Interestingly, Goal Is An Anagram Of Gaol

Arsene Wenger secured his record seventh FA Cup final win as The Arse produced a fine display to win a Wembley thriller against ten-man Moscow Chelski FC. Alexis Sanchez gave The Arse the lead in contentious fashion after only four minutes, when referee Anthony Taylor overruled his assistant after he had flagged for offside against Aaron Ramsey. The Premier League champions also claimed - correctly - that Sanchez had handled the ball in the build-up to the goal. Their task became even harder when Victor Moses was - again, correctly - sent off by Taylor in the second half after receiving a second yellow card for diving. Diego Costa revived Moscow Chelski's hopes of a repeat of their league and cup double in 2010 when The Arse;s keeper, David Ospina, failed to keep out his deflected shot with fourteen minutes left. The Arse refused to be denied, however, and were back in front inside two minutes when Ramsey, who scored the FA Cup final winner against Hull City in 2014, did it again with a header from substitute Olivier Giroud's cross. Which was good because it kept the TV schedules broadly uninterrupted for the rest of the evening.

A twenty one-month jail term handed down last year to Barcelona and Argentina footballer Lionel Messi has been confirmed by Spain's Supreme Court, but he is unlikely to go to prison. Because he is very rich. Messi and his father Jorge, who manages his finances, were both convicted in 2016 of defrauding Spain of over four million Euros in taxes. Jorge Messi's jail term was reduced because he has now paid some of the taxes owed. In Spain, prison terms of under two years can be served under probation. The case will now return to the court in Barcelona that handed down the original judgement. Messi, a five-time world footballer of the year, has denied any involvement and told his trial in June 2016: 'I only worried about playing football.' But in its decision on Wednesday, the court said: 'It defies logic to concede that someone who earns a large income does not know that he must pay taxes on it.' Well, you'd think, wouldn't you? Both men were originally convicted of three counts of fraud, for using tax havens in Belize and Uruguay between 2007 and 2009 and were also given heavy fines. They were found very guilty of resorting to fictitious companies to evade Spanish taxes on income from companies using Lionel Messi's image rights. Jorge Messi's jail term was reduced from twenty one months to fifteen by the Supreme Court to take into account the money he had since handed to the tax authorities. Messi's high-profile trial is not the only one involving Barcelona stars and the Spanish government. Defender Javier Mascherano - also an Argentine - admitted to tax fraud, escaping a jail term with a one-year suspended sentence. Brazilian star Neymar is also facing allegations of corruption and fraud over his transfer to Barcelona in 2013 - a case which also involves his parents. Prosecutors allege the transfer cost much more than publicly declared and that millions were concealed from authorities. And, in the same week as Messi's sentence was upheld, former president of the club, Sandro Rosell, was extremely arrested as part of a money-laundering investigation.

Shekih Yer Man City defender Jason Denayer 'regrets' becoming involved in a brawl outside a Brussels nightclub in which he 'reacted instinctively' by kicking out at a man who was punching his friend. An eight-second video of the incident - which took place on Sunday - shows the twenty one-year-old striking a man who is punching another man on the floor. A longer version shows how Denayer, at first reluctant to intervene, strikes out when his friend was pinned down. 'I reacted instinctively,' he said after the video appeared online. 'Of course I regret to have been caught up in a conflict that was not mine to begin with, but I saw my friend was in real danger and I had to interfere and protect him.' Belgium international Denayer, who has been on loan with relegated Blunderland this season, then left the scene in his car, which had been damaged by friends of the man he kicked, according to the player's agent. 'Jason tried to be peaceful and to avoid further escalation,' Jesse De Preter told BBC Sport. 'He then gets pushed away from the scene and about forty people start to fight. Jason went to his car, which was destroyed fifty per cent by friends of the guy, but he went home and told the police. The police have made a report but there are no charges against Jason. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

