Saturday, 26 January 2019

Missing

The search for the missing footballer Emiliano Sala and pilot David Ibbotson has been called off after rescuers failed to find their plane. Cardiff City's Argentine striker and Ibbotson, from Crowle in Lincolnshire, were on the aircraft that disappeared from radar on Monday. After three days of scouring the English Channel, authorities have made the decision to abandon the search. Guernsey Police tweeted to say that rescuers were 'no longer actively searching' for the plane. Harbour master Captain David Barker said the chances of survival were 'extremely remote. We reviewed all the information available to us, as well as knowing what emergency equipment was on board and have taken the difficult decision to end the search,' he added. 'I understand Emiliano Sala's family are not content with the decision to stop the search and I fully understand that. I'm absolutely confident that we couldn't have done any more.' Responding to the news, Cardiff City's owner Vincent Tan said: 'We were looking forward to providing Emiliano with the next step in his life and career. Those who met Emiliano described a good-natured and humble young man who was eager to impress in the Premier League. The response from the football community has been truly touching and we place on record our sincere thanks to those who have sent messages of support. We also thank everyone involved with the search and rescue operation, and continue to pray for Emiliano, David Ibbotson and their families.' Captain Barker said that the depth of the sea where the plane had last contact was about one hundred metres and it would remain a missing persons case for the police. 'Despite best efforts of air and search assets from the Channel Islands, UK and France we have been unable to find any trace of the aircraft, the pilot or the passenger,' he added. Sala became Cardiff City's record signing on Saturday, joining from Ligue Un club Nantes for a fee of fifteen million knicker. He had returned to the French city to say farewell to his former teammates before taking the plane back to the Welsh capital. The single-engine plane carrying Sala and Ibbotson left Nantes at 7.15pm on Monday and had been flying at five thousand feet over the Channel Islands when it disappeared off radar near the Casquets lighthouse, close to Alderney. It lost contact while at two thousand three hundred and disappeared off radar near the lighthouse, infamous among mariners as the site of many shipwrecks. Sala reportedly sent a WhatsApp voice message before the flight. Sounding conversational and jokey, he said he was 'so scared' and: 'I'm on a plane that seems like it is breaking apart.' Rescue crews have searched about seventeen hundred square miles of land and sea in the Channel Islands in the past three days, covering Burhou, the Casquets, Alderney, the North coast of the Cherbourg Peninsula, the North coast of Jersey and Sark.
Meanwhile, it was subsequently reported that an investigation into the missing flight will 'look at all operational aspects' including licensing and flight plans. Ibbotson held a private pilot's licence and passed a medical exam as recently as November, according to Federal Aviation Administration records. The Civil Aviation Authority said that the aircraft was registered in the US and so fell under its regulations. American law states private pilots cannot make a profit by carrying passengers.
New data listing the highest revenue-generating football clubs in the world has placed this blogger's beloved (though, tragically, unsellable) Magpies back in the world's top twenty. In the latest Football Money League table from professional services giant Deloitte, Newcastle United ranked nineteenth with revenues of over one hundred and seventy eight million smackers in the 2017-18 season - a year which saw the world's top twenty clubs rake in a whopping seven-and-a-half billion quid collectively. The Scum placed higher than any other English club in third place overall with five hundred and ninety million notes, behind FC Barcelona and Real Madrid. A record six Premier League sides scored a place in the top ten; Shiekh Yer Man City were fifth, with five hundred and thirty million knicker, Liverpool Alabam Yee-Haws were seventh with four hundred and fifty five million smackers, Moscow Chelseki FC were eighth with four hundred and forty eight million wonga, The Arse were ninth with three hundred and eighty nine million quid and Stottingtot Hotshots were tenth with three hundred and seventy nine million knicker. Everton (one hundred and eight eight million) and West Hamsters United (one hundred and seventy five million) both joined The Magpies in top twenty, coming seventeenth and twentieth respectively. The Football Money League, now in its twenty second year, is published by Deloitte's Sports Business Group. Newcastle recorded an increase of ninety two million quid since the 2016-17 figures were published a year ago when their revenue of eighty six million notes saw them placed outside the top thirty (although, to be fair, they were in the The Championship that year). Their 2015-16 listing saw them twenty first with one hundred and sixty eight million.
League One's bottom club AFC Wimbledon shocked and stunned Premier League West Hamsters United to reach the fifth round of the FA Cup, while Championship side Millwall grabbed a dramatic added-time winner to knock out Everton. Kwesi Appiah and a Scott Wagstaff double saw The Dons race into a three-nil lead before The Hamsters responded via Lucas Perez and Felipe Anderson. But nineteen-year-old Toby Sibbick's goal two minutes from time delivered a thrilling four-two win at Kingsmeadow. Hamsters' manager Manuel Pellegrini described his side's defeat as 'a disaster. Was I angry at half-time? Yes of course - I was ashamed of them,' said Pellegrini. 'It's very easy to explain what happened - it was one team who wanted to win and another team who played without any desire or any ambition to win or continue in this cup. Maybe we thought we were going to win because we are a Premier League team and they are in League One, but Wimbledon played with the desire to compete in this cup. In the first forty five minutes, we didn't fight.' Richarlison and Cenk Tosun twice put Everton ahead at The Den but Lee Gregory's header and a controversial equaliser from Jake Cooper - with the ball appearing to go in off his arm - levelled for Millwall and Murray Wallace's late goal won it The Lions. Much to the incandescent fury of Everton's manager Marco Silva who claimed that the Video Assistant Referee rules in the FA Cup 'do not make sense.' On a day filled with drama, Wallace was the fourth player to score after the ninety-minute mark, with Newport, Doncaster and Wolves all benefiting from late goals. Sheikh Yer Man City thrashed Premier League opponents Burnley to progress. The Premier League champions remain in contention for a clean sweep of four trophies as Gabriel Jesus, Bernardo Silva, Kevin de Bruyne, a Kevin Long own goal and Sergio Aguero earned a thumping five-nil win over The Clarets. League One Shrewsbury were minutes from knocking out top-flight opponents Wolverhampton Wanderings, only for Matt Doherty to snatch a ninety third-minute equaliser for Nuno Espirito Santo's side in a two-two draw. Second-half strikes from Andre Gray and Isaac Success earned Watford a two-nil win at this blogger's beloved (though tragically unsellable) Newcastle, whose wait for a first major domestic trophy since 1955 continues. That was despite The Hornets making eleven changes from their last Premier League game. It was a thoroughly shameful, inept, cowardly performance by The Magpies reserves against Watford's reserves with at least half of the team appearing to lack a shred of commitment and, effectively, stuck two fingers up to the thirty four thousand punters who'd paid good money to watch what was, in short, an absolute fekking disgraceful shower. As the nufc.com website noted: 'The prospect of an unwanted extra trek to Watford certainly outweighed the novelty of seeing our name in the Fifth Round draw, but this was just a tedious, mind-numbingly awful excuse for a performance. A football team used to play here. Not any more.' Newport County shocked Premier League Leicester City in the Third Round and their cup run continued, but only just. Matt Dolan scored three minutes into injury time to earn a draw at Championship Middlesbrough. Portsmouth are enjoying a fine season - they are currently second in League One - and they are still in the competition after drawing with Queens Park Strangers. Lee Brown had put the 2008 winners in front but Nahki Wells earned the Championship team a replay. League One Gillingham knocked out one Welsh side, Cardiff City, in the Third Round, but their hopes of eliminating another ended at Swansea. Ollie McBurnie scored twice for the Championship club in a four-one win. Accrington Stanley manager John Coleman said he was left feeling 'physically sick' and was 'rapidly falling out of love with the game' after perceived refereeing mistakes by Jon Moss in his side's one-nil defeat at home to Derby County. Martyn Waghorn fired Derby into the Fifth Round against ten-man Stanley. In front of a club record over five thousand crowd at The Wham Stadium, midfielder Daniel Barlaser was sent off for two bookable offences. 'Each week you get stiffed by a decision,' claimed Coleman after the game setting himself up, beatifically, for an FA charge despite subsequently apologising. 'It's a tackle, it's not dangerous [for Barlaser's red card]. It happened two minutes before on our lad and the referee said it was a coming together. The best thing I can say is that you couldn't tell we were playing with ten men for the last twenty five minutes. Even the most ardent Derby fan would say they didn't deserve a win - a draw at best. I sometimes feel like packing in.' Oldham Not Very Athletic captain Peter Clarke endured a rip-roaring rollercoaster tie against Doncaster Rovers including a goal, a goal-line clearance, an own goal and then getting himself sent off. Doncaster eventually reached the Fifth Round for the first time in sixty three years thanks to Ben Whiteman's last minute penalty. In the battle of the Albinos, Brighton and West Bromwich shared a rather tedious goalless draw earning both of them a - thoroughly unwanted - replay. Bristol City came from behind to reach Fifth Round for the first time since 2001 with victory over Championship strugglers Notlob Wanderers. Niclas Eliasson decided the tie with a sublime individual goal, cutting in from the right before unleashing an effort into the top corner. In Friday night's big game, Alexis Sanchez made a goalscoring return to The Arse to set The Scum on their way to a three-one victory which makes it eight straight wins for interim manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Stottingtot Hotshots went out of their second knockout competition in four days after defeat by Crystal Palace on Sunday. Having lost a Carabao Cup semi-final to Moscow Chelski FC on penalties on Thursday, Spurs were two down inside thirty five minutes at Selhurst Park. Connor Wickham marked his first start since November 2016 with a goal before a penalty by ex-Spurs midfielder Andros Townsend doubled the lead. Spurs missed a penalty before half-time when Kieran Trippier blazed wide. And, in the weekend's final game, Moscow Chelski FC beat Sheffield Wednesday three-nil at Torpedo Stamford Bridge.
