All the 'feel-good' factor and, frankly, daft quasi-nationalistic euphoria which had built up around England after their opening two wins at the 2018 World Cup disappeared like a fart emerging unwillingly from a pile-ringed anus on Thursday evening in Kaliningrad as a much-changed - and ponderously slow - England team lost by a single goal to a much-changed - and, frankly, not that much better - Belgium in the final game of the first round. 'It's not a night that either team will want to remember,' said the ITV commentator about a depressingly dull game which, to paraphrase a line from the classic 1970s sitcom Porridge, often appeared to be 'a question of which one of them was going to burst into tears first.' Adnan Januzaj scored the winner with a curled effort in the second half, the one moment of genuine quality in an otherwise pretty dreadful affair all round. Ruben Loftus-Cheek miscued a free header for England, Marcus Rashford had a shot tipped wide by Belgium goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois and substitute Danny Welbeck tried to be clever when set up by Danny Rose five minutes from time and ended up toe-poking the ball hopelessly wide from close range. Eric Dier was anonymous throughout whilst Fabian Delph gave the ball away far more often than he managed to find a pass to another player in white. It was, frankly, a right load of old toot. The Red Devils boss Roberto Martinez had said before the game 'the priority was not to win' but his team carved out the better chances. Youri Tielemans tested Jordan Pickford with a dipping drive from long range and Moscow Chelski FC striker Michy Batshuayi had a close-range effort cleared off the line by Gary Cahill after Pickford had done his finest yet impression of Wankhands Joe Hart. Rashford, one of eight players to come in for England, missed a number of good chances, striking a free-kick over and curling wide in the second-half. He, Jamie Vardy and Welbeck all looked less likely to score than a one-legged man looks like winning an arse-kicking competition and, if the realisation hasn't hit all England fans now that, unless we're playing Panama every week, if Harry Kane doesn't score, England don't score, it never will. Kane is the tournament's leading scorer with five goals and has not yet been the beneficiary of a reliable supply line. He is the central figure in England's World Cup ambitions, the leader on-and-off the field and a striker every defence at this tournament would be anxious about facing. Southgate's reluctance to throw Kane into the action, even when England were losing and posing little danger, was perhaps an even bigger indicator of just how important he feels Kane will be in the knockout stage. Vardy and Rashford did their best - and may make contributions further down the line - but toothless England's lack of penetration only emphasised their heavy reliance, some would argue over-reliance, on their captain and talisman. There will, of course, be those tragic numbskull glakes who have been getting out their slide-rules and scribbling notes in the margin of their World Cup wall-charts - as they do every time England get close to the knockout stages - saying that finishing second in the group would be preferable to topping it, given the potential quarter final opponents from either scenario. They may be happy with how things turned out in Kaliningrad. A completely ludicrous view given that, as Gareth Southgate has pointed out several times when asked about whether his team would be 'trying not to win' against Belgium, since 1990 England have only won two knockout stage games in World Cups (against Ecuador and Denmark, if you're taking notes). The arrogance of those who are already busy plotting England's route to the semi-finals is, as Alan Shearer notes, staggering. Even Southgate has suggested that he is, on one level, 'glad' that England have 'edged back' after the national 'love-in' following the Panama victory. The game against Belgium finished in a sort of surreal atmosphere where, seemingly, no one - neither set of fans and neither set of players - looked over-bothered about the result. The real test - for both - starts now. England will play Colombia - sixteenth in FIFA's rankings and quarter finalists four years ago - in Moscow on Tuesday at 7pm, while Belgium face Japan in Rostov-on-Don a day earlier.
And in the other Group G game, that one that had an audience of about three on ITV4, a second-half strike from Blunderland's Wahbi Khazri ensured Tunisia ended their World Cup campaign with a victory, as Panama finished bottom. The North African side fell a goal behind when Jose Luis Rodriguez's effort deflected in off Yassine Meriah. Fakhreddine Ben Youssef equalised when he tapped home Khazri's low ball. The provider then grabbed his second goal of the tournament when he fired home Oussama Haddadi's cross.
The cliché suggests that one should never - not never - write it. But now, seemingly, we can.
