The Dawning Of A New Era

Huddersfield Town boss Simon Grayson credited former manager Lee Clark after they were promoted to the Championship. The Terriers beat Yorkshire rivals Sheffield United eight-seven on penalties after one hundred and twenty minutes of stalemate minutes failed to separate the two teams in the play-off final at Wembley. Grayson took over from Clark in February and told BBC Sport: 'Credit goes to Lee Clark because he put most of that team together. We came in with a remit to finish the job off and we've managed to do that.' The former Leeds boss has now guided three teams to promotion from League One having taken Blackpool up via the play-offs in 2007 and sealing automatic promotion with the Elland Road club in 2010. Despite the positive result he admitted he is yet to put his mark on the team: 'This promotion is different. We came in at the end of February so we only had three months to work with the players. There'll be players with us here today that may not be with the club next season and it won't be until then that I stamp my authority on the team.' Blades keeper Steve Simonsen missed the vital penalty for his side to hand victory to the Terriers. Grayson praised United's efforts: 'Sometimes it's written in the stars and you have a bit of luck. How we recovered from missing our first three penalties I'll never know. I feel sorry for Sheffield United because someone had to lose and they're a good team with a good manager. Hopefully they can go up next year.' Reading loanee Sean Morrison was successful in his attempt from the spot, to cap off an impressive display alongside Town skipper Peter Clarke. The Huddersfield boss was unsure whether he would be able to retain the services of the twenty one-year-old centre-half: 'We'll assess the situation with the chairman. He's not our player. He's got a very good partnership with Peter but whether we try and sign him will depend on other availabilities and budgets I have at my disposal.' Personally, the moment that Simonsen missed his kick the first thought that went through yer actual Keith Telly Topping's head was of the ignorant numskull who pulled a knife on yer actual Keith Telly Topping after his beloved (though even then unsellable) Magpies had beaten the Blades in an FA Cup semi-final in 1998. Purely, it would seem, because yer actual Keith Telly Topping happened to be walking the wrong way down a street after the game in which his team had lost. I hope you enjoy another year in division three, pal.

Roy Hodgson's reign as England manager began in Oslo's Ullevaal Stadium with a first win against Norway in thirty two years. Ashley Young's early goal provided the decisive moment of a rather low-key friendly that turned into an audition for several of Hodgson's shadow squad as he formulates his final plans for Euro 2012 after replacing Fabio Capello. England showed early signs of the tactical discipline that will be demanded by Hodgson. And while the performance hardly set pulses racing, it should be remembered that the side that starts the serious action against France in Donestsk on 11 June will not resemble the one on show in Oslo. Hodgson also has Wayne Rooney to call on once he has served a two-match suspension at the start of the tournament - and it is abundantly clear that England will rely as heavily as ever on Rooney's ability to shape the outcome of important games. If Hodgson was looking for early evidence of what he must improve before the tournament gets under way in Poland and Ukraine, it was carelessness in possession - especially in the second half - that will not go unpunished against opposition superior to Norway. Hodgson was able to introduce Arsenal teenager Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain for his debut late on as this makeshift England line-up closed out a victory that was solid for the most part without ever threatening to be spectacular. There was also an injury scare for Hodgson as midfielder Gareth Barry, who was substituted after replacing captain Steven Gerrard at the start of the second half, was replaced by Liverpool's Jordan Henderson with seventeen minutes left. Hodgson admitted there would be an early element of experimentation about England's side, with his focus firmly on that opening Euro 2012 meeting with France, perhaps even above getting a victory in Norway. He would still have been looking for encouraging signs, however, especially from striker Andy Carroll. The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haw forward's presence has taken on increasing importance with Rooney suspended and Danny Welbeck's ankle injury still a source of concern. And Carroll provided a hint of what Hodgson was looking for in the opening minutes as he sent a header wide from Stewart Downing's cross before playing a role in Young's fine individual effort after nine minutes. Carroll played in Young and the Manchester United winger took advantage of desperately flat-footed defending from Fulham's Brede Hangeland and an intelligent decoy run from Gerrard to beat keeper Rune Almenning Jarstein. England's formation was a rigid four-four-two against a Norway side of surprisingly limited ambition and on one of the rare occasions James Milner got in the action he forced a save from Jarstein. Gerrard had been loudly cheered before kick-off as a result of Liverpool's large Norwegian following - but he was being jeered as the villain by the time he ended his forty five-minute appearance after a heavy challenge that resulted in Tom Hogli being replaced by Espen Ruud. The second half was a scrappy affair, not helped by the disruption of substitutions. Oxlade-Chamberlain was given his England debut late on in place of Young, while Henderson came on for Barry. England's failure to retain the ball inevitably encouraged Norwegian pressure and keeper Robert Green needed to be alert to block John Arne Riise's powerful drive at his near post. As the game drew to a muted conclusion, there was even time for Liverpool defender Martin Kelly, who did not make England's stand-by list for Euro 2012, to get his first cap as an eighty seventh-minute substitute. It underlined the experimental nature of this fixture, a fact acknowledged by Hodgson as he began his tenure with victory.

Craig Levein suffered his heaviest defeat as Scotland boss as the USA raced to a 5-1 victory in Florida.  Which was funny. Effing hilarious, so it was. The kick-off was delayed by more than twenty minutes as a record crowd turned up in Jacksonville to see the hosts make a flying start through Landon Donovan. Michael Bradley had the Scots two down after eleven minutes before a Geoff Cameron own-goal halved the deficit. But Donovan struck two more to claim his hat-trick and Jermaine Jones's seventieth minute header completed the rout. The result proved to be ample reward for the majority of the forty four thousand fans as they watched the US make the gulf between the two nations appear far greater than the nineteen places which separate them in the FIFA World Rankings.

The Netherlands played the first of three warm-up matches on home soil in the next week on Saturday evening, but opponents Bulgaria ran out surprise 2-1 winners at the Amsterdam Arena.Dutch coach Bert van Marwijk opted to start with Newcastle's Tim Krul between the posts, the twenty four year-old winning his third senior cap. The home side led 1-0 at the break but Krul was then beaten by a fiftieth minute spot-kick and could do nothing to prevent an injury time winner. Before kick-off, the United 'keeper was confirmed as one of three custodians in the Netherlands squad for Euro 2012 and with AS Roma's Maarten Stekelenburg struggling for fitness, Krul has been chosen to start against Bulgaria ahead of Swansea City's Michel Vorm.

