Arch psycho nutter - and convicted thug - Joey Barton is, reportedly, facing up to a ten‑game ban after appearing to assault at least three Sheikh Yer Man City players during yet another shameful episode in the controversial midfielder's colourful career. The Queen's Park Stranger was sent from the field for violent conduct after elbowing Carlos Tevez in the mush during his side's 3-2 defeat to City on Sunday. After receiving his red card, Barton then kicked Sergio Agüero up the arse for no obvious reason, before appearing to aim a headbutt in the direction of City's captain, Vincent Kompany. Barton then had to be restrained from moving towards Mario Balotelli for another confrotnation on the touchline before he finally headed down the tunnel. The Football Association is almost certain to hand Barton a severe punishment once it has received the match official's report. Barton remained defiant afterwards and even admitted his actions were a cynical and quite sickening attempt to get a rival player sent off. In a series of tweets, Barton - never a chap short of an opinion, on pretty much anything - wrote: 'Can do nothing but apologise to the players and the fans. Still don't think it's a sending off. Tried to take one of their players with me.' What a class act he is, dear blog reader. Thnak Christ he's not playing for my club any more. He added: 'Still not my proudest moment but who gives a fuck? We are safe. And that is all that matters.' One imagines, very much, that the FA will, as it were, 'give a fuck.' 
Whilst Barton - once jailed for assaulting a man outside a Merseyside McDonald's - appeared entirely unrepentant, his manager, Mark Hughes, admitted that the officials had got it right. But, Hughes refused to blame his captain for his actions, which could have cost his team their survival had Notlob Wanderers managed to beat Stoke City. As it was, Stoke fought back for a 2-2 draw, meaning The Strangers stayed up despite their defeat, which could have been an unlikely victory had it not been for two City goals in injury time. 'If we'd have pulled it off and actually won the game I think it would have been the greatest Premier League performance in history, because of the significance of the game and the attention focused on it. I'm immensely proud of the players and what they produced,' said Hughes. 'It's a huge achievement, because people have no idea what I walked into, to be perfectly honest. And to be able to bring the group together and galvanise them, and you saw what they were able to produce today in unbelievable circumstances, I think it shows great credit to QPR.' Hughes vowed that they would not have to fight relegation again as long as he remains manager. 'This club will never be in this situation again while I'm here managing the club so we'll be fine. We're going to build and we're going to create a club that's going to be really strong in the Premier League. That's the aim of everybody connected to QPR – we're going to enjoy the summer and there'll be a lot of hard work when we come back.' Regarding Barton's red card in the fifty fifth-minute, Hughes said: 'We were disappointed we lost Joey to a sending-off which shouldn't have happened. But that's the only negative on an otherwise fantastic day for QPR. He should have been sent off, without a shadow of a doubt. Absolutely.' Hughes added: 'I haven't seen the incident and I haven't spoken to Joey but people who saw it were saying he had to go. I haven't seen it myself, so I shouldn't comment but, like I say, it was a sending-off. There were a lot of people on the pitch and you don't want to see those scenes. But we didn't allow that to disrupt what we were trying to do and went up the other end of the pitch and scored a fantastic goal.' Pressed that if Bolton had won then Barton's crass actions might have cost QPR their Premier League status, Hughes went down the 'if ifs and ands were pots and pans' route: 'Yeah, but it didn't. I understand there will be a lot of comments about what happened and Joey and his behaviour but please forgive me, I'd rather just concentrate on what we did. I thought it was fantastic the way the guys stuck at it in unbelievable circumstances and we nearly did it.' 