Yes, dear blog reader, almost as unbelievable as it is to write these words, defending world champions Germany were eliminated from the World Cup and finished rock bottom of Group F after losing two-nil to South Korea in Kazan on Wednesday. God, it was funny. Express any worry in Germany about how the national team is going to perform at a major tournament and a single-word response usually follows. 'Turniermannschaft,' you will be told. It means, literally, 'tournament team' and the implication is that when a major tournament comes around, Germany always turn up. And, to be fair, they almost always do. After the defeat by South Korea the 'deadly silence in the dressing room' that their coach spoke of later said it all; in Russia, for once they didn't. Kim Young-Gwon's ninety second-minute goal, awarded after a video assistant referee decision, left four-time winners Germany on the brink of elimination. Then, six minutes into stoppage time, with Germany goalkeeper Manuel Neuer in possession in the opponents' half, Ju Se-Jong robbed him and launched the ball forward. Son Heung-Min ran from his own half and tapped into an empty net to seal the German's sorry fate. It was the first time since 1938 that a Germany or West Germany side has not advanced beyond the first section of the tournament (although, that excludes the 1950 competition, in which they didn't take part), as Joachim Löw's side crashed and burned in Russia. The last time that had happened to the Germans was at The Battle of Kursk. Oh, hang on, it's probably best not to mention the VAR. Eighty years ago, Germany lost four-two in a replay against Switzerland to go out in the first round of the 1938 World Cup when it was a straight knockout tournament but their 2018 exit was the first time that Germany had ever failed to make it through the group stage at a World Cup in which they have competed. With Sweden winning three-nil against Mexico in the other group game, Germany knew that they had to score in a frantic finish to have any hope of progressing. A win for Germany would have edged Mexico out on goal difference but the drama came at the other end as Kim put the ball into the net. It was initially ruled out for offside, however, the VAR review showed that the ball had deflected into Kim's path off a German player - Toni Kroos - and, therefore, the goal was correctly given. With Germany desperately looking for an equaliser, Neuer joined the attack. But he was caught out as a long ball left Stottingtot Hotshots striker Son with the simple task of walking the ball into the net to spark jubilant celebrations among the Asian side, even though their own elimination had already been confirmed. The Germans will bitterly regret their wastefulness in front of goal when the game was still goalless. South Korea's goalkeeper Cho Hyeon-Woo made a series of fine saves, particularly a one-handed effort from Leon Goretzka's header whilst Timo Werner volleyed wide from near the penalty shot. Mats Hummels headed over the top when unmarked six yards out in the closing stages, before those two late Korean goals. South Korea, despite winning a lot of friends with their open, attractive play, nevertheless went into the match with no points from their opening two games after losing to both Sweden and Mexico. However, they still had a mathematical chance of qualifying for the last sixteen, although they needed Mexico to beat Sweden. South Korea had the first chance when Jung Woo-Young's free-kick was fumbled by Neuer, who punched clear bravely as Son tried to get to the rebound. Son also lashed a volley wide, before being booked in the second-half as referee Mark Geiger adjudged that he had dived in an attempt to win a penalty (subsequent TV replays suggested he had, in fact, be the victim of a foul). Even though the score in Ekaterinburg ended South Korea's hopes of going through, they still sensed the possibility of memorable win over the Germans. The team, fifty seventh in FIFA's world rankings, achieved that victory thanks to the two late goals, both of which were celebrated as if they had qualified themselves. Ahead of the game, Löw had talked repeatedly about the need to protect against counter-attacks, the sort of swift counter-attacking which is normally right up Germany's collective über-straße. Three measures, he suggested, were necessary: better ball circulation, better counter-pressing and more protection of the space in front of the back four. To achieve the first two objectives, Löw brought back into the side the out of form Mesut Özil in place of Julian Draxler. The Arse playmaker took up some good positions between the lines but had more impact defensively, combining well with Marco Reus and Timo Werner to win the ball in dangerous positions for Germany. Leon Goretzka, a surprise addition on the right, where Thomas Müller usually roams, had the task of supporting right-back Joshua Kimmich against the threat of Son Heung-Min while box-to-box specialist Sami Khedira was reinstalled behind Toni Kroos as a somewhat reluctant holding midfielder. The partial success of these changes - Niklas Sule replaced the suspended Jérôme Boateng - in Germany's play against the ball was, unfortunately, offset by a severe lack of fluidity when they actually had hold of it. Khedira's limited range of passing and lack of pace hurt the holders' approach play. They often seemed caught in two minds: should they try to hit runners early or keep the ball in the oppressive heat with a view to exhaust the South Koreans? The ensuing uninspiring mishmash was summed up a few minutes before half-time when Goretzka took the ball from a deep position and started running down the channel all by himself, until his path was blocked by a red shirt. Shin Tae-Yong's team felt it more difficult to keep up the tempo in the second-half and, inevitably, dropped deeper. Germany's game in possession became a little more composed as a result, but a header from Goretzka and a skewed volley from Werner aside, chances were still at a premium. The Leipzig man did not lead the line effectively and was much happier when moved out to the right when Mario Gómez arrived on the hour mark. The introduction of the Stuttgart striker could be seen as an admission that Löw's system wasn't working. A further substitution saw Müller - so horribly disappointing in the previous two games - on for Goretzka. In a tournament that saw Germany create little from set pieces - Kroos' wonder-strike against Sweden apart - the inability to produce pretty much anything from open play either was, ultimately, their downfall. Germany are the fourth defending champions to be eliminated from the Group Stage at the World Cup in the last five tournaments (after France in 2002, Italy in 2010 and Spain in 2014). Since the 2010 tournament, Germany have lost both of their World Cup matches in which Müller has not started (they also lost to Spain in the 2010 semi-final).
Of course, the reaction in the German media to this was far more measured and dignified than the sort of nonsense which usually goes on in England whenever we get knocked out of a major tournament. Wasn't it?
More unexpectedly, perhaps, there was some sympathy and understanding from the British tabloid press. No, actually, that's a complete and utter lie, there wasn't that or anything even remotely like it. There was, however, amid the sneering the first recorded instance of the Sun using a word with four syllables on its front page. So, credit where it's due.
And, it was nice to see that the Brazilians have seemingly managed to get over the Germans beating them seven-one in 2014 in an impressively adult way.
Sweden coach Janne Andersson said that he would be 'dead inside' if he had not reacted to provocative celebrations by some of the German bench after their World Cup defeat last week. Andersson was incandescent with anger by the crass and ignorant behaviour of two German officials at the final whistle, which he called 'scornful.' Ulrich Voigt and Georg Behlau appeared to taunt the Swedish bench and were subsequently suspended by the German FA for their final group game. 'It had nothing to do with football,' added Andersson. FIFA's disciplinary committee opened proceedings against Voigt, Germany's media co-ordinator and Behlau, head of their backroom staff. But the DFB said that the pair of naughty scallywags would 'not have access to the pitch' during Wednesday's game against South Korea. A DFB statement read: 'Independent of the FIFA disciplinary committee's decision, the DFB and the two colleagues in question want to make a clear point of having realised the impact of their unsportsmanlike behaviour and announce that they will have no function in the pitchside area at the next game.' The DFB did not say whether they would resume their pitchside positions if Germany reached the knockout stage. But, of course, they didn't.