Southend United will reportedly 'take time to consider' Nile Ranger's future, after the striker was very jailed for eight months for online banking fraud. The twenty six-year-old was extremely sentenced for conspiracy to defraud by obtaining bank details and transferring money. he Shrimpers chairman, Ron Martin, said that the club need to assess 'the impact of this startling, unexpected, outcome.' Ex-Newcastle and Swindon forward Ranger joined Southend last summer and signed a contract until 2020 in December. Ranger - who committed the offence in February 2015 - scored eight goals in twenty eight appearances for Southend last season. Before joining Southend in August 2016, Ranger had not played a competitive game for almost two years, during which he spent several months absent from Blackpool which he put down to 'being distracted' following death of two close friends. Southend manager Phil Brown said before signing him that Ranger was in the 'last-chance saloon' during a one-month 'test period' at Roots Hall. Ranger was also subject to a Football Association investigation this season, unrelated to the criminal sentence and had previously had several run-ins with the law during his time at Newcastle. Following the result of the hearing at Wood Green, Martin's statement continued: 'As I have said previously, this offence occurred long before Nile joined the club and everyone deserves a second chance, which the club has afforded Nile. [He] is unlikely to ever be a model professional, however during his time at Southend his behaviour has been acceptable and improved. We have worked hard at rehabilitation and Nile has responded well to his team mates both on and off the pitch. At the time of writing, the club is awaiting details of the court hearing and will review the details before coming to any decision surrounding Nile's future.'

Blunderland manager David Moyes has extremely resigned following The Mackems relegation from the Premier League. The end of the Black Cats' ten-year stay in the top flight was confirmed when they lost to Bournemouth last month. Moyes informed chairman Ellis Short of his decision to step down at a meeting in London on Monday. 'I wish the players and my successor well in their efforts towards promotion back to the Premier League,' said Moyes. The former Everton and The Scum manager took charge at The Stadium of Plight in July last year, after odious lardbucket (and drag) Sam Allardyce left to become, briefly, England manager. Blunderland finished extremely bottom of the Premiership table this season with but twenty four points, having won only six games. 'I pursued the services of David Moyes for a considerable period prior to his appointment last summer, which makes the announcement of his departure difficult for everyone concerned,' said Short. He added that Moyes was not taking compensation for his departure, calling it 'a testament to his character. In the days ahead we will take some time for reflection and then focus on recruitment and pre-season as we prepare for our Championship campaign. We wish David well in the future,' added Short. The Scot had faced calls from Blunderland fans to quit and initially said it was 'too soon' to commit to the club following relegation. However, earlier this month he suggested that he would stay with The Mackems in the Championship next season, saying: 'I know what needs to be done to get back in the Premier League.' In a club statement on Monday, Moyes said: 'I would like to thank Ellis Short and the Board for giving me the opportunity to manage Sunderland and the fans for always being so passionately supportive of their club.' This is the first time that Moyes has been relegated as a manager, having warned Blunderland supporters just two games into the season that his squad would struggle. And, let's face it, you know you're club are in trouble when your manager is talking about a season-long relegation struggle before the end of August. Moyes' departure from Blunderland after a truly desperate - if, from a distance, very amusing - season of one calamity after another ended in relegation carried an air of inevitability. And, it is only a minor blessing for The Black Cats that the decision has been taken so quickly after its conclusion. It is a sign of how Moyes' stock has fallen that since he was awarded a six-year contract to succeed Sir Alex Ferguson at The Scum in 2013 he has been sacked at Old Trafford, again by the Spanish side Real Sociedad and now has a relegation and resignation on his CV at Blunderland. And, there are still two years left on that original contract with The Scum. Moyes looked a solid appointment in succession to odious lardbucket (and drag) Allardyce but set the negative tone he adopted for the entire campaign when he flagged up a relegation fight after only two games of the season. Blunderland's football was drab and draped in defeat. They have, in short, been a sodding disgrace. The only shining lights were leading scorer Jermain Defoe and promising goalkeeper Jordan Pickford - both of whom now look certain to follow Moyes out of the door. Moyes made some defiant noises about taking charge of Blunderland in the Championship but, in the end, his unpopularity with Mackem fans who had suffered all season, plus the embarrassment of relegation, left him with nowhere to go but away from Wearside.

On, still the hilarity continues. Odious lardbucket (and drag) Sam Allardyce has extremely resigned as Crystal Palace manager five months after he joined the Premier League club. Allardyce replaced Alan Pardew in December on a two-and-half-year deal with The Eagles then one point above the relegation zone. The sixty two-year-old, who had an ill-fated one-game spell as England boss, led the club to eight wins in twenty one games to guide them to a fourteenth-place finish. 'I have no ambitions to take another job,' Allardyce said in a statement. 'I want to be able to savour life while I am still relatively young and when I am still relatively healthy enough to do all the things I want to do, like travel, spend more time with my family and grandchildren without the huge pressure that comes with being a football manager. This is the right time for me. I simply want to be able to enjoy all the things you cannot really enjoy with the 24/7 demands of managing any football club, let alone one in the Premier League.' Odious lardbucket (and drag) Allardyce revealed his decision to chairman Steve Parish at a meeting in London on Tuesday. The Eagles are now looking for their eighth manager in seven years. Although it took Allardyce six games to get his first victory the former Notlob, Blackburn Vindaloos, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle, West Hamsters United and Blunderland boss maintained his record of never being relegated from the Premier League. Albeit, he remains about as popular as a nasty rash on the bell-end at - at least - three of those clubs. Only Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger, Harry Redknapp and David Moyes have managed more games in the Premier League. Allardyce's final game in charge of Palace came on Sunday, a two-nil loss at The Scum, having guaranteed safety the previous week by thrashing relegation-haunted Hull four-nil. Following defeat at Old Trafford, Allardyce indicated his plans to improve the Palace squad in the summer. He had told BBC Sport: 'We now need to grow, develop and invest. You need to choose the right players and not the wrong ones. Recruitment is the difficult task in the summer.'

