Just in case you've been asleep for the last few days, dear blog reader, the final of this year's Champions League will be between the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Stottingtot Hotshots after two of the most genuinely remarkable turn-arounds in European fitba history. It will be the first time since 2008 - when The Scum beat Moscow Chelski FC on penalties - that two Premier League sides have competed for Europe's major club competition. Five time winners Liverpool were the beaten finalists in the 2018 final and last won the trophy in 2005 whilst this is the first time that Spurs have ever got this far in Europe (although, they did win the European Cup Winners Cup in 1963 and the UEFA Cup in 1972). Liverpool completed the first of the near-miracles on Tuesday beating Barcelona four-nil at Anfield to overturn a three-goal first-leg deficit with two goals each from Divock Origi and Georginio Wijnaldum. Barely had the superlatives escaped the lips of just about every football fan the world over at this quite remarkable turn of events (as the BBC Sports website noted, even non-Liverpool fans were, mostly, celebrating), than twenty four hours later Spurs completed what was, in some ways, an even more unexpected comeback. One-down after the first leg, they went to Amsterdam and, in the white-hot atmosphere of the Johan Cruyff Arena, beat Ajax three-two thanks a hat-trick by Lucas Moura - the dramatic winning goal coming in the ninety sixth minute. This, after Spurs had been two goals behind (three, on aggregate) at half-time. So, all the media then had to think up some new 'unbelievable, Jeff'-type malarkey to top what they'd been saying just a day earlier. Some even had the vain hope of working out which of the two performances was best. Therefore, dear blog reader, it's Herr Klopp versus Senor Pochettino in Madrid's Estadio Metropolitano on 1 June. Both clubs have been allocated around sixteen thousand tickets.
As a Newcastle United supporter, this blogger has always had rather more affinity with Merseyside than with North London. You know, Keegan, Terry Mac, Beardsley, Albert Stubbins, Alan Kennedy, et al. So, under normal circumstances, he would be slightly (and, he does mean slightly) more hoping for a Reds win than a Whites win in the final. However, what with the blatant cheating antics of yer man Fabinho - producing a dive worthy of Greg Louganis (with pike) when not even touched by Matt Ritchie in last weekend's game at St James' - still extremely fresh in the mind, this blogger's only option is a couple of rousing choruses of 'Come On You Spurs!' Sorry, all of Keith Telly Topping's - many - Scouse chums, Jonny Arnold especially, but it's The Law!
Barcelona striker Luis Suarez said that his side 'looked like schoolboys' for Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws's winning goal in the Champions League semi-final second leg. The Reds won four-nil on an astonishing night at Anfield, with Divock Origi scoring the winner from Trent Alexander-Arnold's quick corner, to overturn a three goal first-leg deficit. 'We have to be ready for all the criticism that is going to rain down on us now,' Suarez said. 'We are very sad, we are in a lot of pain.' Barca had looked in control after winning three-nil at the Nou Camp. Origi gave The Reds early hope at Anfield and half-time substitute Georginio Wijnaldum scored two quickfire goals to level the tie. The winner came while Barca's defence were still getting ready for a corner, which Alexander-Arnold took quickly allowing the alert Origi to score. 'For their fourth goal we looked like schoolboys,' said the former Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws striker, who was booed all night by his old fans. It was Barcelona's second Champions League collapse in consecutive seasons. Last season, Roma beat them three-nil in the quarter-final second leg to knock them out on away goals. 'I do not know how it's going to affect me. Here we are, the coach has to take responsibility,' boss Ernesto Valverde said. Barca have won La Liga both seasons under Valverde, but they have not reached a Champions League final since 2015. 'It's very painful for us, especially for our people, it's the second year they've come back like that,' he said. 'Things got on top of us after those two quick goals. We didn't manage to get on the scoresheet and they rolled us over really,' Valverde said. 'They surprised us with the fourth goal - presumably my players weren't looking. Liverpool were street-smart and they scored.' Suarez defended his manager after the game. 'We are the ones that played the game,' he said. 'The boss used the same tactics as in the first leg and he tried to do the same thing here. You have to say sorry for the attitude and the things that everyone saw today. We have to do a lot of self-criticism because this is the second time that the same thing has happened to us. We cannot commit the same mistake two years in a row. There are many things we need to consider and think about.' Midfielder Sergio Busquets said: 'I apologise to the fans because after the Rome thing, it happens again. It is very hard to fall like that with a good result in the first leg.' A bad night got even worse for Lionel Messi after the Bacra team bus reportedly left Anfield without him. According to Spanish TV channel El Chiringuito, whilst Messi was waiting to provide drug testers with a sample, the bus left for the airport.