A man was reportedly slashed across the face 'during a mass brawl' before Millwall and Everton's FA Cup clash. The Metropolitan Police said that it believed the violence 'involved groups of rival fans.' No shit? Jeez, with police intelligence like that, it's a wonder all criminals aren't already banged up and doing considerable stir at Her Majesty's. The Met said that 'a large group of males' was fighting and that a man in his twenties suffered a slash wound to the face. He was taken to a South London hospital with injuries that are not life-threatening. Videos of the brawl have been watched more than a million times online with kids gettin' sparked an aal sorts. The FA said it was 'not investigating the violence' because it happened outside the football ground. However, it is investigating 'reports of a discriminatory song being sung by Millwall fans,' an FA spokeswoman told the BBC. 'We are aware of the video circulating online, which has quite rightly elicited shock and disgust.' The Met added that officers 'worked to separate the groups with support from the Mounted Branch and Dog Support Unit.'

Former Blunderland defender John O'Shea believes that 'ninety nine per cent' of the club's players did not want a film crew to cover their 2017-18 Championship relegation season. The documentary Sunderland 'Til I Die charted a dismal and calamitous campaign which saw The Mackem Filth relegated to League One. The series covers the sacking of manager Simon Grayson, the appointment of his replacement Chris Coleman (who, also, subsequently got the tin tack) and a second successive relegation. 'I have not watched all of it. I've lived through it so why would I need to watch it again?' said O'Shea. Comedy value? Just a suggestion. 'From my point of view and I'd say ninety nine per cent of the players, we didn't want it to happen,' O'Shea, who joined Reading in June, told BBC 5Live. 'It's one of those things. You go in in the morning, go in for a little bit of treatment and you realise there's little mini-cameras dotted around.' During the eight-part series, events including the frenetic nature of a transfer deadline day and the ongoing frustrations of fans are captured. Some supporters are visibly angered by midfielder Jack Rodwell's high wages at a time where spending on the team was minimal, while midfielder Darron Gibson's dismissal by the club after being charged with drink driving also formed part of an episode. Chief-executive Martin Bain was filmed fielding difficult questions from fans, while Coleman was seen clashing with a supporter outside The Stadium Of Plight when the club's relegation was confirmed. 'The few bits I've seen, I'm glad the people of the club in the canteen, the player liaison officer, the kit men, they are really good people and I'm glad they have come out of it looking well,' added O'Shea. Unlike the players who come over in the series as a bunch of mercenary waste-of-space cowards and the club's management who appear to be portrayed as incompetent clowns. 'The club itself is an amazing, amazing club and I loved every minute of it as it's a great place to play football. Yes, the fans are passionate and vociferous but who doesn't want that? I'm glad [the series] is getting good reviews. The people behind it were good people. You got to know the camera people but how things can be portrayed, with clever editing, for some of it I'd say it definitely came out unfair on some people. That's just how it was at the time as it was a negative story. It wasn't going to come out positive on everybody.' Blunderland finished extremely bottom of the Championship during the season and their takeover by a consortium led by Stewart Donald late in the campaign features in the Netflix documentary. The club are currently third in League One - three points off the automatic promotion places.
West Hamsters United have been fined one hundred grand by the Football Association for the pitch invasions which marred their defeat by Burnley at London Stadium last March. The Hamsters were charged after fans repeatedly ran on to the pitch, with one approaching captain Mark Noble. And, getting a good kicking for his trouble. The FA found that stewarding for the game, unknown to West Hamsters United, had been reduced. Also, a report by the head of security for LS185, the stadium operators, was 'updated' to 'remove negative comments' about the reduction of staff. The FA rejected LS185's head of security Dave Sadler's claim that 'only the relevant parts' in the report were retained. During the game, a fan ran on to the pitch with a corner flag, while supporters also threw coins and objects as they protested in front of the directors' box. Co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold were forced to leave the directors' box for their own safety, with Sullivan being struck on the head by a coin. West Hamsters United gave several fans lifetime bans following the bother. Burnley players were praised after they sheltered a group of young fans in their dug-out during the crowd trouble. Following the game, Noble admitted that the atmosphere at London Stadium was 'horrible,' while West Hamsters United vice-chairman Karren Brady called it 'one of the most painful days' in the club's history. 'Following the conclusion of the FA inquiry, we would like to reaffirm our sincere apologies for the scenes witnessed at our home game against Burnley almost a year ago,' West Hamsters United said in a statement. 'The club has done everything within its power to address the issues that occurred that day, despite having no control over match-day security operations - a point which is accepted and reflected in the FA's findings. In line with our zero-tolerance approach, immediate action was taken against the perpetrators, resulting in 23 banning orders being issued. There is no place for behaviour like that at our club.' On Tuesday London Stadium owners E20 announced that LS185 has been brought in-house. The agreement will help get the stadium 'on a firm financial footing,' the company said. The stewarding aspect of the report is particularly interesting as West Hamsters United, as tenants at the London Stadium, did not know about the reduction in the number of stewards, as the FA report points out and, once they found out, were 'very uneasy' about it. In the immediate aftermath of the Burnley game, Brady wrote to the London Assembly to highlight the problem. Yet, in response, London Mayor Sadiq Khan said that 'based upon reports from senior officials, there has been no requirement to reduce stewarding and security.' Evidently, the FA do not view this version of events as being entirely accurate. Given the report also concluded that there were 'unacceptable deficiencies' in the quality and training of stewards, the potential for problems, given the match was played against a backdrop of enormous supporter discontent against the West Hamsters United board, the potential for trouble was clear. West Hamsters United have rebuilt relations with LS185 over the past nine months, with Brady and E20 chief executive Lyn Garner finding 'greater common ground' than ever before, evidenced by the agreement over an increase in capacity at the London Stadium to sixty thousand. However, the Hamsters' difficulties in playing in a stadium where they, largely, have no control over the security is underlined by the FA noting that the club has spent around three hundred grand on legal fees on this case, even though they had nothing to do with the security lapses that led to the problems.
Paris St-Germain forward Neymar was reportedly told 'don't go blubbering' after he left the pitch in tears having suffered a fractured metatarsal. Neymar was fouled three times in a few seconds by Moataz Zemzemi during PSG's two-nil French Cup win over Strasbourg. The twenty six-year-old responded by 'doing a rainbow flick' over the head of Zemzemi but had to come off injured. 'It's Neymar's style, but don't come and complain when you get kicked,' said Strasbourg's Anthony Goncalves. 'He is a great player, I respect him. He can enjoy himself but don't come blubbering afterwards.' However, PSG manager Thomas Tuchel was unhappy with the comments by some of the Strasbourg players and coach suggesting Neymar's behaviour provoked his opponents to cause the injury. 'It was a situation where he was fouled three times, one after the other. The referee didn't give anything. He twisted his foot,' said Tuchel. PSG said that Neymar had suffered a 'reactivation of the lesion of the fifth right metatarsal,' adding that treatment would depend on how the injury heals in the next few days. The former Barcelona forward, who has scored twenty goals in all competitions so far this season for the Ligue Un leaders, injured the same ankle last February and missed the rest of the season, only returning to fitness in time to play for Brazil at the World Cup. And, fall over a lot. 'Ney is worried, because it is the same foot, the same place,' added Tuchel. Strasbourg manager Thierry Laurey described Neymar as a 'phenomenon' in his post-match comments, but also claimed there was 'nothing malicious' in his players' actions. One or two people even believed him. 'There are moments when you have to play tough, it's as simple as that,' Laurey suggested. 'There are moments when, if you go over the limit a little bit, you have to expect that you are going to get a kick or two. I didn't ask my players to go and kick Neymar, but I understand why the players had had enough of someone who was looking to tease and taunt them a bit.' Laurey conceded that players like Neymar 'need protection' but that his players 'grafted for ninety minutes' to 'try and stop' him. 'When you protect players who respect others, there's no problem,' Laurey added 'For example, when you do a pass with your back [referring to Neymar in a match against Guingamp], when there's no reason for it, then that's mocking. I've seen plenty of PSG players other than Neymar who are very good at five-nil up, but when it's nil-nil they don't show off like that. If Neymar plays in the same way against Manchester United he'll get the same reaction. Don't be surprised.' Goals from Edinson Cavani and Angel di Maria sealed the victory over Strasbourg. Meanwhile, PSG midfielder Marco Verratti is already doubtful for the first leg of their last-sixteen Champions League tie at The Scum on 12 February after suffering an ankle injury during the nine-nil win over Guingamp on Saturday.