They're the team from the smallest nation ever to qualify for a World Cup Under Twenty finals and they very nearly pulled off a huge shock holding Mexico two-two until the final seconds of their match in South Korea, but Vanuatu's hearts were broken when the Mexicans scored a winner with pretty much the last kick of the game. So, high drama and a momentous occasion for football in the tiny Pacific island country, but sadly no-one in Vanuatu got to actually watch the game live and see their team make history. The national broadcaster VBTC had said late on Friday that 'matters were in hand' and the match would be shown, but they failed to deliver and now, there are reportedly to be a lot of very angry people in Vanuatu. Harry Attison from Capital 107FM in Port Vila said that he fielded 'a series of calls' from people demanding to know where the TV pictures were, while trying to keep his radio audience up to speed with the game. The President of the Vanuatu Olympic Committee, Antoine Boudier, said that the state broadcaster had 'let the nation down.'

Should He Stay Or Should He Go?

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies' manager, Rafa The Gaffer Benitez, can expect up to one hundred million knicker to spend during the summer on new players following 'positive' discussions with owner Mike Ashley reports have suggested. Benitez guided The Magpies back to the Premier League at the first attempt. And, truly, it was glorious in Th' Toon Army's sight. However, he was said to be seeking 'assurances' that he would be able to strengthen his squad again after the club's promotion. In a club statement, Ashley said that Rafa and managing director Lee Charnley can have 'every last penny the club generates' to build for next term. Benitez added: 'I'm pleased with how the meeting went and the positive approach we are all taking together to build on what we have started this season. There will be challenges ahead of course, the summer will not be easy, but the hard work has been going on for some time and we can now continue positively with the development of the squad ahead of the start of the new season.' The former Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, Moscow Chelski FC and Real Madrid manager signed a three-year contract to remain at Newcastle in May 2016, despite the club dropping into the second tier, and the Spaniard led them to the Championship title on Sunday.

The English Football League recorded its highest cumulative attendances for almost sixty years in 2016-17, with more than eighteen million fans watching matches. Crowds attending Championship, League One and League Two games were up by eleven per cent on the 2015-16 campaign and the most since 1958-59 when 18.8 million punters turned out. The figure was boosted by almost two million fans of Newcastle United and Aston Villains attending home fixtures. However, there was a three per cent rise for the sixty seven clubs in the EFL this season and last. In the Championship, more than eleven thousand supporters went through the turnstiles, with Newcastle boasting the biggest average attendance of more than fifty one thousand (the highest for a non-Premiership or Division One side since 1975) and The Villains second with more than thirty two thousand. League One and League Two champions Sheffield United and Portsmouth had the highest average crowds in their respective divisions - The Blades with just under twenty two thousand and Pompey recording close to seventeen thousand. The three highest cumulative attendances came in the post-war period from 1948 to 1950, when more than twenty three million people watched games in tiers two to four each campaign. 'It is clear to see that the EFL continues to be one of the most watched football competitions and our clubs deserve huge credit for continuing to find new and innovative ways of encouraging supporters through their turnstiles,' EFL chief executive Shaun Harvey said. 'We know that supporters continue to be the lifeblood of our game and the long-term future of the football in this country is looking very healthy, with more and more people choosing to follow their local clubs week in, week out.'

