The Fall Of Eagles & Twilight of The Gods

This blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Newcastle United's winger Jacob Murphy has hailed Kieran Trippier as 'one of the best full-backs in the world' after a thumping victory over Crystal Palace at St James' Park. Murphy and Trippier combined for the opener after four minutes and threatened throughout as Newcastle climbed to fifth in the Premier League. Goals from Anthony Gordon, Sean Longstaff and Callum Wilson rounded off an emphatic afternoon for The Magpies. 'He's an unbelievable right-back, probably one of the best in the world,' Murphy said. 'It was a great start. The key word for us was "tempo"; we started quick and that got us up and running. It put us in good stead for the rest of the game.' Old Roy Hodgson's visitors were never in the game and couldn't match Newcastle's intensity and high pressing, but will hope this embarrassingly public pants-down hiding is but a minor blip in what has been a decent start to the season. Newcastle, who had their own minor blip losing three games in succession during August and having sneering tossers talking about last season being an 'over-achievement' went in front when Trippier found Murphy with a sumptuous first-time pass and the winger lifted the ball over Sam Johnstone, who was caught in no-man's land. Initially called offside by the linesman, VAR judged that Trippier's run in the build-up was impeccably timed, sending the St James' Park crowd totally mad off-it ape shit crazy. it was quite a sight. Newcastle's hold on the first half was released only sporadically by attacks from the visitors and the hosts were out of sight by the break despite having squandered a number of chances. Trippier and Murphy were causing havoc down the right and their link-up led to a pinpoint cross for Gordon to finish at the back post in the final minute of normal time. Gordon had already hit the crossbar moments earlier when it seemed easier to score. Longstaff then added the third, pouncing on a Marc Guehi slip to slot past the helpless Johnstone. Palace started the second half with a few signs of life; a more organised counter-press helping them break through the Newcastle lines. Odsonne Edouard was denied by a Jamaal Lascelles block, but Newcastle broke from the resulting corner, with Ward stepping in to cut out Murphy's Gordon-bound cross. That ruthlessness on the break was evident again when just seconds after Palace had tested Nick Pope, Wilson finished off yet another lightning move involving Murphy and Trippier. The defeat at Brighton & Hove Albinos at the beginning of September feels like a long time ago for Th' Toon. That was Newcastle's last of three successive losses (admittedly, against the then top three in the league, something those who suggested Newcastle were a club in 'crisis' conveniently forgot about); they have since returned to their best, going eight games unbeaten in all competitions, scoring twenty two goals and conceding just three. This run includes knocking Sheikh Yer Man City out of the Carabao Cup and giving Paris St Germain a footballing lesson in the Champions League, not forgetting that record-breaking eight-nil victory and relegation-haunted Sheffield United. They could have scored more on Saturday, particularly when Gordon hit the bar in a similar position from which he eventually profited. Bruno Guimaraes was typically effervescent, while calls for Sean Longstaff to receive a long-overdue England recognition may echo beyond Tyneside after another goal and Wilson proved a point to Gareth Southgate too. With Jamaal Lascelles winning his physical duel with Jean-Philippe Mateta, Fabian Schär was frequently free to advance from defence and remind everyone what an accomplished footballer he is. If Sven Botman’s absence with a knee injury remains concerning, it has been mitigated by an apparently reinvented Lascelles returning to the heart of Newcastle's backline. In the second-half, and with Wednesday's Champions League clash with Borussia Dortmund in mind, United were able to introduce quality from the bench, Alexsander Isak, Miguel Almirón, Sandro Tonali, Tino Livramento and Elliot Anderson all being introduced. Isak and Almirón almost combined for a fifth goal, only for the Paraguayan to be denied by the Palace keeper. At the end of an afternoon that suggested Newcastle should cope just fine without their marquee summer signing, Howe and his assistant, Jason Tindall, flanked a tearful Tonali as they led the team on a well-received lap of appreciation. It may well be the last time we see how for a long time.

Sandro Tonali's toughest challenges lie ahead as he faces investigations into alleged betting offences, Newcastle United manager Eddie Howe says. Tonali came off the bench to a superb reception as The Magpies thrashed Crystal Palace at St James' Park. The Italian midfielder, is facing a potentially lengthy ban, but Howe is grateful for the support he received from the fans. 'I think the hardest part is ahead regardless of what happens,' he said. 'Immediately, you get a lot of attention and people are talking about the situation. He's had the love of the supporters today, but that's difficult to maintain over a long period of time. Who knows what's ahead? I just think it's great for him to know he's got the support, not just of the senior management at the football club and the manager, but also the support of the supporters and they're the most important people.' The Magpies moved up to fifth in the Premier League with a fifth successive home win. Murphy said the players have rallied around Tonali and also praised the fans for the 'great love' they showed him. 'It shows what a family club we are,' he said. 'We've been supporting him all through the week and the fans showed great love for him today.' Gordon added that it has been a hard time for Tonali, but that his team-mates can only support him. 'The fans today when Sandro came on and even before that were incredible,' he said. 'They always support their players. We can only support him, we understand it is a very difficult time for him and his family.'

Sir Bobby Charlton, who has died aged eighty six, was one of the greatest footballers England has ever produced. He was certainly the most successful, the only English player to win all of football's major honours – the FA Cup, the Football League and European Cup with Manchester United and the World Cup with England, accumulating a then record number of international caps and goals. As captain of United in 1968, when they were the first English team to win the European Cup and a key player in the 1966 World Cup-winning team, he was the embodiment of a golden age of English football. But he was also involved in one of the game's darkest moments, the 1958 Munich air disaster, in which eight of his team-mates, three United staff and a further twelve passengers were killed. Charlton was renowned for his raking passes and explosive long-range shots, with either foot and was blessed with speed, athleticism and perfect balance. Some commentators say he was a scorer of great goals rather than a great goalscorer; the statistics undermine that claim although a show-reel of some of his greatest strikes supports it. For England, he scored forty nine in one hundred and six appearances (matched by Gary Lineker and recently passed by Harry Kane). And, he was United’s highest all-time scorer, with two hundred and forty nine in seven hundred and fifty eight games, until 2017, when that record was beaten by Wayne Rooney. But it was his modesty and gentlemanly demeanour, as much as his outstanding ability, that won him admiration far beyond Manchester and England. At the height of his fame in the mid to late 1960s, when London and the counterculture were in full swing, one of the world's most famous Englishmen was an old-fashioned sporting hero with a comb-over and a shy smile. Across the world, the first or sometimes only two words of English many people could speak were 'Bobby Charlton.'

He was born in the Northumberland mining village of Ashington, the second of four sons of Robert Charlton, a miner and his wife, Elizabeth, known as Cissie, who came from the famous Milburn football family. Four of her brothers - Jack Milburn (Leeds United and Bradford City), George Milburn (Leeds United and Chesterfield), Jim Milburn (Leeds United and Bradford Park Avenue) and Stan Milburn (Chesterfield, Leicester City and Rochdale) - were professional footballers and her cousin was the Newcastle United and England legend Jackie Milburn. Bobby's elder brother, Jack, also became a footballer and, although not as gifted as his younger brother, he enjoyed a distinguished career as a centre-half for Leeds United and later as a successful manager. Jack and Bobby were England team-mates between 1965 and 1970. Most Ashington boys went down the pit on leaving school (as Jack did, briefly, before joining Leeds), but from a young age it was apparent that Bobby would become a footballer and a good one at that. He passed the eleven-plus but attending the local grammar was unthinkable because it was a rugby-playing school. However, he was such a prodigy that his headteacher - with encouragement from Cissie - arranged a place at another nearby school, the football-playing Bedlington grammar. In his last year at school, he played four times for England schoolboys, scoring five goals and football scouts from across Britain were soon knocking at the family's door. Newcastle sent along Jackie Milburn to have a quiet word with Cissie and he received offers from eighteen clubs in all, but was charmed by Manchester United's chief scout, Joe Armstrong and signed for them in 1953. Apart from a brief swansong with Preston North End and then Waterford, in Ireland, Manchester was to be his only club and an inspired choice. Not only were United a club on the rise, but their inspirational manager, Matt Busby, was prepared to give youth its head, assembling a precociously talented young team that played with swagger and flair, capturing the nation's imagination and earning them the nickname The Busby Babes. They swept all before them to win the First Division in 1955-56, and retained the title the following season, in which Charlton scored twice on his debut, against Charlton Athletic, in October 1956. As champions, United were the first English side to enter the European Cup and reached the semi-finals in 1957 before losing to eventual winners Real Madrid. A year later they beat Red Star Belgrade in the Quarter-Finals, with Charlton, now an established first-teamer, scoring three goals over the two legs. On the flight back from Belgrade the following day, the team’s plane stopped to refuel in Munich. In freezing conditions, it crashed and burst into flames while attempting to take off from the snowy runway.