Hughes, who was sacked as Sheikh Yer Man City manager before Roberto Mancini took over in December 2009, had kind words for his former club and their first title since 1968. 'I congratulate them – it's a huge achievement for them and I'm sure there will be many more in the future,' he said. 'It was all the more exciting because of [the excitement] – the circumstances of the game I think was unbelievable – I don't think I've ever been involved in something like that, so it's a great day for everybody.' Hughes's sole disparagement of his side was that they relaxed when ahead. 'The one criticism was that we understood that we were safe so maybe we just switched off for one second – that's all you need to do when you're up against a team like City. I'm a little bit flat – that's because I'm disappointed we got beat, so maybe we're a little bit greedy, so there you go.' Hughes, who replaced Neil Warnock in January, was asked what he had walked into then. 'It was a club that didn't have things in place that you need to be successful, to have the support structures in place to be consistently good week-in, week-out, and all those things needed to be put in place, and a dressing room that was a little bit fragmented because there was a new manager. So we had to bring all that together and try to mend it quickly and thankfully that's what we did.' Pablo Zabaleta opened the scoring for City on thirty nine minutes before goals from Djibril Cissé on forty eight minutes and Jamie Mackie in the sixty sixth gave The Strangers the lead. As The Scum were beating Blunderland 1-0, Roberto Mancini's men needed to score twice as the match entered the five minutes of added time. Goals from Edin Dzeko and Agüero handed City the title and Hughes said: 'At 2-1, I couldn't see City getting back into it, to be honest. I just felt they'd lost their direction and they were knocking aimless balls into our penalty box, just hoping something was going to break for them, and in the end it did. If you keep putting balls in decent areas, sometimes it works for you, and I think Roberto would have to admit he's been lucky today.' 
Barton, meanwhile, continued to pour fuel on the fire by taking to Twitter again al through Sunday evening and into the early hours of Monday having a right go at all and sundry including his former Newcastle boss, Alan Shearer, now a pundit on Match of the Day. He posted: 'Shearers [sic] still on my case. I know I "fucked up" Alan, thanks for stating the obvious. Whilst were both stating the obvious about each other, can I just say for the record what a great player u [sic] were. But I have a better hair (which is not hard), wear well-better shirts on TV and have a personality (something u [sic] lack). My final point, ur [sic] a shit pundit/manager. I really don't like that prick, in fact I honestly despise him.' Well, that's sure to go down well on Tyneside, one imagines. Although it's probably made Barton welcome in certain parts of Wearside, and most of Essex, Wiltshire and anywhere else than Manchester United supporters live. Shearer's Match of the Day colleague and national treasure Gary Lineker then took to Twitter himself and claimed that Barton's attack on Big Al was nothing but an attempt to deflect attention away from his own misconduct. Barton responded to deny Lineker's accusations, posting: 'No deflections here, mate. Think the fact about one hundred million people seen it [sic] will see to that. Just don't like how he gets personal.' He also noted: 'I'd take it off Hansen and Gary Lineker but not from that bell. Same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon, then threatened FA if they banned him.' This, ladies and gentleman, from a man once jailed for six months for kicking a man twenty times, described by the judge as 'a violent and cowardly act.' When Lineker responded, asking Barton if he was 'still kicking out' and still believing that he was 'misunderstood', it sparked another explosion from the Barton Twitter feed. 'Do u [sic] wanna go there publicly "Mr Squeaky Clean"?' tweeted Barton, before threatening to expose 'skeletons' in Lineker's 'vast closet.' What these skeletons are, or how he knew about them, Barton did not elaborate. A pity, really, as one imagines the court case ensuing from that would have been vastly entertaining. He added: 'Mind ur [sic] manners Squeaky.' He signed off by saying: 'Now back under your stone you odious little toad.' You know dear blog reader, when Joey Barton really puts his mind to it and tries very hard, he appears to stop being a deeply unpleasant individual and becomes instead, a deeply unpleasant, small individual. And that takes some doing. He added: 'Right enough about yesterday, I apologise to everyone offended by it. If that's not enough for some, so be it. Life is too short. Things happen on the pitch, in the heat of battle sometimes. Not how we always plan them to happen.' Then, quoting The Smiths' 'Still Ill', he concluded: 'For there are brighter sides to life and I should know because I seen them, but not very often.'