Italian football authorities may face disciplinary action over the treatment of Pescara midfielder Sulley Muntari. Muntari was sent-off after leaving the field claiming that he was racially abused during a Serie A game. He was initially banned for one game but had this overturned by the Italian Football Federation after the outcry over the decision. 'We have a committee in charge of monitoring this and the committee will take action,' FIFA secretary general Fatma Samoura told BBC Sport. 'What matters is that the committee has to act and the sooner the better. I have my personal feelings on anybody that is treated like he has been treated, on the pitch and off the pitch but I'm not here for my personal matters. I'm here to make sure that FIFA takes, through the committee, the appropriate action for any single discriminatory action.' On Tuesday, FIFA president Gianni Infantino said that he would speak to ex-Portsmouth player Muntari, who believes world football's governing body, and European equivalent UEFA are 'not taking racism seriously.' 'We will work together,' said Infantino, who also said that he intends to talk to the head of FIGC, Carlo Tavecchio. 'Unfortunately idiots, there are always idiots everywhere but we have to fight them. We have to work on the people.' FIFA was criticised for disbanding its anti-racism task force last September. The organisation defended this decision at the time, with Samoura then saying that it had 'fulfilled the mandate' for which it was set up in 2013 - which was to provide recommendations for 'a strong programme' to tackle racism. A number of these have been put into action, including the introduction of an Anti-Discrimination Monitoring System to assess eight hundred and fifty high-risk matches for potential discriminatory incidents during the 2018 World Cup qualifiers and friendlies. Speaking ahead of this week's FIFA congress meeting in Bahrain, Samoura adopted a different stance to Infantino, saying: 'I don't have to call people anytime that they have been victim of an abuse.' She continued: 'We've been regularly publicising the action of the committee on every action that relates to racism, homophobic chants and any kind of discrimination. We have monitoring too on anti-discrimination. We have heavy sanctions every time we have been receiving reports.'

Former Sun editor the odious scumbag Kelvin Mackenzie is to leave the paper after making controversial comments in a column about Everton footballer Ross Barkley. The worthless, sneering louse Mackenzie was very suspended after comparing the player - who has a Nigerian grandfather - to a gorilla. A spokesman for the Sun said that Mackenzie 'remained suspended' but would not comment on reports of his departure. According to the Financial Times, however, the terms of Mackenzie's exit are currently being negotiated and he will not be asked to contribute to the newspaper again. In his column, the horrible Mackenzie said that looking at Barkley's eyes had given him 'a similar feeling when seeing a gorilla at the zoo.' His eyes made him 'certain not only are the lights not on, there is definitely nobody at home,' he wrote. Alongside the article was an image of a gorilla next to a picture of the midfielder. The paper subsequently grovellingly apologised for the article, published on 14 April, saying it was 'unaware' of Barkley's heritage. The implication being,it would seem, that if Ross Barkley didn't have any African ancestry then the Sun would have stood by Mackenzie's spiteful, sneering, bully-boy scummish article and would have defended its own use the gorilla photograph. The Sun's snivelling apology claimed that as soon as Barkley's 'background' was drawn to its attention, the article was removed from its website. Perhaps significantly, however, the apology did not extend to other elements of the article, in which the odious rotter Mackenzie suggested that the only people in Liverpool who could earn as much as footballers were drug dealers. Liverpool mayor Joe Anderson had called for Mackenzie to be sacked over the column, describing it as 'a racial slur' and 'a disgrace.' Barkley's lawyers also made a formal complaint about the piece. At the time, Mackenzie claimed that he was 'unaware' Barkley had a Nigerian-born grandfather and denied the column was 'racist.' The Sun's publisher, News UK is, of course, part of News Corp, run by billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch. Ofcom is currently examining an eleven billion smackers bid from Twenty First Century FOX, also run by billionaire tyrant Murdoch, of broadcaster Sky, of which it already owns thirty nine per cent. The BBC's media editor said billionaire tyrant Murdoch and the company 'hoped' that by showing they were willing to sack a long-standing louse such as Mackenzie they will 'send a signal' to Ofcom that they are fit and proper to own Sky outright. When, of course, they are not a fit and proper organisation to run a piss-up in a brewery. Mackenzie was editor of the Sun when it published its infamous front-page article blaming Liverpool fans for the 1989 Hillsborough disaster in which ninety six people died. Mackenzie - after years of arrogant and sneering dismissal of all criticism of the piece - subsequently claimed that he was 'completely duped' and that he had been the victim of a 'black' operation to smear the fans and protect police incompetence which caused the tragedy. One or two people even believed him.