One imagines, therefore, that Andersson had a smile as wide as the Baltic on Wednesday as Sweden propelled themselves into the World Cup knockout stage with a handsome victory over Mexico that qualified them as Group F winners and condemned Germany to early elimination. Mexico, undone on the counter-attack and from the penalty spot before conceding an own goal, nevertheless joined Sweden in reaching the next round as runners-up despite their defeat. Sweden also had a first-half penalty claim for a handball by Javier Hernandez which was denied despite going to a VAR review, but in the end it mattered little after three second-half goals. Ludwig Augustinsson fired Sweden ahead five minutes after the break when a Viktor Claesson mis-hit inadvertently found him free at the far post, before Andreas Granqvist smashed in a penalty twelve minutes later following a Hector Moreno trip on Marcus Berg. Mexico - who went close through a curling Carlos Vela effort in the first half - pressed hard for a reply but were punished again when Edson Alvarez clumsily turned in an attempted clearance past his own keeper. Juan Carlos Osorio's side, so impressive in their two previous wins over Germany and South Korea, should have at least a goal despite their underwhelming performance but for a woeful Vela header in the closing stages. With the game fading into injury time and Sweden certain of victory, Mexican fans began to turn their attention to what was before the game appeared unthinkable - possible elimination. At that stage, Germany were still drawing with South Korea, and a late goal for Joachim Löw's side would have moved Germany into second place on goal difference. The two late goals for South Korea - the second coming after the final whistle had been blown in Ekaterinburg - were greeted with wild celebration and considerable relief by the Mexican fans at the end of a performance by their own team which had given them little to cheer about. This was the first time in Colombian Osario's fifty one matches in charge of Mexico that he made no changes from their previous match. But his team were completely unrecognisable from the victory over South Korea that followed that impressive opening win against Germany. They found it far more difficult against Sweden, who threw everything towards claiming the win. It now seems that Osario - criticised in the past for too much tinkering - will face questions of a different sort, just when he thought he had found his best starting eleven. Sweden's cruel last-minute defeat by Germany in the second round of matches looked to have severely diminished their chances of reaching the knockout stage. But how emphatically they put that result behind them. Before Toni Kroos' ninety fifth-minute goal, Sweden had performed much in the same way as they did here. Difficult to break down, dangerous on the counter and combative at every opportunity. The only difference was that they were far more clinical against Mexico when chances presented themselves and their three second-half goals left their opponents reeling. Competing at the tournament for the first time since 2006, it will be intriguing to see how far Sweden can go. Especially now that they are free of sneering Germans taunting them on the sidelines. Sweden have now reached the last sixteen of the World Cup on each of the last four occasions in which they have qualified for the tournament whilst Mexico have reached the second round in each of the last eight World Cup tournaments they have taken part in. Mexico's Jesus Gallardo was shown a yellow card after just fifteen seconds in this game - the quickest that anyone has ever been booked in the World Cup.
England's record-breaking victory over Panama at the World Cup actually drew an eighty three per cent peak share of the available television audience to BBC1. The match on Sunday attracted a peak overnight audience of over fourteen million punters as England secured a place in the last sixteen with their biggest ever win at a World Cup. There were also 2.8m requests (3.05m with on-demand) to stream the match on BBC iPlayer and the BBC Sport website. In terms of comparing the peak share, it was eighty nine per cent for the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony. The other eleven per cent were round at Morrissey's house watching Emmerdale. Probably.
The former Moscow Chelski FC Chelsea and Stottingtot Hotshots defender Jason Cundy has snivellingly apologised after his claim, broadcast on national television, that female football commentators are 'too high-pitched.' The, hopefully soon-to-be-former, TalkSport presenter offered up his - completely worthless - opinions on ITV's Good Morning Britain, before being labelled 'a sexist pig' by the show's co-host, that oily odious twat Piers Morgan. Jesus, dear blog reader, it's come to a pretty shite state of affairs when one is actually forced to agree with something Piers Morgan has said. Shame on you for that, Jason Cundy. And, you were a crap footballer as well so what the Hell right you have passing comment on The World Cup is another question entirely. This blogger's former BBC Newcastle colleague Vicki Sparks became the first female commentator for a BBC TV World Cup match when she presented Portugal's Group B clash against Morocco from Moscow last Wednesday. However, Cundy was, seemingly, not a fan and told the programme: 'I found it a tough listen. I prefer to hear a male voice. For ninety minutes listening to a high-pitched tone isn't what I want to hear. When there's a moment of drama, which there often is in football, I think that moment needs to be done with a slightly lower voice.' The ITV reporter and presenter Jacqui Oatley responded on Twitter: 'Frustrating that this "female commentator" debate is still such an issue, eleven years after my first Match Of The Day game and eight years after I did seven live World Cup commentaries on 5Live. Voice/style preference is always subjective - to say it "shouldn't be allowed' says more about the critic.' As does the fact that Cundy never even got close to winning an England cap or playing at the level he's now supposed to be such an expert on. Cundy subsequently insisted that he was not 'questioning the expertise or otherwise' of female presenters - oh no, very hot water - adding: 'It's nothing to do with her insight, the way she delivers it or her knowledge or her ability to do the job - it's the voice.' On Monday night he went further and offered an apology via Twitter. He wrote: 'I want to sincerely apologise for the comments I made on Good Morning Britain. I came away realising just how foolish and out of order they were and how I deserved the backlash I have received. There are times when you have to hold your hands up and admit you are wrong and have been an idiot - and this is definitely one of those times. I regret the comments and also the hurt and anger they caused. I realise there is absolutely no place for these demeaning attitudes towards female commentators and I'm truly sorry.' One or two people even believed him.