Charlton was catapulted forty yards from the plane, still strapped into his seat and clear of the burning wreck. His team-mate Harry Gregg who, heroically ran in and out of the burning plane, pulling passengers to safety reportedly saw Charlton and fellow survivor Dennis Viollet lying in the snow and assumed they were dead. Charlton woke minutes later, suffering only from shock and some minor cuts. He later described his escape as a miracle, but it would haunt him for the rest of his life. The grief of witnessing friends perish - most notably his close friend Duncan Edwards - left its mark, turning an already shy young man into an introspective one. Many close to him, including Busby and his brother, said that Bobby changed for ever after Munich. 'He never got over Munich,' said Busby. 'He felt responsible. Those were his kids that died that day.' Characteristically, Jack was more blunt. In his 1996 autobiography, he wrote: 'I saw a big change in our kid from that day on. He stopped smiling, a trait which continues to this day.' The book lifted the lid on the brothers' strained relationship - they barely spoke for many years, partly due to the cooling of relations between Norma, Bobby's wife, whom he married in 1961 and his wider family, in particular Cissie, to whom he chose not to visit in the final four years of her life. Fortunately Bobby and Jack were reconciled before Jack's death in 2020.

Despite all the success and veneration that would come Charlton's way, he always carried a slight air of melancholy. He was not withdrawn, however, on the football field, where he exuded the freedom, desire and commanding presence characteristic of great athletes. Just twenty three days after Munich, Charlton was out of hospital and back playing for United, and for the remainder of that traumatic season and indeed the next decade, he was the foundation stone on which Manchester United were rebuilt. Showing remarkable spirit, United reached the FA Cup final within three months of the disaster, with a patched-up team of youth players, stop-gap signings and four players who had survived the crash (Charlton, Viollet, Gregg and Bill Foulkes). There was a tide of public sympathy behind them, but they lost the game to Bolton Wanderers. In April, shortly before the Cup final, Charlton made his England debut, scoring in a four-nil win against Scotland at Hampden Park. He scored twice more in his second game, against Portugal at Wembley and this earned him a place in the squad for the World Cup in Sweden that summer. It was the first of his four World Cup squads (another record for an Englishman), though he did not get any pitch time in Sweden. By the 1962 World Cup in Chile, he was a first-choice player and scored against Argentina as England reached the quarter-finals before losing to the eventual champions, Brazil. As hosts of the 1966 World Cup, England made a disappointing start, with a goalless draw against Uruguay. It was in the second game, against Mexico, that Charlton lit up England's hopes with a magnificent goal, running from his own half with the ball before unleashing a trademark thunderbolt shot. '"We want goals." Against Mexico they got one, a beauty from Bobby Charlton,' according to Goal! the FIFA film of the tournament. In the Semi-Final against Portugal, Charlton had the international game of his life, scoring both goals in the two-one win that put England into the final. He had a relatively quiet game in the final victory against West Germany, given the task by Alf Ramsey of marking the brilliant young Franz Beckenbauer, who had, in turn, been told to mark Charlton, so that they largely cancelled each other out. But the battle between the two best players on the pitch was pivotal to the game's outcome, as Beckenbauer acknowledged years later: 'England beat us in 1966 because Bobby Charlton was just a bit better than me.' Ramsey declared that Charlton was 'very much the linchpin of the 1966 team' and he was voted player of the tournament. He ended the season not only as a world champion but as Footballer of the Year and European Footballer of the Year, too.

There was to be one last World Cup near-hurrah, in Mexico in 1970. He was thirty two by then and, although he was still perhaps England's best player, in the Quarter-Final, against West Germany, with England winning two-one, Ramsey controversially substituted Charlton to conserve his energy for what seemed like a certain Semi-Final. But the Germans came back to win in extra time. It was Charlton's record one hundred and sixth cap - the game in which he passed Billy Wright's tally and a record that stood until passed by Bobby Moore four years later - and his last, an unsatisfactory end to a glittering international career. His halcyon days with England coincided with Manchester United's post-Munich renaissance. By the mid-1960s Busby had built his second great team, Charlton now at the heart of it, playing as an attacking midfielder. The line-up included George Best and the Denis Law, who together with Charlton formed a dazzling forward line that reignited the legend of The Busby Babes. They were brilliant individuals (in the space of five years, all three were named European Player of the Year) and together helped United win the FA Cup in 1963 and the league title in 1964-65 and 1966-67. Ten years after the Munich disaster, United finally realised Busby's dream of playing in a European Cup final, against the Portuguese club Benfica. United won four-one at Wembley, with Charlton scoring twice and lifting the cup as captain. For him and Foulkes, the only two crash survivors in the team, and for Busby, it was an overwhelming evening. After the match, while the rest of the team celebrated, Charlton was so exhausted that he could not get off his hotel bed to go downstairs and join the party. Busby retired as manager a year later and United went into rapid decline, though Charlton played on until 1973. With his playing career over, he felt uncertain about what to do next and simply waited for the phone to ring. It was three weeks before it did and he accepted the first offer that came his way, to become player-manager of Second Division Preston North End. The club were relegated in his first season in charge and he resigned the next. It was a chastening experience after so many illustrious years as a player, and he never returned to full-time management.

He had more success in the media, working as a BBC football pundit and in 1978 he also set up the innovative Bobby Charlton Soccer Schools, which provided top-level coaching to young players. In 1984 he returned to Manchester United as a director. He developed a close bond with the then United manager Alex Ferguson and his diplomacy and peerless standing in the game made him the perfect ambassador for the club as it developed into a global sporting brand in the 1990s. Such qualities were not lost on other sporting bodies and Charlton, who was knighted in 1994, was an automatic choice for the teams bidding to win the 1996 and 2000 Olympic Games and the 2002 Commonwealth Games for Manchester, the 2006 and 2018 World Cups for England and London's successful pitch for the 2012 Olympic Games. He is survived by Norma and their daughters, Suzanne, a former BBC weather presenter and Andrea.

This blogger is of an age where he saw Bobby play on a handful of occasions in the early 1970s (beginning with Manchester United's five-one defeat to this blogger's beloved Magpies at St James Park in 1970. This blogger was also one of twenty eight thousand people lucky enough to see a unique sight, Bobby Charlton playing in Newcastle United's famous number nine shirt, worn so proudly by his cousin Jackie Milburn. On Friday 10 May 1974, a testimonial match was held at St James' Park for United's Tony Green whose career had been cut short by a knee injury. With Malcolm Macdonald away with the England squad, Bobby was ask to play up front for the club he had supported as a boy. The then Preston player-manager, at thirty six, still looked good enough to play at the highest level as he gave the Middlesbrough defence (including, in the first half, their manager, his brother Jack) the run-around, setting up all three of John Tudor's goals as United won five-three. It was, for one night only, a wonderful example of what might have been had Wor Jackie managed to persuade cousin Cissie to use her influence and get young Bobby to sign doon at th' Toon!

News of the death of Sir Bobby Charlton was, of course, phenomenally sad seeing the passing of, not only a twenty four carat sporting icon but, also, seemingly, a very nice, gentle and sincere man as well as great player (this blogger recalls at the 1996 Charity Shield Bobby being visibly moved as, before the game, he was walking around the Wembley pitch towards the Manchester United dressing room and he got a terrific reception from the Newcastle supporters as he passed). But to end on a - hopefully amusing - note, this blogger is reminded of a time some years ago on a football Interweb newsgroup when someone posed the question of the significant differences in temperaments between Bobby and Jackie. How, this person wondered, did Bob react when Big Jack had made one of his trademark controversial statements. 'He is not his brother's keeper,' someone replied, leading others to observe that no, indeed, Bobby was a centre-forward. And then, later in his career, a box-to-box goalscoring midfielder. This blogger's own contribution to the thread was to add what ultimately became the final word on the subject; that, in modern parlance, Bobby was 'not his brother's just-behind-the-front-two.'

