England manager Gareth Southgate named his twenty three-man squad for this summer's World Cup in Russia on Wednesday. Wankhand Joe Hart and Jack Wilshere - a classic example of a media-darling player who would totally transform English football ... if only he could get himself up off the treatment table for ninety minutes every once in a while - were not included, as reported by various media outlets after a leak on Tuesday. In the case of Hart, whilst his exclusion denied football fans across the planet the opportunity for yet more comedy hijinx, it will at least give him plenty of time to film some more of those shite shampoo adverts. The full squad is: Jack Butland, Jordan Pickford, Nick Pope, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Gary Cahill, Fabian Delph, Phil Jones, Harry Maguire, Danny Rose, John Stones, Kieran Trippier, Kyle Walker, Ashley Young, Dele Alli, Eric Dier, Jordan Henderson, Jesse Lingard, Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Harry Kane, Marcus Rashford, Raheem Sterling, Jamie Vardy and Danny Welbeck. Tom Heaton, James Tarkowski, Lewis Cook, Jake Livemore and Adam Lallana are on stand-by in case of accidents. 'I believe this is a squad which we can be excited about,' Southgate said. 'It is a young group, but with some really important senior players so I feel the balance of the squad is good, both in terms of its experience, its character and also the positional balance. We have a lot of energy and athleticism in the team, but players that are equally comfortable in possession of the ball and I think people can see the style of play we've been looking to develop. The selection process has been over months really, it's not just been the last few weeks. We feel the team are improving and we want to continue that momentum.'
A World Cup-bound referee has been very banned for life for a match-fixing attempt in Saudi Arabia just weeks before he was due to fly to Russia, says the country's football federation. The Saudi Arabian Football Federation says that Fahad Al Mirdasi 'confessed' to his naughty ways, offering to fix the King's Cup final between Al Ittihad and Al Faisaly. According to the SAFF, thirty two-year-old Al Mirdasi contacted an Al Ittihad official, who handed the messages over. FIFA has requested more information. 'FIFA notes the information that referee Fahad Al Mirdasi has allegedly been banned from all football-related activities by the Saudi Arabian Football Federation,' the world governing body told BBC Sport. The SAFF added that Al Mirdasi, who has been a FIFA referee since 2011, 'admitted soliciting the corrupt payment' after being taken into police custody. British former Premier League referee Mark Clattenburg - who became Saudi Arabia's head of referees in February 2017 - replaced Al Mirdasi for Saturday's King's Cup final, which Al Ittihad won three-one after extra time.
The Argentine Football Association has been criticised for including a chapter about 'how to stand a chance with a Russian girl' in a manual it handed to journalists travelling to the World Cup in Russia. It recommended that journalists 'look clean, smell nice and dress well' in order to 'impress Russian girls.' It also urged them to treat women as 'something of worth.' And, not to ask them how much they want to take it up the Gary Glitter. Probably. The advice 'caused an outcry on social media' and the AFA has since removed it. The controversy comes just months after the Argentine capital, Buenos Aires, saw the biggest women's march in Latin America with protesters decrying rampant sexism in Argentine society and demanding an end to violence against women. Argentine journalist Nacho Catullo said that he was among the dozens of reporters and football officials attending a free course on Russian language and culture held by the AFA for those travelling to the World Cup in Russia. On his Twitter account he described [in Spanish, obviously] how they were handed a manual in which the chapter on 'how to stand a chance with a Russian girl' featured. He tweeted photos of the chapter which started being shared and mocked on the Internet as the course was still going on. According to Catullo, officials then interrupted the course, collecting the manuals only to return them with the controversial pages torn out. The advice is divided into eight sections and goes straight to the point. 'Because Russian women are beautiful, many men just want to sleep with them,' it suggests. 'Maybe they want that too, but they are also persons who want to feel important and unique. Don't ask stupid questions about sex. For Russians, sex is something very private and not discussed in public.' It also urges Argentine men to start preparing early: 'Russian women like men who take the initiative, if you're not self-confident then you need to start practicing talking to women.' To those Argentine men still doubting themselves it offers encouragement: 'Remember that many [Russian women] don't know much about your country, you're new and different, this is your advantage over Russian men.' Finally, it urges men to 'be choosey' and to concentrate on those Russian women with whom they may stand a chance. 'Normally, Russian women care about the important things but of course you'll also find those who just care about material things, money or whether you're handsome, you name it. But don't worry, there are many beautiful women in Russia and not all are for you. Be selective!"' Alleged - though understandably anonymous - 'sources' in the AFA allegedly told local media that the controversial chapter had been 'lifted from a blog' on the Interweb. It is not yet clear who decided to include it in the manual. Or, how long they will remain in their current job.
