tomorrow, nothing is going to happen to him, to him,' said Sea Life's Tanja Munzig. 'Paul has proven his mettle so far and there is nothing bad waiting for him round the corner if he gets it wrong. It could happen to anyone. Even an octopus can get it wrong!' His record is not perfect, anyway, say his owners. Paul got it wrong in about thirty per cent of Germany's games during the 2008 European Championship, including their loss to Spain in the final. However, Paul's might not have the final say. Pauline, a female octopus in Dutch captivity, has predicted victory for the Netherlands in Sunday's final. Maaike Schroeder, spokeswoman for the Sea Life aquarium in Scheveningen in The Hague, said: 'She chose the Netherlands.' However, Schroeder also conceded that this was four-year-old Pauline's first attempt at divination.

In a much more serious topic, FIFA was warned before this year's World Cup of fears that Nigeria's team could be vulnerable to match-fixing, the BBC has learned. A UEFA investigator in South Africa reportedly raised concerns, including suspicions over betting patterns. Nigeria went out of the tournament in the first round, losing to Greece. FIFA does not deny receiving a warning but say it has 'no indication' of match-fixing in any World Cup matches. BBC Newsnight says that it understands a member of UEFA's Disciplinary Services Unit - which is responsible for investigating match-fixing - first became suspicious during qualifying rounds of the World Cup. It is alleged that certain Nigerian players came forward and said their team was vulnerable to manipulation. On the morning of Nigeria's first match, he alerted FIFA's new Early Warning System, set up to look for signs of match-rigging, of his concerns. German journalist Christian Bergmann also had a call just before the first Nigerian game of the tournament from a UEFA contact who said there were suggestions that 'some players from the Nigerian team are actually involved in some form of manipulation.' In their second game of the tournament, Nigeria were strong favourites to beat Greece and took an early 1-0 lead. But after thirty three minutes Nigeria had a man sent off and Greece subsequently scored their first ever World Cup goals to win 2-1. After their elimination, Nigeria's President Goodluck Jonathan was so angry with the poor performances that he suspended the whole team from international competition. He later reversed that decision following a complaint from FIFA. The UEFA Disciplinary Unit is already working with German Police on the biggest investigation into the rigging of games. Hundreds of matches across Europe - from Champions League qualifiers to domestic cup and league games - are being scrutinised and match fixers are being held in jail. There are no English Premier League games on the list of suspect matches, but the BBC has learned that German police believe many of the bets on fixed games were placed through a London office. The chief suspect, they claim, is a Croatian professional gambler and bar owner called Ante Sapina who is currently being held in Germany awaiting trial. In the past he posed at his bar with footballing greats such as Lionel Messi to give himself credibility, but Messi and others were unaware of his secret life as a match-fixer. It is alleged that he made a fortune by placing bets on matches and then bribing players to get the required result. In 2006 he was sentenced to nearly three years in jail for bribing German referee Robert Hoyzer to fix games. The German police claim that soon after his release Sapina began fixing matches again on an industrial scale. They say that Sapina bet millions of euros on fixed games and that many of those bets were placed by a company called Samvo, based just off the Hangar Lane Gyratory System in West London. Samvo promotes itself as a betting broker which places billions of pounds worth of bets each year on behalf of 'high-rollers' and 'professional betting syndicates.' German police papers seen by the BBC name a senior Samvo employee called Eric Ho as the man who placed bets on allegedly fixed games and then passed on the winnings, which were in the region of one hundred thousand Euros a game, to Ante Sapina and others. Mr Ho has not responded to repeated BBC requests to clarify what he knew the BBC News website states. The BBC also claims to have learned that Samvo was raided by City of London police and a German detective at the same time as Sapina was arrested in November 2009. The officers who were armed with a search warrant discovered that over a million pounds of Sapina's winnings were in an Isle of Man bank account and according to the German detective's report, which the BBC has seen, Samvo agreed not to hand over those winnings to Sapina.

Germany coach Joachim Löw has been struck down by flu ahead of his side's third-place play-off against Uruguay, forcing him to miss Friday training. Captain Philipp Lahm and striker Lukas Podolski have also been suffering - both are expected to be fir for Saturday's match in Port Elizabeth - but neither are as bad as Löw, who has asked assistant coach Hansi Flick to step in for his press duties. Herr Flick? Are they taking the piss?!

World Cup Diary - Day 28: Technofear!