Whilst the world was learning of the death of Manchester United icon Bobby Charlton, across Manchester, City fans were, at that very moment, hold a minute's applaud to an icon of their own. Francis Lee, who died on 2 October aged seventy nine, was a prolific striker who won the First Division title with Manchester City in 1968 and then did the same with Derby County in 1975. Up front, in various positions for England, he was also a highly effective operator, including at the 1970 World Cup finals in Mexico, where he appeared - alongside Bobby Charlton - in celebrated matches against Brazil and West Germany. Short and stocky, golden-haired, self-confident and tenacious, Lee also won the FA Cup, the League Cup and the European Cup Winners' Cup during a glorious period with City, for whom he was the leading goal scorer across five seasons, partly thanks to his great ability at both winning and taking penalties. For England he scored ten goals in twenty seven appearances between 1968 and 1972. Once he left football Lee became a successful businessman and, in 1994, used his money to take control of City as its chairman during a time when the team was foundering. Although his arrival was warmly welcomed by the fans, he failed to deliver any significant improvement and stepped down after four years, although he kept his substantial shareholding for more than a decade and continued to be well-loved at the club, where he is still regarded as one of its best ever players.

Born in Westhoughton, near Bolton, Lee went to Westhoughton secondary modern school and Horwich Technical College. With the encouragement of his father, a manager in a cotton mill, he left it to sign for the nearest First Division football club, Bolton Wanderers, where he played upfront with Nat Lofthouse and scored on his debut in 1960. He was Bolton's top scorer in 1962-63 and 1963-64, and then again, after the club were relegated to the Second Division, in 1965-66 and 1966-67, by which time he was agitating for a transfer. To do so quite openly was a controversial course of action in those more subservient days, but Lee's wish was granted in the summer of 1967, when he moved for a club record sixty grand to City, having scored one hundred and six goals in two hundred and ten appearances. At Maine Road the City manager, Joe Mercer, who had built a formidable team featuring Tony Book, Mike Summerbee and Colin Bell, described Lee as his 'final piece of the puzzle' - an assessment that could hardly be denied as his new signing went on to register sixteen league goals in thirty one appearances as City won the title in his first season there, sealing it with a thrilling four-three away win against Newcastle in which he scored. It was only City's second top-flight win, their first having come way back in 1937. The following year Lee figured prominently in City's run to the 1969 FA Cup final against Leicester City, which they won and in 1970 the Guardian described him as 'indefatigable and nigh irresistible' in the final of the European Cup Winners' Cup versus the Polish side Górnik Zabrze, which ended in a two-one victory thanks to a decisive Lee penalty. The same scoreline against West Bromwich Albion also delivered a League Cup winners' medal that year, before he moved on to Mexico in the summer for the World Cup finals.

England, the reigning world champions, were considered to be an even better team than the 1966 winners, thanks partly to the addition of Lee. He played up front with Charlton and Geoff Hurst in the opening win against Romania and again in the same combination against Brazil in a brilliant match that was narrowly lost. After being rested for the final group game against Czechoslovakia he returned for the dramatic Quarter-Final against West Germany, which England contrived to lose in extra time after having had the tie in the bag after fifty minutes. Usually phlegmatic in defeat, Lee took that result harder than any other in his career. 'Normally for me, after a game, by the time I got back in the dressing room it was all forgotten,' he said. 'There would be lads around me moping and I'd say to them: "shut up, you had your chance, it's gone, move on." Nothing hung around me long. But by Christ that has.' Having made his England debut under Alf Ramsey against Bulgaria in 1968, Lee had quickly become a mainstay of the team, but within two years of the 1970 finals he had fallen out of favour and in 1972 he played his last international at the age of twenty eight. By that time City, no longer with Mercer, were beginning a long slide into mediocrity and, in 1974, Lee was sold against his wishes for one hundred and ten thousand knicker to Derby County, having scored one hundred and forty eight goals in three hundred and thirty appearances. He was initially displeased with the move, but Derby had finished third in the First Division the previous year and under the manager Dave Mackay they won the title in 1974-75 as Lee, Kevin Hector and Roger Davies proved to be a formidable frontline combination. The following year, as Derby finished fourth, Lee's most talked-about contribution was a ferocious televised brawl with Norman Hunter in a match against Leeds, sparked by the not-uncommon contention that Lee had won a penalty with a dive. A subsequent off-the-ball confrontation ended with Hunter - Lee's room-mate when they both in the England squad - punching him, hard, in the mush and the two players being sent off - after which Lee, presumably reasoning that he had nothing much to lose, re-engaged with his opponent and knocked him to the ground in retaliation. Condemned in official quarters, the fight nonetheless went down among us ordinary fans as one of the most exciting boxing bouts in English footballing history. You can keep yer Muhammad Ali walking onto Henry Cooper's 'ammer, men of 'a certain age' still get misty-eyed and wince as they recall Big Norman's right-hook which sent Franny sprawling to the Baseball Ground turf with a fat lip.

Lee ended his career at Derby in 1976, having made more than sixty league appearances for the club and went on almost immediately to success in business with a toilet roll manufacturing company that won major contracts supplying supermarkets around the country. He sold up for more than eight million notes in 1984, after which he became a racehorse trainer at Little Stanneylands stud farm in Cheshire, saddling one hundred and fifty winners on the flat and thirty two over the jumps over a thirteen-year period up to 1997. He then concentrated on making money through property deals. His chairmanship of City had begun with a flurry of optimism in 1994 when he bought three million smackers worth of shares from the previous owner, Peter Swales, pledging to restore the club to former glories. However, his appointment of his former England team-mate Alan Ball as manager in 1995 failed to work out and with the team teetering on the brink of the third tier in 1998 he stepped aside to be succeeded by David Bernstein, selling his shares nine years later to the controversial former prime minster of Thailand Thaksin Shinawatra. Despite his lack of success as an owner of the club, Lee's disarming honesty, self-deprecating sense of humour and patent love for Manchester City ensured that he remained a popular figure there and was able to share happily in its recent triumphs under a different regime. He is survived by his wife, Gill and their children, Charlotte, Jonny and Nik.

Dreamland

Two years ago, almost to the day, this blogger's beloved (and, at that stage unsellable) Magpies produced a knackerless, clueless, tactically-inept performance atypical of their style of play under their then manager, the dinosaur fraud Mister Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) and then owner, That Awful Ashley Individual, a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing. On the pitch that day playing for United were Sean Longstaff and Miggy Almirón. Fabian Schär was an unused substitute whom the idiot clown in charge of the team that day, clearly didn't rate. On Wednesday - a mere one hundred and four weeks and one change of ownership and manager later - Newcastle United welcomed Champions League football back to St James' Park in true style as Paris St-Germain were comprehensively overpowered in a highly charged atmosphere on Tyneside. The French champions - including the alleged 'superstar' Kylian Mbappe - found the atmosphere and intensity on-and-off the pitch far too hot to handle as Steady Eddie Howe's side secured a richly deserved win in Newcastle's first home game in Europe's elite competition since a defeat to Barcelona in March 2003. Th' Toon Army had already transformed St James' Park into four solid walls of black and white noise even before Almirón sent them total pure-dead apeshit crazy by giving United a seventeenth-minute lead after PSG keeper Gianluigi Donnarumma could only palm out Alexander Isak's shot, as Marquinhos was punished for carelessly conceding possession. It was to prove an eventful night for the Italian international goalkeeper, who tried in vain to claw out Dan Burn's towering header six minutes before half-time. The ball clearly crossed the line but Newcastle had to wait for an agonisingly long time for the video assistant referee to check for a possible offside and a possible handball before the celebrations could begin in earnest. Kieran Trippier's free-kick was sent goalwards by Sandro Tonali and clawed away by Donnarumma. Falling to Bruno on the left of the six yard box, the Brazilian tried to beat the keeper at his near post - receiving the ball back via Tonali when that effort was blocked and picked out Burn with a perfect cross. Donnarumma was also a central figure as Newcastle went three up five minutes after the break, the goalkeeper's poor attempt at a block allowing Longstaff's powerful shot from an acute angle to creep in following another fine ball from Trippier and the seeming reluctance of PSG's midfield to track runners back towards their own goal. PSG's threats were rare, but they did pull one back after fifty six minutes through a suspiciously offside looking Lucas Hernandez's header, the first goal Newcastle have conceded since their defeat at Brighton & Hove Albinos on 2 September. Maybe United should be asking UEFA for a replay like Herr Klopp? However that was as good as it got for the reigning French champions, who failed to turn their increased pressure and possession into anything meaningful - kept at bay by a home defence superbly marshalled by Jamaal Lascelles in the continued absence of Sven Botman. This was Newcastle's night - and their fans - from start to finish with Schär adding the icing on the cake in stoppage time as he curled a stunning shot past Donnarumma from outside the box into the top corner. The three points, added to an opening draw away to AC Milan, meant Newcastle went top of Group F. It was all new and wonderful for players and manager alike, who now have a Champions League victory under their collective belts in a manner that pretty much defied logic. No Sven, no Joelinton, no Callum Wilson, no problem. 'We are really pleased. It was a brilliant effort from the players,' Eddie told CBS. 'It was a different game. It was a cat and mouse between the two, we were trying to press them and they were trying to play through us. We were successful a couple of times which led to big goals for us, so I am delighted with the players commitment.'