It's Gonna Cost Ya

England fans heading to Euro 2012 have been warned about the potential for high mobile phone bills because Ukraine is outside an EU-wide cap on call charges. Fans travelling with smartphones could be opening bills mounting up to more than five grand if they are not careful about their usage, according to a study by price comparison website uSwitch.com. Mobile phone networks have been forced to cap roaming charges within Eurozone countries at thirty five pence per minute to make calls, eleven pence per minute to receive calls and eleven pence to send a standard text message, as well as a fifty euro cap on data, with these caps set to fall further from 1 July. But this is not the case for destinations outside the EU. Based on average costs across the five major networks, using a mobile phone in Ukraine to make and receive just two five-minute phone calls per day, listen to a two-minute voicemail message and send five text messages and one photo message would run up a bill of thirty five smackers per day, according to uSwitch. And with the cost of one megabyte of mobile Internet data in Ukraine costing an average of over six quid, a smartphone user could ring up a daily data bill of two hundred and twenty eight knicker with a modest amount of video streaming, emailing, browsing websites and using services like Skype to keep in touch, the website warned. Those fans visiting Ukraine for the nine days from 11 June when England play their pool matches could have to pay an extra two thousand three hundred and sixty two knicker on top of their usual monthly phone bills. And those who stay in Ukraine from the first pool match on 11 June until the final on 1 July face a total bill of more than five thousand notes - more than eleven times the cost of a ticket to the final in the best seats, which will set fans back four hundred and eight two quid, uSwitch said. Or, they could just stay at home and watch it on the BBC for their one hundred and forty quid licence fee, of course. Mind you, the beer's cheaper in the Ukraine, apparently. It recommended that fans 'curb their mobile usage' and take other steps such as buying a local SIM and using free Wi-Fi to avoid coming home to a huge bill. USwitch.com technology expert Ernest Doku said: 'Watching England might be priceless, but using your mobile phone abroad isn't. Footie fans have to think ahead as using their phones while following England could add more than five thousand pounds to what is likely to be an already expensive trip. The first thing England fans going to Ukraine - or indeed anyone taking a holiday outside the EU - should do is talk to their network. They may be able to advise a bundle, or at least let you know the costs involved with using your phone abroad. Those using their phone can help to limit the damage by keeping data roaming switched off as much as possible. At the moment, O2 and Vodafone are the only networks that place an automatic cap on data usage worldwide for pay monthly customers and O2, Orange and Vodafone all send text alerts so customers can keep track of their data spend. T-Mobile has told us it plans to introduce a new system to prevent customers from running up unexpected data bills abroad and hopefully this will be in place before Euro 2012 kicks off. When it comes to calls and text messages, the best way to keep costs down to an absolute minimum is to buy a local SIM card, put it in your phone and top it up. Those mobile users wanting to go online should be on the ball and use free Wi-Fi to help keep a lid on costs.'

Alan Pardew hopes that Newcastle United's targets all 'flop' at Euro 2012 – so that the club isn't priced out of the market. A clutch of players involved in the European Championships have been watched by Pardew and his staff this season. Lille right-back Mathieu Debuchy, a close friend of Magpie Yohan Cabaye, is a possible replacement for Danny Simpson, should Simpson leave this summer as rumoured. Debuchy was this week named in Laurent Blanc's provisional France squad along with Montepellier defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, who has also been linked with a move to yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle. Pardew's scouting team, headed up by Graham Carr, will track their progress at the championships, and the fear is that a target's price goes through the roof on the back of a strong tournament before a deal can be done. However, the flipside is that some players' valuations may drop. 'We'll be represented at the Euros,' Pardew said. 'There are a couple of players we're looking at, and as far as I'm concerned, I hope they have an awful one! The valuations will go up and down – we'll look at that. Someone's reputations will go through the roof, and someone's won't. That might affect the price.' While Newcastle, ideally, want to do their summer transfer business early, that is only possible if the selling club is ready to come to the table. Pardew believes that many clubs will hold off doing business until after the tournament in the hope that their assets increase in value. 'Most clubs want to hold off to see how their players do,' added Pardew. Meanwhile, Yohan Cabaye says the whole is greater than the sum of the parts at Newcastle. The midfielder was a hugely influential figure in the club's fine season, which ended with a fifth-placed finish in the Premier League and qualification for the Europa League. Cabaye left Lille last summer looking for a new challenge after helping the club to the French double. His decision to join Newcastle was questioned in France. However, Cabaye hasn't looked back since crossing the Channel. The twenty six-year-old, also in Blanc's preliminary Euro 2012 squad, said he has 'no regrets' about joining United. Cabaye, is already looking forward to playing in the Europa League next season. 'Finishing fifth was beyond the expectations of the club and fans,' said Cabaye. 'We had a long unbeatean run at the start of the season, which helped gain confidence.' Cabaye is part of a growing group of French and Francophone players, among them Hatem Ben Arfa, Demba Ba, Sylvain Marveaux, Cheick Tiote and Papiss Demba Cisse. And fitting into to United's multi-national and multi-cultural dressing room was easy. 'There are many French and African players here, as at Arsenal, so there isn't a language barrier, which makes things easier,' added Cabaye, signed for a cut-price £4.3m after being identifield by the club's chief scout, Graham Carr. 'We get along well with everyone – there really is a good atmosphere in this group. We do not exclude anyone.' Cabaye is a certainty to make the Blanc's final squad for the summer's European Championships, where France will meet England in the group stage. And he credits his move to the Premier League with helping his international career. Asked about his move to Newcastle, Cabaye told French radio station RMC: 'Newcastle was the only club with which negotiations were initiated. This was the only real offer I received, but I did not go there by default. After the title and the Cup victory in France, I think collectively and individually it was not possible to do more. I needed to grow, and I’m really happy with my choice. It even helped me to play more with Les Bleus.'

The Greedy Shit Michael Owen, who once spent four years at Newcastle getting paid a quite obscene amount of money - the equivalent of the gross national product of a small third world country - to lie on a treatment table, has revealed on Twitter that The Scum will not be offering him a new deal. Oh dear. What a pity. The thirty two-year-old former England forward joined the Old Trafford club in July 2009, moving faster than he ever had in any match during the previous four years but has made just fifty two appearances. Bright side, Mikey, if you'd been a horse, you'd've been put out of your misery by now. 'The manager informed me after our testimonial match on Tuesday that the club would not be offering me a new contract,' said Owen. 'I have loved every minute of the three years I have spent at such a fantastic club.' Owen, who also had spells with Liverpool and Real Madrid as well as the Newcastle treatment table, added: 'I would like to thank the players, staff and fans for their support and wish them well for the future. I now plan to have a short holiday during which I will contemplate my next move.' I hope the odious Little Shit ends up at some League Two club getting lumps kicked out of him on a weekly basis by big, oafish clodhopping defenders. Owen's last game in a United shirt came in Belfast on Tuesday in a testimonial for former goalkeeper Harry Gregg. His time at Old Trafford was, as usual, blighted by injuries - and whinging that hge couldn't get into the England team - and he managed just four league and cup appearances this season with his final one coming in United's 2-0 win over Otelul Galati during the Champions League group stages in November when he sustained 'a thigh injury.'