2010-07-08T18:18:00.004+01:00

Goal-line technology in football has moved a step closer after FIFA General Secretary Jerome Valcke revealed the 2010 World Cup is set to be the last tournament under the existing refereeing system. In an interview with the BBC, Valcke admitted the moment when television replays showed Frank Lampard had scored a goal in England's second round defeat by Germany was 'a bad day' for organisers. But following the fallout from that and other controversial refereeing mistakes in South Africa, Valcke hinted that major changes would be made before the next World Cup in Brazil in 2014. He said: 'We are talking about a single goal not seen by the referee which is why we are talking about new technology. But, again let's see if this system will help or whether giving the referee an additional four eyes will give him the comfort and make duty easier to perform, then why not? I would say that it is the final World Cup with the current refereeing system.' Although Valcke's comments will be interpreted as a change of policy by FIFA following the International Football Association Board's decision to reject goal-line technology and other aids for referees in March, the FIFA general secretary said the speed at which the modern game was played meant the whole approach to refereeing had to be reformed. 'The teams and the players are so strong and so fast. The game is different and the referees are older than all the players,' said Valcke. 'The game is so fast, the ball is flying so quickly, we have to help them and we have to do something and that's why I say it is the last World Cup under the current system.' FIFA president Sepp Blatter has repeatedly rejected calls for the introduction of goal-line technology or TV replays, insisting an element of human error has always been a part of the game. Opponents have also pointed to concerns over universality - that all levels of the game should be subjected to the same rules and methods of refereeing. But following the Lampard incident and Carlos Tevez's offside strike for Argentina against Mexico a few hours later, Blatter performed a dramatic U-turn, saying that it would be 'a nonsense' not to reopen the file on technology. IFAB - the game's rule making body which consists of representatives of the English, Scottish, Northern Irish and Welsh FAs as well as four representatives from FIFA - is due to hold a meeting on 21 July where the issue is expected to be discussed. But Valcke added that it was unlikely to hold serious discussions until a further meeting scheduled for October. In March, IFAB heard presentations from two companies pitching to introduce systems which they say provide definitive proof when the ball has crossed the line for a goal. But both Cairos Goal-line technology, which uses a microchip inside a football and magnetic fields around the goal line, and Hawk-Eye, which uses six television cameras positioned around the goal, were rejected. The Cairos system was tested by FIFA in the World Club Championships in Japan in 2007, but despite their claims that the test was a success, IFAB again rejected the proposal in March 2008. Both Hawk-Eye - used in international cricket - and Cairos insist cost is not an issue as they offered to pay for the installation of the system in return for a share of sponsorship rights. The introduction of two extra referees positioned on the goal-line, a move initiated by UEFA president Michel Platini, was trialled last season in the Europa League and is set to be used in the Champions League this coming season and, again, seemed to be something of a success. But again, IFAB turned down the chance to introduce it in time for the World Cup in South Africa.

FIFA has said that fans who missed Wednesday's World Cup semi-final between Spain and Germany because of airport congestion may be compensated. Durban's King Shaka Airport turned away flights after an increase in private jets took up all its landing slots. Ah, football. Remember. 'The People's Game'? FIFA spokesman Nicolas Maingot told reporters the governing body would look into the cases of fans affected. He also said match security will be tightened after an Italian fan invaded the field of play holding a vuvuzela. Mark Lawrenson, beautifully, described the incident on the BBC as 'somebody who's been drinking without a head!' The fan ran on to the pitch during the opening moments of the first half of the second semi-final - won 1-0 by Spain - before being caught by security. Maingot described the incident as 'certainly not acceptable,' adding that FIFA will 'tighten the controls again' ahead of Sunday's final between Spain and the Netherlands. The Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban was reportedly eighteen hundred short of full capacity for Spain's 1-0 victory over Germany. King Shaka Airport was so congested that even planes which landed successfully had to take to the air again and divert to the other local airport, Durban International. Airports Company South Africa blamed VIP jets for making five flights - carrying approximately seven hundred fans - late by not moving after landing, therefore blocking landing space for the other planes. Some fans missed the entire match. Airport officials have now said that VIP jets will be towed if they refuse to make way for commercial airlines at Johannesburg Airport on Sunday. 'We are going to be more forceful. If aircraft refuse to move we will tow them away,' ACSA operations manager Themba Maseko stated. ACSA chief executive Monhla Hlahla told a local radio station that 'priority had to be given to VIPs who were caught up in the situation,' adding that FIFA planes were allowed to land before commercial flights. A statement that should, frankly, see the man fired. Preferably out of a cannon. South Africa's transport minister Sibusiso Ndebele has apologised to the fans and vowed to 'strengthen' plans for the remainder of the World Cup.