Russia's impressive start to the World Cup ended as they had a man sent-off and were easily defeated by Uruguay, whose victory means they top Group A. There was a party atmosphere around the scorching Samara Arena before kick-off, with fans having travelled from all over the country keen to share in the good feeling surrounding their national team. Russia had scored eight goals in sweeping victories over Saudi Arabia Under Elevens and Egypt and were already guaranteed to progress, but they went behind in their final group match after only ten minutes when Luis Suarez drilled in a clever low free-kick. It got worse for Stanislav Cherchesov's side when a Diego Laxalt effort from twenty five yards was deflected in by Denis Cheryshev, leaving his keeper, Igor Akifneev, stranded and in the position of having conceded three goals at the tournament without making a save. Akinfeev did then come out to block a Rodrigo Bentancur chance, with Roman Zobnin just scrambling the rebound clear of Edinson Cavani, before Igor Smolnikov picked up a second yellow card and was sent off thirty five minutes into his World Cup debut. After the break, Russia's ten men composed themselves and at least managed to wrest back some control of the match, with Uruguay always looking dangerous but perhaps happy to concede possession and protect their lead. The hosts were rewarded with their best chances of the match, the first to Artem Dzuba, who fired wildly over the bar from inside the box, the second by Fedor Smelov, who dazzled to find space in behind the Uruguay defence but failed to pick out a team-mate with what looked to be an easy cut-back. But the final word was left to Cavani, who put several earlier misses behind him to get his first goal of the tournament by stabbing in from close range after an Akinfeev parry, ensuring Russia finished as runners-up. One could suggest - rightly - that this was the first time Russia had faced any quality opposition at this tournament and, for many, the manner of this defeat will mark them out as vulnerable in the next round. Right from the outset - and even at the end when there was very little hope of a comeback emerging - there was much of the same remarkable vocal support from the stands. But, on the pitch there was very little of the dynamism we saw from Russia's players in their opening two victories. Almost every set-piece was delivered too long and there were so many key sloppy passes - like Yuri Gazinskiy's to begin the passage of play that led to Suarez scoring from a free-kick - or Mario Fernandes' when for once early in the second-half Uruguay looked like they might be opened up. Perhaps the fact that Russia started this game having already qualified affected their approach. Perhaps it was the oppressive heat. Midfielder Aleksandr Golovin, one of their best performers here so far, was also rested. What is certain is that now, having finished second, Russia will play their next match at Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium, where they beat Saudi Arabia Under Elevens five-nil in the tournament's opening match. However, it is unlikely that their opponents will be as woeful and inept. There was very little doubt about who would win this game after an early period in which Russia were blown away. Suarez looked determined to impress after his poor opening match against Egypt, and it was his clever low free-kick that set the tone for what was a very comfortable victory. There was plenty of noise from the stands - so Uruguay goalkeeper Fernando Muslera will have had many quieter games in terms of volume - but he had little work to do as he became his country's all-time leading appearance maker at the World Cup. At his fourteenth match at the tournament and on the occasion of his one hundredth cap, Uruguay simply out-performed Russia and, of course, were for much of the game a player better off. There was even, finally, a goal for Cavani right at the end. For a long time it looked like it would not come as the Paris St-Germain striker endured a mostly frustrating evening. He missed three good chances before finally things fell into place as the rebound from an Akinfeev parry landed kindly at his feet.
Mohamed Salah scored his second goal of the World Cup but Egypt ended their campaign pointless with defeat by Saudi Arabia Under Elevens at Volgograd Arena. The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws forward gave Egypt the lead with a brilliant lob over keeper Yasser Al-Mosailem in the twenty second minute. Egypt's Essam El Hadary, at forty five, became the oldest player to feature at a World Cup and saved Fahad Al Muwallad's penalty. However, he could not stop Salman Al Faraj's spot-kick and was beaten again by Salem Al Dawsari with seconds left. El Hadary became the oldest player to feature in a World Cup match and the team scored their first World Cup goal from open play since 1934, whilst the Saudis scored their first goals of the tournament. However, the focus was on El Hadary, who at forty five years and one hundred and sixty one days beat the record of Colombia keeper Faryd Mondragon (forty three at Brazil 2014) to become the oldest player to take to the field. He began his international career in 1996. He had little to do in the first half until the forty first minute when the Asian side were awarded a penalty for Ahmed Fathy's handball. Al Muwallad took the spot-kick, but his firm strike was brilliantly pushed onto the bar by the veteran keeper. However, the euphoria was extinguished in first-half stoppage time when Saudi Arabia were awarded a second penalty after a VAR review confirmed that Ali Gabr had pulled down Al Muwallad in the area. Al Faraj took over the spot-kick duties and fired his effort to the right of El Hadary. The goalkeeper remained vigilant throughout and made exceptional stops from Hussain Al-Mogahwi and Mohannad Aseri headers. However, just when it seemed like his heroics had earned his side their first point of the tournament, Al Dawsari fired in an angled shot for Saudi Arabia's first World Cup win since 1994. It was a tale of two halves for a still clearly only half-fit Salah. In the first period, he looked dangerous and worked well in tandem with right-sided midfielder Trezeguet. His goal was classic Salah - collecting a long, raking pass with one touch before lifting the ball over the advancing Saudi Arabia goalkeeper. The twenty six-year-old should have doubled his tally when he found himself one-on-one with Al-Mosailem, but instead inexplicably hit his finish wide of the left-hand post. Salah was less effective in attack after the break and was forced to defend as Egypt came under pressure from their opponents. That pre-tournament injury and controversy over his meeting with the Chechnya leader meant it was not the ideal build-up to his first World Cup, nor the finish he would have wanted. Having scored two goals, Salah may feel he at least left his own personal mark on football's biggest stage. But, some Egyptian fans reportedly chanted 'horrible players' at the team bus as it left the stadium.
