The 2012-13 premiership football season kicked-off with a flood of goals and some jaw-dropping results on Saturday. Starting with, obviously, the most important match, Hatem Ben Arfa's penalty gave yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United victory and ensured André Villas-Boas began his tenure as Stottingtot Hotshots manager with an opening-day defeat. Yer Spurs their very selves hit the woodwork twice before Demba Ba put the Magpies ahead with a wonderful curling strike after fifty four minutes. Jermain Defoe levelled from close range soon after Magpies boss Alan Pardew had been sent to the stands for shoving a linesman. Hard. But Ben Arfa won it from the spot after he was fouled by Aaron Lennon, picking himself up to slot past Brad Friedel and send fifty thousand mad off-it Geordies home with a grin on their boat-race as wide as the Tyne Bridge. Mladen Petric scored twice on his debut as Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance crushed Norwich City 5-0 at the Cottage. The Croatian striker headed in a Damien Duff corner and scored with a twenty five-yard spanker that deflected in off City defender Michael Turner. Duff poked in the first from twelve yards after latching onto John Arne Riise's through ball while Alex Kacaniklic tucked in the fourth from close range. Steve Sidwell scored in a late penalty after Hugo Rodellaga was bundled over to complete the rout of Chris Hughton's side. 
Michu and Nathan Dyer both scored twice to help Michael Laudrup get off to a dream start as Swansea boss with a thumping victory over yer actual Queens Park Strangers. A disastrous defensive display by Rangers began when Rob Green could not stop Michu's speculative twenty five-yard shot. Swansea hit the bar twice before Michu curled home his second after the break. QPR crumbled completely by the end, with Nathan Dyer scoring twice in quick succession before Scott Sinclair completed the hammering with a low finish. Brendan Rodgers' first Premier League game as Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws manager turned into a thorough bloody nightmare as West Bromwich Albinos inflicted a heavy defeat on The Reds at The Hawthorns. On this evidence Rodgers faces a massive task to restore Liverpool to the game's elite after succeeding the - very amusingly - sacked miserable sour-faced Soctsman, Kenny Dalglish. In sharp contrast, there was delight for new Albion boss Steve Clarke - sacked along with Dalglish in Liverpool's end of season clear-out - as he watched his new team produce a display bristling with energy and enterprise. Zoltan Gera's spectacular strike gave Albion the lead just before half-time - then Shane Long wasted the opportunity to add a second with a weak penalty after he was brought down in an incident which led to Daniel Agger receiving a red card. Albion were not to be denied, however, and Peter Odemwingie made no mistake from the spot after Martin Skrtel fouled Long to settle the destination of the points. Liverpool were in tatters at this point, with substitute Romelu Lukaku, on loan from Chelsea, adding a third and Albion missing further chances to give the scoreline an even more emphatic appearance. It was a brutal wake-up call for Rodgers after so much optimism surrounded the build-up to this opener. Two of the newly promoted sides enjoyed decent starts, West Hamsters marked their Premier League return with a win over Aston Villains, who were beaten in new manager Paul Lambert's first game in charge. The Hamsters went ahead when Ricardo Vaz Te pulled the ball across for Kevin Nolan to sidefoot home. Villa rarely troubled their hosts and Carlton Cole should have extended West Ham's lead but headed wide from close range. The Hamsters substitute Modibo Maiga also came close in injury-time when he raced clear and rounded Shay Given only to see his shot cleared from the goalmouth by backtracking defender Nathan Baker. The miss did not prove crucial against a poor Villa side who started brightly enough but ultimately showed sod-all penetration and little improvement on the team which only avoided relegation by two points last season. Adam Le Fondre scored a late penalty as Reading marked their return to the top flight after a four-season absence with a battling draw against Stoke. Le Fondre calmly found the corner after Dean Whitehead was given a second yellow card for a foul on substitute Garath McCleary. Royals keeper Adam Federici had earlier gifted Stoke the lead when he made a terrible mess of a Michael Kightly shot. Reading's Ian Harte nearly stole the points but his free-kick went just over. In the day's only goalless game, The Arse could not find a way past a resolute Blunderland defence as they began life without Robin van Persie. Van Persie's replacements Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud failed to score on their debuts with substitute Giroud off target from twelve yards. Abou Diaby also had a fine first-half shot saved by Simon Mignolet. But other than an impressive debut for Santi Cazorla, it was a frustrating afternoon for the Gunners. So, after one game, the table shows Fulham and Swansea heading for the champions league and Liverpool for the championship. Which, I'm sure a lot of football supporters in this country could certainly live with. The Scum, Moscow Chelski FC and defending champions Sheikh Yer Man City begin their campaigns on Sunday and Monday.