Englishman Howard Webb has been chosen to referee the World Cup final between Netherlands and Spain in Johannesburg on Sunday, FIFA has confirmed. The thirty eight-year-old Yorkshireman has had a good tournament so far, as have his assistants Michael Mullarkey and Darren Cann, who will join him in the final. Webb is the first Englishman to referee the final since Jack Taylor in 1974.He has refereed three World Cup matches in South Africa and has neither shown a red card nor awarded a penalty. Webb's first match in charge was Spain's shock 1-0 defeat by Switzerland. He was also in charge for Slovakia's 3-2 victory against Italy - which saw the defending champions knocked out of the tournament - and was praised for his handling of a dramatic finale to the match. In the last-sixteen stage Webb refereed Brazil's 3-0 win over Chile, but he missed out on the quarter-finals and semi-finals. Webb and his assistants have enjoyed a highly successful season, having already officiated the Champions League final in May, when Inter Milan beat Bayern Munich in Madrid. And their performances have boosted English referees' standing around the world after the debacle in the 2006 World Cup when Graham Poll handed out three yellow cards to one player during the match between Australia and Croatia.

A Sunday Mirror journalist arrested after a fan entered England's World Cup dressing room is due to go on trial in South Africa this weekend. Simon Wright is accused of attempting to defeat the ends of justice and breaching the Immigration Act. His lawyer, William Booth, said there was 'never any evidence' of conspiracy between Wright and the football fan. Pavlos Joseph from London, paid a sixty five pound fine last week. As a result, all charges against him were dropped. Mortgage adviser Joseph was discovered in the England team's dressing room in Cape Town's Green Point stadium on 18 June, following England's 0-0 draw with Algeria. He claims he chanced upon the room while looking for a lavatory, but the fan exchanged words about England's performance with former captain David Beckham before he was escorted out. Joseph told BBC Breakfast on Thursday that he had spoken calmly, but said: 'I've spent a lot of money getting out here, that was a disgrace, what are you going to do about it? Nobody said anything, but the players looked shocked,' he added. Wright, who is on bail, made a brief appearance at Cape Town's World Cup court on Thursday, where senior prosecutor Billy Downer announced the trial dates of 10 and 11 July, which coincide with the end of the tournament. Downer, a deputy director of public prosecutions in the Western Cape, told magistrate Joe Magele: 'Hopefully, we'll be able to finish the matter before the World Cup (final) starts.' Well, yeah. Wouldn't want a trivial matter like justice to get in the way of you watching the big match, Bill. Booth told the court he wanted to record publicly that there was no charge of conspiracy or collusion between his client and Joseph. Speaking outside court, he added: 'In fact, they met after the incident, as a result of a telephone call made to the Sunday Mirror by Mr Joseph's sister. So this whole issue has no basis whatsoever.' Asked if Joseph might be called as a witness, he said it would be 'a bit difficult' getting him to Cape Town for the weekend. 'We'll just have to see how it goes. If we have to call him, and we have to bring an application for the matter to be adjourned and for my client to return to the UK in the meantime, we'll do that,' he said. Personally, I hope they slap him in chains and throw away they key. Not for the offence, per se, but for being in any way associated with the Sunday Mirror. I hear Robben Island's very nice this time of year, Simon.

World Cup finalists the Netherlands have had to book new accommodation in Johannesburg because they did not expect to make it too the last week of the tournament. The team had only reserved rooms in the Sandton Hilton hotel until 5 July - the day before their semi-final win against Uruguay. But although they managed to extend their stay at the hotel for a further week after they magnificently beat Brazil in the quarter-finals, they have now been forced to move to the nearby Sunnyside Park hotel ahead of the final on Sunday. Bless 'em! That's the Dutch for you all over. Brilliant players but they can't organise a pot party in a coffeehouse!

World Cup Diary - Day 27: Crawling from The Wreckage

2010-07-07T21:39:00.004+01:00

It's ironic that many of the qualities we traditional most associate with German football - professionalism, efficiency, athleticism, content-over-style - are actually, in many cases, a product of stereotyping rather than actuality. And, even when they're not, they're rather late developments to an already established template. The point is writer Uli Hesse-Licthenberger's in his excellent history of the German game, Tor! ((WSC Books, 2001) but it stands up to close scrutiny. As this World Cup has ably demonstrated. The ruthless, efficient Germans have, indeed, been ruthless and efficient - except against Serbia. They've also been stylish, counter-attacked like Italians, knocked it about like the Dutch and been flashy and artistic with a wink of - again, rather unGermanlike - cheeky arrogance like the Brazilians. They've scored lots and conceded few, In short, they've been the best team in the tournament so far by a street and a half. So, it was clearly somebody put a stop to that.

