Just a few short weeks ago, dear blog reader, this blogger's beloved (though, tragically unsellable) Magpies were still being managed by a man whose CV included wining the Champions League, the UEFA Cup (and its successor the Europa League), La Liga (twice), the FA Cup and the Coppa Italia. Now, sadly, Rafa The Gaffer is gone to China. In the period immediately after his departure, however, Newcastle were widely reported - in various media outlets - to be considering replacements that included Mikel Arteta, Patrick Viera, Steven Gerrard, Roberto Martinez and even Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger (some of these alleged targets, admittedly, being far more credible than others). Now, the players have returned from their summer break to a club currently without a manager, without either of the team's two leading scorers from last season, without any hint of new signings and with a proposed - and widely reported - takeover by rich Arabs looking increasingly like wishful thinking and half-truths on everyone's part. Be careful what you wish for, dear blog reader, it might just come true. Worse yet, the club's latest reported - and, subsequently, confirmed - target to become their new manager is a man the highlight of whose managerial career was getting Birmingham City (twice) and Hull City (twice) promoted - and getting both relegated. And, also managing Sheffield United, Huddersfield Town, Wigan Not Very Athletic, Crystal Palace, The Mackem Filth, Aston Villains and Sheffield Wednesday. And winning nothing with any of them. Not a sausage. Bugger all. The idea of replacing Rafa Benitez with Steve Bruce is a little like the idea of replacing Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear with Chris Evans. That is, 'what, some idiot actually got paid to come up with this nonsense?'
This blogger is not a fan of Steve Bruce, dear blog reader, he will be perfectly open about that from the off; Brucie was, undeniably, a fine player and had a great - trophy-filled - career with The Scum. But this blogger particularly dislikes the way in which Bruce has seemed happy in the past to play the 'I'm a proud Geordie boy, me' card whenever it has suited him and to quietly forget about it whenever it didn't. As this blogger told the Salut Sunderland website in 2010 when he was asked if it 'hurt' Newcastle fans to see Bruce managing Blunderland at that time: 'Every time there's some bad news story about Newcastle - which isn't infrequently these days - somebody, sooner or later, will get around to asking Bruce for his opinion. And his first line will always be "well, as a Geordie myself ..." whilst, quite literally, squirting salt tears into his eyes from a pipette ... I think he was a good player, mind, don't get me wrong. But, I don't think it's unreasonable to say that his managerial abilities are still, validly, open to question.' Yes, Steve Bruce was born in Corbridge and was, indeed, a Newcastle United supporter as a boy when his family lived in Wallsend (he was a ball boy for the club at the 1974 FA Cup Final, for example). This blogger's father knew Steve Bruce's father, vaguely and this blogger is also acquainted with several people who know the Bruce family and Steve himself personally. All that this blogger has ever heard about Bruce is that he's considered to be, generally speaking, a jolly decent bloke. However, as previously noted, this whole 'I'm a proud Geordie boy, me' thing really gets right on this blogger's tripe. Because, Steve some of us actually have memories longer than the average goldfish. We recall, for instance how, when your career was kicking off at Gillingham in the early 1980s, you had the opportunity to sign for the club you 'loved as a boy' but you chose to sign for Norwich City instead - presumably, because the wages were better. Some of us can also remember one or two very crass public statements you made when you were managing Blunderland about Newcastle fans allegedly 'lacking class.' Anyway, it has been widely reported this week that Newcastle were on the verge of appointing Bruce as their manager - which, many Newcastle fans of this blogger's acquaintance regard as yet another example of the colossal lack of ambition and 'make do' attitude of the club under its current owner. See also, Joe Kinnear, Alan Pardew, John Carver, Steve McClaren, et al. However, in the last couple of days, it has also been reported that Sheffield Wednesday are not particularly keen to let their current manager go and, even, that Newcastle hiring Bruce and his coaching staff could, potentially, cost them more in wages and a 'compensation package' than keeping Rafa The Gaffer and his staff would have. Another fine example of Newcastle's owner Mike Ashley's habit of, seemingly, knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Bruce has, the Sun claim, told the Championship club he wants to quit Sheffield for Th' Toon. Well, of course he does, who wouldn't want to leave a job in the second tier of English football for the Premiership? However, Wednesday's owner, Thai tycoon Dejphon Chansiri, made sure that there was a compensation clause in Bruce's contract when he joined The Owls in January 'just in case a Premier League club came in for him,' the Sun states. Bruce, allegedly, held talks with Newcastle managing director Lee Charnley on Wednesday in Manchester. By Thursday lunchtime, those alleged to be 'in the know' (so, that was 'some people on Sky Sports,' basically) were 'confident' that an agreement would follow 'soon' and that Bruce would take charge of United's first team in their opening game in the Asian Cup against Wolves in China next Wednesday. Alleged 'sources' allegedly claim that Bruce and Charnley's alleged chat allegedly 'went well' and that Bruce was allegedly 'excited' about the St James’ Park job. But if he does get the job, has less than four weeks before the transfer window shuts and Newcastle are the only club in the Premier League yet to make any new signing. Bruce will also walk into a storm of barely concealed loathing at St James' with many fans utterly furious with Ashley over Bruce's imminent appointment and the replacement of someone who was as widely respected as Rafa with a journeyman with as little on his managerial CV to brag about as Bruce has. Although, his record of getting teams relegated to and then - one or two of them - promoted from the Championship may, one supposes, come in handy at Newcastle over the next couple of years. Still, one supposed it could have been worse. It could have been Sam Allardyce. And, according to Fat Sam himself, it almost was. As the NUFC.com website noted with sighing resignation, 'could this be any more embarrassing?' To which, of course, the answer is, 'don't say that, you'll only give Ashley ideas.'
