No Go, Togo - Or, Where Have All The Club-A-Go-Gos Went-Went?

The head of the Togolese Football Federation has confirmed that the team which played a match against Bahrain last week was 'completely fake.' Chairman Seiyi Memene told the Associated Press that the FTF did not know the players who competed in the friendly game at Bahrain's National Stadium in Riffa. Memene said: 'We cannot send our players to play friendly matches abroad without the approval of FIFA. The players that took part in the friendly match against Bahrain were completely fake. We have not sent any team of footballers to Bahrain. The players are not known to us.' Chief of staff at Togo's sports ministry, Nabine Gnonh, confirmed that investigations had been launched and added: 'We don't have precise information at this point. We haven't received the list of the players who played this match and we still have to check if they were members of the national team.' The Bahrain Football Association also launched an inquiry into the match at the weekend after it was suggested that it was sold to the country by 'a fake footballer's agent.' Speaking to the Gulf Daily News, a BFA spokesman appeared to reject the claim, while noting that 'everything seemed to be in order until after the game.' Bahrain national team head coach, Josef Hickersberger, told the GDN that the poor performance of the Togo side was 'a a wasted opportunity' ahead of the West Asian Football Federation Championship, which starts on 24 September. 'Togo did not play their best team; for sure none of their professional players were there, I know some of them and didn't see any of them,' he said. 'They were not fit enough to play ninety minutes; the match was very boring, and basically it was not good for us because we wanted to get information about the strength of our team, especially playing with many of our professionals.' The publication went on to report that a letter listed a twenty-member Togo team, including each player's passport number and date of birth. However, a completely different list of eighteen players was provided by a team official a few minutes before the start of the match. Bahrain easily won the match 3-0.

England's back-to-back wins in their opening Euro 2012 qualifiers have resulted in them moving up one place to sixth in the - of course, completely meaningless - FIFA world rankings. Spain remain in top spot, ahead of the Netherlands, with Germany third, Brazil fourth and Argentina staying in fifth. England are just ahead of Uruguay, Portugal and African's top rated side Egypt. Chile complete the current top ten. The Republic of Ireland have risen three places to thirty third, with Northern Ireland's recent impressive start to their Euro campaign seeing them jump fourteen places to forty fifth, Scotland are forty seventh (though, God only knows how much lower they'd've been if one hundred and forty first placed Liechtenstein had held on for a point at Hampden) and Wales eighty fourth. France's recent poor form has dropped them to an all-time low of twenty seventh. Following their disastrous World Cup campaign, new coach Laurent Blanc's side lost their opening Euro 2012 qualifier at home to Belarus, although they subsequently beat Bosnia. Italy, after their own dreadful World Cup are currently thirteenth. England, of course, also had a poor World Cup campaign in South Africa this summer - although they got further than both France and Italy - but have since enjoyed something of a resurgence in the Euro 2012 qualifiers. Fabio Capello's side beat Bulgaria 4-0 and Switzerland 3-1 earlier this month. FIFA updated the standings, which take in results over a four-year cycle, using one hundred and fifty nine international matches played over five weeks. San Marino, Anguilla, Montserrat, American Samoa, Central African Republic and Papua New Guinea are joint two hundred and second (and last) rated, just behind Andorra.

The Agony & The Ecstacy

The 2012 European Championships qualifying groups kicked off over the past few days with some expected results but more than a fair share of surprises. Actually, that's not strictly speaking true - the tournament actually started over a month ago when, for some bizarre reason, Estonia played the Faroe Islands in Tallinn and Kaimar Saag's injury-time winner gave the Estonians the points. But, to all intents and purposes, the tournament as a spectacle kicked off with a series of matches over the weekend. England began their campaign on Friday with a comfortable 4-0 win over the hapless Bulgars at Wembley, a Jermaine Defoe hat-trick temporarily banishing bitter memories of that appalling and woeful World Cup fiasco which we all had to sit through. Capello's miserable band of over-paid, under-performing prima donnas at least conspired to continue their moderately - and I do use that word, please note - impressive start with the further 3-1 victory in Basel last night. The very lively Adam Johnson hit his second goal in two internationals, the Bent Mackem also scored, as did Rooney. This time, on the pitch. Lazio's Stephan Lichtsteiner was sent off for a rather crude hack on James Milner although the Swizz did score the best goal of the game, Xherdan Shaqiri hammering a twenty five yard spanker past a curiously nervous-looking Joe Hart. England currently lead Group G with six points from their two games. Montenegro also have two wins from two, a victory in Sofia last night following their giving the Welsh a damned good fisting at the weekend. A result which ultimately led to John Toshack leaving the job of national coach with the pithy comment 'I've taken the boys as far as I can, there are no longer any senior players left in the squad for me to upset, so, with that in mind, I think it's time for me to call it a day.'

Elsewhere, in Group A, Germany and Turkey look to be running away with that one already, both with two wins from two. Ze Chermans 6-1 win over Azerbaijan (Klose and Podolski, inevitably, being among the goals) and Turkey's narrow victory over ten-man Belgium being the highlights of the group so far. In the night's other match, Austria beat Kazakhstan 2-0. Group B also has two teams with a one hundred per cent record - the Republic of Ireland who had a comfortable win over Andorra following Friday's victory in Armenia, and Slovakia. The Slovak's victory over a very disappointing Russia in Moscow last night was, probably, the surprise of the entire tournament so far, although it possibly shouldn't have been as they looked a more than decent side in the World Cup. Remember that victory over the, admittedly rather poor, Italians?