Michu and Nathan Dyer both scored twice to help Michael Laudrup get off to a dream start as Swansea boss with a thumping victory over yer actual Queens Park Strangers. A disastrous defensive display by Rangers began when Rob Green could not stop Michu's speculative twenty five-yard shot. Swansea hit the bar twice before Michu curled home his second after the break. QPR crumbled completely by the end, with Nathan Dyer scoring twice in quick succession before Scott Sinclair completed the hammering with a low finish. Brendan Rodgers' first Premier League game as Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws manager turned into a thorough bloody nightmare as West Bromwich Albinos inflicted a heavy defeat on The Reds at The Hawthorns. On this evidence Rodgers faces a massive task to restore Liverpool to the game's elite after succeeding the - very amusingly - sacked miserable sour-faced Soctsman, Kenny Dalglish. In sharp contrast, there was delight for new Albion boss Steve Clarke - sacked along with Dalglish in Liverpool's end of season clear-out - as he watched his new team produce a display bristling with energy and enterprise. Zoltan Gera's spectacular strike gave Albion the lead just before half-time - then Shane Long wasted the opportunity to add a second with a weak penalty after he was brought down in an incident which led to Daniel Agger receiving a red card. Albion were not to be denied, however, and Peter Odemwingie made no mistake from the spot after Martin Skrtel fouled Long to settle the destination of the points. Liverpool were in tatters at this point, with substitute Romelu Lukaku, on loan from Chelsea, adding a third and Albion missing further chances to give the scoreline an even more emphatic appearance. It was a brutal wake-up call for Rodgers after so much optimism surrounded the build-up to this opener. Two of the newly promoted sides enjoyed decent starts, West Hamsters marked their Premier League return with a win over Aston Villains, who were beaten in new manager Paul Lambert's first game in charge. The Hamsters went ahead when Ricardo Vaz Te pulled the ball across for Kevin Nolan to sidefoot home. Villa rarely troubled their hosts and Carlton Cole should have extended West Ham's lead but headed wide from close range. The Hamsters substitute Modibo Maiga also came close in injury-time when he raced clear and rounded Shay Given only to see his shot cleared from the goalmouth by backtracking defender Nathan Baker. The miss did not prove crucial against a poor Villa side who started brightly enough but ultimately showed sod-all penetration and little improvement on the team which only avoided relegation by two points last season. Adam Le Fondre scored a late penalty as Reading marked their return to the top flight after a four-season absence with a battling draw against Stoke. Le Fondre calmly found the corner after Dean Whitehead was given a second yellow card for a foul on substitute Garath McCleary. Royals keeper Adam Federici had earlier gifted Stoke the lead when he made a terrible mess of a Michael Kightly shot. Reading's Ian Harte nearly stole the points but his free-kick went just over. In the day's only goalless game, The Arse could not find a way past a resolute Blunderland defence as they began life without Robin van Persie. Van Persie's replacements Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud failed to score on their debuts with substitute Giroud off target from twelve yards. Abou Diaby also had a fine first-half shot saved by Simon Mignolet. But other than an impressive debut for Santi Cazorla, it was a frustrating afternoon for the Gunners. So, after one game, the table shows Fulham and Swansea heading for the champions league and Liverpool for the championship. Which, I'm sure a lot of football supporters in this country could certainly live with. The Scum, Moscow Chelski FC and defending champions Sheikh Yer Man City begin their campaigns on Sunday and Monday.