An Egyptian TV commentator set to analyse Egypt's final game died of a heart attack shortly after the team's defeat to Saudi Arabia, according to media reports. Abdel Rahim Mohamed, a former player and coach, was working for Egyptian state TV and was scheduled to appear on the post game show. But he suffered cardiac arrest around the time Saudi Arabia scored their stoppage-time winner. Egypt Today reported that Mohamed 'felt emotional during and after the match due to the poor performance of the national team.' Mohamed was, according to reports, treated briefly in the building that houses state TV, then rushed to a nearby Cairo hospital. There, after attempts to resuscitate him, he was pronounced dead.
Portugal progressed to the knockout stages after drawing with Iran in a game full of VAR controversy on Monday evening. Cristiano Ronaldo missed a penalty for Portugal and was shown a yellow card after a lengthy VAR review for a possible red. Iran scored a late penalty, given after another video review and almost snatched a winner in stoppage time which would have seen them not only go through at Portugal's expense but also top the group, with Spain held to a two-two draw by Morocco. Ricardo Quaresma had put Portugal in front with a sensational goal at the end of the first half. The late Iran penalty denied the European champions top spot in the group and means they play Uruguay in Sochi in the last sixteen on Saturday, rather than Group A runners-up Russia. VAR has been a major talking point in the 2018 World Cup but the final matches in Group B provided its most controversial night so far. This began with the award of Portugal's penalty, which was saved by Iran goalkeeper Ali Beiranvand, diving to his left to deny Ronaldo. The Real Madrid striker had gone down under the challenge of Iran's Saeid Ezatolahi and, after originally waving away appeals, the referee Enrique Caceres rightly reversed his decision and awarded the spot-kick. The game became heated after that decision, with both sides asking for further reviews, but its next use again involved Ronaldo. Attempting to get in front of Morteza Pouraliganji, Ronaldo caught the Iranian a glancing blow in the face with a flailing arm. After a lengthy stoppage while he watched replays on the VAR pitchside TV monitor, the referee - who had already appeared to be losing control of the game - deemed it worthy only of a yellow card. But, perhaps the most controversial decision came in second-half stoppage time and resulted in Iran's penalty. Iran played a deep cross towards Sardar Azmoun and from close range his knockdown hit the outstretched arm of Portugal defender Cedric Soares, who was jumping to head the ball. Again the referee took his time in making a decision and once again changed his original call, ultimately choosing to award a penalty. BBC pundit Alan Shearer described the decision to award Iran's late penalty as 'shambolic. How on Earth can he think that is a penalty?' the former England captain added. 'If he thinks it is deliberate handball, he is crazy. There is no way on Earth that is deliberate handball. It turns the game into an absolute farce.' And then, Big Al elbowed Gary Lineker in the mush just to show how really mad-vexed he was. Iran's Portuguese manager Carlos Queiroz, who managed his country at the 2010 World Cup, suggested the referee chose not to send off Ronaldo because of the forward's high profile. 'In the rules, an elbow is a red card, it doesn't matter if it's Lionel Messi or Ronaldo,' he said. But, predictably Portugal manager coach Fernando Santos played down the incident. 'I wasn't concerned,' he claimed. 'It seemed like a normal thing in the match and the referee did what he had to do. I think the VAR did its job and that's what we have to accept.' Portugal had been frustrated for forty four minutes in the first half by a well-organised Iranians who also looked dangerous on the break. But the game's first goal came with a piece of magic from the boot of former Moscow Chelski FC loanee Quaresma. The winger cut in from the right flank, played a one-two with a team-mate, then curled a right-footed shot from the edge of the penalty area into the top corner with the outside of his boot. Play in the second-half was repeatedly broken up by niggling fouls, VAR incidents and strong protests in response to tackles from both sides. Queiroz had to be spoken to by the referee both for encroaching on the pitch and for his complaints at the referee's decisions. Even after Karim Ansarifard had scored Iran's penalty, winger Mehdi Taremi could have won the game with a chance in the fourth minute of stoppage time, but he hit the side-netting with his effort. Aside from his penalty miss, Ronaldo had few chances on goal, with his best effort a shot straight at the goalkeeper in the third minute. The blank means he remains on four goals for the tournament.