Ze Chermans v El Spaniardos
'It's the World Cup underachievers against the World Cup overachievers. If you don't know which is which you might, just, be watching the wrong channel,' noted Gary Lineker. The first chink in the armour of Joachim Löw's boys might have been the revelation that Paul the Psychic Octopus was tipping that Spaniards for this one. Never mock the mollusk. The last time the two sides met, the Spaniards won and the Germans complained of a 'death of one thousand passes.' Lineker made the interesting observation that it would get harder and harder for the Germans to keep on producing a big performance on the big occasion the longer the tournament went on. Shearer agreed. Hansen looked a bit dubious. Lawro, interviewed in the ground, went for the Spanish too. Del Basque pulled the first big surprise of the night - not so much dropping Torres, that's been coming for a couple of games at least, but rather in replacing him with Pedro rather than Fabregas. as it turned out, it was the move that probably decided the game.

The first half was a classic game of chess between two grand masters. Cagey, for the most part, and yet with moments of furious pace and attack-followed-by-counter attack. Spain were the better side early on and had two really good chance - both spurned - but, you occasionally felt, they always seemed to want that one pass too many every time. Sometimes, those eight passes to many. Germany came back and were probably the stronger side in the second half of the first half. But, from both sides you sensed it was the lack of a final ball every time that was letting them down. The approach play and the passing was beautiful, but the one major thing lacking was that killer, defence-splitting ball. In the closing seconds of the half, the Germans had a stonewall penalty turned down - Sergio Ramos clipping Ozil's ankles.

The second period was equally fascinating and equally frustrating in the places. The Spanish seemed reticent to really go for it and, when they did, they missed a couple of glorious changes. The Germans, missing Mueller badly, didn't seem able to carve out any decent changes of their own. Finally, the deadlock was broken when good old mad-haired Puyol powered in a bullet header from his curly bonce after a Xavi corner. After that, the Germans laid siege to the Spanish goal and, for the first time in the tournament it was they were were being caught on the counter-attack rather than the other way around. Ha! Now you know how we felt! The Spanish, to much scratching of heads, took Villa off and brought Torres on. Time ran out. Joachim Löw had a face like a smacked arse. The Spanish went bananas. Or, should that be - fittingly - oranges? The Man from Delmonte, he say 'yes.' Or, should that be 'Si'? We will have a new name on the World Cup on Sunday. Which will be good for football. Particularly as, I confidently predict, I have already seen the winners of the 2014 tournament. They're called Germany.

Goals: 139
Red Cards: 15

World Cup Diary - Day 26: Heirs. Apparently.

2010-07-06T21:47:00.006+01:00

The Netherlands v Uruguay
The first disappointment of the night was when Kevin Keegan boldly tipped the Dutch to win this one. Oh, no! Lovely bloke, is Wor Kev, but he can't tip sugar. Never could. The BBC, meanwhile, despite not actually having the game to broadcast, reminded us of some previous wonderful Dutch moments. Nice touch. And every time I see that Ari Haan goal against Italy he seems to get further and further away from goal. One day soon, he'll be scoring from outside the ground!

Anyway, here were are in the semi-finals after two days of utterly mind-numbing tedium, at last, we have some football again. The first big surprise was that Tyldesley was doing the commentary all on his own as Jim Beglin was, apparently, sick in bed. Well, he's spent three weeks locked in a commentary booth with Tyldesley, that's enough to make anybody sick. The opening twenty minutes were terrific, with a real ebb and flow to the game that climaxed in possibly the best goal of the tournament, Giovanni van Bronckhorst crashing one in from thirty five yards. That should have been the start of the party but, for whatever reason, the Dutch took their collective foot off the collective gas; the game got fractured and became niggly and with a slightly spiteful undertone. Then five minutes before half-time, Diego Forlan collected the ball thirty yards from the Netherlands goal, turned into space in a central position and let fly with a left-foot shot that seems to swerve in the air and bamboozle Maarten Stekelenburg, who could only help the ball one-handed high into his own net. That was unexpected.

