This blogger's beloved (though, tragically unsellable) Newcastle United have signed the striker Joelinton from Hoffenheim for a club record fee on a six-year deal. The twenty-year-old Brazilian is the first signing of Steve Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) since he was named the club's new head coach, replacing Rafael Benitez. Joelinton scored eleven goals in thirty five games for Hoffenheim last season, with seven of those coming in the Bundesliga. He started his career at Brazilian side Sport Recife before moving to Germany in 2015. The reported thirty five million knicker deal smashes the previous club record fee of twenty million notes paid for Paraguay playmaker Miguel Almiron from Atlanta United in January. 'I'm really happy to be here,' claimed Joelinton, who will wear the number nine shirt at St James' Park previously worn by Hughie Gallagher, Jackie Milburn, Len White, Wyn Davies, Malcolm MacDonald, Les Ferdinand, Alan Shearer and, most recently Salomon Rondon. 'I know it's a large investment that the club has made in me, and that comes with a huge responsibility. I'm highly motivated and hope to give back on the pitch.' Brucie said: 'The kid has got an exciting time ahead of him. He is a smashing young player and we are obviously delighted to get him. It is been going on for a little bit now, so to get him is great for everybody. He has got everything that a modern-day player wants. He is big, strong and athletic, and of course he's got age on his side too which is vitally important.' German news sites speculated on Tuesday that the delay in concluding the Joelinton deal had been due to Newcastle waiting for a work permit rather than any issue related to his personal terms or the deal itself. Following Mirandinha (another former member of the number nine club), Fumaca, Cacapa and Kenedy he will become the fifth Brazilian-born player to represent the club. Let us all hope, for everyone's sake, he proves to be a somewhat better acquisition than any of those were.
Meanwhile, Sheffield Wednesday have reported this blogger's beloved (though, tragically unsellable) Newcastle to the Premier League over the appointment of their former manager. Grassed 'em up good and proper to The Law like a filthy, stinkin' Copper's Nark, so they did. Hell hath no fury, it would seem, like a middle of the table Championship side who get their - not particularly impressive - manager hoisted. Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) had extremely resigned as Wednesday boss last week following talks with The Magpies. He was then confirmed as Newcastle manager the following day on a three-year deal, taking coaches Steve Agnew and Stephen Clemence with him. The Owls, whose Championship campaign starts next week, have yet to name a replacement for Brucie. In a statement, the Yorkshire club whinged: 'Following Newcastle United's announcement on 17 July 2019 of its appointment of former Sheffield Wednesday staff Steve Bruce, Steve Agnew and Stephen Clemence, the club confirms that it has today reported Newcastle United's conduct to the Premier League. As the Premier League will now initiate and carry out investigations into the club's allegations, the club will not be commenting further on this matter whilst such investigations are ongoing.' Listen, mate, as far as most of us at Th' Toon are concerned, you can have him back if it means that much to you. Today, if you want.
Brucie has also claimed that he will never be controversial club owner Mike Ashley's 'yes man.' One or two people even believed him. Ashley has drawn fierce criticism from Magpies' fans, with a perceived lack of spending often a focus of frustration. 'I think you've known me long enough. I'm not going to be anybody's yes man,' claimed Brucie. 'I'm too long in the tooth for that. I've heard it said that I'm a puppet or not in charge of transfers or what have you, but I can only report on how he's been with myself and he's been straight down the line in the conversations I've had. That can only be a good thing. I'm not his bag man or anything else. I will certainly be my own man, I always have. Whoever was sitting here would have big shoes to fill, but let me have a crack.' So, there you have it, dear blog reader, on the conveyor belt tonight Brucie (nasty to see him, to see him nasty) wants 'a crack.' Good luck with that, Brucie.
Dinamo Bucharest manager Eugen Neagoe is reported to be in 'a stable condition' after collapsing on the bench during Sunday's two-nil defeat by Universitatea Craiova. The fifty one-year-old became unwell in the twenty fourth minute in the Liga 1 fixture in the National Arena, the club said. He was given a bottle of water and could be seen breathing heavily on the sidelines shortly before he fainted. Play was halted for fifteen minutes as he received treatment, before he was taken to Bucharest's Floreasca Hospital. Neagoe, who only joined the side in June, is stable and will remain under observation at the hospital, local media later reported. In 2016 Dinamo Bucharest midfielder Patrick Ekeng died, aged twenty six, of a suspected heart attack after collapsing on the pitch.
The father of a Partick Thistle player has been hailed for giving 'life-saving' emergency help to a supporter at his son's Scottish League Cup tie. Thistle striker Lewis Mansell's dad David, who is a medic, rushed to the aid of the unwell fan during the game at Hamilton Academical's stadium. Eye witnesses say that he provided CPR before emergency services arrived. 'The thoughts of everyone at Thistle are with the supporter who fell ill this afternoon,' said the club. 'Thanks to The Jags fan who was on hand to offer immediate medical assistance and to all of the emergency services for their efforts. Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery.' A Police Scotland spokesman told BBC Scotland the supporter had been taken to Hairmyres Hospital, where he is now recovering. Matt Greer, a fan in the away section at New Douglas Park, described Mansell's actions as 'heroic' as he stepped in. 'The best performance I've ever seen at a Thistle game came today from a fellow fan,' he wrote on Twitter. David Mansell later replied via social media, saying: 'I'd just like to say that mine was only part of a team effort. Special praise should also go to the Thistle fans first on scene, Hamilton first aiders and the stewards whose prompt actions including CPR and getting a defibrillator to the patient very quickly. A special thank you to the A&E consultant who was also on scene.' Hamilton won the game on a penalty shootout after the tie finished two-two.
Former England, Stottingtot Hotshots, Blunderland and Aston Villains striker Darren Bent has retired more than a year after his last professional appearance. Which will, presumably, come as a considerable surprise to all football fans who thought he'd already retired. The thirty five-year-old had been without a club after leaving Derby County at the end of the 2018 season, having scored two hundred and eleven goals in five hundred and fifty eight career games. Bent came through the academy system at Ipswich Town and went on to play for nine senior clubs. And, proved to be a colossal waste of money to most of them. He made his England debut in March 2006 and won thirteen caps, scoring four goals. The Londoner amassed almost fifty million quid in transfer fees during his eighteen-year career, including Aston Villains paying a club-record eighteen million knicker to sign him from The Mackem Filth in January 2011. He finished his career at Burton Albinos on loan and played his last game for The Brewers at Preston Both Ends in May 2018.