Iago Aspas scored a stoppage-time equaliser - with the aid of VAR - as Spain scraped an unconvincing draw with Morocco to top Group B and secure a last-sixteen tie against Russia. Youssef En-Nesyri - who plays in Spain for Malaga - looked to have won it for Herve Renard's side when he powered in a superb header from Faycal Fajr's corner. But Aspas flicked in Dani Carvajal's low cross to make it two-two, with referee Ravshan Irmatov initially disallowing the goal before (rightly) overturning the decision on review. Spain won the group on goals scored as Portugal were held by Iran - but had a tough night. A dreadful mix-up between Andres Iniesta and Sergio Ramos had allowed Khalid Boutaib to stride through and give Morocco a surprise fourteenth-minute lead. Iniesta made amends five minutes later by helping create a sublime equaliser, exchanging passes with Diego Costa and getting to the byline before cutting back for Isco to steer high into the net. But Spain looked wobbly in defence when pressed by a committed, aggressive Morocco side, with Boutaib denied by the legs of David De Gea after Hakim Ziyech's quick throw sent him clear. Nordin Amrabat was desperately unlucky not to score in the second-half as his searing shot came back off the angle of post and bar with De Gea motionless. Isco was denied a second goal when his header was diverted wide by Romain Saiss - playing instead of dropped captain Medhi Benatia - before all the late drama. Spain have been hit and miss at this World Cup - perhaps unsurprisingly, given the turbulence surrounding the pre-tournament sacking of coach Julen Lopetegui. They were excellent in their opening draw with Portugal and very poor in their second, a narrow win over Iran. In Kaliningrad, they dominated possession - having more than seventy five per cent of the ball - and had eighteen shots to Morocco's six. However, they produced a performance which must still have concerned new coach Fernando Hierro. The game's first two goals were the clearest demonstration of Spain's strange display. Iniesta's loose return pass to Ramos was down to a lapse in concentration, allowing Morocco to take the lead, but his setting up of Isco's equaliser was beautifully done. Spain were defensively off-key whenever under pressure, with Gerard Pique lucky to escape punishment early on for a two-footed lunge towards Boutaib - saved by the fact he did (just) make contact with the ball - before he avoided sanction for a clear second-half handball on the edge of his own penalty area. In Pique's defence, he nearly made amends with a header that veered just wide, from an Isco corner, but they were grateful to Aspas for securing them first place in the group - and ensuring they avoided the dangerous Uruguay in the next round. There is a strong case for arguing that Morocco are the unluckiest team to be eliminated at the group stage thus far - with poor finishing costing them a point against Portugal and possibly all three against Iran. As it was, they lost both of those games one-nil, meaning they were already out before they kicked-off against Spain. There has clearly been a lot of frustration building up in the Morocco camp in recent days - with captain Benatia criticising assistant coach Mustapha Hadji after Wednesday's defeat by Portugal. That may have contributed to Benatia being left out of the side to face Spain - but those who did play went into the match with a point to prove. At times, they were too aggressive - as a tally of six yellow cards showed, even if one or two of them appeared harsh. However, their commitment made for an enthralling game in which they defended with great discipline and looked dangerous on the counter-attack. Renard had complained before the game about refereeing decisions going against his team in their opening two games and his players thought they had been on the wrong end of a decision when Aspas' goal was allowed to stand. Frustrations threatened to boil over in a chaotic end to the game, with a cluster of players being involved in a push-and-shove confrontation - although television evidence suggested that referee Irmatov did get it right by allowing the goal after consulting with the video assistant refereeing team.
Denmark joined France in the last sixteen of the World Cup after playing out the first goalless draw of the tournament - after thirty two games - which was greeted by boos from disgruntled punters at the final whistle. What a thoroughly tedious and awful ninety minutes it was. A draw was good enough to see a much-changed French side top Group C, while Denmark knew that a point would be enough for them too, even if Australia beat Peru. That scenario resulted in a game which lacked any pretence of ambition, chances or any element of danger, not helped by news midway through the first half that Peru were winning in Sochi. The fans in Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium were initially enthusiastic enough, especially the red-shirted Danes who packed one end. But, they saw little in the way of goal-mouth excitement, with the first shot on target arriving in the thirty ninth minute, when Antoine Griezmann turned to fire a tame effort at Kasper Schmeichel from the edge of the area. Denmark fashioned the best chance of the first half, when France keeper Steve Mandanda just beat Christian Eriksen to Andreas Cornelius's excellent low cross. But their only shot on target came after fifty four minutes when Mandanda spilled Eriksen's free-kick. The Marseille keeper recovered before Cornelius could capitalise on the rebound. Both sides stepped up their safety-first approach as the second half progressed - bringing jeers and whistles from many neutrals in the stadium - to ensure they got the result they desired. France, who rested midfield trio Paul Pogba, Blaise Matuidi and Corentin Tolisso - all of whom were a booking away from a ban - will play Argentina, the runners-up in Group D in Kazan on Saturday.
Peru recorded their first win at a World Cup finals since 1978 as they beat Australia in the last match of the tournament for both sides. Australia needed to defeat already-eliminated Peru and hope France beat Denmark in order to reach the last sixteen, but the South Americans went ahead with a fine, low volley from Andre Carrillo. Excellent defending from Anderson Santamaria denied Mathew Leckie a close-range equaliser as Australia struggled to create clear-cut chances. Peru's captain Paolo Guerrero, only able to play in the tournament after a tribunal overturned a fourteen-month drug ban, sealed the victory when he spun and shot into the far corner. Christian Cueva also hit a post for Peru late on as they finished third in Group C above Australia. Peru had played eight World Cup finals matches without a win since they beat Iran four-one on 11 June, 1978 and this victory was only the fifth in their history.