The nail-biting finale to the Premier League football season delivered bumper overnight ratings for Sky Sports and Match of the Day on Sunday, with more than three million punters watching Sheikh Yer Man City clinch the title with their injury time win over Queen's Park Strangers on the BSkyB pay-TV channel. And, The Scum winning nothing, which was an added bonus. Live Super Sunday on Sky Sports 1, which was showing the City game, averaged 1.72m viewers, between 2pm and 6pm on Sunday, peaking with 3.19m just the final, extraordinary ten minutes. Sister channel Sky Sports 2, which screened title rivals The Scum's 1-0 win over Blunderland at the Stadium of Shite averaged six hundred and seventy two thousand viewers between 2.55pm and 5pm, peaking with just over eight hundred thousand. Sky Sports News, which updated viewers on all the Premier League action had an unusually high five hundred thousand viewers for its Gillette Soccer Saturday show with Jeff Stelling at the chaps, peaking with nine hundred and seven thousand viewers towards the end of the show. Unbelievable.
The sports news channel was up a whopping one hundred and eighty one per cent on its slot average over the past three months, while Sky Sports 2 was up one hundred and forty one per cent. BBC1's Match of the Day highlights of the final day of the season had 4.06m viewers a between 10.25pm and midnight, peaking with 5.6m.
Sour-faced grumpy old Scotsman Kenny Dalglish was especially sour-faced and grumpy on Sunday as he reacted angrily to reports he is set to leave Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws this summer after the campaign ended with a 1-0 defeat at Swansea. Some newspapers claim that the Scot will be replaced by Wigan's Roberto Martinez. Danny Graham's one hundredth career goal condemned Liverpool to their worst finish for nineteen seasons. But Dalglish insisted he is going nowhere and said: 'I expect the owners to have more dignity and integrity than to believe a story in a newspaper.' The performance of Dalglish, his staff and the club in general will come under scrutiny when he convenes with owners John W Henry and Tom Werner in the days ahead. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws have slipped to an eighth-place finish in the Premier League having won fourteen of their thirty eight fixtures. The defeat by Swansea capped a miserable season of frustration for the Reds. Michel Vorm made one stunning save to keep out Andy Carroll's overhead kick and another low stop to deny the striker.
Grumpy sour-faced Dalglish felt his side had deserved 'at least a point.' However, he reluctantly acknowledged that their campaign, which ended with Liverpool - 'one of the top four sides in England' according to their greedy, risible managing director, and 'a top six side' according their Twitter-happy left-back - not even the top side in Liverpool, finishing below local rivals Everton for the first time since 2005, had, simply, not been good enough. 'I think on the second-half performance, the least they deserved was a point,' he whinged. But, everybody was too busy laughing to hear what he said next.
Whilst Barton - once jailed for assaulting a man outside a Merseyside McDonald's - appeared entirely unrepentant, his manager, Mark Hughes, admitted that the officials had got it right. But, Hughes refused to blame his captain for his actions, which could have cost his team their survival had Notlob Wanderers managed to beat Stoke City. As it was, Stoke fought back for a 2-2 draw, meaning The Strangers stayed up despite their defeat, which could have been an unlikely victory had it not been for two City goals in injury time. 'If we'd have pulled it off and actually won the game I think it would have been the greatest Premier League performance in history, because of the significance of the game and the attention focused on it. I'm immensely proud of the players and what they produced,' said Hughes. 'It's a huge achievement, because people have no idea what I walked into, to be perfectly honest. And to be able to bring the group together and galvanise them, and you saw what they were able to produce today in unbelievable circumstances, I think it shows great credit to QPR.' Hughes vowed that they would not have to fight relegation again as long as he remains manager. 'This club will never be in this situation again while I'm here managing the club so we'll be fine. We're going to build and we're going to create a club that's going to be really strong in the Premier League. That's the aim of everybody connected to QPR – we're going to enjoy the summer and there'll be a lot of hard work when we come back.' Regarding Barton's red card in the fifty fifth-minute, Hughes said: 'We were disappointed we lost Joey to a sending-off which shouldn't have happened. But that's the only negative on an otherwise fantastic day for QPR. He should have been sent off, without a shadow of a doubt. Absolutely.' Hughes added: 'I haven't seen the incident and I haven't spoken to Joey but people who saw it were saying he had to go. I haven't seen it myself, so I shouldn't comment but, like I say, it was a sending-off. There were a lot of people on the pitch and you don't want to see those scenes. But we didn't allow that to disrupt what we were trying to do and went up the other end of the pitch and scored a fantastic goal.' Pressed that if Bolton had won then Barton's crass actions might have cost QPR their Premier League status, Hughes went down the 'if ifs and ands were pots and pans' route: 'Yeah, but it didn't. I understand there will be a lot of comments about what happened and Joey and his behaviour but please forgive me, I'd rather just concentrate on what we did. I thought it was fantastic the way the guys stuck at it in unbelievable circumstances and we nearly did it.' 