Sour-faced miserable Scotsman Kenny Dalglish has been sacked as Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws manager. Which is funny. No, I mean, really funny. 'After a careful and deliberative review of the season, the club came to the decision that a change was appropriate,' read a statement. 'Results in the Premier League have been disappointing and we believe to build on the progress that has already been made, we need to make a change.' And, they reckon the best way to achieve this is to kick miserable, sour-faced Scotsman Dalglish's arse out of the door, seemingly. Dalglish said that his 'departure' (ie sacking) had been handled in a 'honourable, respectful and dignified way.' By saying 'kenny, you're sacked', basically. Owners Fenway Sports Group stressed that the decision to remove - ie. sack - Dalglish 'was not reached lightly or hastily' (albeit, it occurred just four days after the end of the current Premier League season ... so, that's pretty hasty, one might observe) and that the search for a new manager would 'begin immediately.' Wigan manager Roberto Martinez and former Reds boss Rafael Benitez have been installed as early favourites to fill the vacancy, with former Moscow Chelski gaffer André Villas-Boas also being widely tipped. Dalglish's departure - ie. sacking - comes after face-to-face talks with principal owners John W Henry and Tom Werner in Boston on Monday. The sixty one-year-old has paid the price for Liverpool's poor Premier League performances, especially at Anfield. Despite reaching the FA Cup final and winning the Carling Cup, the Reds finished eighth in the top flight having lost as many games as they won. 'I am disappointed with results in the league, but I would not have swapped the Carling Cup win for anything as I know how much it meant to our fans and the club to be back winning trophies,' said Dalglish. 'It has been an honour and a privilege to have had the chance to come back to Liverpool as manager. Whilst I am obviously disappointed to be leaving, the matter has been handled by the owners and all concerned in an honourable, respectful and dignified way and reflects on the quality of the people involved and their continued desire to move the football club forward.' Werner insisted that the club owed a 'great deal of gratitude' to Dalglish. 'Kenny came into the club as manager at our request at a time when Liverpool Football Club really needed him,' he added. 'He didn't ask to be manager; he was asked to assume the role. He did so because he knew the club needed him.' Dalglish had been expected to take a holiday this week, but flew to the US instead to review the season with Henry and Werner. Dalglish's dismissal follows the departure of director of football Damien Comolli and the club's head of sports medicine Peter Brukner in April. Dalglish returned to manage the club for a second time in the wake of Roy Hodgson's departure in January 2011, initially on a caretaker basis until the end of the season. After a strong finish to the season he was made permanent manager on 12 May 2011 on a three-year contract, but has been unable to carry that momentum into the new campaign. Dalglish's second stint in charge at Anfield also proved controversial. The Scot defended Luis Suarez in the wake of the striker's ban for racially abusing Manchester United defender Patrice Evra when the teams met in October. After the Uruguayan's apparent refusual to shake Evra's hand in the return fixture in February, an apology from both the player and the manager came only after the intervention of the US owners. Hopefully the public humiliation dished out during the 2-0 defeat of the Scousers at St James' Park in April also helped bring about his demise as the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws 'global brand' took another bashing. Perhaps more damaging for the USA owners was Dalglish's appalling media persona, which saw him continuing to defend Luis Suarez even after the Uruguayan had been found guilty of racial abuse. Dalglish also seemed intent on fielding some of the most inoffensive questions imaginable with sarcasm and hostility during pre and post match TV interviews - something which he had previously mastered during his time on Tyneside.

The Squad

The new England manager Roy Hodgson has confirmed that John Terry will travel to Poland and the Ukraine as part of his squad for the European Championship, while Rio Ferdinand will stay at home. Hodgson also underlined his determination to usher in a new generation of England players by including The Arse's eighteen-year-old winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain in his Euro 2012 squad. Despite speculation to the contrary, Paul Scholes has not been tempted out of international retirement, while his team-mate Michael Carrick is not even on the standby list. The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws winger Stewart Downing and his team-mate Andy Carroll will also be travelling to the championships despite mixed seasons for their club following big money moves. Moscow Chelskia's Daniel Sturridge and the Stottingtot Hotshots winger Aaron Lennon are among those who have also missed out, although the former is one of five players on standby. With Wayne Rooney suspended for the first two group matches, Carroll, The Scum's Danny Welbeck and the Spurs striker Jermain Defoe will compete to start the matches against France and Sweden. Rooney will return for the final match against the Ukraine. As expected, the new England manager left Ferdinand out of his provisional twenty three man squad – effectively ending his international career. The former England captain Terry, who is facing a court appearance after the tournament in the face of claims that he racially abused Ferdinand's brother, the QPR defender Anton, has made the cut as one of seven defenders. Terry denies the charges. It was the FA's decision to strip Terry of the captaincy that led to the departure of Fabio Capello in February and created the vacancy filled by Hodgson earlier this month. The retention of Terry, who met with Hodgson on Monday at Moscow Chelski's training ground, and the absence of Ferdinand will ensure that the swirl of controversy that surrounds the Moscow Chelski FC player will continue for the duration of the tournament. Hodgson – appointed earlier this month with just weeks to spare before England's opening game of the tournament against France in the Ukraine on 11 June – has also selected Downing despite the winger's underwhelming first season with the Merseyside club. And his seeming inability to cross a ball, a bit of a drawback in any winger. While not quite as much of a surprise as Sven-Goran Eriksson's selection of Theo Walcott – also in today's squad – for the 2006 World Cup, the wildcard pick of Oxlade-Chamberlain will divide opinion. Despite winning plaudits for his speed and skill, Oxlade-Chamberlain has started only six matches in the Premier League and Arsène Wenger has used him sparingly. Neither Lennon nor Carrick have even made the standby list, while Jordan Henderson – yet another who has had an indifferent start to his Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws career – is one of five on the list. England face two warm-up games before their first match against France, playing Norway in Oslo on 26 May and Belgium at Wembley on 2 June. Hodgson this week appointed Gary Neville as a coach on his backroom staff.

Deeply Unpleasant (And Small)

