Kenedy scored his first two goals for yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle as The Magpies eased their relegation fears with a fine three-nil win over a desperately poor Southampton. The hosts - whose hard-fought victory over The Scum three weeks ago appears to have given the players a small dose of self-belief which had been missing-in-action for much of the season so far - went ahead after just sixty three seconds. Kenedy, on loan from Moscow Chelski FC, collected Jonjo Shelvey's pass on his chest, spun and shot on the half-volley past Alex McCarthy. Kenedy then doubled the advantage, finishing off a quick counter-attack from a Southampton corner after good work by Ayoze Perez and Dwight Gayle. The hosts added a third in the second-half when the impressive Shelvey set up an unmarked Matt Ritchie, who steered his shot from twenty yards into the bottom corner. Southampton's best chance fell to substitute Josh Sims, but his strike was well saved by Martin Dubravka. Newcastle - who have lost just one of their last six league games - moved up from sixteenth to thirteenth in the Premier League, five points clear of the bottom three.
Elsewhere, Jose Mourinho said that he 'doesn't care' whether people think his The Scum side deserved the two-one victory over The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws which strengthened their grip on second place in the Premiership. Marcus Rashford scored twice on his recall to the starting eleven to give The Special One's side the points despite a largely defensive display in which they had just thirty two per cent of possession and only two shots on target. 'It was a complete performance by us with two different halves,' Mourinho said. 'If people don't think we deserved it, I don't care.' The win meant that The Scum narrowed the gap on runaway leaders Sheikh Yer Man City to a mere thirteen points - at least until City play at Dirty Stoke on Monday - but, more pertinently, The Scum are now five points clear of the third-placed Merseysiders. Cenk Tosun scored for the second successive game to seal a third straight home win for Everton as Brighton & Hove Albinos finished with ten men at Goodison Park. The Toffees took the lead when Gaetan Bong steered the ball into his own net when trying to clear a curling cross by Yannick Bolasie intended for Theo Walcott. Tosun, who scored his first Everton goal at Burnley last week following a move from Besiktas in January, doubled the lead with a quality finish from outside the penalty area. Anthony Knockaert was sent off for an ugly challenge on Leighton Baines before Wayne Rooney had a penalty saved by Brighton keeper Mathew Ryan after Shane Duffy brought down Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Swansea hung on for a hard-earned point at Huddersfield despite having Jordan Ayew sent off after only eleven minutes. Ayew was shown a straight red card by referee Michael Oliver after a challenge on Jonathan Hogg when he caught the Huddersfield captain high on the leg with his studs. The Terriers dominated afterwards but could not force a way through, going close when Steve Mounie's volley was brilliantly touched onto the bar by Lukasz Fabianski. Tom Ince hit the post in the last minute of normal time for the hosts, but Swansea held out for a draw despite not having a single shot in the entire match. In the day's late kick-off Moscow Chelski FC revived their hopes of a top four finish as they got back to winning ways with a two-one victory over lowly Crystal Palace. The Blues remain fifth but their win saw Antonio Conte's team close the gap on fourth placed Stottingtot Hotshots to two points - at least until Spurs play Bournemouth on Sunday. Palace remain in the bottom three, a point behind Southampton.
West Bromwich Albino's manager Alan Pardew's position is under further scrutiny after a heavy defeat by Leicester left The Baggies eight points adrift of safety. The hosts had taken the lead when Salomon Rondon poked home from close range from Oliver Burke's low cross. Leicester equalised in spectacular fashion when Jamie Vardy volleyed past Ben Foster from Riyad Mahrez's ball. Mahrez then got on the scoresheet himself after half-time. Kelechi Iheanacho put the game beyond West Brom when he headed in Ben Chilwell's cross. Leicester completed the rout in injury time when Vicente Iborra headed home from a corner. With fixtures against The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Scum and Stottingtot Hotshots to come in their remaining eight matches, West Brom's survival hopes look somewhat forlorn if not, yet, mathematically impossible. West Hamsters United fans invaded the pitch at London Stadium after three second-half Burnley goals condemned the hosts to a third consecutive defeat. 'Shameful, shameful scenes,' noted Soccer Saturday's Jeff Stelling, adding: 'The team have disgraced themselves on the field, the fans have disgraced themselves off it.' He didn't add 'oh, the humanity,' but it was touch-and-go at one point. Hamsters captain Mark Noble pushed one pitch invader away and another sprinted on holding a corner flag shortly after Chris Wood added to Ashley Barnes' opener for the visitors as things started to turn ugly. Following a dreadful mistake by Hamsters' 'keeper Wankhands Hart, Wood made it three for Sean Dyche's men, who closed the gap on sixth-placed The Arse to two points and won their first away game since November. Hamsters' owners David Sullivan and David Gold were forced to leave the directors' box with a police escort near the end of the game as anger boiled over and supporters chanted 'sack the board' and got all uppity and discombobulated and The London Stadium became a seething cauldron of hate and recrimination. The Hamsters are in sixteenth place, three points above the bottom three.