Hughes, who was sacked as Sheikh Yer Man City manager before Roberto Mancini took over in December 2009, had kind words for his former club and their first title since 1968. 'I congratulate them – it's a huge achievement for them and I'm sure there will be many more in the future,' he said. 'It was all the more exciting because of [the excitement] – the circumstances of the game I think was unbelievable – I don't think I've ever been involved in something like that, so it's a great day for everybody.' Hughes's sole disparagement of his side was that they relaxed when ahead. 'The one criticism was that we understood that we were safe so maybe we just switched off for one second – that's all you need to do when you're up against a team like City. I'm a little bit flat – that's because I'm disappointed we got beat, so maybe we're a little bit greedy, so there you go.' Hughes, who replaced Neil Warnock in January, was asked what he had walked into then. 'It was a club that didn't have things in place that you need to be successful, to have the support structures in place to be consistently good week-in, week-out, and all those things needed to be put in place, and a dressing room that was a little bit fragmented because there was a new manager. So we had to bring all that together and try to mend it quickly and thankfully that's what we did.' Pablo Zabaleta opened the scoring for City on thirty nine minutes before goals from Djibril Cissé on forty eight minutes and Jamie Mackie in the sixty sixth gave The Strangers the lead. As The Scum were beating Blunderland 1-0, Roberto Mancini's men needed to score twice as the match entered the five minutes of added time. Goals from Edin Dzeko and Agüero handed City the title and Hughes said: 'At 2-1, I couldn't see City getting back into it, to be honest. I just felt they'd lost their direction and they were knocking aimless balls into our penalty box, just hoping something was going to break for them, and in the end it did. If you keep putting balls in decent areas, sometimes it works for you, and I think Roberto would have to admit he's been lucky today.' 
Barton, meanwhile, continued to pour fuel on the fire by taking to Twitter again al through Sunday evening and into the early hours of Monday having a right go at all and sundry including his former Newcastle boss, Alan Shearer, now a pundit on Match of the Day. He posted: 'Shearers [sic] still on my case. I know I "fucked up" Alan, thanks for stating the obvious. Whilst were both stating the obvious about each other, can I just say for the record what a great player u [sic] were. But I have a better hair (which is not hard), wear well-better shirts on TV and have a personality (something u [sic] lack). My final point, ur [sic] a shit pundit/manager. I really don't like that prick, in fact I honestly despise him.' Well, that's sure to go down well on Tyneside, one imagines. Although it's probably made Barton welcome in certain parts of Wearside, and most of Essex, Wiltshire and anywhere else than Manchester United supporters live. Shearer's Match of the Day colleague and national treasure Gary Lineker then took to Twitter himself and claimed that Barton's attack on Big Al was nothing but an attempt to deflect attention away from his own misconduct. Barton responded to deny Lineker's accusations, posting: 'No deflections here, mate. Think the fact about one hundred million people seen it [sic] will see to that. Just don't like how he gets personal.' He also noted: 'I'd take it off Hansen and Gary Lineker but not from that bell. Same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon, then threatened FA if they banned him.' This, ladies and gentleman, from a man once jailed for six months for kicking a man twenty times, described by the judge as 'a violent and cowardly act.' When Lineker responded, asking Barton if he was 'still kicking out' and still believing that he was 'misunderstood', it sparked another explosion from the Barton Twitter feed. 