The second half was tense, nervous. Edgy. And, again, a bit nasty in places. Late tackles, sly off the ball incidents. The Dutch looked a shambles at times, yet again on the verge of a major prize and in danger of blowing it, big-style. Then, slowly, they started to get their shit together after Van der Vaart came on. There were a couple of close calls and finally another decent move led to a shooting chance for Wesley Sneijder and after it took a deflection off Maxi Pereira, Robin van Persie managed not to touch it as the ball flew past Fernando Muslera and into the bottom left-hand corner. Was van Persie offside when the ball was hit? It was very tight - it took half a dozen camera angles to so out that his foot probably was, fractionally off. Even if he was though, was he 'active'? A question worth asking. It seemed that opinion was divided on the matter. The referee and his assistant thought he wasn't, every Uruguayan in the world thought he was. No matter, it was 2-1 and the Dutch scented the blood of the lamb. Three minutes later and the Dutch were, effectively, one foot in the World Cup final, and there was no controversy about this one. Dirk Kuyt cut back onto his right foot and crossed into the box - slightly behind Arjen Robben, who produced a fabulous header, directing it into the bottom right-hand corner, in off the post. Stunner. It did rather make you wonder just how good this Dutch team are going to be when they actually start playing! It's a crazy topsy-turvy world, ladies and gentlemen. The Dutch are playing like the Germans and the Germans are playing like the Dutch. Where will it end? At Jo'burg, on Sunday as it happens.

The last few minutes were enlivened by some outrageous van Bommel theatrics (who, eventually, did get booked!) and, deep into injury time, a second Uruguay goal from Maxi Pereira. An easy victory became a nervy, awkward victory. But a victory none-the-less. Dutch delight - the greatest country never to win the World Cup will get another shot at the big prize in five days time.

Goals: 138
Red Cards: 15

World Cup Diary - Day 25: World Cup Charlie

2010-07-06T08:35:00.002+01:00

Police in Colombia have reportedly seized a replica of the World Cup made from eleven kilograms of pure cocaine. Officers found the gold-painted item during a routine check of a mail warehouse on Friday at Bogota airport, the Associated Press reports. The airport's anti-drug chief, Colonel José Piedrahita, said that the thirty six centimetre-high replica trophy had a street value of up to one million pounds. The trophy was packed with shirts of teams in the World Cup and its planned final destination was said to be Madrid, Spain.

World Cup Diary - Day 24: Casulaties

2010-07-04T17:44:00.003+01:00

Diego Maradona has admitted that he is considering his future as Argentine coach after his side were brutally dumped out of the World Cup by Germany. 'I may leave tomorrow,' he said after their 4-0 quarter-final defeat. 'I'll have to think carefully about it, and talk with my family and the players. There are many issues here.' Maradona, who led Argentina to World Cup glory in 1986 as a player, said that 'whoever comes after me' must follow the team's attacking style. But that commitment to going forward was easily nullified by Germany as the Europeans defended with complete commitment before breaking forward swiftly and effectively on the counter-attack. The former World Cup winner likened the defeat to being punched by former world heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali. 'This is the most difficult experience of my life, because to [lose] in front of so many good players, such good people, such good professionals is like getting punched by Muhammad Ali,' he said. 'I don't have any energy left. The first cross produced a goal, and suddenly we were looking at a different game. They took advantage of all their chances.' Full-back Gabriel Heinze urged Maradona not to make any rash decision and said it would be 'great' if the manager continued. 'Now is not the time to make these decisions,' said the thirty two-year-old former Manchester United defender. 'Surely it would be better to wait until the emotion has cooled. Maradona has worked very well and it would be great for him to continue.'

Argentina striker Carlos Tevez offered no excuses after a disjointed performance in Cape Town in which Lionel Messi was frequently reduced to collecting the ball from his centre-backs. 'There's nothing we can say about their win,' said Tevez after Argentina suffered their worst World Cup defeat in fifty two years. 'To lose like that is very painful. We played badly and sometimes when you make mistakes you go home.' The Manchester City striker added: 'We knew it would be complicated and that they wouldn't let us attack. They did what we knew they were capable of doing. We knew they could be dangerous on set-pieces and on the counter-attack.' Maradona was derided in Argentina before the tournament for leading the team by instinct and emotion rather than paying attention to a tactical plan, or the opposition's strengths. Much of that criticism was washed away with four straight wins in South Africa, but it may now rear its head after Germany easily exposed the individual rather than collective nature of his side's play. 'I'm as disappointed as all Argentines,' he said. 'To see my country lose a football match is very hard for someone who has worn the shirt.' When asked whether he was satisfied with the team's performance against Germany, Maradona added: 'Are you joking? This is a country where you live and breathe football. I don't think that anybody will be happy when the team loses 4-0.'