Marcos Rojo scored a late volley to send Argentina through to the last sixteen with a dramatic victory over Nigeria in St Petersburg. A lacklustre Argentina were on the verge of an embarrassing exit, before The Scum's defender Rojo surged into the area to thump Gabriel Mercado's cross into the bottom corner. Lionel Messi, who had scored a brilliant opener, jumped on Rojo's back as he sprinted away in delirious celebration, joined by the entire Argentina bench in the corner. It was a result they scarcely deserved after a poor second-half showing, epitomised by the Javier Mascherano error which allowed Victor Moses to equalise for Nigeria with a penalty. But, once their ragged defence had held on until the final whistle, the Argentine players embraced each other in the centre of the pitch, waving to their vociferous fans, a disjointed side united for now. They will face France in the last sixteen, whilst Group D winners Croatia, who secured top spot by beating Iceland, will play Denmark. Given Messi will be thirty five during the next World Cup in Qatar in 2022, victory here has at least staved off a miserable end to what could well be his last chance to win the tournament. The Barcelona striker, whose hint of a smile during the pre-match anthems was a stark contrast to his pained expression prior to the three-nil defeat by Croatia, produced a superb first-half performance - boosted, no doubt, by the sickeningly slavvering brown-tongued arse-licking he was receiving from just about every football pundit TV could drag out of the bar for long enough to pass comment on how 'rilly great' he is. His opening goal displayed all his talent and composure. With Ever Banega looking to go over the top from deep, Messi cut sharply right and surged in behind the defence, with the Sevilla midfielder picking him out with a terrific pass. Messi's first touch to cushion the ball on his left thigh was sublime, the second off his left boot to draw it away from Kenneth Omeruo exquisite, the finish into the far corner with his right was emphatic. Elsewhere he was efficient, threatening to create openings with every quick touch and could have had a second but for Nigeria keeper Francis Uzoho's tremendous save to tip a free-kick onto the post. With Argentina's players reportedly at odds with coach Jorge Sampaoli, who spent the match prowling the touchline looking like a total nutter, it was perhaps telling that Messi delivered a second team talk to his side in the tunnel just before coming out for the second half. His words, however, failed to inspire them, with Messi increasingly isolated. It is still hard to see Argentina progressing into the latter stages of this tournament without significant improvement, even with Messi. This was the oldest starting side in the country's World Cup history - with an average age of thirty - but it is a far from settled one. Sampaoli made five changes from the Croatia defeat, including an international debut for thirty one-year-old keeper Franco Armani after Willy Caballero's howling blunder in the last match. Some of those changes, like starting Banega, were long overdue, but the decision to drop Sergio Aguero and then wait until two other substitutions had been made and eighty minutes had passed before introducing him seemed bizarre. If Sampaoli has lost control of the dressing room, Mascherano is supposedly his side's real leader. But the former Barcelona and Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws defensive midfielder, who now plays for Chinese club Hebei China Fortune, looks shorn of his former talents, failing to offer protection to a shaky defence. While not the most blatant example of holding, his grabbing of Leon Balogun in the box from a corner was naive and rightly penalised. Is there any way he can rally his team-mates for the challenge of France? 'It is very hard to see how Argentina can stand up to the French - if they are going to mount any challenge, it will have to be like it was four years ago when they played on individual talent,' said BBC Sport's South American football expert Tim Vickery. 'France will not be too concerned about playing Argentina.' Just as in their victory over Iceland, Nigeria started cautiously, defending deep, before blitzing the opposition defence at the start of the second-half. Ahmed Musa finally started to test out the Argentina defenders with his pace, leaving them diving into tackles and he was joined by Odion Ighalo, who replaced the ineffective Kelechi Iheanacho at the interval. Nigeria induced panic, leading to Moses' penalty, which the Moscow Chelski FC wing-back converted easily, sending Armani the wrong way. But The Super Eagles could not keep their composure when close to a second goal, with Ighalo sending a weak shot straight at Armani and also slicing wide when a deflected Musa cross dropped into his path. After that miss, the former Watford striker made a desperate appeal for a penalty, with referee Cuneyt Cakir consulting VAR but needing only one replay to dismiss the claim, Rojo having headed the ball into his own arm. Wilfred Ndidi also hit a powerful drive just over the bar but Nigeria ultimately could not take advantage of their rattled opponents.
Iceland failed in their attempt to reach the World Cup knockout stage for the first time as Croatia secured a late win to top Group D on maximum points. The Nordic nation knew they had to win to stand any chance of reaching the last sixteen and their colourful support looked dejected as their side missed key chances late in the first-half. Alfred Finnbogason and Birkir Bjarnason both went close before the interval in Rostov-on-Don but Milan Badelj stylishly slammed home for Croatia after the break. That forced Iceland to chase the game and, after Sverrir Ingason hit the bar, Gylfi Sigurdsson converted a penalty to level following Dejan Lovren's handball. In the dying minutes, with Argentina leading Nigeria, Iceland knew that a win would see them jump ahead of the South American side in second place. But their attacks became less frequent as Croatia took more control and Ivan Perisic - one of only two players to retain his place in the starting line-up from the win over Argentina - fired home in injury time. His side now face Denmark in the last sixteen on Sunday. With a population of about three hundred thousand, Iceland's achievement in becoming the smallest nation to reach the World Cup means that their fans will travel home with a sense of pride, albeit tinged with disappointment. They arrived in Russia knowing even a win may not be enough had Nigeria beaten Argentina, but the manner in which they missed chances at key moments will, perhaps, feel like an opportunity wasted. Heimir Hallgrimsson's side were the lowest scorers of the European sides who qualified automatically for the tournament and a lack of end product undoubtedly proved key in their exit. They had grown into the opening forty five minutes as a Croatia side showing little intent ended the period on the back foot despite having sixty five per cent possession.
