Keith Telly Topping absolutely loves this time of the football season; on Saturday 19 August this blogger's beloved (though tragically unsellable) Magpies without a game that day, actually went up two places in the Premier League table due to other results. Maybe that's the trick for Rafa The Gaffer's team this season, avoid playing if you possibly can. At this rate, they might even end up in the top six instead of the bottom three as seems far more likely at the moment. (Normality, for the Magpies, was thoroughly restored on Sunday with an atypically gutless, cowardly and shamefully inept performance - and defeat - at Huddersfield. Another season-long relegation battle looks likely. Whether that will be with Rafa as the Gaffer is another matter entirely.)
Elsewhere, The Scum's manger, Jose Mourinho, said that he 'let the horses run freely' after a blistering three-goal burst in four second-half minutes saw his team sweep aside Swansea City to continue their impressive winning start to the Premier League season. Having initially struggled to unlock their opponents' well-drilled defence despite taking the lead, The Scum then opened the floodgates after eighty minutes as Romelu Lukaku confidently struck his third goal in two games for the club. Paul Pogba added a third two minutes later with a delicately lifted finish and, shortly afterwards, substitute Anthony Martial fired in low to give United a second four-nil win from their first two matches of the campaign. The Arse's manager, Arsene Whinger, whinged that his side were 'denied a goal and a penalty' as Jese Rodriguez enjoyed a dream start to his Dirty Stoke City career by scoring the winner against The Gurners. Former Real Madrid winger Jese, who was thrust straight into Mark Hughes' side after arriving from Paris St-Germain on Wednesday, slid in from a tight angle after being left unmarked to pick up Saido Berahino's pass. Sadio Mane earned Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws their first Premier League win of the season as Crystal Palace suffered a second straight defeat despite an improved display at Anfield. Jurgen Klopp's side were heading for a frustrating draw after wasting a string of chances when Mane prodded past Wayne Hennessey for his second league goal of the campaign. Palace, beaten three-nil at home to Huddersfield in their opening match, should have scored when the game was goalless. Christian Benteke was unmarked and eight yards out but blazed over the bar from Ruben Loftus-Cheek's pass. Harry Maguire scored his first Leicester goal as The Foxes eased to a first win of the season against a timid Brighton & Hove Albinos side in a scrappy affair at The King Power Stadium. The hosts led inside a minute when Shinji Okazaki tapped in after new Seagulls goalkeeper Mathew Ryan spilled a low effort from the impressive Riyad Mahrez. Brighton's Glenn Murray had a goal disallowed for offside before the break but, in truth, the newly promoted side offered little threat as they fell to a second successive defeat in the top tier. Craig Shakespeare's side produced an efficient display without ever seeming to build relentless pressure, but their day was soured a little in injury time when Jamie Vardy was forced to hobble off after contesting a fifty-fifty ball with Ryan. Ten-man West Hamsters United twice came from behind but Charlie Austin's injury time penalty gave Southampton their first victory under Mauricio Pellegrino. Having failed to score in their last six home matches, The Saints took the lead after only ten minutes when Manolo Gabbiadini side-footed past Grossly Over-Rated Wankhands Joe Hart. The Hamsters' problems then spiralled, as Marko Arnautovic was sent off for elbowing Jack Stephens in the mush, before Dusan Tadic made it two-nil from the penalty spot after Jose Fonte brought down Steven Davis. Summer signing Javier Hernandez thought he had snatched an unlikely comeback for the visitors with two goals from close range either side of half-time. But The Hamsters conceded a second penalty when Pablo Zabaleta bundled into Maya Yoshida and substitute Austin coolly slotted past Hart to leave Slavan Bilic's side bottom of the league after two games with a goal difference of minus five, one worse than Palace and Brighton. Substitute Hal Robson-Kanu scored the winner and was later sent off as West Bromwich Albinos made it two wins from two with victory at Burnley. The match was short on entertainment until Robson-Kanu gave it a shot of adrenaline with a brilliant strike. The Welsh international, who came on seven minutes earlier, pounced on a Matt Phillips flick, held off two challenges and fired in low past keeper Tom Heaton. However, the striker did not see out the rest of the match as he was shown a red card in the eighty third minute for catching Matt Lowton with his elbow. Burnley wasted chances at the other end, and will be hoping Leeds striker Chris Wood, who they look likely to sign, will be less profligate. Brazilian winger Richarlison was described as 'a great talent' by manager Marco Silva after his first Premier League goal helped Watford to victory over Bournemouth at The Vitality Stadium. Richarlison, an eleven million knicker summer signing from Fluminense, opened the scoring when he prodded the ball into the net from close range following a cross from The Hornets record signing Andre Gray. Substitute Etienne Capoue doubled The Hornets lead with a fine twenty five-yard strike late on. Bournemouth had chances as Benik Afobe had a shot saved by Heurelho Gomes and Joshua King headed over. The Cherries have now lost both Premier League games this season, while Watford have picked up four points.