Arch psycho nutter - and convicted thug - Joey Barton is, reportedly, facing up to a ten‑game ban after appearing to assault at least three Sheikh Yer Man City players during yet another shameful episode in the controversial midfielder's colourful career. The Queen's Park Stranger was sent from the field for violent conduct after elbowing Carlos Tevez in the mush during his side's 3-2 defeat to City on Sunday. After receiving his red card, Barton then kicked Sergio Agüero up the arse for no obvious reason, before appearing to aim a headbutt in the direction of City's captain, Vincent Kompany. Barton then had to be restrained from moving towards Mario Balotelli for another confrotnation on the touchline before he finally headed down the tunnel. The Football Association is almost certain to hand Barton a severe punishment once it has received the match official's report. Barton remained defiant afterwards and even admitted his actions were a cynical and quite sickening attempt to get a rival player sent off. In a series of tweets, Barton - never a chap short of an opinion, on pretty much anything - wrote: 'Can do nothing but apologise to the players and the fans. Still don't think it's a sending off. Tried to take one of their players with me.' What a class act he is, dear blog reader. Thnak Christ he's not playing for my club any more. He added: 'Still not my proudest moment but who gives a fuck? We are safe. And that is all that matters.' One imagines, very much, that the FA will, as it were, 'give a fuck.' Whilst Barton - once jailed for assaulting a man outside a Merseyside McDonald's - appeared entirely unrepentant, his manager, Mark Hughes, admitted that the officials had got it right. But, Hughes refused to blame his captain for his actions, which could have cost his team their survival had Notlob Wanderers managed to beat Stoke City. As it was, Stoke fought back for a 2-2 draw, meaning The Strangers stayed up despite their defeat, which could have been an unlikely victory had it not been for two City goals in injury time. 'If we'd have pulled it off and actually won the game I think it would have been the greatest Premier League performance in history, because of the significance of the game and the attention focused on it. I'm immensely proud of the players and what they produced,' said Hughes. 'It's a huge achievement, because people have no idea what I walked into, to be perfectly honest. And to be able to bring the group together and galvanise them, and you saw what they were able to produce today in unbelievable circumstances, I think it shows great credit to QPR.' Hughes vowed that they would not have to fight relegation again as long as he remains manager. 'This club will never be in this situation again while I'm here managing the club so we'll be fine. We're going to build and we're going to create a club that's going to be really strong in the Premier League. That's the aim of everybody connected to QPR – we're going to enjoy the summer and there'll be a lot of hard work when we come back.' Regarding Barton's red card in the fifty fifth-minute, Hughes said: 'We were disappointed we lost Joey to a sending-off which shouldn't have happened. But that's the only negative on an otherwise fantastic day for QPR. He should have been sent off, without a shadow of a doubt. Absolutely.' Hughes added: 'I haven't seen the incident and I haven't spoken to Joey but people who saw it were saying he had to go. I haven't seen it myself, so I shouldn't comment but, like I say, it was a sending-off. There were a lot of people on the pitch and you don't want to see those scenes. But we didn't allow that to disrupt what we were trying to do and went up the other end of the pitch and scored a fantastic goal.' Pressed that if Bolton had won then Barton's crass actions might have cost QPR their Premier League status, Hughes went down the 'if ifs and ands were pots and pans' route: 'Yeah, but it didn't. I understand there will be a lot of comments about what happened and Joey and his behaviour but please forgive me, I'd rather just concentrate on what we did. I thought it was fantastic the way the guys stuck at it in unbelievable circumstances and we nearly did it.' Hughes, who was sacked as Sheikh Yer Man City manager before Roberto Mancini took over in December 2009, had kind words for his former club and their first title since 1968. 'I congratulate them – it's a huge achievement for them and I'm sure there will be many more in the future,' he said. 'It was all the more exciting because of [the excitement] – the circumstances of the game I think was unbelievable – I don't think I've ever been involved in something like that, so it's a great day for everybody.' Hughes's sole disparagement of his side was that they relaxed when ahead. 'The one criticism was that we understood that we were safe so maybe we just switched off for one second – that's all you need to do when you're up against a team like City. I'm a little bit flat – that's because I'm disappointed we got beat, so maybe we're a little bit greedy, so there you go.' Hughes, who replaced Neil Warnock in January, was asked what he had walked into then. 'It was a club that didn't have things in place that you need to be successful, to have the support structures in place to be consistently good week-in, week-out, and all those things needed to be put in place, and a dressing room that was a little bit fragmented because there was a new manager. So we had to bring all that together and try to mend it quickly and thankfully that's what we did.' Pablo Zabaleta opened the scoring for City on thirty nine minutes before goals from Djibril Cissé on forty eight minutes and Jamie Mackie in the sixty sixth gave The Strangers the lead. As The Scum were beating Blunderland 1-0, Roberto Mancini's men needed to score twice as the match entered the five minutes of added time. Goals from Edin Dzeko and Agüero handed City the title and Hughes said: 'At 2-1, I couldn't see City getting back into it, to be honest. I just felt they'd lost their direction and they were knocking aimless balls into our penalty box, just hoping something was going to break for them, and in the end it did. If you keep putting balls in decent areas, sometimes it works for you, and I think Roberto would have to admit he's been lucky today.' Barton, meanwhile, continued to pour fuel on the fire by taking to Twitter again al through Sunday evening and into the early hours of Monday having a right go at all and sundry including his former Newcastle boss, Alan Shearer, now a pundit on Match of the Day. He posted: 'Shearers [sic] still on my case. I know I "fucked up" Alan, thanks for stating the obvious. Whilst were both stating the obvious about each other, can I just say for the record what a great player u [sic] were. But I have a better hair (which is not hard), wear well-better shirts on TV and have a personality (something u [sic] lack). My final point, ur [sic] a shit pundit/manager. I really don't like that prick, in fact I honestly despise him.' Well, that's sure to go down well on Tyneside, one imagines. Although it's probably made Barton welcome in certain parts of Wearside, and most of Essex, Wiltshire and anywhere else than Manchester United supporters live. Shearer's Match of the Day colleague and national treasure Gary Lineker then took to Twitter himself and claimed that Barton's attack on Big Al was nothing but an attempt to deflect attention away from his own misconduct. Barton responded to deny Lineker's accusations, posting: 'No deflections here, mate. Think the fact about one hundred million people seen it [sic] will see to that. Just don't like how he gets personal.' He also noted: 'I'd take it off Hansen and Gary Lineker but not from that bell. Same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon, then threatened FA if they banned him.' This, ladies and gentleman, from a man once jailed for six months for kicking a man twenty times, described by the judge as 'a violent and cowardly act.' When Lineker responded, asking Barton if he was 'still kicking out' and still believing that he was 'misunderstood', it sparked another explosion from the Barton Twitter feed. 'Do u [sic] wanna go there publicly "Mr Squeaky Clean"?' tweeted Barton, before threatening to expose 'skeletons' in Lineker's 'vast closet.' What these skeletons are, or how he knew about them, Barton did not elaborate. A pity, really, as one imagines the court case ensuing from that would have been vastly entertaining. He added: 'Mind ur [sic] manners Squeaky.' He signed off by saying: 'Now back under your stone you odious little toad.' You know dear blog reader, when Joey Barton really puts his mind to it and tries very hard, he appears to stop being a deeply unpleasant individual and becomes instead, a deeply unpleasant, small individual. And that takes some doing. He added: 'Right enough about yesterday, I apologise to everyone offended by it. If that's not enough for some, so be it. Life is too short. Things happen on the pitch, in the heat of battle sometimes. Not how we always plan them to happen.' Then, quoting The Smiths' 'Still Ill', he concluded: 'For there are brighter sides to life and I should know because I seen them, but not very often.'