Monaco have extremely sacked their manager, Thierry Henry, after a mere twenty games in charge. Because, he didn't have enough 'va-va-voom,' it would seem. The Ligue Un strugglers announced on Thursday Henry had been suspended, but BBC Sport reported that was 'merely procedural' and that the France World Cup winner had already left the club. There had been speculation that Monaco were set to replace Henry with his predecessor in the role Leonardo Jardim. The 2017 French champions are currently in the relegation zone after just five wins in the twenty games under Henry, hired in October. Franck Passi, appointed as Henry's assistant on 20 December, will take training on Friday, the club said. Passi has previously had spells as caretaker manager of Marseille and Lille. Henry - a great player in his day, let it be noted, albeit someone whom this blogger has never particularly warmed to as much as he probably should have, mainly because Henry spent much of his career resembling someone who went through life with a look on his face liked he'd just smelled shit nearby - had grovellingly apologised for 'using foul language' to insult Strasbourg defender Kenny Lala during his side's five-one defeat on Saturday. The Arse's all-time leading scorer is in his first managerial role, having previously been Belgium assistant boss. He had been on the shortlist for the Aston Villains' manager's job in October before taking the job at the club where he started his playing career.
The man extremely arrested at Fulham's training ground on Monday on suspicion of actual bodily harm and criminal damage was the club's French striker Aboubakar Kamara according to reports. Neither the club nor the police have confirmed his identity, but Fulham said that the person arrested was now 'banned indefinitely from all club activities.' Kamara joined from Amiens in 2017. A Fulham statement added: 'The club is grateful for the swift attention and action by the Metropolitan Police.' It continued: 'We will refrain from further comment but stress that we will fully cooperate with any new or continuing investigation or legal proceeding in the name of providing everyone a secure and safe working environment.' Metropolitan Police said that a man in his twenties was arrested at the training ground in New Malden on Monday and taken into custody in a South London police station. Kamara, who reportedly 'had a falling out' with teammate Aleksandar Mitrovic 'during a squad yoga session,' was said to be at the club training ground 'looking to resolve his future.' Earlier this season, Fulham's new manager Claudio Ranieri said that he 'wanted to kill' the forward after Kamara missed a penalty against Huddersfield Town having earlier refused to give the ball to designated penalty-taker, Mitrovic. Kamara has made fifteen appearances in all competitions this season for Fulham, who are currently second from bottom in the Premier League.
Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey has been very charged with a breach of FA rules for making an alleged Nazi salute in a photo posted on Instagram. The Wales international was pictured with his right arm in the air in a photo posted by Palace midfielder Max Meyer, who is German. The incident took place during a meal with his team-mates. Hennessey claimed that 'any resemblance' to the gesture was 'absolutely coincidental.' Which, if you look up 'unlikely excuses' on Google, you'll find that one pretty close to the top of the list. The goalkeeper claimed that he 'waved and shouted at the person taking the picture to get on with it' and 'put my hand over my mouth to make the sound carry.' The Football Association - who do not appear to be buying Hennessey's denials in the slightest - alleges that the action breaches its rules relating to abusive, insulting or improper conduct and brings the game into disrepute. It is alleged that Hennessey's is also an 'aggravated breach' because it included reference to ethnic origin, race, religion or belief. Meyer posted the picture on his Instagram page following the FA Cup third-round win over Grimsby. In a post on Twitter, Hennessey added: 'It's been brought to my attention that frozen in a moment by the camera this looks like I am making a completely inappropriate type of salute.' He has until 31 January to respond to the charge.
New Heart of Midlothian striker David Vanecek was 'rubbish' in his side's two-one Scottish Premiership defeat by Dundee, according to manager Craig Levein. The Czech forward arrived in Scotland at the start of January, having initially agreed to sign for Hearts last July. He made his debut in Sunday's Scottish Cup win over Livingston, but was taken off after thirty four minutes against Dundee. 'I might be a little bit annoyed that he didn't turn up in better shape,' Levein said of the striker. 'I thought he was rubbish and felt he just looked as if he wasn't at the races. He wasn't playing well. He'll need to do a Hell of a lot of work to get himself to the fitness levels he needs.' Levein said Vanecek did not hold the ball up well enough and explained that he has not played since the Czech season shut down in November. Vanecek scored seven goals in sixteen games for FK Teplice in the first part of the campaign. 'He's had a break and he's joined us at our training camp looking like he's had a break,' Levein said. 'Now I know where he is and I can only find out by playing him in matches. We can set about trying to get him fitter and hopefully it won't take him too long. I was hoping that he would have had more energy than he had but obviously he's not so we need to do some work on his fitness.'
FIFA has contacted the Thailand government over the case of Bahraini footballer Hakeem Al-Araibi. The twenty five-year-old, who holds refugee status in Australia, is currently being held in a Bangkok prison on an Interpol warrant issued by Bahrain. He was sentenced in Bahrain for vandalism although he denies the charges. In a letter to Thai Prime Minister Prayut Chan-o-cha, FIFA says the former Bahrain player is 'at serious risk of mistreatment in his home country.' The footballer fled to Australia in 2014. He was granted political asylum in 2017 and plays for Melbourne football club Pascoe Vale. In 2014, he was sentenced in absentia in Bahrain to ten years in The Slammer for allegedly vandalising a police station. He was on a holiday in Thailand when authorities detained him at a Bangkok airport on 27 November. He fears he will be tortured - and possibly killed - if he is extradited back to his home country and in an interview with the Gruniad Morning Star, said the ongoing case had left him 'terrified' and 'losing hope.' FIFA general secretary, Fatma Samoura, has contacted the Thai prime minister seeking 'a speedy resolution' to the case. 'This situation should not have arisen, in particular, since Mister Al-Araibi now lives, works and plays as a professional footballer in Australia, where he has been accorded refugee status,' she said in the letter. 'As stated publicly on several occasions, FIFA is respectfully urging the authorities of the Kingdom of Thailand to take the necessary steps to ensure that Mister Al-Araibi is allowed to return safely to Australia at the earliest possible moment, in accordance with the relevant international standards. We would like to kindly ask for a meeting with a high-level representative of your government at the earliest possible convenience. The objective of the meeting would be to discuss the situation of Mr Al-Araibi and receive first-hand information on the status of the proceedings. The meeting would be joined by representatives from FIFA and FlFPro, the global union of professional football players.' Al-Araibi has been a vocal critic of Bahraini authorities and Human Rights Watch suggests that he is also being 'targeted' because of his brother's political activism. Last year, he told HRW that he had already been tortured in Bahrain following Arab Spring protests in 2012.