And, speaking of the Eyeties, they've got off to a cracking start in Group C with, again, a one hundred per cent record of two wins from two. They beat Estonia in Tallinn on Friday and followed that up with a comfortable 5-0 walloping of the Faroe Islands in Florence. Pirlo, Quagliarella and De Rossi were among the goalscorers. Their main threat in the group will likely come from Serbia - four points from their two games so far - and Nigel Worthington's Northern Ireland whose usually dogged home form has now been allied with an ability to pick up results away too. As in their one game so far, Corry Evans giving them victory over Slovenia.

Group D appears to be the most wide open of the lot, especially after the favourites, France, continued their horrible World Cup form with an opening day defeat at home to Belarus. Dinamo Minsk's Syarhey Kislyak scored an eighty sixth minute winner that did for Les Bleus in the Stade de France. Florent Malouda's goal in a 2-0 victory over Bosnia-Hercegovina yesterday at least gives the French some points on the board but they're already behind Belarus - who followed their victory in Paris with a draw against struggling Romania - and surprise packages Albania who also have four points from two games. Albeit that does include a hard-fought 1-0 win against Luxembourg.

In Group E, it looks to be a two-horse-race between Sweden and the Netherlands. Zlatan Ibrahimović was rampant in the Swedes 6-0 win over group minnows San Marino just four days after the Sammarinese had run into Schalke's Klaas-Jan Huntelaar who was also in genuinely sparkling form. He scored a hat-trick in Friday's 5-0 victory. Huntelaar also scored both goals in the Oranj's 2-1 win against Finland in Feijenoord last night. With five goals already, he's way out in front as the tournament's leading scorer. Elsewhere in the group, Hungary - long overdue a good international tournament campaign - beat Moldova 2-1.

Croatia appear to be the obvious form-team in Group F although they were unable to find a way past the stubborn Greeks in their second match following an emphatic 3-0 win in Lativa. Israel are the other Group F team with four points, having beaten Malta 3-1 in Ramat Gan last Thursday and then drawn 0-0 in Georgia. Yossi Benayoun's hat-trick in the Malta game makes him the group's leading scorer. With just one goal in two games, and two points, Greece appear to be carrying on where they left off in the World Cup by trying to bore all the other teams to death.

Utter strangeness abounds in Group H where Norway's win in Iceland and subsequent 1-0 victory over Portugal see them comfortably at the top of the group. Denmark, who've won their only game so far - also 1-0 against Iceland - are in second place. But the big news here is the fact that Portugal have only managed one point so far. Their opening game was an extraordinary 4-4 draw with Cyprus in Guimarães. Andreas Avraam's last minute equaliser came after the Cypriots had led twice and Mark Clattenburg had, remarkably, got through a match booking only one player. Mind you, that was for 'looking at me in a funny way' so, let's not laud him too much.

Perhaps the biggest load of fun and games thus far have come in Group I. Scotland have a marginal lead in the group but that only tells a fraction of the story as, following a point in their opening game in Lithuania, the Scots were within seconds of drawing with Liechtenstein at Hampden Park. The part-timers from the mountains took the lead in the first minute of the second half through one of their few professionals, thirty six year old captain Mario Frick. Kenny Miller equalised twenty minutes later but it wasn't until the seventh minute of injury time that a Stephen McManus header from a corner spared Craig Levein's team what would have been, by general consensus, Scotland's most embarrassing result in their entire international history. Liechtenstein, currently ranked one hundred and forty first in the world and with a population some two thousand less than the crowd which attended the game in Glasgow were actually the better team for large chunks of the game. The Liechtenstein manager, Hans‑Peter Zaugg, after stressing he was proud of his players, questioned why two minutes more than had been allocated for stoppage time was played. 'They showed five minutes and played seven,' he said. 'I could take half a minute, but no more. But we weren't cheated, Scotland scored a good goal.' It was a bad night all round for Ukrainian referee Viktor Shvetsov who booked eleven players, many for the most trivial of offences but, somehow, managed to miss one of the worst tackles this blogger has ever seen - a truly horrific leg-breaker on Alan Hutton by Michele Polverino - despite being only a few yards from the incident. Luckily Hutton got up and walked away from it. Lithuania's shock win over the much-fancied Czech Republic in Prague conspired to leave Scotland topping the group at the end of the night. This morning they will, surely, have the decency to at least be a bit embarrassed by that. The Scottish Football Association also described as 'disgraceful' the booing of the Liechtenstein national anthem. A section of Scotland fans jeered the anthem - which has the same tune as 'God Save The Queen.' The SFA's acting chief executive George Peat said he was embarrassed by the booing. 'I apologise unreservedly to our visitors for the crass reaction to their anthem,' said Peat. Reigning champions Spain, who won their opening match 4-0 in Liechtenstein on Friday remain the overwhelming group favourites.