The nail-biting finale to the Premier League football season delivered bumper overnight ratings for Sky Sports and Match of the Day on Sunday, with more than three million punters watching Sheikh Yer Man City clinch the title with their injury time win over Queen's Park Strangers on the BSkyB pay-TV channel. And, The Scum winning nothing, which was an added bonus. Live Super Sunday on Sky Sports 1, which was showing the City game, averaged 1.72m viewers, between 2pm and 6pm on Sunday, peaking with 3.19m just the final, extraordinary ten minutes. Sister channel Sky Sports 2, which screened title rivals The Scum's 1-0 win over Blunderland at the Stadium of Shite averaged six hundred and seventy two thousand viewers between 2.55pm and 5pm, peaking with just over eight hundred thousand. Sky Sports News, which updated viewers on all the Premier League action had an unusually high five hundred thousand viewers for its Gillette Soccer Saturday show with Jeff Stelling at the chaps, peaking with nine hundred and seven thousand viewers towards the end of the show. Unbelievable. The sports news channel was up a whopping one hundred and eighty one per cent on its slot average over the past three months, while Sky Sports 2 was up one hundred and forty one per cent. BBC1's Match of the Day highlights of the final day of the season had 4.06m viewers a between 10.25pm and midnight, peaking with 5.6m.

Sour-faced grumpy old Scotsman Kenny Dalglish was especially sour-faced and grumpy on Sunday as he reacted angrily to reports he is set to leave Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws this summer after the campaign ended with a 1-0 defeat at Swansea. Some newspapers claim that the Scot will be replaced by Wigan's Roberto Martinez. Danny Graham's one hundredth career goal condemned Liverpool to their worst finish for nineteen seasons. But Dalglish insisted he is going nowhere and said: 'I expect the owners to have more dignity and integrity than to believe a story in a newspaper.' The performance of Dalglish, his staff and the club in general will come under scrutiny when he convenes with owners John W Henry and Tom Werner in the days ahead. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws have slipped to an eighth-place finish in the Premier League having won fourteen of their thirty eight fixtures. The defeat by Swansea capped a miserable season of frustration for the Reds. Michel Vorm made one stunning save to keep out Andy Carroll's overhead kick and another low stop to deny the striker. Grumpy sour-faced Dalglish felt his side had deserved 'at least a point.' However, he reluctantly acknowledged that their campaign, which ended with Liverpool - 'one of the top four sides in England' according to their greedy, risible managing director, and 'a top six side' according their Twitter-happy left-back - not even the top side in Liverpool, finishing below local rivals Everton for the first time since 2005, had, simply, not been good enough. 'I think on the second-half performance, the least they deserved was a point,' he whinged. But, everybody was too busy laughing to hear what he said next.

Last Day Drama

Sheikh Yer Man City FC scored two dramatic injury-time goals to see-off ten-man Queen's Park Strangers and win the Premier League title on Sunday afternoon. Pablo Zabaleta had put City ahead before Herman Munster lookalike Joleon Lescott's calamitous mistake let Djibril Cisse (himself no oil painting) in to blast home an equaliser. Then, arch psycho nutter Joey Barton was sent-off for a clash with Carlos Tevez. Tevez had appeared to strike Barton first but Barton's reaction of elbowing the Argentine, hard, reet in the mush was spotted by the linesman. The referee, Mike Dean, produced a red card and chaos ensued as Barton went off-it. Before eventually leaving the field, he kicked Sergio Aguero up a-height and then aimed to try and stick-the-heed on City captain Vincent Kompany as Kompany attempted to intervene in the melee. City substitute Micah Richards raced onto the pitch to drag his old mate Barton off as Barton continued to engage in on-going rows with various City players and coaches, appearing to attempt to break free from Richards at one point and have a go at Mario Balotelli. Which, frankly, would've been a sight to see in and of itself had it happened. But it didn't. On Sky's Soccer Special Jeff Stelling suggested there seemed a genuine possibility that, if he hadn't been stopped, Barton might have attempted to take on the entire City team on his own. BBC pundit Garth Crooks noted: 'This will go beyond the summer. When the FA see this there will be reprisals. It's extraordinary. You can only describe it as an assault on Carlos Tevez. He should get a six-month ban, for that incident alone.' He stopped just short of 'oh, the humanity,' though. The Football Association will, no doubt, now analyse the incident and it is more than likely that Barton will face a lengthy suspension for his behaviour. 'I've not seen it,' Mark Hughes claimed, having seemingly developed a dose of Arsene Wenger's selective myopia. One wonders what Barton will have to say about that on Twitter. This, actually. Remarkably, soon afterwards Jamie Mackie put the Strangers in front with an excellent goal against the run of play. With The Scum's beating Blunderland 1-0 at The Stadium of Shite thanks to a Wayne Rooney goal, City looked set to miss out on the their first League Championship title since they won the old First Division in 1968 but, deep, deep into injury time Edin Dzeko levelled with a header and then, with virtually the last kick of the game, Aguero won it for the Blues. Despite all that, and crazy Barton's best efforts, the Strangers still managed to stay up themselves, as hapless Notlob could only draw 2-2 at Stoke. The Arse secured a place in next season's Champions League with a thrilling victory at The Hawthorns which owed much to a series of dreadful errors made by West Bromwich Albino's goalkeeper Marton Fulop. The 3-2 victory means twisty-faced Arsene Wenger's side finished the season in third place ahead of their North London rivals Happy Harry's hapless Sottingtot Hotshots whose 2-0 victory over Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance saw them finish fourth. They will now have to wait until Moscow Chelski FC's Champions League final next week against yer actual Bayern München. Should the crack Russian side win the trophy, they will occupy the fourth place in next season's Champions League competition as the holders. If the Hotshots do miss out, they'll be in the Europa League along with yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Magpies who ended a season of massive and unexpected over-achievement on something of a damp squib, losing 3-1 at yer actual Everton. It was Newcastle's third defeat in their last four games but it shouldn't obscure what a genuinely excellent year it has been for The Magpies - fifth place was something few, if any, predicted at the start of the season. With Moscow Chelski FC in sixth place, Everton finished seventh ahead of their Merseyside rivals the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws who ended a very disappointing (albeit, massively amusing) season with a 1-0 defeat at Swansea. The Alabama Yee-Haws, 'one of the top four sides in the premier League' according to their odious, boastful, greedy, full-of-his-own importance managing director Ian Ayre, and 'a top six club' according to their left-back, ended the season eighth and not even the top club in Liverpool. Which left Kenny Dalglish with a face like a smacked arse. So, no change there, then. At the bottom, poor bloody Notlob joined already relegated Wolverhampton Wannabes and the Blackburn Vindaloos in looking forward to second-tier Championship football in August. Wigan Not Very Athletic ended a season in which they'd spent most of their time in the bottom three, well clear of the relegation zone, beating Wolves 3-2, their seventh victory in their final nine games. Expect the excellent Roberto Martinez to be managing somebody halfway decent next season. Or, the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, anyway. Also avoiding relegation, along with QPR, were the Aston Villains, who ended a thoroughly average year with a 2-0 defeat at Norwich. Villa boss Alex McLeish said: 'It was an absolutely shocking, woeful display. Maybe some of the boys were thinking about their holidays already. That team needs a change and there will be change. That wasn't an Alex McLeish team today. We need to bring more quality into the squad.' Yeah. good luck with that. Meanwhile, good old sour-faced Sir Alex Ferguson was his usual ungracious self. Speaking after the game at Blunderland, he scowled: 'Nobody expected that. Everybody expected City to win, but they did it against ten men for half-an-hour and with five extra minutes to help them.' I'm sorry, is that Alex Ferguson complaining about a team from Manchester winning a league via injury time goals? Oh, the irony.

