Monday 4 February 2013

Allez Oop North!

Moussa Sissoko scored twice on his home debut as yer actual Newcastle came from behind to beat the vile scum of Moscow Chelski FC in a rousing game at St James' Park on Saturday. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) United won for the second time in a week, following Tuesday night's victory at Aston Villains, to haul themselves a few points clear of the relegation zone. Which was jolly nice. Former Magpies striker Demba Ba had the first decent chance of the game, but headed wide and then went off as he was caught in the face by Fabricio Coloccini's boot and sustained a reported broken snitch. After the game, Mosocw Chelski FC manager, the much-criticised big-gob Rafa Benitez, ridiculously, claimed that this incident should have led to a penalty for Moscow Chelski FC and the sending off of Coloccini, an utterly ludicrous, risible statement from this odious fraction of man over what was a - clear - accident. Still, that's Moscow Chelski FC for you all over, whinge, whinge, whinge when things aren't going their way. Benítez was clearly relieved to have been given a chance to divert attention away from the defeat, but his was not an entirely convincing argument. 'It was a penalty and a red card,' he said. 'If that happened in the middle of the park, play would have been brought back, a free-kick given and a red card shown.' By the same logic, it could be argued that Ramires should have been sent off for a despicable two-footed lunge on Gutiérrez a few minutes earlier. Allegedly contentious refereeing decisions, however, cannot disguise the fact that Newcastle, over the ninety minutes, deserved to win and to move further away from relegation trouble. Minutes later, Jonas Gutierrez headed the opener but Moscow Chelski FC in the second half responded through Frank Lampard's thunderbolt and Juan Mata's curling finish. Sissoko equalised on sixty eight minutes and struck a superb winner from twenty yards in stoppage time. It was a thrilling introduction to the home supporters for the French midfielder, who signed for Newcastle on 25 January and was a constant threat all afternoon. Newcastle boss Alan Pardew had described his new capture as the difference in their crucial win over Aston Villains in midweek, and here the twenty three-year-old proved indefatigable as the Magpies struggled to subdue their visitors, teaming up superbly with fellow home débutant Yoan Gouffran and the creative Yohan Cabaye. Consecutive victories for the first time since April moved Newcastle eight points clear of the relegation zone and suggested that, despite losing Ba to the European champions earlier in January, United have realistic hopes of climbing the table again and continuing their run in the Europa League. Moscow Chelski FC, for all their second-half revival, fell to their first away defeat since 1 December. Indeed, Benitez's side are now winless in four games in all competitions - which is funny - and although there were some enterprising moments, not least Lampard's and Mata's superb goals, this result will hardly win Benitez any new fans at Torpedo Stamford Bridge. Moscow Chelski FC's afternoon was summed up by Ba, who had a game to forget on his return to St James' Park. The Senegalese was booed from the start and ended up leaving the field before half-time with what was later confirmed to be a broken nose after taking an accidental kick in the face from Coloccini as the Argentine defender tried to clear a loose ball. The injury occurred as Ba almost gave Moscow Chelski FC the lead. He collected Lampard's throughball and, when his first effort was saved by Tim Krul, the ball bounced back to him and he headed inches wide, taking a whack in the mush in the process. Ba received lengthy treatment on the sidelines as blood streamed from his nose, although referee Howard Webb did not penalise the home defender - not that there was any reason why he should. No sooner had Ba returned to the field than Newcastle were ahead. The hosts had already tested Petr Cech on several occasions, with Papiss Cissé coming closest, but they made the breakthrough when Cabaye swept the ball out to Davide Santon and Gutierrez stole between the Moscow Chelski FC defenders to head home the left-back's pinpoint cross. The goal marked a period of sustained Newcastle dominance but that changed ten minutes after the break when Lampard picked the ball up thirty yards from goal and arrowed it into the top corner to reach double figures in the Premier League for the tenth consecutive season. Mata's finish four minutes later was equally exquisite, as he received substitute Fernando Torres's lay-off to curl past the stretching Krul and give the Blues the lead. It occurred just as Cissé tangled with odious little cheat Ashley Cole in an off the ball incident. Sadly, Papiss didn't give the whinging little shit something proper to cry about - like that time Cole's wife walked out on him - and harmony was restored. Moscow Chelski FC looked to be coping well without Ba, but Newcastle remained a threat on the break and from Gouffran's surging run they equalised, his shot parried by Cech as far as Sissoko, who turned it in. But the Frenchman saved his best for last, receiving Santon's cutback to beat Cech at his near post from twenty yards. Even then Lampard could have levelled once more, but his shot was blocked by Steven Taylor as Newcastle's French revolution continued. Elsewhere in the Premier League, The Arse greatly aided their pursuit of Champions League qualification with a hard-fought victory over Stoke. At the bottom of the table, Queens Park Strangers and Aston Villains both picked up draws - against Norwich and Everton respectively - but still saw the gap to safety grow after Reading grabbed a valuable win over Blunderland, while Southampton were forced to settle for a draw at Wigan and The Hamsters eased any pressure they were feeling with a win over Swansea.