Full-of-her-own-importance Karren Brady is reported to be 'facing mounting pressure' to drop her weekly column with the Sun after writing that 'malcontents and keyboard warriors' have undermined West Hamsters United's efforts to make improvements to the London Stadium. The Gruniad Morning Star claims that it 'understands' The Hamsters' vice-chairman has 'been repeatedly urged from within the club' to end her association with the newspaper, amid 'weariness' at the problems that some consider certain columns to have caused the club. According to an alleged - though suspiciously anonymous - 'source' remarks Brady made in an article last year are alleged to have scuppered a deal to sign Islam Slimani from Leicester City in January. Her latest comments have been met with a furious response from supporters. Brady received a vote of no confidence from the West Hamsters United Independent Supporters' Association before Sunday's game against Everton at the London Stadium. It has demanded that she does not write for the Sun any more. Passions were stirred when Brady made reference to the London Stadium's problems in her review of the season on Saturday. West Hamsters have struggled to settle in their new ground since leaving Upton Park two years ago and supporters mounted angry protests at the club's board during the home defeat by Burnley two months ago. 'We have some problems at the London Stadium caused to a degree by the terms of our lease, which we are tackling, but also by malcontents and keyboard warriors,' Brady wrote. According to the alleged - though anonymous - 'source', her remark has 'not impressed senior figures' at West Hamsters. However Brady has offered no indication that she will end the column, even though it appears to have caused friction inside and outside the club. Attempts to sign Slimani were hindered, according to the alleged 'source', because Brady offended Leicester's owners with comments about the club's chairman, Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha. Although Brady and West Hamsters grovellingly apologised, Leicester refused to consider a deal for Slimani in the last transfer window. The Algerian striker joiner yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved 9though unsellable) Newcastle United on loan instead. Where he spent nearly two months injured with a thigh strain, took part in four games (playing not at all badly in a couple of them, let it be noted) and then kicked an opponent and got himself suspended for the final three games of the season. Quality signing, that was.
And, speaking of worthless planks, odious Sam Allardyce has left as Everton manager after six months at the club. Which, as with all of the previous occasions when the full-of-his-own-importance glake has been extremely fired for not being as good as he seems to think he is, is always good for a laugh. The sixty three-year-old signed a contract until June 2019 when he took over in November following the sacking of Ronald Koeman. Everton, who were thirteenth in the Premier League when Allardyce arrived, finished the season in eighth. Allardyce, however, has been heavily criticised by fans for his management and Everton's style of play since he took over and the club said that the decision was part of their 'longer-term plan.' It is understood that former Hull City and Watford boss Marco Silva is the main candidate to succeed Allardyce. The forty-year-old Portuguese was owner Farhad Moshiri's first choice when he dismissed Dutchman Koeman.
Someone else getting the old tin tack in David Moyes, who has as left West Hamsters after just over six months in charge despite guiding the club to Premier League survival. Moyes took over from Slaven Bilic on a short-term contract in November with the club in the relegation zone. The Hamsters secured safety with two games to spare and finished thirteenth. Moyes met senior figures at the club on Monday. The former Everton, The Scum and Blunderland boss recorded nine wins and ten draws from thirty one games as West Hamsters manager. 'When David and his team arrived, it was the wish of both parties that the focus be only on the six months until the end of the season, at which point a decision would be made with regards to the future,' said West Hamsters joint-chairman David Sullivan. 'We feel that it is right to move in a different direction. We aim to appoint a high-calibre figure who we feel will lead the club into an exciting future for our loyal supporters within the next ten days.' Moyes' assistants Alan Irvine, Stuart Pearce and Billy McKinlay have also left with immediate effect.