Still on the subject of the malarkey that was kicking-off at The London Stadium, this blogger feels compelled to highlight comments made by Match Of The Day's Martin Fisher when describing what was taking place. Yes, absolutely no one wants people running on the pitch; that's a criminal act anyway and is punishable by - quite severe - legal measures for those doing so. But, whilst Fisher was - rightly - saying things like: 'I've never seen such scenes at a Premier League venue' and talking about the 'toxic' atmosphere inside the stadium, this blogger was far less happy about his extremely hyperbolic comments regarding the fan protest which was taking place in front of the directors box. 'Is this really the way to protest about it?' asked Fisher, rhetorically (failing to suggest any alternatives which those unhappy fans might have wished to practice instead) and also talking about these being 'disgusting scenes.' Now, admittedly, viewers only saw what the BBC coverage allowed them to but that 'disgusting scenes' comment accompanied not the blokes running on the pitch but, rather, pictures of what appeared to this blogger to be merely a bunch of working people who had paid a great deal of presumably hard-earned money to watch their favourite football team, voicing their (not inconsiderable) displeasure at the 'entertainment' they were being served. Is that really 'disgusting', Martin? It's a Hell of strong word to be throwing into a box of fireworks like a lit match. Interestingly exactly the same point was made by Sam Wallace the chief sports writer at the Torygraph and John Cross of the Mirra on Sky's Sunday Supplement the next day. Dissent is good. Protestation is important and a basic individual right so long as it's done within the boundaries of the law as it currently stands (and, in certain circumstances even if it isn't). Without loud and - with certain sections of backward-looking society, very unpopular - protest, women would not have the vote in this country. Without protest, civil rights legislation would not have been passed in the US and people of colour would still be second-class citizens in Alabama. Without protest, South Africa would still be living under an Apartheid regime. Without protest, gay rights would not be a de facto accepted part of life. Some people may regard football supporters protesting that they don't like the way their clubs are being run as very small potatoes compared to the overthrow of Apartheid and they're probably right but, nevertheless the point still remains. Wallace noted on Sunday Supplement, rightly, that football supporters have a long and - in some ways quite noble - tradition of protesting against unpopular club owners. So, whilst no one in their right mind condones people running on the pitch - 'crossing a red line' was the phrase Wallace used ... even though it's actually a white line - what, exactly, is so wrong about telling the owner of your football club that you'd like him to either spend more money or go away and let someone else do the job? This blogger has to say there appears to be, in his opinion, too damn much of this sort of nonsense in football punditry. This blogger well recalls an incident a few years ago when an England match featured a section is the Wembley crowd indulging in a bit of booing at that over-paid full-of-his-own-importance prima donna Ashley Cole for what they considered to be a poor performance. After the game, the panel (this was ITV so it was largely made up of former Arsenal players, obviously) seemed to be suggesting how dare these grubby punters voice their displeasure at Ashley Cole? 'Who the Hell do these working class oiks think they are?' appeared to be the general consensus of Wright, Dixon, Chiles et al. Let's just get this into perspective here, this is working men and women who had - particularly in the case of Wembley for an England match - paid positively obscene amounts of coin to be there, being criticised for speaking their mind by barely articulate glakes who haven't paid a single penny to be there but, rather, were being paid to pass their, usually worthless, comments on what was going on. This blogger has said this before, dear blog reader, but it bears repeating, football generally and football clubs in particular take for granted the goodwill of their paying punters at their peril. Because, there might just come a day where those supporters decide, 'do you know what, I'm sick and tired of having my support (and my money) taken for granted, I'm not going this weekend, I'll do some shopping instead.' At which point, presumably, all of the wide boys and absentee landlords who run our football clubs would crap in their collective pants and run a collective mile. Just sayin'. Here endeth the lecture. Except to add that the Match Of The Day coverage also wasn't helped by the BBC's decision to employ 'a plank of wood in the shape of Frank Lampard' to give some thoughts from his 'once in a generation' mind on matters involving one of his former clubs. Presumably, their 'plank of wood in the shape of Ian Wright' was busy that afternoon.