Cristiano Ronaldo has cut a deal with a court in Madrid over tax evasion charges, accepting a near nineteen million Euros fine. A huge media presence met the player outside the court, after a judge refused his request to appear by video or to enter the building by car to avoid the spotlight. The deal, agreed in advance, includes a twenty three-month jail sentence. But in Spain, convicts do not usually do time for sentences under two years. The non-violent nature of Ronaldo's offence means he is reported to be 'unlikely' to spend any time at all in The Slammer, serving it on probation instead. The court appearance lasted mere minutes as Ronaldo accepted the deal offered by prosecutors. The current Juventus player, who played for the club in Italy the night before his court appearance, arrived at the provincial court with his fiancee Georgina Rodriguez. Smiling and giving a thumbs-up, he was apparently unfazed by the media presence and his forthcoming guilty plea. His lawyers had argued that, given his fame, avoiding the main entrance was needed for the player's security. Ronaldo, five-time winner of Europe's Ballon d'Or was accused of avoiding paying tax in Spain between 2010 and 2014, when he was playing for Real Madrid. Forbes lists the thirty three-year-old as the third-wealthiest athlete in the world, with estimated earnings of nearly one hundred million knicker per year. The case centres around lucrative image rights deals. Prosecutors say that the proceeds were funnelled through low-tax companies in foreign nations to avoid paying the required tax. In court, as part of his deal, Ronaldo acknowledged four incidents amounting to €5.7 million owed, according to Spanish-language news agency EFE. In 2017, when the allegations first emerged, prosecutors said that it was 'a voluntary and conscious breach of his fiscal obligations in Spain.' But Ronaldo's lawyers said it was 'all down to a misunderstanding' over 'what was and was not required under Spanish law' and denied any deliberate attempt to evade tax. The deal, struck in June last year, had to be agreed with Spain's tax authorities. Ronaldo is not the only high-profile player to face the wrath of Spain's tax system. His former Real Madrid team-mate Xabi Alonso also appeared in court on Tuesday in connection with similar offences amounting to about two million Euros. Alonso was appearing before the court for the first time, facing a potential sentence of up to five years in The Pokey. Unlike Ronaldo, he has not yet struck any deal with authorities and has maintained his innocence. Mid you, so did Ronaldo and look what happened there. Shortly after Alonso's trial began, the court suspended proceedings to consider whether it was 'competent' to hear the case, or if it should be referred to another criminal court, EFE reports. The longer sentence prosecutors are seeking means that Alonso could, unlike Ronaldo, face actual jail time. There are several other examples of footballers facing Spain's courts in recent years. Barcelona star Lionel Messi avoided a jail sentence for a similar scheme involving image rights, paying several million in 'a corrective payment' in back taxes and fines; Neymar da Silva Santos JĂșnior was at the centre of a row when Barcelona was fined millions after being charged with tax fraud over Neymar's signing - but avoided admitting the offence and Real Madrid's Marcelo Vieira admitted to tax fraud and accepted a four-month suspended jail sentence over his use of foreign firms to handle almost half-a-million Euros in earnings. The recent crackdown on high-profile footballers follows the removal of a tax exemption in 2010. Known as 'The Beckham Law,' it had allowed footballers to curb their taxes. Ronaldo also faces another ongoing legal battle: the football superstar is accused of rape in Las Vegas in 2009, a charge which he denies.
Eight-time Olympic champion Usain Bolt has declared his 'sports life over,' frustrated in his bid to begin a post-athletics career in football. The Jamaican spent two months training with Australian side Central Coast Mariners, but left in November after the club failed to find financial backing for a professional deal. 'It was fun while it lasted,' he said. 'I don't want to say it wasn't dealt with properly, but I think we went about it not the way we should.' But he added: 'You live and you learn. It was a good experience - I really enjoyed just being in a team.' In October 2018, Bolt scored two goals on his first start for the Mariners in a friendly against Macarthur South West, celebrating with his trademark lightning bolt pose. The A-League side were not the only team interested in signing Bolt - he turned down an offer from Maltese club Valletta, reportedly because the club could not meet his wage demands. He had also spent time training with Norwegian team Stromsgodset and German giants Borussia Dortmund. Bolt, who retired from athletics in 2017, has said his focus now lies with his various commercial endeavours. 'I'm now moving into different businesses, I have a lot of things in the pipeline, so as I say, I'm just dabbling in everything and trying to be a business man now.'
Hugh McIlvanney, whose prose and insight lit up the Observer's sports pages for three decades and brought him a string of journalism awards, has been hailed as 'a giant of journalism' after his death at the age of eighty four. McIlvanney, who also worked for the Sunday Times for twenty three years before retiring in 2016, had a ringside seat for many of the greatest sporting events of the Twentieth Century including The Rumble in the Jungle in 1974, The Trilla in Manilla a year later and England's World Cup triumph at Wembley in 1966. But being there was one thing; continually captivating his readers quite another. Few writers could match the Scot's way with words, his eye for detail, or his contacts book. McIlvanney was close with some of the most well-known figures in sport, such as Sir Matt Busby, Sir Alex Ferguson, Bill Shankly and Jock Stein. He also had the nous to visit Muhammad Ali's villa just hours after he had beaten George Foreman in Zaire and was rewarded when Ali gave him the lowdown on how he had beaten the fearsome champion by lying on the ropes and letting Foreman punch himself out. 'Truth is, I could have killed myself dancin' against him,' Ali admitted, while eating two steaks, eight scrambled eggs and drinking pints of orange juice. Paul Webster, editor of the Observer, echoed the sentiments of many, calling McIlvanney 'a giant among journalists, a powerful and beautiful writer whose coverage of some of the great sporting events of his era is still talked about today.' McIlvanney, who also wrote a number of books on football, boxing and horse racing, was awarded an OBE in 1996 and named the Sports Journalists' Association's writer of the year a record six times. The former Scum Mail on Sunday chief sportswriter Patrick Collins, who is the president of the Sports Journalists Association, said: 'When his countless admirers speak of Hugh's writing, they recall the rolling phrases, the astute insights, the dramatic sense of occasion. But those who worked with him - and especially the heroic subs who placed paragraph marks on his copy - will tell of the tireless perfectionist, the man whose Sunday would be spoiled by a misplaced comma or a wayward colon.' McIlvanney was arguably never more moving than when writing about the Welsh boxer Johnny Owen slipping into a coma from which he would never recover after a world title fight against Lupe Pintor in 1980. 'Our reactions are bound to be complicated by the knowledge that it was boxing that gave Johnny Owen his one positive means of self-expression,' he wrote. 'Outside the ring, he was an inaudible and almost invisible personality. Inside, he became astonishingly positive and self-assured. He seemed to be more at home there than anywhere else. It is his tragedy that he found himself articulate in such a dangerous language.' Some of the writer's most memorable pieces for the Observer covered Ali's boxing career. The former heavyweight boxing champion paid tribute to McIlvanney in 2016, saying: 'His words were a window to the lives, the courage, the struggles and the triumphs of the great champions of his time. He has contributed richly to the fabric of our sport.' Hugh was born in the Ayrshire town of Kilmarnock to William, a miner and his wife, Helen, parents who gave him and his three brothers - one of whom was the future crime writer William McIlvanney - a priceless grounding in the arts of expression. Hugh began on his hometown paper, the Kilmarnock Standard, after impressing during a debate at his school, the Kilmarnock Academy and moved briefly to the Scottish office of the Daily Express before joining the Scotsman. That newspaper's legendary editor, Alastair Dunnett, introduced him to the collected essays of AJ Liebling, perhaps the pivotal intervention in his long career. McIlvanney had not even considered becoming a sportswriter but, that moment fixed the path of his calling. To his surprise McIlvanney loved Liebling's defining book on boxing, The Sweet Science. Like the New Yorker with the Sorbonne education, he was originally an accidental tourist in the under-lit suburb of sport. 'I was a bit reluctant at the start,' he admitted. He was petrified of ending up 'a fitba writer' obsessing about Glasgow Celtic and Glasgow Rangers. Self-doubt did not often haunt him thereafter. His life and his way of writing about football, he said, was changed by one night - 18 May 1960 - when he was amongst the one hundred and twenty seven thousand crowd at Hampden Park watching the European Cup Final between Real Madrid and Eintract Frankfurt. He recalled being one of the many thousands who stayed on for an hour after the game had ended, stunned by the attacking display that the great Madrid side had just given in their seven-three victory. While his heart never truly left Scotland, the core of McIlvanney's working life was played out on the pages of the Observer, where he began work in 1962 as deputy sports editor. In surroundings that were unremittingly Dickensian, peopled by literary mavericks to whom he would quickly cleave, McIlvanney impressed. But he knew that his editing and sub-editing work was no more than an entree to a more fulfilling line as a writer. His style, he accepted, had an undeniable Scottish flavour to it. 'I think it can be said without pomposity,' he wrote, while straying in that very direction, 'that I have a recognisable voice in my writing. I would be surprised if there wasn't some Scottishness there and certainly an attitude to language. The feeling that you could be quite strongly expressive and still very accurate relates in a way to how I was brought up, listening to a lot of people who were very eloquent - although they might not have been very well educated, but who had a great respect for language, especially in the West of Scotland.' Allied to his great style was McIlvanney's huge admiration for the characters of sport and he never lost faith in his heroes, however flawed. Nobody gave George Best more rope - he narrated the 1970 BBC documentary The World Of Georgie Best and counted the maverick Irishman among his closest friends. And, Ali stood tallest for him, even when palsied after a boxing career that lingered too long. There was no doubt in McIlvanney's mind that Muhammad (as he insisted on calling him) was The Greatest, as a human being as well as an athlete. 'His boxing was totally idiosyncratic,' he said. 'And, technically, at a level much lower than that of Sugar Ray Robinson. Muhammad was in a sense the eternal amateur, but he was God's amateur, because the will was so magical, the imagination so magical, that he found a way to beat people.' It was the perfect metaphor for McIlvanney's career: the raw yet refined genius from the North who invariably finished in front, sometimes despite himself. His writing - his reporting, as he would have it - was a triumph of the imagination. Of all the footballers he watched, he rated four above all others - Pele, Maradona, Di Stefano and Messi - although he admitted there were strong cases also for Best and for Johan Cruyff. He believed Graeme Souness to be the best Scottish midfielder he had seen, although he placed Jim Baxter, Billy Bremner, Dave Mackay and Bobby Murdoch not far behind. He had no truck with those who claimed that you needed to have played the game to truly understand it - once infamously telling Sir Alf Ramsey who had suggested this: 'You can take a turnip around the world but that doesn't make it an expert on geography!' He also had to write about tragic events, including the death of his friend Jock Stein, after the World Cup qualifying game in Cardiff in 1985. He was in Munich in 1972 to report on the Olympic Games when eleven Israeli athletes were murdered by Black September. Often described as Britain's greatest-ever sports writer, he was inducted to the International Boxing Hall of Fame and the Scottish Football Hall of Fame among his long list of awards and honours. He is survived by his third wife, Caroline, whom he married in 2014 and by two children, Conn and Elizabeth, from his first marriage, to Sarah. It ended in divorce, as did a second marriage, to Sophie.