The German Football Federation has criticised its internationals Mesut Özil and Ilkay Gündogan for posing in photos with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. The two German-born players, both of Turkish origin, gave Erdogan signed shirts at an event in London on Sunday. Gündogan wrote: 'For my honoured President, with great respect.' Erdogan is currently campaigning for re-election. Both players are preparing for next month's World Cup in Russia, in which Germany is among the favourites. Turkey did not qualify. Many German politicians have also criticised the footballers, questioning their loyalty to 'German democratic values.' DFB president Reinhard Grindel said: 'Football and the DFB defend values which are not sufficiently respected by Mister Erdogan. That's why it's not good that our international players let themselves be manipulated for his electoral campaign. In doing that, our players have certainly not helped the DFB's work on integration.' DFB director Oliver Bierhoff said: 'Neither one of them was aware of the symbolic value of this photo, but it's clearly not right and we'll be talking to them about it.' In his youth, before entering politics in the 1990s, Erdogan played football semi-professionally for an Istanbul team, Kasimpasa. Erdogan, in power for the past fifteen years, is seeking re-election in a snap poll on 24 June. His Islamist-rooted AK Party has cracked down hard on opponents, especially since the July 2016 coup attempt by military officers. Turkish police have arrested more than fifty thousand people accused of links to US-based Islamic cleric Fethullah Gulen or to Kurdish separatists. They include opposition activists, journalists, teachers, lawyers and other public servants. Erdogan has also purged the military, police and judiciary, putting many state officials on trial. He has created a powerful presidency since winning an April 2017 referendum on constitutional changes, enabling him to dominate parliament and control the judiciary. A prominent Turkish-origin MP in Germany, Sevim Dagdelen, tweeted: 'It's a crude foul to pose with the despot Erdogan in a luxury hotel in London and dignify him with the title "my President", while in Turkey democrats are persecuted and critical journalists are detained.' She is deputy leader of the left-wing Die Linke group in the Bundestag. After the criticism emerged, Gündogan issued a statement defending himself, Özil and Cenk Tosun over their meeting with Erdogan. They met on the sidelines of an event at a Turkish foundation which helps Turkish students, he explained. 'Are we supposed to be impolite to the president of our families' homeland?' he asked. 'Whatever justified criticism there might be, we decided on a gesture of politeness, out of respect for the office of president and for our Turkish roots.' He added 'it was not our intention to make a political statement with this picture.' Turkish-origin Cem Özdemir, a prominent German Green MP and sharp critic of Erdogan, attacked Gündogan's 'my President' message. 'The federal president of a German international footballer is called Frank-Walter Steinmeier, the chancellor is Angela Merkel and the parliament is called the German Bundestag,' he said.
Sporting Lisbon have 'vehemently condemned acts of vandalism and aggression to athletes' after a group of fans reportedly attacked players and trashed the club's training ground. Sporting are preparing for Sunday's Portuguese Cup final against Aves. Portuguese newspaper Correio Da Manha posted pictures of forward Bas Dost with several bad cuts on his head. The club missed out on a Champions League place on the final day of the season. After the alleged attacks, a club statement read: 'Sporting is not this, Sporting cannot be this. We will make every effort to establish full responsibility for what has happened and we will demand the punishment of those who acted in this absolutely pitiful way.' The Portuguese League also released a statement 'strongly condemning the violent acts. The behaviours that are being reported by the press are regrettable and have no place in professional football. The perpetrators are not football fans, but criminals.' Earlier in the day, the club had released another statement denying reports that head coach Jorge Jesus had been suspended. In April, president Bruno De Carvalho claimed to have suspended nineteen first-team players after a Europa League defeat by Atletico Madrid, although he deleted the post and most of the players featured in their next game.
Former Aston Villa and Bolton defender Jlloyd Samuel has died in a car crash in Cheshire. The thirty seven-year-old, most recently player-manager of non-league side Egerton, died on Tuesday. Samuel made one hundred and ninety nine appearances for The Villains after signing with the club in 1998 and played eighty three times for Notlob between 2007 and 2011. The Trinidad & Tobago Football Association said he had 'collided with an oncoming vehicle.' 'We are deeply saddened to hear of the death of our former player Jlloyd Samuel at the age of just thirty seven in a car accident,' Villa said on Twitter. 'Our players will wear black armbands as a mark of respect tonight [in their play-off semi-final] and our thoughts are with his friends and family at this very difficult time.' Samuel won two international caps for Trinidad & Tobago and also played club football in Iran between 2011 and 2015. The Trinidad & Tobago FA continued on Facebook: 'We've received some terrible news that former national defender and ex-Aston Villa and Bolton Wanderers player Jlloyd Samuel died in a car crash this morning in England. According to reports, Jlloyd was returning home after dropping his kids off to school and collided with an oncoming vehicle. The Trinidad & Tobago Football Association and his former national team-mates at this time extends deepest condolences to his family members both in the UK and here in Trinidad and Tobago.' Cheshire Police said that they were called to 'a serious collision' involving a van and a Range Rover in High Legh, Cheshire. 'Sadly the driver of the car, Jlloyd Samuel, from Lymm, died at the scene,' they said in a statement. 'His next of kin have been informed and are currently being supported by specially trained officers. The driver of the van, a fifty four-year-old man, sustained serious injuries and has been taken to hospital for treatment.'