And, it was, seemingly, all too much for one - apparently Asian - Barca fan whose (filmed) temper tantrum at the final whistle has, not unexpectedly, gone extremely viral when it appeared on the Interweb. That's probably a new telly you're gonna be needing on there, mate. This blogger thinks it's the mixture of casual disinterest and amusement amongst yon laddie's friends (or, possibly family), that makes it art. Mind you, Keith Telly Topping is often like that when his beloved (though unsellable) Magpies have just got beat. Stately Telly Topping Manor has been through about seventeen tellies this season already and there's still one game to go.
By Thursday, English football fans were even further in dreamland as English clubs created European football history by taking all four final spots in the continent's two major competitions. The Arse won in Valencia and Moscow Chelski FC beat Eintracht Frankfurt on penalties to reach the Europa League final. It is the first time that all four finalists in Europe's top two club competitions have come from one nation. There have only been two all-English finals before, with Stottingtot Hotshots beating Wolverhampton Wanderings in the 1971-72 UEFA Cup and The Scum beating Moscow Chelski FC in the 2007-08 Champions League. Spain had three teams in the finals of the two competitions in 2015-16, with Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid contesting the Champions League final and Unai Emery's Sevilla winning the Europa League. 'In England the level is very high and the Premier League is the best championship in Europe,' claimed Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri. The Arse and Moscow Chelski FC will meet in Baku, Azerbaijan - almost two-and-a-half thousand miles from London - on 29 May, with a Champions League spot at stake for The Gunners, who could become the fifth English side to qualify for next season's competition. Moscow Chelski FC are already assured of their place after cementing a top-four finish in the Premier League. Baku's Olympic Stadium has a capacity of sixty eight thousand but UEFA has allocated only just over six thousand tickets to each of the London clubs, a decision that The Arse described as 'disappointing.'
Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri says that it will 'not be easy' to challenge Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Sheikh Yer Man City next season, after an unsuccessful appeal against FIFA's transfer ban on the club. The Blues are very banned from signing players during the next two transfer windows until the end of January 2020. It followed an investigation into their signing of foreign under-eighteen players. Moscow Chelski FC said that they were 'very disappointed' and will now appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport. 'It's very difficult to cover the gap at the moment; we need to work, probably we need to do something from the market,' whinged Sarri. 'So it's not easy, because the level of the top two is very, very high.' Sarri says the club 'need' to buy two players this summer. 'I think that we have to buy only one, two players, otherwise it's very difficult to improve immediately,' the Italian added. 'I think we are a very good team, so we need only one, two players, no more.' The only change to the original FIFA ban is that The Blues can sign under-sixteen players from the UK during the suspension period. 'The FIFA appeal committee has decided to partially uphold the appeal lodged by Chelsea,' FIFA said in a statement. 'This ban applied to the club as a whole - with the exception of the women's and futsal teams - and did not prevent the release of players.' FIFA said that it found breaches in twenty nine cases out of the ninety two investigated. Moscow Chelski FC's fine of four hundred and sixty thousand smackers by world football's governing body also remains. The Football Association was also fined three hundred and ninety thousand notes when it issued the ban and English football's governing body was told that it 'must address the situation' regarding the international transfer and registration of minors. 'Chelsea categorically refutes the findings of the FIFA Appeal Committee,' the club said in a statement. Moscow Chelski FC have a number of high-profile players out on loan whom they can call on, including Tammy Abraham (Aston Villains), Michy Batshuayi (Crystal Palace), Alvaro Morata (Atletico Madrid), Victor Moses (Fenerbahce), Christian Pulisic (Borussia Dortmund), Kenedy (this blogger's beloved, though unsellable, Newcastle), Tiemoue Bakayoko (AC Milan) and Kurt Zouma (Everton). They also have dozens of youth players currently out on loan. 'Every month I have a report on every player on loan; we have about forty five,' Sarri said. 