Conor Hourihane grabbed a hat-trick as Aston Villains answered their - many - critics in some style with a scintillating four-two home triumph over Norwich City in The Championship. Keinan Davis made a sparkling first-team debut up front and was involved in The Villains' two first-half goals - scored by Hourihane and Andre Green. The Canaries hit back with a sixtieth-minute strike from Josh Murphy, but Hourihane bagged his second eight minutes later and, although Norwich stormed back through Nelson Oliveira's strike on seventy nine minutes, Hourihane made sure of Steve Bruce's Villains' first Championship win of the season after just one point from their first three games by completing his hat-trick five minutes from time. Nathaniel Mendez-Laing's second-half goal helped table toppers Cardiff maintain their perfect start to the season with a two-one victory over fellow high-flyers Wolverhampton Wanderings. After a goalless first-half at Molineux, Joe Ralls converted Junior Hoilett's cross from the left to give The Bluebirds the lead. Leo Bonatini levelled from close range, the first goal conceded by Cardiff in the Championship this season. Mendez-Laing's fourth league goal of the season restored the lead for Neil Warnock's side, though, as Wolves' own one hundred per cent start was brought to an end. Ipswich are hot on the heels of Cardiff after they completed their own fourth win in succession with a comfortable two goal triumph at home to winless Brentford. Martyn Waghorn scored his fourth goal of the season to put The Tractor Boys in front and Joe Garner added a second just after the break. Nottingham Forest continued their fine start to the season by beating The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters two-one at The City Ground. Barrie McKay handed the hosts the lead, while former Forest striker Britt Assombalonga, a fourteen million knicker summer signing for 'Boro, wasted a couple of good chances either side of the break. Daryl Murphy, brought in from Newcastle to replace Assombalonga, made the visitors pay with a penalty after Ben Gibson, who went on to score a consolation, fouled Ben Brereton in the box. ten minutes from time David Nugent scored twice to leave Notlob Wanderers still searching for their first win after a two-one defeat at The Macron Stadium. Nugent put Derby in front after eight minutes and the former England striker added his second midway through the first-half, with Gary Madine scoring a consolation for Notlob in added time. Idrissa Sylla scored a last-gasp winner as Queens Park Strangers came from behind to beat Hull two-one at Loftus Road. Jarrod Bowen handed The Tigers the lead before Matt Smith levelled and Sylla got the second. Sheffield United secured bragging rights in the South Yorkshire derby against Barnsley with a win at Bramall Lane in the day's early kick-off. Billy Sharp got the only goal of the game, but both sides were reduced to ten men as Leon Clarke and Angus MacDonald walked after a geet rive-on punch-up with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts just before half-time. Steven Fletcher's second-half strike secured Sheffield Wednesday a one goal win at Poor Bloody Fulham, Jordan Hugill scored the only goal in Preston Both End's victory against Reading, while Bristol City and Millwall played out a goalless draw. In the final game of the day, Dirty Leeds overcame want-away striker Chris Wood's absence to maintain their unbeaten start to the Championship with a two-nil win at Blunderland. Wood, who is reportedly close to a move to Burnley, was not even in Thomas Christiansen's squad for the fixture at The Stadium Of Plight. However, being without the New Zealand international had little impact on his team-mates as Dirty Leeds produced a controlled display to claim the points against The Mackems who continued their uneven start to the season, currently sitting mid-table with five points from their four games.
One Walsall fan has found himself with an invitation to meet the team and have his travel to Portsmouth reimbursed after taking to social media to say he got his accommodation plans a little wrong. In an effort to find a cheap hotel room for a weekend away to watch The Saddlers take on Pompey in League One, fan Davey Drew apparently booked into digs eleven miles away. That eleven miles, however, unwittingly turned out to be across The Solent on the Isle of Wight, an entire ferry trip away from his intended destination. Inconvenient, for sure. But Walsall boss Jon Whitney and his players saw the funnier side and were quick to offer to help cover costs and arrange to meet the fan who needlessly took to the high seas to follow them. While all the extra travel did not ultimately end with victory celebrations, as Portsmouth and Walsall played out a one-all draw, there are worse stops to make on away days.
