Thursday 19 January 2023

Sexy Football

Something of an age-old truism, dear blog reader, is 'what a difference a year makes.' Particularly in the case of this blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Magpies once the new owners decided to put someone vaguely competent in charge of first team affairs. Now, why didn't someone think of that sooner, one wonders?
That absolute twenty four carat fraud Mister Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) has been in the media a lot over the last week, doing his usual trick of making big, almost completely unsubstantiated, claims about his distinctly average, journeyman managerial career of twenty five years and no trophies; see, for instance, here and here and here. Just a couple of weeks ago he was also, reportedly, according to unnamed (and, therefore almost certainly fictitious) 'sources', briefly in-line for another job. That was before the club in question, showed some common sense and wisely opted to appoint David Wagner instead. Before that, however, we had the thigh-slappingly hilarious Norwich City Fans Now Living In Fear As Steve Bruce Tipped To Fill Managerial Vacancy headline in The Mag. Meanwhile, the Daily Scum Mail has claimed that Steve Bruce Is Set To Retire From Management Following A Twenty Five-Year Career That Has Seen Him Take Charge Of Eleven Clubs. This blogger feels this suggestion will come as a considerable surprise to supporters of, let's see, Sheffield United, Huddersfield Town, Crystal Palace, The Mackem Filth, Aston Villains, Sheffield Wednesday, this blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Newcastle United and, most recently, West Bromwich Albinos. All of whom, it could be argued, believed that Mister Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) had already retired whilst he was supposed to be (mis)managing them.
Meanwhile, the second-to-most-recent club that Mister Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) left in such utter, abject chaos a mere fourteen months ago don't seem to be doing too badly without him.
And, neither do West Brom, for that matter!
Gary Lineker had to summon every ounce of professionalism as the BBC's live coverage of the FA Cup clash between Wolverhampton Wanderings and the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws was disrupted, apparently, by noises of The Sex. The BBC presenter was previewing the Third-Round replay in a studio at Molineux alongside pundits Paul Ince and Danny Murphy when 'awkward and audible pornographic wails' broke out in the background. Lineker looked 'momentarily startled' by what was happening and struggled to keep a straight face as he cut to Wor Geet Canny Alan Shearer who was up in the commentary gantry. Big Al added: 'See what happens when I leave the studio? Chaos!' But Lineker pressed on, laughing off the incident as the sexy noise continued. 'Somebody's sending something on someone's phone, I think. I don't know whether you heard it at home.' Oh yes we did, Gary!
Needless to say, the incident did not go unnoticed on social media. This was the best one - by about a million miles!
The BBC subsequently apologised to viewers for the incident though, why they did that when they, themselves, had been the victims of this prank, is unknown. Gary later appeared on Newsnight to speak about the prank and said, rightly, that the BBC have nothing to be sorry for. 'If you told me this morning that, tonight, I'd be on Newsnight talking about a porn scandal. I would have been terrified!' 'YouTube prankster' (for which read, some plank you've never heard of) Daniel Jarvis has claimed responsibility for the stunt. Jarvis has previous at being a glake, apparently. He was handed a suspended sentence last October after being convicted of aggravated trespass over an incident in which he collided with England cricketer Jonny Bairstow while invading the Oval pitch during a test match. He was given an eight-week prison sentence suspended for two years and was banned from attending any venue where a sporting fixture is being held in England and Wales for two years. He was also banned from travelling abroad for twelve months and made subject to a rehabilitation activity requirement. Well, that seems to have worked.
Over on BT Sport, in the mean time, there was an intriguing clash. This blogger's money was, most definitely. on the Live Wolves emerging victorious from that particular match-up. Especially as Everton are playing like a bunch of girls at the moment.