Sunday, 20 January 2019

Shurely Shome Mishtake?

This blogger genuinely can't remember the last time that his beloved (though still, tragically, unsellable) Magpies scored seven goals in a week, dear blog reader. It certainly wasn't any time recently. Nevertheless, Newcastle lifted themselves out of the relegation zone and leapfrogged Cardiff City as they secured a much-needed win over Neil Warnock's side. Fabian SchÀr proved the difference as his first two goals for Th' Toon lifted some of the gloom around St James' Park where Rafael Benitez's team have lost eight times in the league this season. The Swiss international centre back was only in the side to replace Ciaran Clark, injured in Wednesday's hard-fought extra-time four-two victory in the cup at Blackburn Vindaloos, but SchÀr took full advantage midway through the first when he was allowed to run from the right touchline before curling left-footed into the bottom corner. As fine a goal as it was, the Cardiff defending was non-existent. SchÀr's second was more straightforward as he found himself in the right spot to bundle in Matt Ritchie's corner. Ayoze Perez added some gloss in injury time from Salomon Rondon's low cross as Newcastle scored three goals for the first time in the league this season. Victory ended a five-game winless run in the league for the Magpies and lifted them two points clear of their opponents, who only have Fulham and Huddersfield beneath them. Benitez targeted this game against one of their relegation rivals as a 'crucial' one and his team appeared to rise to the occasion with stellar performances all over the pitch. SchÀr's goals were as well taken as they were unexpected, but there were fine displays from the likes of academy graduate Sean Longstaff in midfield and Rondon, who was a true workhorse in attack. The Magpies also added a threat down the flanks that Cardiff struggled to deal with as Ritchie and Christian Atsu combined down the left, with DeAndre Yedlin offering a constant outlet on the right. SchÀr's opener also came from that flank as he operated on the right side of a back three and was willing to break forward before calmly slotting past Neil Etheridge. The home fans knew they were witnessing something special in the context of this season when SchÀr added his second - only the second time The Magpies have scored two home goals in a game this season. The players, too, seemed to be lifted as they found an extra yard of pace and defended superbly as Cardiff finally stirred. And, when Perez added a third - his fourth of the season - late on, it gave them hope that despite ongoing issues around the ownership of the club, they might yet see Premier League football again next season. Stranger things have happened, dear blog reader. Though, with games against Sheikh Yer ma City, Stottingtot Hotshots and Wolverhampton Wanderings to come in the next month, the chances of United ending February out of the relegation zone are not good.
Eleven Championship clubs have reportedly written to the English Football League asking 'for a more thorough inquiry' into the Dirty Leeds 'spygate' revelations. Head coach Marcelo Bielsa admitted that he sent a member of his staff to 'spy' on a Derby County training session the day before the two clubs played each other. Bielsa then held a press conference to present the analysis that he claims he gathers on all of Dirty Leeds' opponents. The EFL is already investigating Bielsa after Derby filed a geet stroppy whinge about the affair. BBC Sport's Mark Clemmit claimed on Twitter that eleven clubs have written to the EFL since Bielsa's PowerPoint presentation to journalists on Wednesday. Which, if true, presumably means that the other twelve Championship sides don't, actually, have a problem with it. In a statement, the EFL confirmed that it has 'received a communication' on behalf of 'a number' of clubs 'in regard to the current matter.' The statement continued: 'The request attributed to eleven Championship clubs will be considered as part of the current investigation that has commenced.' After the spying allegations first emerged, Bielsa freely admitted in a television interview before kick-off against Derby on 11 January that he was responsible for the member of staff found 'acting suspiciously' outside the Rams' training ground. Dirty Leeds later won the match at Elland Road two-nil. Bristol City's owner Steve Lansdown called on Friday for a points deduction for Leeds to be 'seriously considered.' Dirty Stoke boss Nathan Jones, however, said that analysing other teams was 'not revolutionary,' and added: 'I would invite him down to watch our training sessions if he wanted to come down here.' Dirty Leeds subsequently formally apologised to Derby for their naughty spying ways and Bielsa was 'reminded of the integrity and honesty' of Dirty Leeds. Which is almost certainly the first time in history that the words 'integrity', 'honesty' and 'Leeds' have been used in the same sentence.
Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri claimed that his players are 'extremely difficult to motivate' as he heavily criticised their performance in defeat at The Arse. The Blues lost two-nil in the Premier League at Emirates Stadium on Saturday and only had one shot on target during the game. Moscow Chelski FC have only won two of their past five Premier League matches and are now just three points clear of The Gunners in fifth and sixth-placed The Scum. 'I'm really angry about the approach that we adopted today,' Sarri said. 'It's an approach we can't really accept.' In a remarkable news conference after the defeat, Sarri claimed that he wanted to speak in his native Italian rather than English 'because I want to send a message to my players and I want my message to be very clear. I have to say, I'm extremely angry. Very angry indeed,' said the sixty-year-old, who succeeded compatriot Antonio Conte at Torpedo Stamford Bridge in the summer. 'This defeat was due to our mentality, more than anything else. This is something I can't accept. This group of players are extremely difficult to motivate.' Sarri's starting line-up against The Arse included seven players who won the Premier League under Conte in 2017, before going on to finish fifth the season after. The Italian said: 'This is not a team that is going to be well known for its battling qualities but we need to become a team that is capable of adapting, possibly suffering for ten or fifteen minutes then playing our own football. You can find yourself in difficulties from time to time, but we need to react to those difficulties a lot better than we did today.'
Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws' boss Herr Klopp is well-known for his often brilliant responses to questions, whether they are measured, witty or plain daft. But he has never had to deal with the type of question aimed at fellow German Imke Wubbenhorst, who made history in December by becoming the first woman to manage in Germany's fifth tier when she took over at BV Cloppenburg. She told Welt how one journalist had asked her whether she had warned players to put their pants on when she entered the dressing room. 'Of course not, I'm a professional,' she responded, sarcastically. 'I pick my players based on their penis size.' Wubbenhorst, who is former German youth international, is not the first female coach to face condescending or sexist questions from journalistic scumbags. When former Sweden women's team manager Pia Sundhage was asked in 2014 whether a woman was able to coach a men's team, she replied: 'Well Angela Merkel runs a whole country.' Sundhage had already won two Olympic golds as manager of the United States. Fortunately, Cloppenburg's owners appear to be somewhat more forward thinking. 'It was an easy decision to let go of gender in the evaluation process,' said board member Herbert Schroder. 'We only looked at quality.' Wubbenhorst had been in charge of Cloppenburg's women's team but the club decided she would be better-placed helping the relegation-threatened men's side after they sacked their previous manager. The team are still bottom of the league, but hopefully questions will be posed about players abilities rather than the contents of their pants as she tries to drag her team up the table.