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United's manager Alan Pardew has been named the Premier League manager of the season, while Sheikh Yer Man City's captain Vincent Kompany has taken the players' prize. 'It's been a magnificent achievement by everyone at this club,' said Pardew. Kompany has been a key man in City's defence as they closed in on their first title since 1968. Pardew took over The Magpies in December 2010 following the sacking of the popular Chris Hughton, when the team was in mid-table in the Premier League having been newly promoted from the Championship - they eventually finished the season in twelfth place (although, but for surrendering a three goal lead against West Bromwich Albinos on the last day of the 2010-2011 season, they would have been eighth. Pardew has taken the club to the verge of Champions League qualification this season, with his signings, particularly strikers Demba Ba and Papiss Cisse and French midfielder Yohan Cabaye, proving influential. Kompany took the players' award for his performances in a Sheikh Yer Man City defence which has conceded just twenty nine goals in thirty eight games, helping them to establish a superior, and potentially decisive, goal difference of nine in comparison to The Scum. City have kept seventeen clean sheets this season and their winner in the crucial 1-0 win over The Scum at the end of last month was scored by Kompany. The Belgian international tweeted: 'I'm really grateful but I must say straight away that I wish I could share this award in particular with my defensive partners. They are all incredible - Pablo Zabaleta, Gael Clichy, Joleon Lescott - and those not on Twitter. The prize is theirs!'

Winners And Losers

Moscow Chelski's FA Cup final talisman Didier Drogba was the match-winner once more as they overcame the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws to lift the trophy at Wembley. Drogba's goal early in the second half - his fourth in FA Cup finals - proved decisive as the remarkable turnaround in Moscow Chelski FC's fortunes under interim manager Roberto di Matteo was rewarded with silverware. Liverpool Alabam Yee-Haws goalkeeper Pepe Reina was badly at fault as Ramires scored at the near post after eleven minutes and Moscow Chelski FC looked in cruise control when Drogba continued his love affair with the FA Cup final and Wembley with an angled finish beyond Reina. The introduction of substitute thirty five million pound Andy Carroll sparked Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws into life and he pulled goal back just after the hour - and thought he had equalised as miserable sour-faced Kenny Dalglish's side laid siege to Moscow Chelski FC's goal in the closing stages. He met Luis Suarez's cross at the far post, only for Moscow Chelski keeper Petr Cech to show brilliant reflexes and deflect his header onto the bar. Carroll turned away to lead Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haw's insistent protests that the ball had crossed the line but referee Phil Dowd and his assistant, Andrew Garratt, waved play on, with even a succession of TV replays proving inconclusive. Moscow Chelski FC survived and can now turn their attentions to the Champions League final against Bayern Munich later this month as they face an increasingly arduous task to finish in the Premier League's top four. As Di Matteo celebrated and captain John Terry raised the trophy, the Italian increased his claims to become the permanent successor to Andre Villas-Boas by landing a trophy. For Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, their season will now be regarded as a relative disappointment after failure to add the FA Cup to the Carling Cup and not mounting a challenge to reach the Champions League places. The final started with eighty five million smackers worth of striking talent on the bench as Carroll was a Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws substitute and Moscow Chelski's Fernando Torres missed out on a starting place against his former club. The Reds were on the back foot early on when a catalogue of defensive errors led to Ramires giving Moscow Chelski the lead. Jay Spearing conceded possession in midfield and Ramires escaped Jose Enrique far too easily before scoring at the near post with a shot Reina should have saved. Moscow Chelski FC were coping comfortably as Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws left Luis Suarez too isolated. Steven Gerrard was also being forced to drop too deep to offer support to the beleaguered Spearing and twenty million quid flop Jordan Henderson rather than add attacking potency alongside the Uruguayan.

Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws did have one moment of danger in the first half when Moscow Chelski FC failed to clear Glen Johnson's cross and Branislav Ivanovic blocked Craig Bellamy's goalbound shot. Moscow Chelski FC doubled their lead seven minutes after the restart, with the second coming from their most reliable source of Wembley goals. Frank Lampard escaped Spearing with ease and fed Drogba inside the area, who controlled before sending an angled left-foot finish across Reina. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws introduced Carroll for Spearing and were rewarded after sixty four minutes when he put them back in contention. Stewart Downing blocked Jose Bosingwa's attempted clearance, which fell into the path of Carroll. He turned John Terry superbly before firing high past Cech. At last Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws had impetus and were getting the dangerous Suarez into threatening positions, allowing him to force Cech to save low to his right with an effort from the edge of the area. Carroll thought he had equalised with his header against the bar with eight minutes left. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws claimed the ball had cross the line and Moscow Chelski FC were grateful for a miraculous intervention from Cech to turn his effort on to the woodwork. He was then denied by a magnificent tackle from captain Terry as Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws continued to press - but Moscow Chelski FC survived as the memories of the nightmare under Andre Villas-Boas faded even further into the background.