Just Champion

An eighty-ninth minute 'twenty five yard screamer' from The Aston Villains' Jack Grealish gave The Villains a draw against already promoted Brighton & Hove Albinos and meant that yer actual Keith Telly Toping's beloved (though unsellable) Mapgies are the 2017 Championship Champions by but one point. Th' Toon needed to achieve a better result than The Albinos and did so thanks to a three-nil home victory against yer actual Barnsley. Ayoze Perez, Chancel Mbemba and Dwight Gayle scored for United, but it was Grealish's late strike which, ultimately, sealed The Magpies' title. It was a comfortable win for Rafael Benitez's side - yet it looked like it would not be enough to seal the top spot, after Glenn Murray's penalty had put league leaders Brighton in front at Villa Park. However, despite being down to ten-men following Nathan Baker's red card, Grealish beat Brighton's keeper David Stockdale to send The Magpies above The Seagulls in the table. Stockdale who was at fault for the goal, ironically, had used several interviews in recent weeks (like this one, for instance) to criticise those who dared to suggest that Brighton would 'bottle it' in the race for the Championship.

This blogger has to say that, normally, he loathes The Aston Villains and their notoriously fickle and angry fans and everything that they stand for. Keith Telly Topping had a couple of very bad experiences as an away fan at Villa Park in the Eighties and Nineties. They're one of a handful of clubs that he always watches for their results and wants to see lose - badly - directly because of such past indignities (others include Sheffield United, Wolverhampton Wanderings, Wigan Not-Very-Athletic and Dirty Stoke along with, needless to say, The Mackems and The Smoggies). Except for today, obviously. One also rather felt from The Albinos, it has to be said and, especially, for their manager, Chris Hughton, who still has a lot of friends in the North East after his managing Newcastle to the last time they won the Championship, in 2010 and who proved what a class act he is by congratulating Newcastle on winning the league despite his own, obvious, disappointment. Still, by a huge distance, the best two footballing sides in the Championship have gone up to the Premier League and that's the way it should be. Under Rafa The Gaffer, Newcastle brought twelve players to the club after relegation to the Championship last summer, with Matt Ritchie and Gayle moving down a division to sign five-year deals. More than fifty million smackers was spent in transfer fees durig the summer - although that was more than offset by the sales of various lazy glakes like Andros Townsend, Moussa Sissoko and Georginio Wijnaldum among others. Nevertheless, The Magpies were still under huge pressure to achieve immediate promotion - a feat which they managed with two games to spare despite losing the first two games of the season. Benitez's side have battled with Brighton throughout the season for top spot, but since The Seagulls achieved promotion on 17 April they have dropped off the pace dramatically. Ultimately it was three straight wins for Newcastle and three matches without a win for Hughton's side that told, giving Th' Toon the perfect end to the campaign.
      At the bottom, the three-way fight to avoid the final relegation place was very lost by Blackburn Vindaloos, despite a three-one win at Brentford. Nottingham Forest's home victory over Ipswich and Birmingham's narrow win at Bristol City condemned the Vindaloos to life in League One next season. It was, truth be told, a bit of a bugger as to which of the three teams fighting for the last relegation place this blogger wanted to go down. He really dislikes Forest, another place where this blogger once var nigh got his head kicked in for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and, especially, after that utterly criminal alleged 'win' over our lot last December when Henri Lansbury - ironically, now playing for The Aston Villains - cheated a disgracefully incompetent referee into sending two of our lot off (both, subsequently overturned on appeal, not that this changed the result, of course). But, that said, Keith Telly Topping has a good mate who is a big Forest fan and there's still a bit of residual respect hung-over from The Cloughie Years. This blogger is, usually, okay with Birmingham ... except that they've now got Hapless Harry Redknapp as their manager. Plus, Jasper Carrott's a big fan so, you know, demotion to the National League would be too good for 'em under any normal circumstances. Blackburn Vindaloos, frankly, deserve everything they get for the outrageously poor way the club has been run by its absentee owners during the last few years. But, Matt Smith's a big fan and one would never want poor old Smudger to suffer. In the end, though, it was a bad day for Smudger.

Finally, one has to wonder if that was the real Championship trophy or whether they had two - both, presumably, replicas - one at St James and one at Villa Park in case of either eventuality?

The Football League has written to Huddersfield to 'request their observations regarding team selection' for last Saturday's two-nil defeat by Birmingham City. The Terriers made ten changes for the trip to St Andrew's having sealed a Championship play-off place, but the EFL said that the result would stand. Blackburn Vindaloos manager Tony Mowbray later questioned Huddersfield's line-up. Blackburn, who currently occupy the final relegation place, are two points behind Harry Redknapp's Blues - that's Birmingham, incidentally, not a Muddy Waters b-side - with one game to play. The EFL said in a statement: 'We have today written to Huddersfield Town to request their observations in relation to team selection during their recent Championship match with Birmingham City and, as per our regulations, the EFL executive will refer the matter to the board if it is deemed appropriate to do so. It should be noted, however, that the result of Saturday's game will stand in all circumstances and any potential action would be taken against Huddersfield Town directly.' Blackpool and Wolverhampton Wanderings were both fined for fielding much-changed teams in League matches in 2010 and 2009 respectively.