The lawyer of Kathryn Mayorga, who has accused Cristiano Ronaldo of raping her in 2009, will travel to London to meet a woman who claims to be the Juventus forward's ex-girlfriend. Leslie Stovall says that he has spoken to British model and reality TV-type individual Jasmine Lennard, who claims she dated Ronaldo ten years ago and has offered to 'assist' Mayorga's case against the Portugal captain. Ronaldo denies American Mayorga's claims and his legal team say he has 'no recollection' of ever meeting Lennard either. Lennard appeared on Z-List Celebrity Big Brother and earlier in January the thirty three-year-old targeted Ronaldo with several social media posts but has since deleted her Twitter account. A statement from Ronaldo's layers said: 'Mister Ronaldo has no specific recollection of meeting Ms Lennard ten years ago or at any point. He has not had a relationship with her and he has not had any contact with her, whether in the last eighteen months as Ms Lennard suggests, or otherwise. The voice notes posted by Ms Lennard on social media are not of Mister Ronaldo. Mister Ronaldo will take appropriate legal action in due course.' The rape allegation against the former Real Madrid and The Scum striker relates to an alleged incident which allegedly took place in a Las Vegas hotel. Police in the American city have since issued a warrant for a DNA sample from Ronaldo as part of their investigation, but his lawyer told BBC Sport it this was 'a very standard request.' Peter Christiansen said: "Mister Ronaldo has always maintained, as he does today, that what occurred in Las Vegas in 2009 was consensual in nature, so it is not surprising that DNA would be present, nor that the police would make this very standard request as part of their investigation.' Larissa Drohobyczer, who is part of Mayorga's legal team, said: 'I can confirm that Leslie Mark Stovall has spoken to Ms Lennard regarding Cristiano Ronaldo. Mister Stovall's travel to London, England will be based upon his discussions with London lawyer Jonathan Coad and his client Jasmine Lennard.'
The BBC's former television news chief has whingingly criticised the corporation after it chose to continue showing an FA Cup match on BBC1 rather than covering the soon-to-be-former prime minister's Brexit address to the nation. Theresa May's Downing Street speech on Wednesday night was upstaged by the match at Southampton, as television viewers chose the conclusion of an FA Cup third-round replay rather than tune in for the soon-to-be-former prime minister's latest update on the UK's political future. About 3.3 million overnight viewers were watching BBC1's live coverage of Southampton versus Derby at 10pm as both sides pushed for a winner, with the soon-to-be-former prime minister attracting but 2.5 million for live coverage of her address on BBC2. Roger Mosey, a former head of BBC television news - emphasis on the word 'former' - whinged: 'No matter the bad luck of extra time in the football, the BBC News should have been on BBC1 tonight at 10pm. The issues facing the country are more important than a third-round FA Cup replay.' One or two people even agreed with him. In a sign of tension, Mosey's tweet on the subject was 'favourited' by Huw Edwards, the soon-to-be-former News At Ten anchor, who was forced to stand in the cold outside parliament for an extra half-hour to ensure viewers could watch the match go to penalties. Although, to be fair, he was getting paid for it and - if the last BBC set of salaries were accurate, getting paid bloody well. May had scheduled her Downing Street speech to hit the top of the 10pm news bulletins, a slot coveted by politicians due to its substantial audience. Except on this occasion where more people preferred the action at the St Mary's Stadium. However, Downing Street aides were, according to some Middle Class hippy Communist scum of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star, 'left frustrated' when Derby's Martyn Waghorn equalised to push the match into extra-time and then penalties, meaning it would not finish before the scheduled news broadcast and the soon=to-be-former prime minister's speech. In which she said nothing of any consequence. As usual. BBC1 controllers decided to stick with the game until its conclusion rather than switch the sports coverage to BBC2. As a result, the main News At Ten bulletin was postponed until 10.35pm, with Edwards instead introducing a rapidly scheduled special programme on BBC2, which covered May's call for all parties to 'put aside self-interest' and take part in Brexit discussions. Viewing figures suggest only about six hundred thousand punters switched over from the football to the news coverage. A BBC spokesperson defended the decision to stick with the football: 'When the match went to extra-time and penalties, we provided a live news special on BBC2 and pointed viewers to this with on-air and in-vision signage. We also made clear that the news would begin straight after the match's conclusion.' The broadcast was also covered live by Sky News, the BBC News Channel and ITV News. The latter ended up almost doubling its normal audience to 3.3 million, giving the commercial channel a rare main bulletin overnight ratings victory over its BBC rival.

Sunday, 6 January 2019

Rich Kids, Poor Dads

League One Gillingham produced the biggest shock in Saturday's FA Cup Third Round as they beat Premier League Cardiff City, whilst Championship Bristol City knocked out the top flight's bottom club, Huddersfield Town. Holders Moscow Chelski FC, thirteen-time winners The Arse and The Scum were amongst the sides to make it through to Monday's Fourth Round draw. Two Championship teams - East Anglian rivals at that - suffered defeats at the hands of opponents from lower divisions, with Norwich beaten one-nil at home by Andre Green's late goal for Portsmouth and Accrington Stanley overcoming Ipswich Town through Billy Kee's strike. Elliott List was the hero with an eighty first-minute winner as Gillingham, nineteenth in the third tier, beat the 2008 finalists Cardiff, currently seventeen in the Premier League table. Huddersfield were knocked out by Josh Brownhill's seventy second-minute winner as Bristol City, who reached the semi-finals of the League Cup last season, also made it through. Alvaro Morata scored twice as Moscow Chelski FC beat Championship side Nottingham Forest 2-0. Cesc FĂ bregas, who is reported to be joining Monaco in the January transfer window, missed a first-half penalty. There was no upset at Bloomfield Road, where The Arse overcame League One Blackpool three-nil, with two goals scored from nineteen-year-old Joe Willock and another by Alex Iwobi. The attendance of a fraction under nine thousand - including over five thousand Gunners fans - was well below capacity as home supporters reportedly stayed away in protest against Tangerines owner, Owen Oyston. A penalty by Juan Mata - awarded after consulting the video assistant referee - and Romelu Lukaku's third goal in as many games proved enough for The Scum as they beat Reading two-nil at Old Trafford.
    There was no 'romance of the cup' as Third Round weekend began on Friday evening with Stottingtot Hotshots giving Tranmere Rovers a right good trousers-down seven-nil hiding at Prenton Park. One of the major shocks of the Third Round occurred at St James' Park where, almost beyond belief, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies are still in the competition. Although, only just after an awful display against Championship opposition. Former Gillingham midfielder Bradley Dack put Blackburn Vindaloos ahead at Newcastle, fifteenth in the Premier League, before the home side forced a replay at Ewood Park with Matt Ritchie's late penalty. League Two Grimsby were minutes away from earning a replay against Crystal Palace - despite playing with ten men for eighty eight minutes after Andrew Fox was sent off - before Jordan Ayew struck with a late winner for the Premiership side. Nathan Redmond had put Southampton two-nil up against Derby County, but Frank Lampard's Championship side fought back with Tom Lawrence scoring the equaliser to earn a replay at St Mary's. Everton survived a scare against League Two leaders Lincoln City to win their first FA Cup tie since March 2016, with Ademola Lookman and Bernard giving the Toffees a two-one win. The first goal of Saturday was scored by Marko Arnautovic against Birmingham City and it set West Hamsters United on their way to a two-nil win, with Andy Carroll also on the scoresheet and Samir Nasri making his The Hamsters debut. Brighton & Hove Albinos triumphed in the all-Premier League battle at Bournemouth - two goals in the space of three first-half minutes by Anthony Knockaert and Yves Bissouma setting Chris Hughton's side up for a three-one victory. League One Barnsley were moments away from a replay at Premier League Burnley but the hosts were awarded a ninetieth-minute penalty, allowing Chris Wood to send The Clarets through. Earlier in the tie, Burnley had a penalty decision overruled by VAR just as Matej Vydra was about to take the spot-kick. Elsewhere, Shrewsbury - sixteenth in League One - took the lead at home to Championship side Stoke City through Oliver Norburn's penalty. However, thirty seven-year-old gangling beanpole Peter Crouch, an FA Cup winner with Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws in 2006, earned The Potters a replay with a seventy eighth-minute equaliser, a mere four minutes after coming on as a substitute. Wigan Not Very Ahtletic, quarter-finalists last season after knocking out Sheikh Yer Man City, fell at the first hurdle this time around after Bakary Sako's goal helped West Bromwich Albinos win an all-Championship tie at The Hawthorns. League One Luton Town earned a replay after holding Championship side Sheffield Wednesday to a goalless draw at Hillsborough. Swansea City came out on top in their all-Championship tie with Aston Villains winning three-nil, whilst Middlesbrough Smog Monsters thrashed League One Peterborough five-nil. Elsewhere Notlob Wanderings beat Walsall five-two, Brentford were one-nil winners against League One strugglers Oxford United and AFC Wimbledon beat Fleetwood Mac three-two in an all-League One match-up. And, can now go their own way into the Fourth Round.