Newcastle was rocking with Champions League anticipation hours before kick-off as supporters flooded around St James Park for the first game here in this competition for two decades with their team on the back of a five-match unbeaten run during which they had kept five consecutive clean sheets. When the group draw was made, the meeting with Mbappe and PSG was ringed on the calendar as proof that Newcastle had returned to the big time. And how Th' Toon Army relished this as their team delivered the performance and occasion they had craved. Tough tests still lie ahead, of course, but on the evidence of the wall of noise and colour - monochrome colour, admittedly - that unnerved PSG here, Newcastle will have no fears about any opposition who come to Tyneside. 'We made it as clear as we could. We wanted to be ourselves when we played AC Milan and we were not where we needed to be,' Howe added. 'But I think that was expected with the three defeats previously to that game. I think we came here with a lot more confident mood. We wanted to be ourselves and then take the result whatever it is.' Newcastle tore into PSG from the first whistle, backed by a frenzied support and once Almirón set them on their way there was no looking back. And, how fitting it was that two local boys, Burn and Longstaff, were also on target on a night that will live long in the memory for every supporter who witnessed it. Schär's scorching finish was a perfect way to round off this glory night. Borussia Dortmund, who drew nil-nil with AC Milan on Wednesday, are the next visitors to Tyneside on 25 October and after this Newcastle and their supporters can hardly wait. Mbappe was the man that some Newcastle's fans feared - indeed, to read some parts of the media since the draw was made, one could have been forgiven for thinking Newcastle were only going to be playing against him; his early touches greeted with a cacophony of jeering, which he met by almost creating an early goal for Ousmane Dembele, who volleyed a great chance wide. That was just about it for the allegedly world-class forward, who cut a frustrated and marginalised figure for the rest of the night, often outnumbered by Newcastle defenders and not on the same wavelength of his PSG team-mates on a desperately poor night for Luis Enrique's side.

The Toon Army had waited two decades for a Champions League night like this and when it came it was worth every day and all of the many disappointments in-between after an electrifying night on Tyneside. As the Geordies filed down the hill from Gallowgate past statues of Sir Bobby Robson and Alan Shearer - manager and player when Barcelona won in the last Champions League game at St James' Park - it almost looked like the pair were walking on air. When Eddie Howe arrived at Newcastle almost two years ago, the first major appointment of the club's new Saudi Arabian owners, they were nineteenth in the Premier League and five points adrift from safety. It is the result of Howe's shrewd management and high finance that has led to a return to the Champions League and a night that saw Paris St-Germain thrashed in yet another statement about the transformation this club had undergone. Yes, PSG were piss-poor but to simply put Newcastle's comprehensive triumph down to their deficiencies is to do the Magpies the greatest disservice as this was their night, their control, almost from start to finish. This game provided a storyline and scoreline that Newcastle fans will talk about for years, a night to treasure for supporters who have to cast minds back to 1969 and the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup for their last major trophy. As Howe walked along the perimeter of the pitch towards the tunnel before kick-off, one elderly fan festooned in club colours from head to foot leaned out towards the pensive looking manager and shouted: 'You've got this Eddie.' It transpired that he had. Anthony Gordon whirled his arms in a demand for greater noise - not that it was needed - in the opening seconds while Bruno Guimarães and Dan Burn reacted to winning relatively routine challenges by turning to the crowd with fists clenched and roars. And how this packed house lapped it all up. And how sweet it was that two Geordie boys, the towering Burn and the increasinyl impressive Longstaff, provided the next two goals that put Newcastle out of sight and into the healthy position of four points from their first two Champions League group games. The final whistle was greeted by a noise that could have been heard across the Tyne Bridge.

Newcastle are only at the start of this Champions League campaign but after a battling backfoot performance in the San Siro, this was a performance and atmosphere that Borussia Dortmund may approach with trepidation as the next visitors to St James Park. The traditional old Newcastle pubs on the doorstep of the stadium such as The Strawberry were in the process of being drunk dry after the game and Th' Toon Army will hope they have more opportunities to do the same in future Champions League games. Newcastle still have much to do in this group and their fans will know it - or at least they will once they come down from the highs and likely hangovers after this night of pure elation.

Eight Is Enough

This blogger's beloved (and now, thankfully, sold) Magpies matched their record Premier League win with a scintillating display as they embarrassed and shame winless, witless and knackerless Sheffield United at Bramall Lane. Any fears of a European hangover following Newcastle's Champions League exertions on Tuesday in Milan soon vanished as Eddie Howe's men cruised to victory with eight different players getting on the scoresheet in an eight (that's EIGHT) nil thrashing of some Blades that just weren't sharp enough. Sean Longstaff put the visitors in front on twenty one minutes as he swept in from Anthony Gordon's cutback with bottom-of-the-table Blades' appeals for a handball and claims the ball went out of play in the build-up, rightly, dismissed. Because it wasn't and it didn't, basically. Paul Heckingbottom's hapless hosts had started relatively brightly but then found themselves three goals down before half-time after further two strikes in four minutes for Newcastle. Both came from immaculate Kieran Trippier set-pieces with Dan Burn stooping to head in a corner at the back-post despite almost having his shirt ripped from his back before Sven Botman scored his first Newcastle goal with a well-directed glancing header from Tripper's free-kick following a disgraceful tackle on Longstaff by Robinson who, astonishingly, didn't get a straight red card for what was, effectively, assault. In fact the only things that spoiled an otherwise perfect forty five minutes (plus six minutes added time) for United was Callum Wilson missing a trio of chances (two quite difficult admittedly but one, a relative sitter) and a mystifyingly dubious VAR call depriving Anthony Gordon of a penalty award when he, clearly, had his ankle kicked by a defender. Wilson may have missed three presentable opportunities before the break but got his goal ten minutes into the second-half, heading home in front of a jubilant away end as Trippier completed his own personal treble of assists with another pinpoint cross to mark a half-century of league outings for the club. Five minutes later Elliot Anderson (who had a fine game) passed to Gordon (easily the man of the match) and the winger unleashed an unstoppable effort which curled into the goal - prompting another wave of disconsolate Blades fans to rise from their seats and go home. It was six after sixty eight minutes as Bruno Guimarães played in Miggy Almirón and the Paraguayan finished expertly, having earlier seen another close-range finish correctly ruled out for offside. Eddie Howe then had the luxury of making a trio of replacements; Sandro Tonali, Alexander Isak and Tino Livramento joining the action, replacing Almirón, Wilson and Trippier respectively. Later, recent signing Lewis Hall made his United debut with fifteen minutes remaining. United had already beaten their record Premier League away goal tally but Bruno collected a sliced Longstaff shot to slot the ball in for a seventh. His celebrations included a message to the travelling supporters after recent speculation about his future at the club: 'I'm fuckin' stayin' here!' Isak then produced the coolest of finishes, somewhat reminiscent of Peter Beardsley's memorable goal at Portsmouth all those years ago, leaving defenders sprawling on their arse as he tucked the ball past the shell-shocked custodian Wes Foderingham three minutes from the end. Thus, rounding off what was the nearest thing to a cricket score seen since Yorkshire took their leave of Bramall Lane in 1973.

Unlikely as it seems given the scoreline, Newcastle started relatively slowly and it was the home side which looked the more threatening in the opening exchanges. That all changed the moment the first goal went in and Gordon was key to it, twisting smartly on the byeline before finding Longstaff to finish. Gordon was only on the pitch because of a nasty toe injury to Harvey Barnes but the winger's introduction changed the game. While the match became something of a procession in the second-half, it was the pace and trickery of Gordon down the left that helped Newcastle get into such a position. 'They can't handle Gordon. He is causing them all sorts of problems,' Clinton Morrison told Radio 5Live listeners at half-time. 'They just can't deal with him.' At least, this blogger thinks that's what he said. Smart bloke, Clinton, a snappy dresser and he's always highly entertaining on Sky Sports' Soccer Saturday but this blogger wishes he'd speak proper English occasionally! After a somewhat underwhelming start to their league campaign - losing three of their first five games, albeit against three teams whom a lot of sides are going to lose to this season, Sheikh Yer Man City, the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Brighton & Hove Albinos - this was a statement win for United which will keep spirits high at St James' Park and add to the belief that they can make their mark domestically, as well as in Europe, this season. For Sheffield, several choruses of 'Are you Sunderland in disguise?' and 'Premier League? You're havin' a laugh' from the visitors suggest they may be in for a long, hard nine months.