Sheikh Yer Man City moved to within touching distance of their first title for forty four years, as Yaya Toure scored twice to secure a crucial 2-0 victory over yer actual Keith Telly Topping brave and plucky beloved (but, still unsellable) Newcastle United. The Côte d'Ivoire midfielder beat Newcastle goalkeeper Tim Krul with a low curling shot with twenty minutes left. He then added a second from close range with five minutes left as City hit United on the break. Sheikh Yer Man City now know that victory over Queen's Park Strangers in their final match of the season next Sunday will secure the Premier League title. This was a fine display by City, inspired by Vincent Kompany's generalship, David Silva's prodigious work in midfield, stellar finishing by Toure and a workrate and ambition that glowed throughout the team. The omens must have given Roberto Mancini's men cause for hope and optimism before kick-off. It was at this ground on 11 May 1968 that City won 4-3 against Newcastle to clinch their last league title. Some forty four years on, history repeated itself as City moved to within three points of the prize that has eluded them for so long. While it was understandable that much of the attention focused on City, Newcastle were chasing a prize of their own. Arsenal's 3-3 draw with Norwich City had opened the door to Champions League qualification. It was fitting, then, that Sir Bobby Robson - the last manager to lead Newcastle into Europe's top club competition - had been immortalised before kick-off as the club unveiled a statue to honour his memory. But it was City who dominated the majority of the opening thirty minutes. Sharper to the ball, swifter to use it, City forced Tim Krul into action on a number of occasions. The Dutchman was forced to turn away low shots from both David Silva and Sergio Aguero, while Carlos Tevez went close with a curling free-kick. It took Newcastle half-an-hour to produce their first effort on goal, but more soon followed. Demba Ba fizzed a twenty five-yard shot over Joe Hart's crossbar. Moments later the Newcastle striker saw his goalbound shot blocked by Kompany after a clever run by Jonas Gutierrez. The ball ran to Hatem Ben Arfa but his low shot was brilliantly saved by Hart, low to his left. It was City, however, who had the best chance of the half shortly before the interval. The mercurial Silva broke clear down the left and cut the ball back to Gareth Barry near the penalty spot. The England midfielder's first shot was blocked by Fabricio Coloccini, while his second found a path to goal only for Davide Santon to clear off the line. City maintained their momentum after the restart with Tevez fired high and wide, before testing Krul from distance. As the half wore on Mancini's side were struggling to convert their lion's share of possession into clear-cut chances. Then came what proved to be an inspired substitution. Disgraceful leg-breaking thug Nigel De Jong replaced Nasri on the hour mark to allow Toure to push into a more advanced position behind Aguero and Tevez. The Ivorian made an instant impact in his new role. Collecting a neat lay-off from Aguero, he curled a wonderful curling shot beyond Krul's outstretched left hand to spark scenes of jubilation in the away end and on the City bench. It was the first goal Newcastle had conceded in four hundred and ninety seven minutes of football at St James' Park. City should have made sure of the result four minutes later when Silva lofted a delightful through-ball into the path of Aguero only for the Argentine to nudge his shot inches wide of the right-hand post when clean through on goal. Newcastle almost made City pay for their profligacy, when Ba and Papiss Cissé connected only for the latter to head high and wide from close range. Then, Aguero put Toure through on goal only for the City midfielder to slip at the crucial moment. Edin Dzeko turned a shot narrowly over the bar from the resulting corner. It didn't matter, though, when Toure made sure of the result and perhaps the title a minute from time, as he finished a typically swift City counter-attack with a close-range finish. Which was sad for all Toonies but at least, along with the vast majority of football supporters in the country, they had the great consolation of watching Alex Ferguson with a face like a smacked arse when her heard the Sheikh Yer Man City result before The Scum's game against Swansea. That was funny. Elsewhere, bloody useless Aston Villains couldn't even do Newcastle a favour by beating ten-man Stottingtot Hotshots, whilst five minutes at the end of two matches could have a dramatic impact on the relegation battle as hothead nutter Djibril Cissé's last minute winner for Queen's Park Strangers over Stoke and James Morrison's last minute equaliser for West Bromwich Albinos at Notlob put the Lancashire club on the brink of the drop. In the day's other game, which hardly anybody was interested in Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance beat The Mackems 2-1.

Papiss Topples The Roman Empire

Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United moved within one point of third-placed Arsenal with a remarkable 2-0 win over Moscow Chelski FC. Papiss Demba Cissé opened the scoring at Torpedo Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night by rifling a stunning left-footed volley into the top corner midway through the first half. That goal was a corker but the Senegalese striker's second, and thirteenth in twelve games, was one of the goals of the season - curling from the left flank with the outside of his boot over the helpless frame of Petr Cech. For Alan Pardew, it was not only a welcome response to The Magpies shockingly poor 4-0 loss at Wigan Not-Very-Athletic on Saturday but also his first win in London since arriving at Tyneside in December 2010. The injured Danny Simpson, who had previously not missed a single Magpies match this season, was replaced with the adaptable utility man James Perch in the only change to Alan Pardew's side. The game began with Moscow Chelski on the front foot. Fernando Torres was looking confident after his hat-trick against Queen's Park Strangers on Sunday, and crossed intricately for Daniel Sturridge after ten minutes who scuffed the strike on his favoured foot. The Magpies fought their way back into the match, however, and went ahead on nineteen minutes. Left-back Davide Santon cut inside from the wing and passed to Cissé on the edge of the Moscow Chelski area. Cissé chipped the ball up with his first touch then sweetly struck home with his second. The Blues were subdued in their response but, with nine minutes left until the break, burst into action. Florent Malouda skimmed a header across Krul’s goalmouth from a Torres cross then a minute later Branislav Ivanovic nodded over from a corner. At the other end, Demba Ba would have ended his barren spell if not for Cech's stretched save with one minute until half-time. The Newcastle striker then thundered an attempt off the crossbar from a subsequent corner. Bringing on Juan Mata for Sturridge was Roberto Di Matteo's solution to the one-goal deficit, and the Spanish substitute whipped in a couple of free-kicks from the flanks but the threat on Tim Krul's goal remained minimal. Cheick Tioté took a heavy blow to the head on the halfway line in an aerial challenge with Jon Obi Mikel (in which Mikel appeared to lead with the elbow) and had to be stretchered off with an oxygen mask after several minutes of treatment on the pitch. Moscow Chelski veterans Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard came on after Tioté's nasty injury as Di Matteo chased an equaliser. Drogba had his first crack on goal from a thirty five-yard free-kick which nearly knocked Krul off his feet as the Dutch keeper caught it on seventy six minutes. Lampard had his turn with nine minutes left of normal time but from the experienced midfielder skewed wide. The hosts continued to flood forward and skipper John Terry thought he had scored from one of several corners being poured into the visiting box, but Santon cleared off the line. Ten minutes of stoppage time were signalled because of the Tioté injury, and the home side were the team in the ascendancy. However, Cissé's extraordinary second goal from absolutely nowhere four minutes into added time silenced any Moscow Chelski comeback and, frankly, shut the cockney chancers in the crowd right up and sent them scurrying for the exits and their jellied eels and pints of weak lager with a lemonade top. Pfft. Girls drink. Anyway, Newcastle's ten million quid January signing took the breath away from most of the stadium with an outrageous shot from thirty yards on the left wing, ensuring he gave the Tyneside club their first league triumph at the West London ground since 1986. United remain in fourth place in the league after Notlob's capitulation at home to Stottingtot Hotshots. Happy Harry's lads won 4-1, which will, presumably, have put a bit of smile on his miserable mush after 'The People's Choice' was overlooked in favour of the - massively more qualified - Roy Hodgson for the England job. Much to the gurning and gnashing of teeth of many of Redknapp's odious, brown-tongued cheerleaders in Fleet Street and at Sky Sports. Newcastle's next match is against Championship-chasing Sheikh Yer Man City FC on Saturday at St James' Park. Moscow Chelski FC, meanwhile, have a date at Wembley on Saturday against The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws in the Russian FA Cup.

The Football Association have, apparently contacted the Sun and - rightly - protested at that paper's front page on Tuesday mocking Roy Hodgson's speech impediment is 'unacceptable'. Like I say, quite right too. Although it's probably worth asking where, was the FA and their sense of unacceptability, on 19 April 1989? Just wondering. This week's casually offensive excuse for a story in the Sun has led to more than one hundred complaints to the Press Complaints Commission. News International has not made any comment. Probably too busy working out if they can pin it on a single 'rogue' reporter and then stick to that story for four years. A spokesman for the Press Complaints Commission said: 'I can confirm we have had over a hundred complaints.' The FA said it had also received a 'large number of objections' to the story about the current West Bromwich Albino manager. FA chairman David Bernstein said: 'We are delighted at the media response to Roy's appointment but are disappointed with the headline in the Sun, which we consider is in poor taste and disrespectful.' The game's governing body will not be making an official complaint to the PCC but said it had raised the issue with the newspaper and 'made it clear' the organisation found the front page unacceptable. Justice for the Ninety Six.