     Non-league Barnet stunned Championship high-flyers Sheffield United and League Two club Oldham Not Very Ahtletic knocked out Premier League side Poor Bloody Fulham as Sunday's FA Cup third-round fixtures delivered more shocks. National League side Barnet had not reached this stage of the competition since 2008 and, on that occasion, they secured a spot in the Fourth Round - it was a case of history repeating at Bramall Lane. The Bees held on for more than seventy five minutes for their one-nil win after Stottingtot Hotshots academy graduate Shaq Coulthirst had given them the lead from the spot. Oldham, three-time semi-finalists, fought from a goal down to beat The Cottagers two-one in a match that was incident-packed in the final fourteen minutes. Denis Odoi gave Fulham the lead shortly after the interval before Sam Surridge levelled from the spot. Claudio Ranieri's side were then awarded a penalty after Tom Cairney had been fouled - VAR confirmed referee Anthony Taylor's decision despite there appearing to have been little contact made by Christopher Missilou. Substitute Aleksandar Mitrovic missed the spot-kick before Callum Lang headed in what proved to be the winner for Oldham in the eighty eighth minute. Any idea of a Cup upset at The Etihad Stadium was extinguished in the first half as Sheikh Yer Man City scored three times against struggling Championship side Rotherham. Phil Foden's goal received the biggest cheer from the home support, it was his first at the ground. City scored four more after the break as they ran out seven-nil winners in a ruthless display. Veteran football commentator Martin Tyler was marching the touchline at The Laithwaite Community Stadium, along with manager Alan Dowson but the pair could not guide the National League South side Woking to a shock win over Premier League visitors Watford, who secured a two-nil victory. Tyler, a lifelong Cards fan who joined as a volunteer coach when Dowson was appointed in May, took the role of Assistant Manager on Sunday. League One Doncaster reached the Fourth Round for the first time since 2010 with a three-one win at Championship club Preston Both Ends. Substitute Shane Ferguson came off the bench to score twice in the final ten minutes as Millwall knocked fellow Championship side Hull City out with a two-one win. And Dirty Leeds will now have to solely focus on their bid for promotion to the Premier League as they succumbed to a two-one defeat by play-off hopefuls Queen's Park Strangers.
     And, in what was undoubtedly the match of the round - the BBC were surely delighted to have picked it for their Sunday live game - last year's giant killers Newport County did it again, this time beating Leicester City two-one in a pulsating, end-to-end cracker at Rodney Parade. Rachid Ghezzal's twenty yard screamer ten minutes from time appeared to have given Leicester a draw, cancelling out Jamille Matt's first-half header from Robbie Willmott's pinpoint cross. But, just three minutes later Marc Albrighton handled in the box and PĂĄdraig Amond scored from the spot to send County through to the Fourth Round for the second year running.
Rotund, beardy Cockney wideboy Martin Samuel wrote an article in the Daily Scum Mail on Friday, in what appeared to many Newcastle United fans to be a suspiciously conveniently-timed story given that season ticket cancellations are currently a distinct possible: 'Peter Kenyon's bid to buy Newcastle is not over and he has contacted Mike Ashley personally with a promise to resume negotiations this month,' Samuel alleged. 'It was thought that the consortium led by Kenyon had given up on the deal, having failed to find' the three hundred million knicker funding 'required to tempt Newcastle's owner to sell.' But, a letter sent by Kenyon shortly before Christmas and 'seen by Sportsmail, makes it plain' that 'discussions will continue and the sale is still on' - with the former Moscow Chelski FC and The Scum executive allegedly in pole position. 'Sent via the club for Ashley's personal attention' - so, exactly how Samuel and the Scum Mail got hold of a copy is a question which is probably well worth asking at this juncture - Kenyon allegedly writes of 'a serious determination to finalise the agreement we have as soon as possible in the New Year.' He allegedly adds: 'I would like to personally assure you that I am committed to conclude our deal as soon as possible we are both perhaps frustrated that we have not progressed as quickly as we would have wished.' Ashley is 'coming under increasing pressure to sell,' Samuel writes although quite how that situation is any different from the majority of the previous nine or ten years is, again, worth pondering, 'with eight fans' groups writing a joint letter this week imploring him to conclude any deal swiftly, or invest transfer funds in the January window.' Which, clearly, he has absolutely no intention whatsoever of doing. 'There has been increasing scepticism on Tyneside that talk of selling is merely a - not particularly cunning - ruse by the owner to quell growing protests, Samuel adds, realistically. 'A television interview that Ashley gave recently has been dismissed as a PR exercise to get the fans off his back, with claims that he is resistant to any sale.' There were reports before Christmas that Kenyon's consortium, which allegedly includes former Sheikh Yer Man City chief executive Garry Cook, were 'as much as one-third short of the asking price' - a figure in the region of one hundred million smackers. 'Yet what also emerges from Kenyon's letter.' Samuel claims, 'is that negotiations are long-standing and he remains Ashley’s preferred bidder. While not yet at an exclusivity stage, Kenyon certainly appears to have progressed further than a previous suitor, Amanda Staveley, whose takeover Ashley ultimately dismissed as "a waste of time." In contrast, Kenyon writes: "I am delighted you think the investor group led by myself is the best fit. We have both spent many months discussing the parameters of a final deal and have also invested heavily in time and money on our various legal and financial advisors." Kenyon concludes by thanking Ashley for his patience, with a hope for further negotiations in the new year.' The problem, once again Samuel notes, 'is in the timing. If Kenyon's deal cannot be completed before the January transfer window closes - and, for all the good intentions, there is nothing in the letter to suggest it will be - this still leaves Newcastle in limbo, with Ashley unlikely to invest further if he is selling and any new investor unable to raise sufficient funds in time to make the necessary short-term impact.' This 'update' on the alleged takeover has been met by all kinds of reactions on Tyneside including disbelief, optimism, pessimism and hollow laughter. Samuel, it should be noted, has considerable form where Ashley is concerned. On a number of occasions the journalist has backed up the club's owner in print and attacked Newcastle fans at the same time. And as ever, dear blog reader, it's always worth remembering the golden rule when it comes to the possibility of seeing your football club taken over from a current - much disliked - regime. Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. Many clubs - Newcastle included - have been down this road before, dear blog reader and, whilst there have been a few notable success stories, the disasters far outweigh those that have worked out.
The Football Association is 'asking people to come forward with information' after an unnamed England player was reported to have been 'kicked out of a nightclub for taking cocaine.' The allegation was allegedly snitched to the Sun newspaper, allegedly by an alleged - though suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, possibly fictitious - 'club insider.' The paper alleges that the Premier League player took the drug during a pre-Christmas 'team get-together' after an away game. The FA can ban any players found to have breached its social drugs policy. The starting point for a first time offence is up to three months and the FA has the power to suspend players indefinitely if they have breached the rules multiple times. Incidents of doping in English football are 'rare' the FA claims, but the governing body insists it 'remains a priority for The FA to find and sanction anyone found taking performance-enhancing or recreational drugs.' And, that's why they want someone to grass up the alleged individual allegedly with sniffing the cake involved like a dirty, stinking Copper's Nark. An FA spokesman added: 'We encourage anyone with information about any anti-doping violation in football to report it to The FA.'
Craig Bellamy has temporarily stepped down from his role as Cardiff City Under-Eighteens coach following the club's decision to investigate a bullying claim made against him. The investigation follows reports of a complaint about the former Norwich City, Coventry City, Newcastle United, Glasgow Celtic, Blackburn Vindaloos, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, West Hamsters United, Sheikh Yer Man City and Wales striker's alleged treatment of a young player, who has since left the club. Bellamy denies the allegations. 'I categorically refute them. I fully expect to return to my coaching role and have sought legal advice,' he said. Cardiff City have not yet commented on the allegations or responded to Bellamy's denial of them. In a statement Bellamy added: 'I am aware of allegations that have been made against me via the media. I understand the need for Cardiff City to undertake a full investigation in response to these allegations and - at my own suggestion - I have temporarily removed myself from my coaching position in order to cooperate fully with the club's inquiry. Obviously, I am saddened both by the allegations and the manner in which they were made.' Bellamy had what might, charitably, be described as 'a colourful career' as a player on several occasions leaving clubs under something of a cloud for a variety of different reasons - including allegedly feigning an injury and refusing to play in a game whilst at Newcastle, attacking his Liverpool teammate John Arne Rise with a golf club (an incident which earned him the nickname 'the nutter with the putter') and making disparaging comments in public about former clubs and teammates ... on a regular basis. In 2010, whilst playing for Sheikh Yer Man City in the Manchester derby against The Scum Bellamy was struck by a coin thrown by someone in the crowd. Greater Manchester police later stated that they had narrowed down a list of suspects to 'everyone who's ever met him.'