Though, at least one Blade was thoughtful enough to bring a good book along with her in case of emergencies.

Trans-Europe Football Special

Welcome, you are dear blog reader, to the second part of this blog's big, broad, massive and hard coverage of the 2022-23 football season covering, this time around, some non-English examples of The People's Game. Because, apparently, it is quite popular abroad, too.

Treble-winners Glasgow Celtic clinched the Scottish Premiership title on 7 May winning at Heart of Midlothian and will enter the Champions League at the group stage, with runners-up and Old Firm rivals Glasgow Rangers entering at the third qualifying round stage. Although whether Ange Postecoglou will still be in charge at Parkhead by then or if he will have been sentenced to a lengthy stretch at the Stottingham Hotshots Stadium is a question probably best left for another day. Third-placed Aberdeen and Hearts, who finished fourth, qualified for Europe as did fifth-placed Hibernian. Celtic's win in the Scottish Cup Final against Inverness Caledonian Thistle on 3 June meant that Aberdeen will enter the Europa League at the play-off round, whilst the Edinburgh pair of Hearts and Hibs are both in the Europa Conference League at the third and second qualifying rounds, respectively. Dundee United - who finished the 2021-22 season in fourth and, themselves, qualified for European football - had a truly terrible year at Tannadice and were relegated to the Scottish Championship when they lost three-two to Motherwell on the final day of the regular season. United were eliminated from the Conference League by AZ Alkmaar after a truly embarrassing seven-nil defeat in the Netherlands, equaling the record defeat for a Scottish club in European competitions. They started the league season equally poorly and were beaten nine-nil at home by Celtic on 28 August. That's nine-nil. At home. Ouch. Jack Ross, formerly of The Mackem Filth, was appointed as United's manager before the season as a replacement for the popular Tam Courts who had led The Terrors into Europe before leaving to manage Honved. Ross was extremel sacked after a mere five games, culminating in the surrender-before-kick-off against Celtic. Nine-nil, remember. He was succeeded by Liam Fox, initially on an interim basis. Fox was in charge until February where, after a horrorshow against fellow relegation rivals Ross County, United lost four-nil and he, too, got the boot. The club then turned to Jim Goodwin, who had himself been relieved from his role at Aberdeen in February, appointing him until the end of the season. Ross County faced Championship side Partick Thistle in the two-legged play-off final. Losing two-nil in the first game, County were seconds from relegation before an injury time equaliser by George Harmon took the tie to penalties, with County eventually winning five-four to retain their top flight status.

Dundee were promoted to the Scottish Premiership as champions after beating title rivals Queen's Park five-three on the final day of the season and will replace fierce Granite City rivals Dundee United in the Premiership. Ayr United and Queen's Park lost out in the play-off semi-finals. Bottom club Cove Rangers were relegated to Scottish League One after losing to Greenock Morton on the last day of the regular season, while ninth-placed Hamilton Academicals went down on 20 May, losing their play-off final to Airdrieonians on penalties. Scottish League One Champions Dunfermline Athletic clinched automatic promotion to the Championship on 15 April, thrashing Queen Of The South five-nil. Bottom of the table Peterhead were relegated to Scottish League Two after losing at Kelty Hearts on 29 April, whilst ninth-placed Clyde were relegated on 19 May after a five-two aggregate defeat by Annan in the play-off final. Champions of Scottish League Two were Stirling Albion, who clinched the title on 22 April after beating Annan and were automatically promoted to League One. Albion Rovers were relegated on 20 May, losing to Lowland League winners The Spartans - who will replace them in League Two next season - in the pyramid play-off-final. Former league regulars Brechin City won The Highland League by two points from Buckie Thistle.

As usual, there was lots of dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions as The New Saints of Oswestry & Llansantffraid won the Cymru Premier for the fifteenth time and the eleventh occasion in the last fourteen seasons. Seriously, lads, it's all getting a bit boring now - you know, like Red Bull's dominance in F1. Runners-up Connah's Quay Nomads and third placed Penybont will play in the the Europa Conference League's first qualifying round whilst Cardiff Metropolitan University, Bala Town, Newtown and Haverfordwest County all reached the Conference League play-offs with Haverfordwest beating Newtown on penalties in the final meaning they, too, will compete in the Conference League qualifiers. Flint Town United and Airbus UK Broughton were relegated to Cymru North and Cymru South respectively. Colywn Bay and Barry Town will replace them in next season's Premier League.

Northern Ireland's NIFL Premiership was won by Larne, clinching their first ever league title on 14 April 2023 with a two-nil win over Crusaders. Their prize was a place in the Champions League first qualifying round. The runners-up (last year's champions, Linfield), the Irish Cup winners (Crusaders) and the play-off winners (Glentoran, who beat Cliftonville) will enter the Europa Conference League first qualifying round. Bottom side Portadown were relegated to the NIFL Championship (replaced by promoted Loughgall), but Dungannon Swifts retained their place in the top flight, winning a play-off against the Championship's third-placed team, Annagh United. Warrenpoint Town, who finished runners-up in the Championship were denied an NIFL Premiership license on 27 April 2023 and were unsuccessful in their appeal against this right shite state of affairs.

The League Of Ireland Premier Division was won by Shamrock Rovers who will play in the Champions League first qualifying round. Derry City (runners-up and FAI Cup winners), Dundalk and St Patrick's Athletic qualified for the Europa Conference League first qualifying round. University College Dublin were relegated to the League Of Ireland First Divison, replaced by Galway United.

Bayern München dramatically snatched the Bundesliga title away from Borussia Dortmund after beating FC Köln two-one whilst their title rivals drew at home to Mainz on final day of season. Bayern announced immediately after their title triumph that they had fired CEO Mary Shelley's Oliver Kahn and Sporting Director Hasan Salihamidzic. Meanwhile, RB Leipzig and Union Berlin finished third and fourth respectively and will also compete in the Champions League next season. SC Freiburg and Bayer Leverkusen will play in the Europa League group stages and Eintracht Frankfurt qualified for the Europa Conference League play-off round with VfL Wolfsburg, Mainz and Borussia Mönchengladbach all missing out. Hertha Berlin and Schalke 04 were relegated, while VfB Stuttgart will go into the relegation play-off against Hamburger SV on 5 June. FC Heidenheim 1846 and SV Darmstadt won promotion from the second tier of German football.

Eredivisie champions Feyenoord Rotterdam and runners-up PSV Eindhoven will both be playing Champions League football next season - as usual - whilst Ajax Amsterdamn finished third and take a place in the Europa League. To complete a less-than-satisfactory year for Ajax, they also lost to PSV in the Dutch Cup Final. AZ Alkmaar were fourth and qualified for Europa Conference League third qualifying round (unless, of course, they get very banned by UEFA after some of their naughtier fans gave West Hamsters United some serious grief in the same competition earlier this year). FC Twente, Sparta Rotterdam, Utrecht and SC Heerenveen will all compete in a forthcoming play-off competition for The Netherlands final European place in the Conference League. Tragically this blogger's personal favourite Dutchies, Go Ahead Eagles, finished eleventh and missed out on potential European glory. Cambuur were relegated to Eerste Divisie, as were Gronigan - normally a side who finish comfortably mid-table who had, in the club's own words their 'Worst! Season! Ever!' Groningen finished bottom, winning only four times in thirty four matches and were relegated to the Eerste Divisie for the third time. Before the start of the season, the German Frank Wormuth was appointed coach. However, he was sacked in November, after which Wormuth labelled the working conditions 'mentally unsafe.' Under his successor, Dennis van der Ree, Groningen won only once in twenty one games and were eliminated from the KNVB Cup at home by amateur club SV Spakenburg. During the season, Gronigan's director of football, Mark-Jan Fledderus, was sacked and two board members stepped down amid accusations of fraud. CEO Woulter Gudde concluded that the squad was 'unfit, unbalanced and lacked quality and personality.' Heracles Almelo and PEC Zwolle were promoted to the Eredivisie.