So, dear blog reader, just in case you missed anything of importance during the recently completed fitba season, Sheikh Yer Man City won the Premier League title on 15 April when The Scum lost at home to West Bromwich Albinos. The teams finishing second, third and fourth - The Scum, Stottingtot Hotsshots and The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws respectively - have joined City in qualifying for the Champions League. Because the FA Cup winners [which will be either The Scum or Moscow Chelski FC] and EFL Cup winners [Sheikh Yer Man City] have already qualified for Europe via their league position, the fifth, sixth and seventh-placed Premier League clubs all qualified for the Europa League. Fifth-placed Moscow Chelski and sixth-placed The Arse will enter at the group stage, with seventh-placed Burnley joining in the second qualifying round. The bottom three teams have been very relegated to the Championship. Dirty Stoke's ten-year spell in the top flight came to an end after a home defeat by Crystal Palace on 5 May, while West Bromwich Albinos joined them on three days later after Southampton's win at Swansea. The Swans own relegation was confirmed with their final-day defeat by Dirty Stoke. Wolverhampton Wanderings sealed promotion to the Premier League on 14 April without kicking a ball when rivals Fulham were held to a draw and Wolves clinched the division title by beating Notlob a week later. They will be joined in the top flight by Cardiff City, who secured second place with a draw with Reading on the final day of the regular season. Fulham and Aston Villains will contest play-off final to determine the third team to go up. The bottom three teams have been relegated to League One. Blunderland's desperate season ended in a second successive relegation which was confirmed on 21 April, whilst Barnsley and Burton went down on the final day of the season. Wigan Athletic were promoted to the Championship after their win over Fleetwood on 21 April, sealing the League One title by beating Doncaster on 5 May. They will be joined by Blackburn Vindaloos, who sealed promotion on 24 April. Shrewsbury Town will face either Rotherham United or Scunthorpe United in the play-off final on 27 May. The bottom four teams are all relegated to League Two. Bury were the first Football League team to suffer this sorry fate after a home defeat by Northampton on 14 April. Milton Keynes Dons joined them on 28 April when losing to Scunthorpe. Northampton Town and Oldham Not Very Athletic were both relegated after their draw at Sixfields on the final day of the season. Accrington Stanley (we now know who they are), formed in 1968, have never played in the third tier of English football - though the previous Accrington Stanley club - who resigned from the League in 1962 - did for much of their history. Stanley were promoted to League One by beating Yeovil on 17 April and clinched the title on 28 April with a win over Lincoln. Also promoted are Luton Town, who drew with Carlisle on 21 April and Wycombe Wanderers who made sure by winning at Chesterfield a week later. Exeter City, Notts County, Coventry City and Lincoln City will contest the play-offs. The bottom two teams are relegated to the National League. Chesterfield's fate was sealed on 24 April after Morecambe drew with Cambridge, while Barnet went down despite beating the Spireites three-nil on 5 May. Macclesfield Town have been promoted to the Football League, having clinched the National League title with a win at Eastleigh on 21 April. As mentioned above, Tranmere Rovers beat Boreham Wood in the play-off final on 12 May to take the second promotion place. The bottom four teams have been relegated and will replaced by the champions and play-off winners of the National League North and South divisions. Chester were the first team in England's top five divisions to be relegated when they lost to Tranmere on 7 April, while Guiseley joined them after losing at home to Barrow on 17 April. Torquay United were the third team relegated after their draw with Hartlepool on 21 April and Woking completed the quartet after losing to Dover on the final day of the season. Salford City clinched the National League North title on 21 April, while Havant & Waterlooville secured the National League South title on the final day of the season. Harrogate Town and Braintree Town won the North and South play-offs respectively to secure promotion. Glasgow Celtic clinched the Scottish Premier title and a place in the Champions League first qualifying round, by beating Glasgow Rangers five-nil on 29 April. Second-placed Aberdeen and Rangers, in third, qualified for the Europa League first qualifying round, with the Scottish Cup winners joining at the second qualifying round. This will be Motherwell if they win the Cup - but if Celtic win it, the fourth-placed Premiership team - Hibernian - will qualify instead. Bottom side Ross County have been relegated to the Scottish Championship, while Partick Thistle face Championship side Livingston in the play-off final. St Mirren were promoted to the Premiership as champions after avoiding defeat by Livingston on 14 April. Runners-up Livingston beat Dundee United over two legs and will meet Partick over two legs for the final place in the top flight. Bottom club Brechin City, without a win all season, had their relegation to League One confirmed as early as 24 March. Ninth-placed Dumbarton have been relegated through the play-offs after losing over two legs to League One Alloa. Ayr United were promoted to the Championship as League One champions after beating Albion Rovers on the final day of the season - a result which also confirmed Albion's relegation. Alloa Athletic won promotion in the play-offs, defeating Dumbarton two-one on aggregate. Bottom club Albion Rovers will be relegated to League Two, while ninth-placed Queen's Park joined them after losing to Stenhousemuir in the play-off semi-finals. Montrose were promoted to League One as League Two champions after drawing with Elgin on the final day of the season. Stenhousemuir beat Peterhead in the two-legged play-off final to win promotion to League One. Bottom club Cowdenbeath defeated Highland League champions Cove Rangers over two legs for the final place in next season's League Two, after Cove beat Lowland League champions Spartans in their play-off. The New Saints won the Welsh league (as usual), six points ahead of Bangor City whilst Crusaders fought off the challenge of Coleraine to take the Northern Irish championship.