Swansea City may play in English football's second tier but they are 'charging parents Premier League prices for children to be mascots' according to a rather shitehawk 'Shock! Horror! Pictures!' 'exclusive' by the BBC Sports website. As if anybody with half-a-brain in their head actually gives a stuff about such nonsense. It reportedly costs 'up to' four hundred and seventy eight knicker for a match-day 'mascot package' at the Championship club, 'research' by BBC Wales found. So, in that case, don't pay it and don't let your child be a mascot, what's the problem? Only three teams in the Premier League charge more than Swansea, while the experience is free at most of the top clubs - including, astonishingly, this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies. Although, one imagines the second Mike Ashley discovers there's good money to be made from the gullible parents of desperate young boys, that'll sharp change. Swansea's local rivals Cardiff City charge two hundred and fifty five pounds. Swansea said that prices were 'reduced' this year following relegation so Christ only knows what they were making punters pay last year. Consumer groups have 'branded' (that's tabloidese for 'described' only with less syllables) the higher prices as 'outrageous.' Most normal people couldn't care less. 'For many youngsters, the chance to walk out onto the pitch with their football heroes is a dream come true,' the BBC sneer. 'Indeed many clubs tell parents the package is the "ultimate gift your child will never forget."' Yet while many of the biggest clubs in the country, including Premier League champions Sheikh Yer Man City, The Scum, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Arse, Moscow Chelski FC, Everton and, just to repeat because it is, frankly, a Hell of a surprise to pretty much everyone, Newcastle United, do not charge for the opportunity, others are cashing in more than seven hundred smackers per child. And, we're supposed to be what, outraged? Naff off, there are actual, real, important things in the world to get angry about rather than this sort of nonsense. Most packages include a full kit, match tickets, photographs and autographs as well as walking onto the pitch with the team before kick-off. But a two hundred and seventy quid deal at Fulham does not include kit while a one hundred and eighty five knicker package at Bournemouth does not come with a ticket to the game. So, you can go out on the pitch with the team before the game at Dean Court but, unless your dad coughs up for a ticket, then you get yer ass slung out of the gaff before the referee's even blown the whistle. Harsh! Martyn James, of the consumer website Resolver, who clearly hasn't got anything more important to do with his time, said: 'It's absolutely outrageous that some richer kids can effectively buy their way to the top of the mascot list. When I was younger, being a mascot was a reward for super loyalty or for having been through a great deal. Charging any money for these packages is unacceptable - and it's pretty unknown too.' Well, not now, it isn't. 'It makes a mockery of all the things that our national game is supposed to represent.' What, like greed and a desperate need make lifelong supporters part with as much money as possible before they get pissed off, give up and spend their match day's watching Sky Soccer Saturday instead? Hate to break it to you, Martyn, but that sounds exactly like 'all of the things our national game is supposed to represent.' This is the Twenty First Century, mate, not 1953. Supporters on various fan Interweb forums have 'slammed' (that's 'criticised' only will less syllables) the prices as 'unfair' and 'scandalous'. Although, to repeat, they are only those things if you are actually dumb enough to pay the prices changed. If nobody did that, one imagines, the prices for such packages would rapidly tumble. Swansea claimed the 'truly once in a lifetime experience' includes four hospitality places, a meal and half-time penalty competition on the pitch. Plus, watching Swansea City playing a second division match, obviously. Definitely 'once in a lifetime.' A spokesman added: 'We've reduced prices this year following relegation, from four hundred and fifty pounds plus VAT to three hundred and ninety nine pounds plus VAT for weekend, and three hundred and forty nine pounds plus VAT for weekday matches. We also give one space free to charity every match and this was brought in this season.' Mascots at the likes of Moscow Chelski FC, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Arse and The Scum are reportedly 'picked at random' from their junior fan club and are free. Cardiff City offers the chance for children aged between four and ten to 'turn dream into reality' for a mere two hundred and fifty five knicker and have sold out for many of their most popular home fixtures. Clubs have been 'urged' to 'find a good deal' for fans. Although, quite why they would do that when they've shown no inclination to do so or anything even remotely like it in the past is not, at this time, known. The Football Supporters' Federation whinged: 'Clubs should speak to their supporters about what they think represents a good deal for parents and if fans have specific concerns, we'd be happy to look into it. Our campaign focus will primarily remain on affordable ticket prices - particularly fair concessionary and fair young adult prices.' Yeah. And, how's that going, lads? Let us, once again dear blog reader, simply stand up and salute the utter shite that some people chose to care about!
This blogger has asked this question before, dear blog reader, but it bears repeating in light of the previous non-story. Can you remember the exact moment when football began to lose its soul? For yer actual Keith Telly Topping it occurred at some point in the mid-afternoon of 12 May 1990, the date of that year's FA Cup Final. For those who don't remember, the final itself was actually a terrific game between The Scum and Crystal Palace which ended in a three-three draw, but the day had already been soured for this blogger by events from an hour or so earlier. In those days the Cup Final was still a big deal and was covered extensively by both BBC1 and ITV. During the course of the BBC's six hour plus coverage, an interview took place between the late Tony Gubba and Palace's then owner the, now also late, Ron Noades. I dare say there will be quite a few younger dear blog readers who won't even remember who Noades was so, for you, a brief history lesson. Noades was a multi-millionaire who had made his money in developing golf courses before getting involved in football and becoming owner, firstly, of Wimbledon and then of the Palace (and, later, Brentford). He was, in those days, something of a controversial figure, one of the first of a new breed of media-savvy, full-of-their-own-importance owner-chairman who seemed to relish the limelight in a way that few of the dull grey boardroom men of previous generations ever had and were to be found getting their boat-races on telly as often, if not more often, than the managers they employed. Of course, these days, where our clubs are mostly owned by a series of very shady figures - floggers of mucky books or cheap sports gear, Russian oligarchs who used to be in the KGB, Arab oil billionaires or American or Indian or Malaysian absentee landlords - a figure like Ron actually seems rather tame by comparison. But, nevertheless, in 1990, he was known for his outspoken pontificating on all manner of subjects in front of the cameras and, thus, the Beeb felt an interview with him during the course of Cup Final Grandstand would probably be value for money. And, they were right. During the interview, Gubba asked Noades a fairly straightforward question about how the Palace owner responded to criticism of the way in which he ran the club from the supporters who, after all, paid their money through the turnstiles. Didn't they deserve a say in the way in which their money was being spent, on players rather than corporate boxes for example? Noades's reply is etched onto this blogger's memory: 'Gone are the days,' he began, 'where supporters can makes those sort of demands of chairmen because they pay the players' wages.' He went on to explain that match day receipts at Palace - and, therefore, he presumed at other clubs - now only accounted for about half of the income which a football club depended upon (this blogger believes the exact figure he quoted was fifty five per cent, the rest being made up by external merchandising, sponsorship and other commercial activities). Now, remember, this was 1990, two full years before the first Sky TV deal was done which would make that situation a million times worse over the course of the next three decades. This blogger can remember being astounded by what Noades was saying; effectively suggesting that paying football supporters were perceived to be less important by those who ran their clubs than the number of replica shirts they could flog in the Far East. 'You might well be right, Ron,' yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought to himself. 'But I'll tell you what, I'll bet you and all of the other wideboys that run our clubs would, collectively, shite in your own pants and run a mile if, next Saturday, no one turned up at any football ground in this country.' Of course, that will never happen, our fandom ultimately works against us in this regard. But, that was the first moment where the mask, momentarily, slipped and many football fans realised the true level of utter contempt with which they, as consumers, were held by those in charge of this game we all love. And that's the reason why this blogger finds himself wholly unable to get all worked up about Swansea and others clubs charging such a massive wedge of coin to children to be their mascot. On a list of 'things that are hideously, obscenely wrong with football' dear blog reader, sadly, that's not even in the top twenty.