Not So Happy Now, Harry?

Roy Hodgson has been appointed England manager on a four-year contract. Which is not only good - he's an excellent coach with a very impressive track record of managing at the highest level internationally and in any other country that wasn't so absurdly parochial, he'd've been the national team coach years ago - but, also, hilarious funny as well. Take, of instance, the BBC's Dan Roan who on the Ten O'Clock News on Sunday evening ridiculously claimed that Hodgson - a man who has, let's remember, managed Internazionale twice - has only had 'one high profile job, Liverpool.' This blogger is also hugely impressed with the way that the Sun has already started it's campaign of hated towards Hodgson with Tuesday's headline, mocking his speech impediment. One is sure, of course, that all of their mothers are all really proud of them. I mean, they work for single 'rouge' reporter phone-hacking News International, for a kick-off, what's not to love? (The Sun, of course, has plenty of previous form when it comes to England coaches. Gentle humour is often kicked aside in favour of outright hostility. Affection quickly turns into nasty character assassination. Kevin Keegan, a previous example of 'the People's Choice' was given a torrid time following an initial honeymoon period when he held the post. Even 'national treasure' Bobby Robson was the subject of near enough eight years of vile and obnoxious, highly personal, negative coverage when he was England boss. Note that the Sun also calls Hodgson 'a shock choice.' This is journalistic code for rank hubris - the paper not only didn't get its own choice - Harry Redknapp was 'sensationally spurned' it said the day before - but it also didn't sniff out the real story. The paper's leader, Good luck, Roy, points out that Hodgson 'wasn't the nation's choice' - meaning, he wasn't a few journalist at the Sun's choice - but 'we can't blame him for not being 'Arry.' Even though, one senses, they will if things don't go well at the Euros. So, it offers Hodgson some crass faint praise: '[England] need a no-nonsense English boss with motivational and communication skills. Roy has both. We're not betting the farm on England winning the Euros. But Roy may still surprise us ... and good luck to him.') The West Bromwich Albino boss succeeds Fabio Capello after talks with the Football Association on Monday and Tuesday. He will remain in charge of The Baggies for their last two games of the Premier League season. The sixty four-year-old will lead his country after managing eighteen teams, including three national sides, during a coaching career spanning thirty six years. Hodgson's contract at West Brom runs out on 30 June but the Premier League club said they have agreed to release him after their final game of the season on 13 May so he can prepare for Euro 2012. England have two friendlies, at Norway on 26 May and home to Belgium on 2 June, before their first match in the tournament in Poland and Ukraine against France on 11 June. The Football Association said in a statement it was 'delighted' to announce the appointment of Hodgson, whose contract also covers the 2014 World Cup and Euro 2016. 'Hodgson has won a total of eight league titles in a distinguished career, and coached the national teams of Switzerland, Finland and the United Arab Emirates,' it added. 'Along with his vast experience of international and European football, Hodgson is the only English manager currently working in the top flight to have won the League Managers' Association Manager of the Year award.' The FA announced on Sunday it had approached Hodgson for the job despite widepsread speculation linking Stottingtot Hotshots boss Now-Not-So-Happy Harry Redknapp with the vacancy after Capello quit in February. Redknapp was, allegedly, 'The People's Choice' although, as a fully paid up member of 'the people' this blogger doesn't recall ever been asked about this. In fact, I don't know where this idea that Redknapp is 'The People's Choice' comes from. Oh, no, hang on, yes I do. It comes from a bunch of odious, arse-licking journalists in Fleet Street and Sky Sports who couldn't wait to hold a coronation for their mate Happy Harry. Scum like the Daily Lies thoroughly odious brown-tongue-rimming Brian Woolnough, the cheerleader-in-chief for Redknapp, and the Torygraph's Paul Heyward who, six weeks ago on Soccer Supplement boldly claimed that the FA had 'a shortlist of one, and it's Harry Redknapp.' Frankly, anything that makes clowns like those - and plenty of others (the Scum Mail's Martin Samuels, for one) - look small, clueless and insignificant, is to be celebrated. Loudly. Hodgson guided Switzerland to the 1994 World Cup and the side achieved a FIFA ranking of third in the world as they qualified for Euro 1996. His former clubs include, as mentioned, Inter Milan, Blackburn Rovers, Grasshoppers of Zurich, FC Copenhagen, Fulham (whom he took to a UEFA Cup final just three years ago) and Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. He has also managed successfully in Norway and Sweden, and been a member of FFIA and UEFA's technical study groups at tournaments. Hodgson leaves West Brom after fifteen months at the club. Chairman Jeremy Peace said: 'We did not want Roy to leave and he will be a tough act to follow. But we understand Roy's desire to take the England job and he will leave us after the Arsenal game on 13 May with our best wishes. Of course, with Euro 2012 around the corner, we appreciate that some of Roy's focus over the next twelve days will be on England matters. But we are delighted he will be seeing the season out with us. The board will now concentrate on the important task of appointing a new head coach to continue our project as we prepare for a third successive season in the Premier League.' BBC presenter and former England striker Gary Lineker, who'd already said on Twitter than he felt Redknapp was 'the best man for the job', claims now that Hodgson is 'a solid choice' who has the experience to get the best out of a team. He said: 'I think Roy is a safe pair of hands, I think the FA would have recognised that. He's a very likeable guy, very authoritative and very knowledgeable about the game. He clearly has bags of experience, all over the world and at all sorts of levels of football. He has tactical nous and he understands how to get the best out of his team and players. He has enjoyed mixed success at various clubs. He has done a terrific job at West Brom, did excellently at Fulham where he led them to a European final, yet it did not quite happen for him at Liverpool and way back at Blackburn.' Sir Geoff Hurst feels Hodgson is well qualified but that Redknapp was the 'outstanding candidate' for the national job. Exactly why he feels this, since Redknapp has no international experience and had only one FA Cup victory in his trophy cabinet (whilst manager of Portsmouth) he doesn't make clear. Hurst, who scored a hat-trick as England beat West Germany in the 1966 World Cup final (and, has lived off the reputation ever since), said: 'I thought Harry was probably the outstanding candidate at the time because he has had success with Tottenham at a higher level. Roy has managed in the Europa League and also at international level, which is also good experience, but what Harry has achieved at Spurs in the last three or four years as been quite remarkable.' Has it? What's he done, exactly? What's he won? Meanwhile, check out New Staesman's Ten Things You Need To Know About Roy Hodgson. I particularly like number ten, myself.