'There are two or three players who have been out on loan this season who are interesting. I do not want to name names now. But the level they have been playing at must be considered.' Based on documents from Football Leaks, French website Mediapart claimed in November that nineteen Moscow Chelski FC signings had been 'looked at' during a three-year FIFA investigation. Mediapart alleged that fourteen of those signings were players under the age of eighteen. Burkina Faso international Bertrand Traore - who now plays for Ligue Un club Lyon - signed his first professional contract at Moscow Chelski FC in 2013 at the age of eighteen but was not registered until January 2014. Mediapart claimed FIFA 'found evidence' that Moscow Chelski FC had 'misled' them over the dates, while Traore was found to have made twenty five appearances for The Blues (under-sixteen, under-eighteen and first team) despite not being registered with the FA. Moscow Chelski FC admitted they paid his mother one hundred and fifty five thousand knicker, as well as a further thirteen grand to the club she chaired - AJE Bobo-Dioulasso - in April 2011 to allow them 'first refusal' on his signature. That deal, it is alleged, was for four-and-a-half years, despite the limit for under-eighteens being three years. In addition, it is also claimed Moscow Chelski FC paid for Traore to attend the twenty thousand quid-a-year Whitgift School in Surrey. Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid both received bans for breaching rules over the signing of minors in early 2016, while Barcelona were given a fourteen-month ban after breaking rules for signing international under-eighteens in 2014. However, a Barcelona appeal saw their punishment pushed back by a year, allowing the club to sign Luis Suarez, Ivan Rakitic, Jeremy Mathieu, Claudio Bravo and Marc-Andre ter Stegen before the ban started. Not that any of this did Barca much good this week against the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, obviously.
Notlob Wanderings are set to go into administration after the club appeared in the High Court over a 1.2 million quid unpaid tax bill. The case on Wednesday was adjourned until 22 May to allow the club enough time to appoint an administrator. Administration would result in the Wanderings having a twelve-point penalty imposed on them next season. The club will play in League One next season after they were relegated from The Championship this term. Former Watford owner Laurence Bassini had made a takeover bid, but Wanderings said on Thursday that the deal was off. Bassini, who had been given forty eight hours to prove to the Football League that he had the funds to take over, later claimed to be in control of the club, but it was reported on Monday that his bid was 'on the brink of collapse.' In a statement published while the club were awaiting their case to be heard in the High Court on Wednesday, owner Ken Anderson said that administration was 'the only possible outcome' following the collapse of Bassini's takeover bid. 'This has been a massive disappointment to me as I understand the serious implications administration will bring to the businesses,' he said. On Bassini's bid, Anderson added: 'Regrettably his continued time-wasting and empty promises have caused a great deal of heartache and frustration for the staff and supporters alike and now leave the Eddie Davies Trust and I with little or no choice other than for one of us to place the businesses into administration, as any likelihood of finding any resolution in the High Court hearing is not possible.' It was the sixth time in the past eighteen months that Notlob have faced a winding-up petition. Their latest case, originally brought by HM Revenue & Customs in February, has now been adjourned by the High Court on three occasions, with Wednesday's decision the latest in a string of off-field issues at the club this season. Players are still owed wages for March and April, while the club could face further sanctions from the Football League after their final home match of the season against Brentford on 27 April was postponed when the playing staff went on strike. Bassini has told BBC Radio Manchester that he is 'still interested' in purchasing the club and hopes to get the sale through before Notlob return to court. Meanwhile, Notlob Whites Hotel, which adjoins the University of Notlob Stadium and is owned by the club, also appeared in the High Court over a separate winding-up petition and was also given an adjournment until 22 May. Judge Clive Jones said it was 'rather strange' that Notlob did not have a representative in the High Court. Nonetheless, the major creditors were petitioning for a short adjournment, in the hope that an administrator could be appointed in that time. Former owner Eddie Davies' trust fund, Fildraw, has served a notice with that intention and the club has been given until 22 May to see that it is done. Only once an administrator has been appointed will we be able to start thinking about who could be in the frame to rescue the club.