Meanwhile, Dunga has been sacked as Brazil coach following his country's quarter-final exit. A statement from the Brazilian Football Federation confirmed that the former captain has been dismissed, along with his entire coaching staff. Dunga, forty six, who returned with his squad to Brazil on Sunday, had already said he was likely to go after their 2-1 defeat by the Netherlands on Friday. The CBF revealed that a new coach would be installed by the end of the month. Corinthians manager Mano Menezes and former AC Milan coach Leonardo have already been tipped as possible successors, as well as former Brazil coach Wanderley Luxemburgo. Luiz Felipe Scolari, who coached Brazil to a fifth World Cup title in 2002, has ruled himself out due to his commitments with club side Palmeiras. Dunga - whose full name is Carlos Caetano Bledorn Verri - is a legend in his homeland after captaining his side to World Cup victory at USA 1994. He took over as coach of the national side in 2006, replacing Carlos Alberto Parreira despite having no prior professional coaching experience. His more pragmatic style of play split opinions in Brazil, with some supporters believing it stifled the natural attacking flair of the five-time world champions. As far back as December 2009, Dunga revealed he would probably step down after this year's finals, even if his side managed to lift the trophy in South Africa. However, defeat to the Dutch put an end to their dreams of a sixth world title. 'With the closing of the work cycle that started in August 2006 and ended with the elimination of Brazil from the World Cup in South Africa, the CBF announces the dismissal of the Technical Commission of the Brazilian team,' the federation said in its statement. The first big challenge for the new coach will be the 2011 South American championship - the Copa America - due to be held in Argentina. However, the 2014 World Cup will dominate the agenda, particularly as the tournament will be held in Brazil for the first time since 1950.

The Nigerian Football Federation's top two officials have been sacked in a bid to appease the wrath of the country's president who suspended the team after the World Cup. NFF President Sani Lulu and Vice-President Amanze Ugbulam were fired as the federation asked President Goodluck Jonathan to reconsider his ban. FIFA has threatened to expel Nigeria from world football unless the Nigerian president lifts the two-year ban. It has imposed a deadline of five o'clock on Monday for the ban to be lifted. FIFA rules prohibit government intervention in its members' affairs. The NFF said the two sackings, as well as the dismissal of a member of the federation's technical committee, were carried out 'to tender a resolved apology' to all Nigerians over the team's performance in South Africa. The NFF also promised 'to take urgent steps to address the maladministration of football in the country.' The country's House of Representatives has passed a resolution asking the Nigerian president to reverse his order, fearing sanctions. 'FIFA has sent a letter to the Nigeria Football Federation indicating that the government of Nigeria has until Monday to cancel its direction to withdraw Nigeria's participation from all FIFA and CAF competitions for the next two years,' said FIFA communications director Nicolas Maingot on Friday. 'Also the management committee set up by the Nigeria government will not be recognised by FIFA.' If Nigeria are suspended, the country cannot participate in competitive matches or club games in African competitions. 'A suspension goes beyond the suspension of the national teams,' added Maingot. 'It also freezes financial help and no referees can participate in international competition.' FIFA executive committee member and former Nigeria government minister Dr Amos Adamu will be in the country on Monday 'for a last mediation attempt.' The governing body's president Sepp Blatter had already warned French president Nicolas Sarkozy of possible sanctions after he pledged to personally lead an investigation into France's acrimonious World Cup campaign.

Uruguay midfielder Nicolas Lodeiro has been ruled out of the rest of the World Cup after fracturing a bone in his right foot against Ghana. The South Americans may also be without captain Diego Lugano for Tuesday's semi-final against the Netherlands. Lugano is undergoing tests after suffering knee ligament damage during the quarter-final victory over the Ghanaians at Soccer City. But defender Diego Godin has returned to training after a thigh problem. Godin missed the match against Ghana, which the Uruguayans won on penalties to reach the last four of the tournament for the first time since 1970. Ajax playmaker Lodeiro has been hailed as one of his country's best prospects. The absence of Lugano for Tuesday's match against the Dutch would be another big setback for Uruguay as the powerful centre-back has been a key player for them in South Africa. They are already without defender Jorge Ciro Fucile, who is suspended for next week's game.