Finnbogason side-footed into the side-netting from eighteen yards, Bjarnason could only drive against the legs of keeper Lovre Kalinic and Aron Gunnarsson was denied by a one-handed save on the stroke of half-time. Badelj made them pay as, moments after rattling the bar from thirty yards, he powered a shot into the ground which flew into the net. The instant fight shown epitomised the qualities which have endeared Iceland to so many, with Ingason forcing a save then planting another header onto the bar from the resulting corner. Sigurdsson lifted home a penalty which Lovren had conceded with his first touch but Iceland - perhaps finally feeling the effects of long spells out of possession - succumbed to Perisic's powerful left-foot strike. Croatia appear a side rejuvenated under Zlatko Dalic, who only took charge with one World Cup qualification match remaining. His side were beaten to top spot in qualifying - by Iceland - but have not yet lost a competitive game under him and this win - with a much-changed line-up - perhaps points to a confidence running through the squad. Only Perisic and Luka Modric remained from the win over Argentina, but players such as Fiorentina midfielder Badelj showcased the depth of talent. Real Madrid's Mateo Kovacic came into the side and in eighty two minutes completed seventy eight of his seventy nine passes in a composed display, while former Stottingtot Hotshots defender Vedran Corluka was robust and completed a game-high nine clearances. This was far from an intense or overly impressive display by the group winners, but they spent long spells keeping possession without ever looking like over-exerting themselves. Ultimately, the result only adds to their momentum. They have now won three World Cup matches in a row for the first time and, in doing so, win a group at the tournament for the first time too. Dalic says that he is 'convinced' the last sixteen will not be the end for his side. They look set to arrive in Nizhny Novgorod for Sunday's meeting with Denmark fresh and dangerous.
Brazil avoided the sort of shock result that had earlier seen Germany knocked out of the World Cup by defeating Serbia to finish top of Group E and book a last-sixteen tie against Mexico. Paulinho had deservedly put Brazil in front with a deft finish after a brilliant run from deep saw him convert Philippe Coutinho's through ball in the first half. Tite's team had to protect a slender lead for a shaky fifteen-minute period at the start of the second half as Serbia went all out for the win they then needed. But Aleksandar Mitrovic found an opposition defender when he should have scored and saw another header saved by the unconvincing Alisson. And, once Thiago Silva extended Brazil's advantage with an unmarked header from a corner, Tite's side regained a measure of composure and went close to a third on numerous occasions. Serbia may feel aggrieved the second was not ruled out by VAR for a push on Mitrovic by Miranda as the corner came in but they were outplayed overall. The result ended their hopes of qualifying from the group stage for the first time, while Brazil now head to Samara, where their second round tie will take place on Monday.
Switzerland set up a World Cup last-sixteen tie with Sweden after a draw with Costa Rica that featured a bizarre late penalty drama. Vladimir Petkovic's side kicked off needing just a point from their final Group E game to reach the knockout stages for the third time in four tournaments - but Serbia's defeat by Brazil meant they would have gone through even with a defeat. The Swiss, though, squandered the chance to finish top of their group - despite substitute Josip Drmic putting them two-one ahead in the eighty eighth minute. Costa Rica, already eliminated, equalised in injury time, as Bryan Ruiz's penalty hit the bar and then bounced in off Swiss goalkeeper Yann Sommer's head for an own goal. Switzerland had taken a first-half lead through Blerim Dzemaili, despite a bright start from Costa Rica, but Kendall Waston headed Los Ticos level ten minutes into the second half.
Yerry Mina's second-half header sent Colombia into the last sixteen at the expense of Senegal, who lost out to Japan having received more yellow cards. The Barcelona defender ensured his side's progress with a towering second-half header from Juan Quintero's corner. Colombia had to win to be sure of their progress, but with Poland beating Japan one-nil in Volgograd, African representation at the World Cup was ended as Senegal failed to secure the point they needed. Senegal thought they had been awarded a sixteenth-minute penalty after a tackle by Davinson Sanchez on Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws' Sadio Mane, but the decision was - correctly - overturned by Champions League final referee Milorad Mazic, with VAR showing the Stottingtot Hotshots defender clearly touched the ball with what was a risky challenge. Colombia's chances were dealt a blow just after the half-hour mark as James Rodriguez was forced off due to injury - having already missed the first game with a calf problem - four years to the day since his stunning volley against Uruguay in the 2014 World Cup. But with Mina's second consecutive goal sending Colombia through as group winners, Senegal missed out.
Japan reached the last sixteen by having a better disciplinary record than Senegal - after losing to Poland in their final Group H game. Akira Nishino's side finished with the same number of points, goals scored and goals conceded as Senegal, but were shown only four yellow cards in their three games to the African side's six. Southampton defender Jan Bednarek's well-taken volley from Rafal Kurzawa's free-kick won the match for Poland, who had already been eliminated before the game. The match became a farcical spectacle in the final quarter, with both sides happy to play the ball around at the back. Indeed Japan substitute Makoto Hasebe, who came on with eight minutes remaining, made a 'card' gesture to his team-mates to make it clear they were through as it stood.
And, finally, away from the World Cup - in fact, about as far away as one can possibly get from the World Cup - League One side Blunderland have extremely cancelled Jack Rodwell's reported forty three grand-a-week contract. The twenty seven-year-old midfielder only made two league appearances last season as The Mackem Filth were relegated from The Championship. The former Everton and Sheikh Yer Man City man reportedly earned seventy grand-a-week at The Stadium Of Plight during their one, disastrous, season in The Championship. Rodwell, capped three times by England, featured a total of seventy six times during his four-year spell at Blunderland. That's 'featured' as opposed to 'played' since a Mackem chum of this blogger asserts that whilst he wore the red-and-white shirt and trotted out onto the pitch on seventy six occasions, the times that Rodwell actually 'played' for The Black Cats can be counted on the fingers of ... one fingerless man. He finished last season training with the Wearside club's under-twenty three squad, with then manager Chris Coleman (subsequently sacked) saying in April that he 'didn't know' where Rodwell was, mentally. The midfielder, whose last senior appearance came in September 2017, had one year remaining on his deal. A short club statement confirmed Rodwell 'will leave Sunderland at the end of June 2018.'