Attendances in the English Football League reached a sixty-year high this season. Almost 18.4 million people attended the sixteen hundred and fifty five matches in the Championship, League One and League Two - the most in tiers two to four since 1958-59. Blunderland's Boxing Day crowd for their match with Bradford City was the largest of the season at fortysix thousand and thirty nine - setting a new League One record. The figures are up one-and-a-half per cent on last season with an average gate of eleven thousand one hundred and thirteen. Aston Villains were responsible for eight of the ten biggest attendances. When Carabao Cup and Checkatrade Trophy games are included, almost twenty million spectators attended games under the Football League banner. Figures are also up when comparing the sixty seven teams that played in the EFL last season and this season. 'It is clear from this analysis that EFL clubs are finding new, innovative ways to attract new supporters while also improving the match-day experience for those fans who regularly attend week in, week out,' said EFL chief executive Shaun Harvey. 'The rise in match-day attendance is set against a backdrop of increasing viewing options for all football fans. iFollow is providing an alternative option for those supporters who can't attend games, but the product EFL clubs have been turning out on the pitch has brought supporters back through the turnstiles.' In total eighteen million three hundred and ninety one thousand four hundred and fifty four people attended league matches played this season - eighteen million eight hundred and sixty three thousand six hundred and eighty five attended games in 1958-59.
When a friend handed Jordie Van der Laan a ticket for the first leg of Ajax's Champions League semi-final against Spurs last week, the temptation was too great. Van der Laan, a twenty five-year-old striker with second-tier club Telstar, decided to travel to London. 'I just called in sick and of course it wasn't the best decision. In the end someone found out,' he told the BBC. Snitched up and, banged-to-rights like a kipper, the club decided to terminate his contract by mutual consent. 'He tricked us,' complained technical director Piet Buter. 'In all he was away from the club for four days. At our request to go to the club doctor he reacted by saying he had an appointment with his GP,' he told a local paper. 'The next day his excuse was that he was in bed with a fever.' Van der Laan was not the only Ajax fan who failed to show up to work last week. A Dutch reporter was slapped by a supporter outside the Stottingtot Hotshots ground, apparently because he was angry that fans who had called in sick were being filmed. No-one realised Van der Laan had flown to London to see Ajax beat Spurs one-nil. And, initial reports said that friends and colleagues only found out when they saw his face appear three times during TV coverage of the match. 'My team's group-chat exploded. They fell about laughing,' he was quoted as saying by the Volkskrant newspaper. Friends reportedly spotted him on TV from as far afield as Denmark and Mexico. But Telstar's trainer Mike Snoei had already suspected something was up and when he said that he wanted to visit Van der Laan, the player admitted that he was on his way to see Ajax. Van der Laan said Telstar's season was 'as good as over' and as he had not been selected for some time his chances of playing in the next match against Young PSV on Friday were 'thin. I hadn't expected it would get so out of hand. I didn't show up for training on Tuesday and it got noticed. But in my discussion with Telstar it was agreed it wouldn't get out,' he told local broadcaster Omroep Brabant. Telstar were, seemingly, unimpressed. 'The trainer said it was incredibly stupid of me and with one more game ahead he decided it was best to terminate my contract,' Van der Laan told the Volkskrant. On Monday the player tweeted: 'So don't I deserve a ticket for Wednesday's match now? After all I am free, aren't I?' Journalist Menno Pot responded with an offer of a free ticket in return for a beer.