France's biggest-selling and highly influential sports newspaper L'equipe believes their country has 'saved' yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United. And they don't mind boasting about it. As is the French way. Their front page headline after The Magpies' win at Aston Villains last Tuesday night read Ils Les Aiment Déjà, which translates to They like them already referring to the trio of French débutants who made such a fine first impression. Even better, in the inside pages they claimed Le made in France, ça marche – 'Made in France, it's working!' There will, no doubt, be more of that sort of thing after Saturday's result when Moussa Sissoko's two goals sank Moscow Cheslski FC. But, don't think for a second dear blog reader that the French football public, and the media at large, are overly happy that so many of their best players have left their own country behind for Tyneside. However, that does not mean they are not fascinated that so many of their Frenchmen call Newcastle their home. L’equipe, which sells half a million copies on a daily basis, also has its own television channel in France, and Newcastle United have become big news. One of their journalists, Damien Dubras, was in the city last week to interview Alan Pardew and many of United's French contingent for his popular TV show. He revealed that France doesn't quite know what to make of this French Revolution that is taking place in the North East of a country they've always had an uneasy relationship with. Dubras said: 'We don't like the idea of losing so many of our best players, but there isn't much our clubs can do. And it's crazy that Newcastle have signed so many French players. That would not happen back home. Having seven or eight Englishmen in a French side. We just would not put up with that. Paris St Germain, who are backed by Qatari owners, have the money to buy lots of good foreign players, which they have done, but that has not gone down well with everyone. But in saying that, Newcastle is a big story back home. There were a few French journalists at Alan Pardew's press conference two weeks ago, I was sent over last week and there is another part from L'equipe due next week.' Dubras believes that money more than any other reason is behind the French influx and he is probably right. France president François Hollande recently announced a plan to impose a whopping seventy five per cent tax on footballers’ salaries, a proposal which prompted another headline that read The Death of French Football. The French FA estimated the measure would cost French clubs one billion smackers, albeit it now looks as if the tax rate won't rise to quite so high a figure. Relegation-threatened Queens Park Strangers have signed Loic Remy, a Newcastle target, from Marseille, a move which simply would not have happened ten years ago. As Rennes manager Frédéric Antonetti said: 'The bottom club in England has just nicked one of our best players! Does that not make you wonder what is happening to French football?' Newcastle chief scout Graham Carr - Alan's dad - is the man behind the signings this month of Mathieu Debuchy, Yoan Gouffran, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Massadio Haidara and Moussa Sissoko, plus the French players already at the club like Yohan Cabaye, Hatem Ben Arfa and Sylvian Marveaux. 'Will I go on signing players from France? Yes, because I love France and the French players,' Carr told L'Equipe in an interview last week. 'We sign them because we had a lot of success working with Hatem Ben Arfa and Yohan Cabaye. They are really good players very professional, which is essential these days. They are clever, they understand quickly what we want and they have a very interesting tactical culture, and that is because French education is excellent, really.' Not only do Newcastle have to thank France for good footballers, they have also brought some class gourmet as well. Thursday’s menu training ground was soupe a l’oignon, canard, coquille saint jacques, selection de fromages. But, don't think this is all one-way. France have taken ownership of an Englishman this season when Joey Barton signed for Marseille. It does seem that England, and Newcastle in particular, have the better deal.

HE may be one half of a football phenomena, but Peter Hartley wasn't even sure if he had scored let alone hit the headlines on Saturday. Hartley and James Poole both netted for Hartlepool, the captain firing the winner over Notts County after Poole got the first. The pair have been team-mates at Victoria Park since summer 2011, but this is the first time they have been on the score sheet together. And, while Pools remain at the bottom of League One, the scoring duo have been noted across the globe. Hartley, who watched his second-half header creep over the line, said: 'I didn't realise how much coverage we would get, but James realised straight away. I was in a world of my own after scoring. We all knew it was over the line, but I was on edge looking at the linesman. We just need to discuss about getting a cut of things for our image rights now!'