'Do u [sic] wanna go there publicly "Mr Squeaky Clean"?' tweeted Barton, before threatening to expose 'skeletons' in Lineker's 'vast closet.' What these skeletons are, or how he knew about them, Barton did not elaborate. A pity, really, as one imagines the court case ensuing from that would have been vastly entertaining. He added: 'Mind ur [sic] manners Squeaky.' He signed off by saying: 'Now back under your stone you odious little toad.' You know dear blog reader, when Joey Barton really puts his mind to it and tries very hard, he appears to stop being a deeply unpleasant individual and becomes instead, a deeply unpleasant, small individual. And that takes some doing. He added: 'Right enough about yesterday, I apologise to everyone offended by it. If that's not enough for some, so be it. Life is too short. Things happen on the pitch, in the heat of battle sometimes. Not how we always plan them to happen.' Then, quoting The Smiths' 'Still Ill', he concluded: 'For there are brighter sides to life and I should know because I seen them, but not very often.' The nail-biting finale to the Premier League football season delivered bumper overnight ratings for Sky Sports and Match of the Day on Sunday, with more than three million punters watching Sheikh Yer Man City clinch the title with their injury time win over Queen's Park Strangers on the BSkyB pay-TV channel. And, The Scum winning nothing, which was an added bonus. Live Super Sunday on Sky Sports 1, which was showing the City game, averaged 1.72m viewers, between 2pm and 6pm on Sunday, peaking with 3.19m just the final, extraordinary ten minutes. Sister channel Sky Sports 2, which screened title rivals The Scum's 1-0 win over Blunderland at the Stadium of Shite averaged six hundred and seventy two thousand viewers between 2.55pm and 5pm, peaking with just over eight hundred thousand. Sky Sports News, which updated viewers on all the Premier League action had an unusually high five hundred thousand viewers for its Gillette Soccer Saturday show with Jeff Stelling at the chaps, peaking with nine hundred and seven thousand viewers towards the end of the show. Unbelievable.
The sports news channel was up a whopping one hundred and eighty one per cent on its slot average over the past three months, while Sky Sports 2 was up one hundred and forty one per cent. BBC1's Match of the Day highlights of the final day of the season had 4.06m viewers a between 10.25pm and midnight, peaking with 5.6m. Sour-faced grumpy old Scotsman Kenny Dalglish was especially sour-faced and grumpy on Sunday as he reacted angrily to reports he is set to leave Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws this summer after the campaign ended with a 1-0 defeat at Swansea. Some newspapers claim that the Scot will be replaced by Wigan's Roberto Martinez. Danny Graham's one hundredth career goal condemned Liverpool to their worst finish for nineteen seasons. But Dalglish insisted he is going nowhere and said: 'I expect the owners to have more dignity and integrity than to believe a story in a newspaper.' The performance of Dalglish, his staff and the club in general will come under scrutiny when he convenes with owners John W Henry and Tom Werner in the days ahead. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws have slipped to an eighth-place finish in the Premier League having won fourteen of their thirty eight fixtures. The defeat by Swansea capped a miserable season of frustration for the Reds. Michel Vorm made one stunning save to keep out Andy Carroll's overhead kick and another low stop to deny the striker.
Grumpy sour-faced Dalglish felt his side had deserved 'at least a point.' However, he reluctantly acknowledged that their campaign, which ended with Liverpool - 'one of the top four sides in England' according to their greedy, risible managing director, and 'a top six side' according their Twitter-happy left-back - not even the top side in Liverpool, finishing below local rivals Everton for the first time since 2005, had, simply, not been good enough. 'I think on the second-half performance, the least they deserved was a point,' he whinged. But, everybody was too busy laughing to hear what he said next.