The Serie A title returned to Campania with Società Sportiva Calcio Napoli winning their first championship since 1990. On 4 May, Napoli secured their third title with five matches to spare, following a draw at Udinese. They will be joined in the Champions League group stages by Lazio, Internazionale and AC Milan. Atalanta and Roma finished fifth and sixth resepctively and will play in the Europa League whilst The Shitty Hunchbacks were seventh and qualified for the Conference League play-off round. In January, Juventus had been deducted fifteen points as punishment for alleged capital gain violations. In April, the decision was overturned and Juve were given those points back. However, following a new investigation, Juventus were docked ten points in May. Torino and Fiorentina ended the season outside of the European places. Sampdoria and Cremonese both suffered relegation to Serie B whilst the third relegation place went to the final weekend of the season with Hellas Verona and Spezia both tied on thirty one points. The two will play-off on 11 June to decide who goes down. Frosinone and Genoa gained promotion from Serie B whilst the third promoted side will be settled by the play-offs involving such teams as Bari, Parma, Cagliari and Fußball Club Südtirol. Inter beat Fiorentina in the final of the Coppa Italia.

Defending champions Paris Saint-Germain successfully retained the Ligue Un title - a record-breaking eleventh - following a draw with Strasbourg on the penultimate match day although their party was somewhat spoiled on the final day of the season when, two-nil up to Clermont Foot they conspired to concede three late goals. The game was played in a poisonous atmosphere inside the Parc des Princes due to the pre-match announcement that Lionel Messi would be leaving the club with immediate effect. Runners-up Lens and third placed Olympique Marseille join PSG in the Champions League whilst fourth placed Lille and Coupe De France winners Toulouse will play in the Europe League. The qualification place for the Europa Conference League went to the final day of the season on 3 June with Stade Rennais and AS Monaco level on points and Lyon in with a mathematical chance of European football but dependent on the results of others. Rennais two-one victory at Brest secured the return of European football to Brittany. At the bottom, Angers, Ajaccio, Troyes and Auxerre were all relegated to Ligue Deux, replaced by Le Havre and Metz. Nantes narrowly avoided relegation thanks to a final day win against Angers whilst Auxerre were losing at home to Lens. Only two clubs were promoted from the second tier as the number of clubs in Ligue Un has been reduced from twenty to eighteen. Bordeaux, Bastia, Caen and Saint-Étienne were amongst those to miss out on promotion (Saint-Étienne were deducted three points as punishment for the pitch invasion during their relegation play-off the previous season). Dijon Football Côte d'Or, Nîmes Olympique and Chamois Niortais were relegated to Le Championnat National.

On 14 May, Barcelona were confirmed as La Liga champions with four matches to spare following a four-two victory Espanyol, clinching the club's twenty seventh title and first since 2019 although a tow-one defeat to Celtic Vigo in the last game of the season somewhat spoiled the party. Barça won the division by a whopping eleven points over El Clásico rivals and last season's champions, Real Madrid. It was something of a disappointing season for Los Blancos, despite defeating Barça three-one at The Bernabéu; as well as losing the title, they got a right pants-down hiding off Sheikh Yer Man Ciy in The Champions League although they did beat Osasuna in the final of the Copa Del Rey. Also qualifying for next year's Champions League are Atlético Madrid, Real Sociedad and Servilla (as winners of the Europa League). Villarreal and Real Betis will compete in the Europa League and on the final day of the season, Osasuna, Athletic Bilbao, Girona and Rayo Vallecano were all in with a shout of becoming the eighth Spanish side in a European competition next season via the Europa Conference League. Osasuna's two-one victory over Girona enabled the Pamplona side to snatch the Conference League place. Espanyol and Elche were relegated to the Segunda División long before the season's climax but the third relegation place saw a blanket finish in which any one of six clubs could have suffered the drop on the final day. Valladolid's goalless draw with Getafe saw Los Pucelanos finish in the final relegation slot. Unión Deportiva Las Palmas and Granada Club de Fútbol were promoted.

Benfica secured a record thirty eighth Primeira Liga title after beating Santa Clara three-nil on the final day of the Portuguese football season. They finished two points ahead of FC Porto. Both clubs will compete in next season's Champions League. Braga qualified for the Champions League third qualifying round. Sporting Lisbon will play in the Europa League whilst, Arouca and Vitória de Guimarães qualified for the Europa Conferece League. Paços de Ferreira and Santa Clara, both whom had disastrous seasons, were relegated to Liga Portugal 2. Moreirense and Farense won promotion. Porto defeated Braga in the Taça de Portugal on 4 June.

The four qualifiers for the Champions League at the preliminary round are Icelandic champions Breiðablik, Buducnost Podgorica of Montenegro, Andorra's Atlètic Club d'Escaldes and Tre Penne the league winners in San Marino. Two of these will progress to the first qualifying round joining, amongst others Israel's Maccabi Haifa, Sweden's BK Häcken, Bulgaria's Romania Farul Constan?a, Qarabag Baku of Azerbaijan, Hungarian champions Ferencváros, Poland's Raków Czestochowa, Kazakhstan's Astana, Slovan Bratislava representing Slovakia, Slovenia's Olimpija Ljubljana, Moldova's Sheriff Tiraspol, Lithuania's Žalgiris, Bosnia & Herzegovina's Zrinjski Mostar, Finland's HJK, Luxembourg's Swift Hesperange, Latvia's Valmiera, Kosovo's Ballkani, Armenia's Urartu, Albania's Partizani, the Faroe Islands' KÍ, Estonia's Flora, Malta's Hamrun Spartans, Georgia's Dinamo Tbilisi, North Macedonia's Struga and Gibraltar's Lincoln Red Imps. Shakhtyor Soligorsk should have qualified as champions of the Belarusian Premier League but were found extremely guilty of match-fixing by the ABFF and, as a consequence, denied a UEFA license. Runners-up Energetik-BGU Minsk were also found guilty of the same charge. As a result, the Football Federation of Belarus awarded the Champions League spot to BATE Borisov, who finished third in the league. Clubs joining the competition at the second qualifying round stage include Norwegian champions Molde, Danish league winers Copenhagen, Croatia's Dinamo Zagreb, Turkey's Galatasaray, Aris Limassol of Cyprus, Servette the runners-up in the Swiss Super League and Panathinaikos who finished second in the Greek league. The third qualifying round introduces the likes of Greek chamions, AEK Athens, the Czech Republic's Sparta Prague and Sturm Graz who finished second in the Austrian Bundasliga. The play-off round will feature the champions of the Belgian Pro League (Royal Antwerp) and Swiss champions Young Boys of Bern. Anyone who makes it through all of that to the group stages will join Ukranian champions FC Shakhtar Donetsk, Red Star Belgrade of Serbia and Austrian champions FC Red Bull Salzburg along with the qualifiers from England (including, of course, this blogger's beloved Magpies), Spain (including 2023 Europa League winners Servila), German, France, the Netherlands, Portugal and Scotland. On 28 February 2022, all Russian football clubs and national teams were suspended from FIFA and UEFA competitions due to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The seven teams affiliated with the Liechtenstein Football Association all play in the Swiss league pyramid. The only competition organised by the LFV is the Liechtenstein Football Cup – the winners of which (Fussball Club Vaduz) qualify for the Europa Conference League.