Cardiff continued to pile the pressure on Championship leaders Wolverhampton Wanderings with a three-two victory over relegation-threatened Birmingham. The Bluebirds had a sixth straight win wrapped up by half-time thanks to goals from Nathaniel Mendez-Laing, Craig Bryson and Callum Patterson. Birmingham reduced the deficit early in the second half through Craig Gardner's penalty and Maxime Colin scored a second deep into stoppage time but Cardiff held on to move back to within three points of Wolves ahead of the leaders' derby clash at Aston Villains. Which ultimately saw Wolves fall to their heaviest Championship defeat of the season as they were given a right good - four-one - hiding by The Villains. Aleksandar Mitrovic continued his stunning start to life at Fulham with both goals as the Cottagers snatched a two-one win at play-off chasing Preston Both Ends. The on-loan Newcastle striker opened the scoring on sixty nine minutes and made it seven goals in five games in stoppage time to stretch Fulham's unbeaten run to fifteen matches. The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters consolidated their place in the play-off spots with a third successive victory to deepen Barnsley's relegation fears. Daniel Ayala set sixth-placed Boro on their way in the first minute before in-form pair Adama Traore and Patrick Bamford put the hosts in full control. Kieffer Moore got one back for Barnsley but the defeat sees them remain a place above the bottom three. Bristol City and Sheffield United lost ground on the top six following goalless draws at Burton Albinos and Ipswich Town respectively. Millwall leapfrogged Brentford and stretched their unbeaten run to eleven games as George Saville scored in the first minute for the second time this week. His previous such effort came on Tuesday against Hull, who on Saturday eased their relegation fears in thrilling fashion with a four-three victory over Norwich in a manic match. Jackson Irvine put the Tigers in front early on but they found themselves three-one down with half-time approaching after James Maddison scored a second penalty to complete his hat-trick. Abel Hernandez netted a spot-kick either side of the break to level the scores before Harry Wilson earned Hull a memorable win. Blunderland remain rock bottom of the Championship after Eberechi Eze netted the only goal to ensure Queens Park Strangers took advantage of The Mackems goalkeeper Jason Steele's red card just after half-time. Aaron Wilbraham's stoppage-time header earned lowly Notlob a draw at Sheffield Wednesday, who thought they had sealed the points through George Boyd's seventy eighth-minute strike. Dirty Leeds appeared to be on course for a morale-boosting win at Reading only to draw two-two following Eunan O'Kane's own goal.
Things just go from bad to worse for Blunderland. This week they announced that they will close The Stadium of Plight's upper concourse to home fans from next season, in an effort to save on staffing costs and 'improve match atmosphere.' The decision was prompted by a significant drop in attendances this season to an average of twenty seven thousand six hundred per game in a forty nine thousand-seat stadium. About fifteen hundred season ticket holders are affected by the move and have been sent a letter offering different seats at the same price for the next three seasons. Away supporters will remain in the upper tier of the stadium. Corporate hostility and the directors box will also continue to be seated in that part of the ground. The letter states: 'The decision has now been taken to close the Premier Concourse at the end of this season to both season card holders and match sales, unless demand dictates that additional capacity is required. We believe that closing the Premier Concourse will help us to improve match atmosphere, whilst also reducing the costs associated with safety stewards and kiosk staff in the area.' Although attendances are down, The Mackem Filth's average crowd is still the fourth best in The Championship - but the team's disastrous form this season means that they could be playing in League One next season. If they are relegated, it would be the first time in thirty years that the club had dropped as low as the third tier. Several other clubs have opted to shut sections of the ground in the past, including Cardiff City and Dirty Leeds.
John Motson will deliver his final live BBC commentary this weekend when The Arse face Watford in the lunchtime kick-off on Sunday. Motty will be in the commentary box for Radio 5Live forty eight years after his first live radio broadcast. He announced in September that he would call time on his BBC career at the end of the season and he will continue to appear on Match Of The Day until May. His first radio commentary was Everton versus Derby in December 1969. During his career he has covered ten World Cups, ten European Championships, twenty nine FA Cup finals and more than two hundred England games. Plus this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies against Hereford in 1972 which remains the only game Motty commentated on that anybody ever talks about.
Sick aggro broke out in the second division of Dutch football when De Graafschap players were attacked by Go Ahead Eagles fans after their four-nil win. Footage from Fox Sports Netherlands shows fans running on to the pitch at full-time, kicking and punching players with kids gettin' lamped and aal sorts before stewards intervened (and, gave most of the thugs a damned good chinning). Go Ahead said in a statement they were 'deeply ashamed' by the actions and 'condemn the behaviour' of their fans. Fox Sports Netherlands reported that police had made seven arrests. The opening of the match was held up by ten minutes because of fireworks being thrown on to the pitch. Go Ahead added in their statement: 'The club makes every effort to take appropriate measures against those responsible.' Henk de Jong, whose De Graafschap side had more four hundred travelling supporters, said: 'Why can we not cheer? Our supporters did not know what they were going through, I think. It could have been eight-nil. They did not know what to do with our tactics and our football was top.'
A player was sent off after a referee mistook his name for dissent. Referee Dean Hulme asked Sanchez Watt, who was playing for Hemel Hempstead Town, for his name as he was about to be booked in a National League South game against East Thurrock United. The twenty seven-year-old repeatedly replied: 'Watt' but Hulme believed he was saying 'what?' and sent him off for dissent. Hulme rescinded the card when it was explained that Watt was not showing dissent. 'It was a human error,' Hemel Hempstead chairman Dave Boggins told BBC Sport. 'The referee was man enough to rectify it. I think everybody found it amusing afterwards - including the referee. He came into the boardroom after the game and explained how he had made the mistake. He was very apologetic and saw the funny side of it. He was a good ref on the night to be fair to him.' The incident happened towards the end of Hemel Hempstead's two-nil win on Tuesday. Watt played three games for The Arse in the League Cup as an eighteen-year-old, scoring against West Bromwich Albinos at the Emirates Stadium in September 2009. He has also played in the Championship for Dirty Leeds and had spells at Sheffield Wednesday, Southend, Crawley and Colchester.