One thing has become abundantly clear in the early weeks of the EFL this season - you get your money's worth by watching Yeovil Town. There have been twenty tow goals in their first three League Two games so far. However, of those twenty two, fourteen have been goals they have conceded. After being on the receiving end of an eight-two pants down hiding at Luton on the opening day, they bounced back by beating Accrington Stanley (Who Are They?) At that stage, you could say The Glovers season was pretty much back on track, albeit after just two games. But Yeovil managed to lose four-three against Forest Green on Saturday, despite twice leading by two goals. In contrast, Northampton Town left it until their third game of the season to register their first league goal. Unfortunately for The Cobblers it was a consolation as they were defeated four-one away at Charlton Not Very Athletic. Carlisle United cruised to a comfortable win over Cheltenham to register their first home win of the League Two campaign. Harry Pell's own goal and a Reggie Lambe header in the first half virtually settled the issue and defender Tom Miller put the outcome beyond doubt with a second-half strike. Carlisle's first attack produced a fifth-minute goal as Shaun Miller forced a corner and Danny Grainger's inswinger from the right had the Cheltenham defence panicked. In the ensuing scramble, Pell's attempted clearance flew past his own goalkeeper Jon Flatt and into the net to the vast amusement of the home supporters. Accrington Stanley (Who Are They?) striker Billy Kee bundled home a stoppage-time winner to end pre-season promotion favourites Mansfield's unbeaten start to the League Two season. Sean McConville's corner was not cleared and, in a goalmouth melee, Kee scrambled home his third goal of the campaign two minutes into added time to seal a two-one victory for the hosts. Exeter maintained their unbeaten start to the League Two season with a hard-fought win over Lincoln at the other St James' Park. Reuben Reid grabbed the only goal of the game before the break with a fine strike following neat build-up play from Liam McAlinden. Donal McDermott scored the only goal of the game as top of the table Swindon Town prevailed at Morecambe. Substitute Jabo Ibehre scored the only goal of the game as Cambridge earned their first win of the season by inflicting a fourth straight defeat on bottom club Crawley. In The National League, Kieron Cadogan grabbed a last-minute winner for early pace-setters Sutton in a pulsating win three-two at Chester. Bromley built on their exciting unbeaten start to the season with a win at home to struggling Hartlepool whilst Gatesheed bolstered their unbeaten start to the campaign with a resounding three-nil victory over Macclesfield. The Tynesiders led after just five minutes when Fraser Kerr prodded in Richard Peniket's centre at the far post. Jordan Preston and Jordan Burrows added subsequent strikes. Guiseley turned impending defeat into victory against Torquay at Nethermoor Park with two late goals.
The former-Premier League footballer Peter Beagrie has been extremely sacked as a Sky Sports pundit after being convicted of an assault on his partner. The fifty one-year-old ex-Everton, Manchester City and Bradford City winger reportedly punched Zarah Blake while he was 'angry and drunk,' his trial heard. Beagrie, of Killinghall in North Yorkshire, was sentenced to a twelve-month community order on Tuesday. He said that he intended to appeal against his conviction. In a statement following the hearing at Skipton Magistrates Court, Beagrie said: 'I am innocent, something I have maintained from the outset; that is why the verdict was so devastating. I will be appealing.' He said that he was still with Blake, adding: 'This has been an upsetting and traumatic time for us and we both feel there is no other alternative but to appeal.' The court heard that he punched his partner during an argument in Harrogate in April. A Sky Sports spokesman said: 'When we first became aware of the charge, we removed Peter from our coverage pending his case. Following the outcome we have terminated his contract with immediate effect.'
Real Madrid forward Cristiano Ronaldo said that the decision to suspend him for five games is 'persecution.' The thirty two-year-old failed in his appeal against the ban for the red card he received in Real Madrid's three-one win against Barcelona in the Super Cup a fortnight ago. He was given a one-match ban for receiving two yellow cards and a further four game ban for pushing the referee after he had been sent off. The bookings at the Nou Camp were for taking off his shirt to celebrate his goal and for a dive. Ronaldo will miss Wednesday's second leg and will not return to domestic action until 20 September against Real Betis. However, he will be able to play in the Champions League. In an Instagram post, after his failed appeal, he whinged: 'It seems to me exaggerated and ridiculous, this is called persecution.' It's also called funny. Madrid had signalled their intent to appeal against Ronaldo's second yellow card shown for diving eight minutes from time when he went down inside the area under pressure from defender Samuel Umtiti. The forward was only on the field for twenty four minutes as he was introduced as a second-half substitute and fired into the top corner ten minutes from time to give Madrid a two-one lead. It was Ronaldo's tenth red card of his career.