A total of one hundred and seventy seven teams from fifty four of the fity five UEFA member associations (excluding Russia - because no one likes them) will participate in the 2023–24 Europa Conference League. Other qualifiers for the competition besides those already mentioned, include HNK Hajduk Split, Osijek and Rijeka (Croatia), Rapid Wien (Austria), Partizan Belgrade and Vojvodina (Serbia), Dynamo Kyiv (Ukraine), Brann, Bodø/Glimt and Rosenborg (Norway), Nordsjælland (Denmark), Club Brugge and Gent (Belgium), Luzern and Basel (Switzerland), PAOK and Aris (Greece), Viktoria Plzen and Bohemians Praha (Czech Republic), Fenerbahçe and Besiktas (Turkey), Omonia, APOEL and AEK Larnaca (Cyprus), Beitar Jerusalem, Hapoel Be'er Sheva and Maccabi Tel Aviv (Israel), Djurgårdens IF, Hammarby IF and Kalmar FF (Sweden), Ludogorets Razgrad (Bulgaria), Sepsi OSK, FCSB and CFR Cluj (Romania), Gabala, Sabah and Neftçi (Azerbaijan), Zalaegerszeg, Kecskemét and Debrecen (Hungary), Legia Warsaw, Lech Poznan and Pogon Szczecin (Poland), Ordabasy, Tobol and Aktobe (Kazakhstan), Spartak Trnava, DAC Dunajská Streda and Žilina (Slovakia), Celje, Maribor and Domžale (Solvenia), Torpedo-BelAZ Zhodino, Dinamo Minsky and Isloch Minsk (Belarus), Petrocub Hîncești, Zimbru Chișinău and Milsami Orhei (Moldova), Kauno Žalgiris, Panevežys and Hegelmann (Lithuania), Borac Banja Luka, Željeznicar and Sarajevo (Bosnia & Herzegovina), KuPS, Honka and Haka (Finland), Differdange 03, Progrès Niederkorn and F91 Dudelange (Luxembourg), Auda, RFS and Riga (Latvia), Drita and Gjilani (Kosovo), Pyunik, Ararat-Armenia and Alashkert (Armenia), Egnatia, Tirana and Vllaznia (Albania), Víkingur, HB Tórshavn and B36 Tórshavn (the Faroe Islands), Narva Trans, FCI Levadia and Paide Linnameeskond (Estonia), Birkirkara, Gzira United and Balzan (Malta), Torpedo Kutaisi, Dinamo Batumi and Dila Gori (Georgia), Makedonija, Shkupi and Shkëndija (North Macedonia), Vaduz (Liechtenstein), Bruno's Magpies and Europa (Gibraltar), Víkingur Reykjavík and KA (Iceland), Sutjeska and Arsenal Tivat (Montenegro), Inter Club d'Escaldes and FC Santa Coloma (Andorra) and Virtus and Cosmos (San Marino). The first qualifying rounds will take place from 20 June. Yes, a mere couple of weeks and the 2023-24 football season will have begun and the race for Europe starts all over again.

Football, Football

So, dear blog reader, that-there 2022-23 English football season. What was that all about, then?

Following The Arse's calamitous defeat to Nottingham Forest on 20 May, Sheikh Yer Man City officially secured their third consecutive Premier League title with three games to spare. Becoming, in doing so, the first club other than crosstown rivals The Scum to achieve such a feat in the Premier League era. Because, obviously, if you're a Sky Sports viewer, football actually began in 1992 and everything prior to that (apart from one day at Wembley in 1966) was just a mirage. It was Sheikh Yer Man City's ninth league title overall and their seventh since 2012. And this time, mercifully, village idiot Jack Grealish didn't say something crass and insulting in a drunken post-season interview about any fellow professionals at other clubs. Although, the season hasn't actually finished yet ... 

Meanwhile, The Arse broke the record of spending the largest number of days (two hundred and forty eight) on top of the league during a top flight season without actually winning the title. The season began with The Arse going on a five-game unbeaten streak before they lost three-one to The Scum at Old Trafford. Sheikh Yer Man City also got off to a strong start, having signed striker Erling Haaland (whose thirty six league goals beat the Premier League record totals previously set by Alan Shearer and Andy Cole, but not the First Division record set by Dixie Dean - who was, also, clearly, a fictional character); they went on a nine-game unbeaten run before losing at The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws in October. The Scum finished third and returned to the Champions League in sour-faced slapheed Erik Ten Hag's debut season as manager, in addition to having won the Carabao Cup. This blogger's beloved Magpies, in fourth, qualified for the Champions League for the first time in twenty years, their highest finish since Sir Bobby Robson was the club's manager in 2003. Eddie Howe's side were defensively solid (they only lost five games all season, fewer than anyone except Sheikh Yer Man City) and, late in the season, free scoring - two things one has seldom associated with Th' Toon for many, many years.

Whinging Herr Klopp's whinging Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, despite a good late run, nevertheless ended the season outside the Champions League places, in fifth, qualifying instead for the Europa League. Which, seemingly, Herr Klopp and Mo Salah both felt was somewhat beneath a club with A Devine Right To Be In The Top Four and a geet massive big collective chip on their collective shoulder. Brighton & Hove Albinos finished sixth, achieving the highest league finish in the club's history and also qualified for the Europa League for the first time (in the process becoming many football supporters' second favourite Premiership team). A significant achievement for Roberto De Zerbi who replaced Graham Potter (and his nasty hipster beard) when the latter defected - for, supposedly greener grass in South London - to Torpedo Stamford Bridge in September. Aston Villains and their notoriously fair-weather support grabbed that all-important seventh place and, consequently, made it into the Europa Conference League play-off round, at the expense of eighth-placed Stottingtot Hotshots (which was, no doubt, to the considerable ire of Spurs's extremely loud army of online commentators. Swear down, blud). To be fair, Stottingtot's season was blighted by injury - most notably the fact that Eric Dier didn't actually have one. Next year will be the first time since 2011 that The Hotshots have failed - miserably - to play in any European competition and they ended this season still without a permanent manager and with Harry Kane, perhaps, having played his last game for the club. Yeah. Good luck with that.

Brentford had an excellent season finishing ninth - themselves, being in contention for a European place right up to a last day win against the champions - despite ending the season with top scorer Ivan Toney banned from football for nine months for breaches of betting rules. Although the staggering hypocrisy of a football association banning a player for betting on football matches when the second, third and fourth tiers of said association's pyramid are all sponsored by Sky Bet is, perhaps, a question worth talking about another day. Fulham and Crystal Palace were tenth and eleventh respectively. The Club Formerly Known As Moscow Chelski FC had one of their worst Premier League seasons ever becoming the third highest placed team in West London behind both Fulham and Brentford. Which was funny, admittedly. The Blues finished in the bottom half of the table for the first time since 1996 after sacking Thomas Tuchel (you know, the bloke who'd won them The Champions League just over a year earlier) and then, his replacement, Graham Potter (and his nasty hipster beard) whilst appointing Frank Lampard as a (truly disastrous) interim manager. And, despite having also spent nearly four hundred million knicker like it was Monopoly®™ money in the January transfer window. If you're looking for a textbook example of how not to run a piss-up-in-a-brewery, dear blog reader, have yourselves a quiet word with yer man Todd Boehly, he'll steer you in the right direction.

Wolverhampton Wanderings and West Hamsters United both flirted with relegation for a while before pulling clear of the drop-zone in the closing weeks of the season. If The Hamsters win this season's Europa Conference League final (they play Fiorentina in June), they will qualify for next season's Europa League group stage. Wolves will only be in Europe next year if there is another war. Bournemouth, who were almost unanimously tipped for relegation at the start of the season (particularly after a nine-nil defeat at Anfield at the end of August, which saw manager Scott Parker extremely sacked), ended up confounding the critics by avoiding relegation, with Gary O'Neil guiding the team to safety relatively comfortably. Steve Cooper did a similarly unexpected job at Nottingham Forest. Southampton finished rock bottom after eleven consecutive years in the division, whilst Dirty Leeds United failed to repeat the last day escape of the previous season (losing four-one at home to Spurs) and were also relegated, after three years in the top flight. Which put a big, fat scowl on big, fat Sam Allardyce's big, fat mush. So, that was definitely worth watching. Leeds fans reportedly attributed their relegation to 'the actions of a complete oaf.' Allardyce responded: 'It's nice of the guys to blame an oaf but, I can't help thinking I'm partly responsible.' Pubs and chips shop outlets in West Yorkshire have been notified accordingly. Three defeats and one draw during his emergency tenure ensured that there really was nobody 'ahead of him' in football terms, as he had notoriously claimed - apart for the eighteen teams who finished higher in the Premier League, obviously. The sixty eight year-old reportedly trousered five hundred thousand smackers for his month's in charge. Nice work if you can get it. 

Leicester City were the third team relegated after a nine year spell in the division and only seven years after being crowned champions, becoming only the second team after Blackburn Rovers to be relegated as former Premier League winners; this, despite winning their final game of the season against West Ham. Presumably Jamie Vardy's missus will have to find some salacious stories about visits to The Stadium of Light or The Riverside to flog to the Sun next year? The queue to entice James Maddison away from The King Power Stadium and the prospect of Championship football next year has already formed. And, it's quite a long one. Meanwhile, Everton escaped relegation on the final day for the third time in the Premier League era with a one-nil win against Bournemouth, extending The Toffees top flight stay to seventy consecutive years for next season. And, meaning that one of the 'nobodies' ahead of Sam Allardyce - in footballing terms - is ... Sean Dyche. Oh, the shame.