Two Russia internationals have been sent to The Slammer after being found guilty of 'hooliganism.' Zenit St Petersburg's Aleksandr Kokorin and Krasnodar's Pavel Mamaev reportedly attacked a trade ministry official with a chair and beat up a driver in Moscow. Kokorin will serve eighteen months in The Joint and Mamaev seventeen months. They have been in custody since the incident took place in October. In addition, Kokorin's younger brother Kirill and their friend, Alexander Protosavitsky, have also been found extremely guilty. The punishment for hooliganism is a maximum penalty of seven years in The Gulag. Kokorin has forty eight caps for Russia, but missed last year's home World Cup through injury, while thirty-year-old Mamaev has fifteen caps.
Online retailer Zavvi has apologised after reportedly telling customers they had won a VIP trip to the Champions League football final in Madrid. Joyous winners took to social media to announce their news - and then, abject dismay upon learning of the error. What Zavvi called 'technical issues' meant its entire subscriber list may have been told that they were winners. Zavvi, which emerged out of Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Group, sell music, DVDs, clothing and homeware. A competition, in partnership with Mastercard, was offering two adults an all-expenses two-night trip to the much-anticipated Champions League final between the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Stottingtot Hotshots. Supposed winners received an e-mail addressed to them personally using their first name. It read: 'We here at Zavvi would like to wish you a huge congratulations as you have been chosen as the winner of our Mastercard competition, winning a VIP trip for two adults to attend the UEFA Champions League Final Madrid 2019.' It is unclear how many people were e-mailed. The Liverpool Echo newspaper reported that among people getting the Zavvi e-mails were 'hundreds' of Liverpool fans. But, after news seeped out on social media of multiple winners, Zavvi tweeted: 'Apologies, we're aware of the problem regarding the recent Mastercard Competition. We seem to have had some technical issues and we're currently looking into this.' It appears that this tweet has now been taken down from Zavvi's Twitter feed.
The UK advertising watchdog has banned a Paddy Power TV campaign featuring the brother of Ryan Giggs for 'glamorising' gambling as a route to a wealthy lifestyle. The TV campaign featured Rhodri Giggs as the face of the bookmaker's loyalty scheme, the Paddy Power Rewards Club. In the advert Giggs tells viewers that he had always 'lived a loyal life,' through activities such as always drinking at the same pub, going to the same gym and sticking with the same brand of tea bags, but that his fortunes had been 'transformed' by becoming an 'ambassador' for Paddy's Reward Club. 'Loyalty gets you nowhere, live for rewards instead,' he said. The advert then shows Giggs rejecting his usual pint of bitter and ordering champagne. He is seen driving off in a sports car while thanking the bookmaker as he pats the bodywork. The Advertising Standards Authority received five whinges that the advert was 'irresponsible' because it 'glamorised' gambling and suggested it was a way of 'achieving a good standard of living.' Paddy Power said that Giggs was not shown betting and that the car, with the number plate 'Ambassador Car', was not obtained through betting but was positioned as a personal perk of being a face of the rewards club. The ASA said that the TV advert was based on 'a string of tongue-in-cheek references' to allegations that Ryan Giggs had an affair with his brother's wife. 'We considered [the advert] created the impression that Rhodri was no longer defined by the alleged affair and that he had moved past his "loyalty" and was now reaping the rewards,' the ASA said. 'The ad implied viewers should follow his example and that their route to doing so was joining Paddy Power's Rewards Club. We considered the ad implied gambling was a way to achieve financial security and improved self-image and we concluded the ad was irresponsible.' Separately, the ASA has also banned a tweet by Stottingtot Hotshots football club to over three million followers for breaking gambling advertising rules by featuring young players Harry Winks and Davinson Sánchez alongside a betting promotion for William Hill. The tweet, which received three thousand six hundred 'likes' and was retweeted almost one thousand times, featured an image of the team's starting line-up for a match against Borussia Dortmund in March as well as a William Hill logo and text saying 'latest odds from William Hill.' The ASA banned the promotion because the two players featured are under the age of twenty five years old, which is not allowed in gambling adverts. The watchdog said that the aim of the tweet was both to announce the starting line-up and to offer the audience an opportunity to bet. 'We told Tottenham Hotspur to ensure they did not feature those under twenty five years old playing a significant role in marketing communications,' the ASA said.