The Football Association will trial 'sin bins' in the lower leagues of English football from next season. The FA plans to introduce what it calls 'temporary dismissals' in England's step seven - six tiers below the National League - and the leagues below it. They will only apply to yellow cards shown for dissent and will see players leave the field for ten minutes to sit on The Naughty Step. It will also be tested in Sunday League and male and female youth football. More than one thousand clubs received e-mails over the weekend asking if they were willing to be part of the pilot process. What will happen to those who say no is not, at this stage, known. However, as an incentive, clubs are normally charged a ten quid fine for each yellow card they receive but the FA will not be charging this administration fee for those that participate. Step seven is the bottom level of English football's National League System, which feeds into the country's professional leagues.

Blunderland manager - for the moment, anyway - David Moyes has been given more time to respond to a Football Association charge for telling BBC reporter Vicki Sparks she might 'get a slap.' Moyes was extremely charged with bringing the game into disrepute with his comments after the game against Burnley in March. He was initially given until 6pm on 3 May to respond but the fifty four-year-old requested more time. To get his story straight, presumably. The Scot now has until 10 May to respond or to cough up to his guilt and take the punishment due like a man. Moyes' comments came after an interview in which he was asked by Vicki whether the presence of Blunderland's absentee owner, Ellis Short, in the ground had put extra pressure on Moyes. He said 'no' but, after the interview, added that Vicki 'might get a slap even though you're a woman' and that she should be 'careful' next time she visited The Stadium Of Plight. What a total hero he is, threatening a woman just for doing her job. Class act, Mister Moyes. The Mackems were battling against relegation at the time but their drop into the Championship was confirmed after a home defeat by Bournemouth on Saturday.

Meanwhile, both Blunderland and Bournemouth have both been extremely charged with failing to control their players in last Saturday's Premier League match at The Stadium Of Plight. The Football Association charge relates to an incident in the seventy sixth minute of Bournemouth's one-nil win, which saw Blunderland very relegated. The clubs 'failed to ensure that their players conducted themselves in an orderly fashion,' the FA said. They have until 6pm on 5 May to respond to the charge. Players from both sides were involved in 'an altercation' when Blunderland's Fabio Borini challenged Bournemouth defender Lewis Cook from behind. There followed a geet rive on with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. Borini and Bournemouth midfielder Harry Arter were shown yellow cards, the latter for his reaction to the foul.

Matias Dituro is the goalkeeper of Bolivian club Bolivar. His duty is to protect the goal, try and get clean sheets and lead his team at the back. But he can also score goals. The Argentine goalkeeper scored for his club in a win over San Jose last week by punting the ball from his own box into the open goal at the other end of the field. Take a look here.

Mind you, if you think that's good, check out Oscarine Masuluke, the goalkeeper for Baroka FC in South Africa's top-flight, scoring a quite stunning overhead kick in the ninety sixth minute of their game against Orlando Pirates. Tasty! The goalkeeper was sent forward for a late corner to try and savage something from the match, which Baroka were losing one-nil at the time. With the set piece only half cleared, Masuluke was first to the loose ball and, with his back to goal, launched himself into the air to score spectacularly.

Sky Sports really should have had a bit of a rethink concerning the abbreviations that they used for Saturday's game between Hartlepool United and Doncaster Rovers which, despite a battling two-one win, still saw the Monkey Hangers relegated from the Football League after ninety six years in residence. (This blogger is indebted to Chris Orton for both the observation and the screengrab.)

Everton winger Aaron Lennon was detained under the Mental Health Act by police over concerns for his welfare earlier in the week. The thirty-year-old was taken to hospital 'for assessment' after police were called to Salford on Sunday. Lennon is now 'receiving care and treatment for a stress-related illness,' his club has said. The England international, who joined Everton from Stottingtot Hotshots in 2015, has not played for the first team since February. Greater Manchester Police said: 'Police were called at around 4.35pm to reports of a concern for the welfare of a man on Eccles Old Road. Officers attended and a thirty-year-old man was detained under section one hundred and thirty six of the Mental Health Act and was taken to hospital for assessment.'