Vincent Kompany's Burnley wasted no time after last year's relegation, coming straight back up to the Premier League after achieving automatic promotion from The Championship faster than anyone else, before beating Cardiff City on the final day of the season which meant Kompany became the first ever points centurion as both a player (with Sheikh Yer Man City) and a manager. Burnley secured automatic promotion on 7 April with a two-one win at Middlesbrough and made sure of the title on 25 April by defeating their fiercest rivals Blackburn Vindaloos. Sheffield United sealed the second automatic place, beating West Brom on 26 April, achieving promotion under Paul Heckingbottom, who was appointed in November 2021 with The Blades languishing in sixteenth place in the division. When it came to the play-off race, it was anything but comfortable for the majority of teams who were scrapping it out for a spot in the top six. It ended up boiling down to the final day of the regular season, as it has so many times previously. Blackburn, who themselves still had an outside chance of a top six finish, ended Millwall's hopes of promotion after coming from behind and winning four-three. Gary Rowett would have been devastated, as a win would have seen his side finish fifth, instead defeat saw them finish the campaign in eighth, one point away from a play-off place. It was The Mackem Filth who took full advantage of the result at The Den, defeating Preston Both Ends and moving into sixth place on goal difference.

In the end the play-off final was between two clubs on the rise, Luton Town and Coventry City who, between them, conspired to keep this blogger's beloved Magpies as the sole North East team in the Premier League by defeating The Mackem Filth and The Smoggies in their respective play-off semi-finals. Luton eventually won the third promotion spot on penalties. It has been a remarkable rise for Luton, who were playing non-league football as recently as 2014. A penny for Nathan Jones' thoughts, though. The Welshman left Luton in November to take over at Premier League strugglers Southampton. He was unable to replicate the kind of success he had achieved with The Hatters and found himself out of a job in February. His replacement at Luton, Rob Edwards, who had himself been sacked by Luton's fierce rivals Watford in October, then stepped in and led Luton to the top flight for the first time since 1992. As for the trigger-happy Hornets, they brought in Slaven Bilic to replace Edwards and then sacked him to appoint Chris Wilder in March. Wilder had been sacked by Middlesbrough at the start of the season (to be replaced by Michael Carrick) and Watford have now installed Valerien Ismael for next season. Or, at least, part of next season until they get sick of him as well. Comeback kid of the year must be Middlesbrough striker - and Championship golden boot winner - Chuba Akpom. The twenty seven-year-old spent the previous season on loan in Greece and started the current campaign without a squad number at The Riverside, but forced his way into The Smoggies starting eleven and went on to bag a whopping twenty nine goals in all competitions and claim the division's player of the season award. West Bromwich Albinos finished ninth, a significant improvement after having been in the relegation places before they - hilariously - gave risible managerial fraud Steve Bruce (nasty to see him, to see him ... nasty) the old tin-tack in October and replaced him with someone who actually knew what he was doing.

At the other end of the table, the bottom three were decided before the final day of the season. Reading and Wigan Not Very Athletic were both deducted points for various infractions and these proved to be too much ground to make up as they were both relegated to League One along with Blackpool, who suffered from the dreaded second season syndrome. Kolo Toure won none of his nine games in charge of Wigan before being sacked in February. The Latics once again face an uncertain future after being relegated to League One and being hit with a further eight-point deduction for failing to meet an EFL funding deadline. One of the contenders for manager of the season was Old Neil Warnock as he managed to get Huddersfield Town from bottom of the league to nine points clear of the drop-zone after coming in as manager in February. Cardiff City, Rotherham and Queens Park Strangers also narrowly avoided the drop.

Josh Windass' goal to send Sheffield Wednesday up to the Championship with the final kick of the English Football League season drew an emphatic line under an epic League One campaign. A fascinating four-way promotion battle unfolded with Plymouth Argyle and Ipswich Town gaining automatic promotion, Argyle winning the division with one hundred and one points and The Tractor Boys a mere three points behind. If we're talking comebacks on the pitch then nothing tops Sheffield Wednesday's miraculous play-off semi-final win over Peterborough. The Owls, who had finished third in the regular season on ninety six points, were hammered four-nil in the first leg by Darren Ferguson's Posh to, apparently, leave their promotion hopes in tatters. No club has ever overcome more than a two-goal first-leg deficit before but, roared on by a rocking Hillsborough crowd, they made it four-four on aggregate with the final kick of the ninety minutes and eventually won the tie on penalties. Wednesday then won the play-off final with Windass' diving header - the last action of extra-time against Barnsley - to cap off what boss Darren Moore called 'a fairytale.' Barnsley had beaten Notlob Wanderers in their tight semi-final. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws boss Herr Klopp was so impressed by Conor Bradley's form on-loan at Notlob that he has suggested the Northern Ireland international will be involved in his first-team squad next season. Another player who could be featuring in the top flight in 2023-24 - having starred in the third tier this year - is Crystal Palace winger Jesurun Rak-Sakyi. The twenty-year-old scored fifteen goals whilst on-loan with Charlton Athletic. Amongst those who flirted with play-off places but, ultimately, came up short, were Derby County, Portsmouth, Wycombe Wanderers, Charlton and Lincoln City. The bottom four teams were relegated to League Two. Forest Green Rovers' (and their vegan pies) relegation was confirmed on 15 April with a five-one home thrashing by Barnsley, while the other three places were decided on the final day of the season as Milton Keynes Dons drew at Burton, Morecambe (but, not And Wise) lost at Exeter and Accrington Stanley (who are they?) went down despite a two-one win at Oxford United. Cambridge United, Oxford and Port Vale finished clear of the relegation places. Ex-Everton and Newcastle striker Duncan Ferguson will hope to have his Forest Green side challenging at the top end of their division next season after a chastening first few months as a manager. To be fair to Big Dunc, Rovers already looked doomed at the foot of League One when he took over in January. But he still would have hoped for more than a solitary win in his eighteen matches in charge as they finished nineteen points adrift of safety. Things went no better for Wee Jody Morris in his first managerial appointment at Swindon Town. Appointed in January the former Chelski coach was sacked by the League Two side before the final game of the season after losing ten of his nineteen matches in charge in Wiltshire.

Leyton Orient made sure of promotion from League Two on 18 April despite losing at Gillingham and clinched the title four days later beating Crewe. The O's made a superb start and, despite dropping form somewhat in the second half of the campaign, claimed the title with something to spare. Not bad for a team who had finished thirteenth in 2021-22. Stevenage were promoted on 29 April after beating Grimsby two-nil and Northampton Town earned the final automatic promotion place defeating Tranmere on the final day of the season. Jon Brady's Cobblers had missed out on third place last season on goals scored, after Bristol Rovers thumped relegated Scunthorpe seven-nil, but there were no such concerns this time out as Northants' win at Tranmere was enough to send them to League One. Carlisle United were the fourth team promoted as they beat Stockport on penalties in the play-off final. Carlisle picked up midfielder Owen Moxon from Scottish League Two side Annan last summer and the twenty five-year-old claimed fifteen assists and six goals as they won promotion. Bradford City and Salford also qualified for the play-offs with Mansfield Town missing out only on goal difference The bottom two teams were relegated to the National League, with Rochdale's one hundred and two-year stay in the Football League ending after they lost at Stockport on 22 April. Hartlepool United joined them a week later despite beating Barrow three-one. Crawley Town AFC Wimbledon and Colchester United successfully avoided the drop.

National League Champions Wrexham clinched automatic promotion to League Two by beating Boreham Wood three-one on 22 April. Phil Parkinson's men - backed, of course, by Hollywood actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney - claimed the title with a staggering one hundred and eleven points, four ahead of Notts County. The (Other) Magpies then came back from two-nil down to win their play-off semi-final in extra-time and then twice came from behind to win the play-off final against Chesterfield on penalties on 13 May. So, the oldest former Football League club are now back in the Football League after a four year absence. Woking, Barnet, Boreham Wood and Bromley also competed in the play-offs. The bottom four teams are relegated to National League North or South and, for the first time ever, all of them were former Football League outfits. Maidstone United became the first club in England's top leagues to be relegated after losing four-nil to Boreham Wood on 1 April. Scunthorpe United joined them on 10 April after losing to Oldham for their second relegation in successive seasons, as did Yeovil Town after they lost at Wrexham on 18 April. Torquay United were relegated on the final day of the season despite drawing with the champions. Wor geet canny Gatesheed finished a respectable fourteenth. The relegated clubs will be replaced by National League North champions AFC Fylde and play-off winners Kidderminster Harriers and National League South champions Ebbsfleet United and play-off winners Oxford City.

This blog's round-up of the Scottish, Welsh, Northern Irish and European leagues this season, plus some coverage of a few blokes having a kick-about in the local park will follow in a week or two.