This blogger genuinely can't remember the last time that his beloved (though still, tragically, unsellable) Magpies scored seven goals in a week, dear blog reader. It certainly wasn't any time recently. Nevertheless, Newcastle lifted themselves out of the relegation zone and leapfrogged Cardiff City as they secured a much-needed win over Neil Warnock's side. Fabian Schär proved the difference as his first two goals for Th' Toon lifted some of the gloom around St James' Park where Rafael Benitez's team have lost eight times in the league this season. The Swiss international centre back was only in the side to replace Ciaran Clark, injured in Wednesday's hard-fought extra-time four-two victory in the cup at Blackburn Vindaloos, but Schär took full advantage midway through the first when he was allowed to run from the right touchline before curling left-footed into the bottom corner. As fine a goal as it was, the Cardiff defending was non-existent. Schär's second was more straightforward as he found himself in the right spot to bundle in Matt Ritchie's corner. Ayoze Perez added some gloss in injury time from Salomon Rondon's low cross as Newcastle scored three goals for the first time in the league this season. Victory ended a five-game winless run in the league for the Magpies and lifted them two points clear of their opponents, who only have Fulham and Huddersfield beneath them. Benitez targeted this game against one of their relegation rivals as a 'crucial' one and his team appeared to rise to the occasion with stellar performances all over the pitch. Schär's goals were as well taken as they were unexpected, but there were fine displays from the likes of academy graduate Sean Longstaff in midfield and Rondon, who was a true workhorse in attack. The Magpies also added a threat down the flanks that Cardiff struggled to deal with as Ritchie and Christian Atsu combined down the left, with DeAndre Yedlin offering a constant outlet on the right. Schär's opener also came from that flank as he operated on the right side of a back three and was willing to break forward before calmly slotting past Neil Etheridge. The home fans knew they were witnessing something special in the context of this season when Schär added his second - only the second time The Magpies have scored two home goals in a game this season. The players, too, seemed to be lifted as they found an extra yard of pace and defended superbly as Cardiff finally stirred. And, when Perez added a third - his fourth of the season - late on, it gave them hope that despite ongoing issues around the ownership of the club, they might yet see Premier League football again next season. Stranger things have happened, dear blog reader. Though, with games against Sheikh Yer ma City, Stottingtot Hotshots and Wolverhampton Wanderings to come in the next month, the chances of United ending February out of the relegation zone are not good.
Eleven Championship clubs have reportedly written to the English Football League asking 'for a more thorough inquiry' into the Dirty Leeds 'spygate' revelations. Head coach Marcelo Bielsa admitted that he sent a member of his staff to 'spy' on a Derby County training session the day before the two clubs played each other. Bielsa then held a press conference to present the analysis that he claims he gathers on all of Dirty Leeds' opponents. The EFL is already investigating Bielsa after Derby filed a geet stroppy whinge about the affair. BBC Sport's Mark Clemmit claimed on Twitter that eleven clubs have written to the EFL since Bielsa's PowerPoint presentation to journalists on Wednesday. Which, if true, presumably means that the other twelve Championship sides don't, actually, have a problem with it. In a statement, the EFL confirmed that it has 'received a communication' on behalf of 'a number' of clubs 'in regard to the current matter.' The statement continued: 'The request attributed to eleven Championship clubs will be considered as part of the current investigation that has commenced.' After the spying allegations first emerged, Bielsa freely admitted in a television interview before kick-off against Derby on 11 January that he was responsible for the member of staff found 'acting suspiciously' outside the Rams' training ground. Dirty Leeds later won the match at Elland Road two-nil. Bristol City's owner Steve Lansdown called on Friday for a points deduction for Leeds to be 'seriously considered.' Dirty Stoke boss Nathan Jones, however, said that analysing other teams was 'not revolutionary,' and added: 'I would invite him down to watch our training sessions if he wanted to come down here.' Dirty Leeds subsequently formally apologised to Derby for their naughty spying ways and Bielsa was 'reminded of the integrity and honesty' of Dirty Leeds. Which is almost certainly the first time in history that the words 'integrity', 'honesty' and 'Leeds' have been used in the same sentence.
Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri claimed that his players are 'extremely difficult to motivate' as he heavily criticised their performance in defeat at The Arse. The Blues lost two-nil in the Premier League at Emirates Stadium on Saturday and only had one shot on target during the game. Moscow Chelski FC have only won two of their past five Premier League matches and are now just three points clear of The Gunners in fifth and sixth-placed The Scum. 'I'm really angry about the approach that we adopted today,' Sarri said. 'It's an approach we can't really accept.' In a remarkable news conference after the defeat, Sarri claimed that he wanted to speak in his native Italian rather than English 'because I want to send a message to my players and I want my message to be very clear. I have to say, I'm extremely angry. Very angry indeed,' said the sixty-year-old, who succeeded compatriot Antonio Conte at Torpedo Stamford Bridge in the summer. 'This defeat was due to our mentality, more than anything else. This is something I can't accept. This group of players are extremely difficult to motivate.' Sarri's starting line-up against The Arse included seven players who won the Premier League under Conte in 2017, before going on to finish fifth the season after. The Italian said: 'This is not a team that is going to be well known for its battling qualities but we need to become a team that is capable of adapting, possibly suffering for ten or fifteen minutes then playing our own football. You can find yourself in difficulties from time to time, but we need to react to those difficulties a lot better than we did today.'
Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws' boss Herr Klopp is well-known for his often brilliant responses to questions, whether they are measured, witty or plain daft. But he has never had to deal with the type of question aimed at fellow German Imke Wubbenhorst, who made history in December by becoming the first woman to manage in Germany's fifth tier when she took over at BV Cloppenburg. She told Welt how one journalist had asked her whether she had warned players to put their pants on when she entered the dressing room. 'Of course not, I'm a professional,' she responded, sarcastically. 'I pick my players based on their penis size.' Wubbenhorst, who is former German youth international, is not the first female coach to face condescending or sexist questions from journalistic scumbags. When former Sweden women's team manager Pia Sundhage was asked in 2014 whether a woman was able to coach a men's team, she replied: 'Well Angela Merkel runs a whole country.' Sundhage had already won two Olympic golds as manager of the United States. Fortunately, Cloppenburg's owners appear to be somewhat more forward thinking. 'It was an easy decision to let go of gender in the evaluation process,' said board member Herbert Schroder. 'We only looked at quality.' Wubbenhorst had been in charge of Cloppenburg's women's team but the club decided she would be better-placed helping the relegation-threatened men's side after they sacked their previous manager. The team are still bottom of the league, but hopefully questions will be posed about players abilities rather than the contents of their pants as she tries to drag her team up the table.
The lawyer of Kathryn Mayorga, who has accused Cristiano Ronaldo of raping her in 2009, will travel to London to meet a woman who claims to be the Juventus forward's ex-girlfriend. Leslie Stovall says that he has spoken to British model and reality TV-type individual Jasmine Lennard, who claims she dated Ronaldo ten years ago and has offered to 'assist' Mayorga's case against the Portugal captain. Ronaldo denies American Mayorga's claims and his legal team say he has 'no recollection' of ever meeting Lennard either. Lennard appeared on Z-List Celebrity Big Brother and earlier in January the thirty three-year-old targeted Ronaldo with several social media posts but has since deleted her Twitter account. A statement from Ronaldo's layers said: 'Mister Ronaldo has no specific recollection of meeting Ms Lennard ten years ago or at any point. He has not had a relationship with her and he has not had any contact with her, whether in the last eighteen months as Ms Lennard suggests, or otherwise. The voice notes posted by Ms Lennard on social media are not of Mister Ronaldo. Mister Ronaldo will take appropriate legal action in due course.' The rape allegation against the former Real Madrid and The Scum striker relates to an alleged incident which allegedly took place in a Las Vegas hotel. Police in the American city have since issued a warrant for a DNA sample from Ronaldo as part of their investigation, but his lawyer told BBC Sport it this was 'a very standard request.' Peter Christiansen said: "Mister Ronaldo has always maintained, as he does today, that what occurred in Las Vegas in 2009 was consensual in nature, so it is not surprising that DNA would be present, nor that the police would make this very standard request as part of their investigation.' Larissa Drohobyczer, who is part of Mayorga's legal team, said: 'I can confirm that Leslie Mark Stovall has spoken to Ms Lennard regarding Cristiano Ronaldo. Mister Stovall's travel to London, England will be based upon his discussions with London lawyer Jonathan Coad and his client Jasmine Lennard.'
The BBC's former television news chief has whingingly criticised the corporation after it chose to continue showing an FA Cup match on BBC1 rather than covering the soon-to-be-former prime minister's Brexit address to the nation. Theresa May's Downing Street speech on Wednesday night was upstaged by the match at Southampton, as television viewers chose the conclusion of an FA Cup third-round replay rather than tune in for the soon-to-be-former prime minister's latest update on the UK's political future. About 3.3 million overnight viewers were watching BBC1's live coverage of Southampton versus Derby at 10pm as both sides pushed for a winner, with the soon-to-be-former prime minister attracting but 2.5 million for live coverage of her address on BBC2. Roger Mosey, a former head of BBC television news - emphasis on the word 'former' - whinged: 'No matter the bad luck of extra time in the football, the BBC News should have been on BBC1 tonight at 10pm. The issues facing the country are more important than a third-round FA Cup replay.' One or two people even agreed with him. In a sign of tension, Mosey's tweet on the subject was 'favourited' by Huw Edwards, the soon-to-be-former News At Ten anchor, who was forced to stand in the cold outside parliament for an extra half-hour to ensure viewers could watch the match go to penalties. Although, to be fair, he was getting paid for it and - if the last BBC set of salaries were accurate, getting paid bloody well. May had scheduled her Downing Street speech to hit the top of the 10pm news bulletins, a slot coveted by politicians due to its substantial audience. Except on this occasion where more people preferred the action at the St Mary's Stadium. However, Downing Street aides were, according to some Middle Class hippy Communist scum of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star, 'left frustrated' when Derby's Martyn Waghorn equalised to push the match into extra-time and then penalties, meaning it would not finish before the scheduled news broadcast and the soon=to-be-former prime minister's speech. In which she said nothing of any consequence. As usual. BBC1 controllers decided to stick with the game until its conclusion rather than switch the sports coverage to BBC2. As a result, the main News At Ten bulletin was postponed until 10.35pm, with Edwards instead introducing a rapidly scheduled special programme on BBC2, which covered May's call for all parties to 'put aside self-interest' and take part in Brexit discussions. Viewing figures suggest only about six hundred thousand punters switched over from the football to the news coverage. A BBC spokesperson defended the decision to stick with the football: 'When the match went to extra-time and penalties, we provided a live news special on BBC2 and pointed viewers to this with on-air and in-vision signage. We also made clear that the news would begin straight after the match's conclusion.' The broadcast was also covered live by Sky News, the BBC News Channel and ITV News. The latter ended up almost doubling its normal audience to 3.3 million, giving the commercial channel a rare main bulletin overnight ratings victory over its BBC rival.
