Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws have been drawn against Heart of Midlothian, whilst yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United will face Greek side Atromitos in the Europa League play-off round. Other possible options for Alan Pardew's side in the draw had been teams in Russia, Norway, Romania and Azerbaijan. This will be United's third trip to Athens, following their UEFA Cup campaign of 2004-05 when they won 1-0 at Panionis and then returned to Olympiakos in nearby Piraeus to register a 3-1 success. Liverpool are due to travel to Hearts on 23 August, with The Toon heading to Atromitos. 
The return legs are scheduled for 30 August. The winners of the two-legged games will join Stottingtot Hotshots in the group stage. Both Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Newcastle have previously won the competition. Liverpool, when it was the UEFA Cup in 1973, 1976 and 2001, Newcastle when it was the Inter City Fairs Cup in 1969. Meanwhile, Glasgow Celtic have been drawn to face Swedish side Helsingborgs in the Champions League play-off. Celtic are due to play the first leg in Sweden on either 21 or 22 August, with the return in Glasgow on 28 or 29 of the month. It is the first time Celtic have faced a Swedish club in European competition. Liverpool beat FC Gomel 4-0 on aggregate to take their place in the final round of Europa League qualifying, while Newcastle are back in Europe for the first time since 2007, when they lost to Dutch side AZ Alkmaar in the last sixteen of the UEFA Cup. Newcastle's opponents Atromitos finished fourth in the Greek Super League last season. Motherwell are also in the play-off round after crashing out of the Champions League qualifiers with a 5-0 aggregate defeat by Panathinaikos. They have been given a tough assignment against Spanish La Liga side Levante.
Juventus coach Antonio Conte has been banned for ten months after an investigation into match-fixing claims. Last year Conte, forty three, led the club to the Serie A title in his first season in charge without losing a single game. Conte was accused of failing to report alleged match-fixing involving former club Siena in the 2010-11 season. In addition to Juventus and Siena, he has also managed Arezzo, Bari and Atalanta. After being questioned by police in May, Conte denied the claims and said he was 'strongly determined to prove his total innocence.' But then, it would seem, Conte coughed his guilt and begged for mercy saying he'd been led astray by older boys. or something. Charges against Conte of direct involvement in match-fixing were dismissed last month, but the FIGC said it was satisfied that he was 'aware' it was taking place during his time with Siena. Conte had a plea bargain deal rejected by the Italian federation earlier this month. He put forward a proposal which would have seen him serve a three-month suspension and pay a fine of two hundred thousand euros. The federation has now confirmed the ten-month sanction. Police had previously said Conte was being investigated on suspicion of sporting fraud and fraudulent association over allegations concerning a match between his Serie B side Siena and Novara in April 2011. His assistant coach at Juve and formerly at Siena, Angelo Alessio, has also been banned for eight months, while former Lecce president Giovanni Semeraro and former Grosseto president Piero Camilli are facing longer suspensions. Former Atalanta captain and Italy midfielder Cristiano Doni was banned for three-and-a-half years in August 2011 for his part in the Calcioscommesse scandal involving Serie B matches last season. He was also arrested in December 2011 over match-fixing and betting allegations. In addition, former Lazio and Italy striker Giuseppe Signori was banned for five years and fifteen other players were banned for between one and five years for their parts. Grosseto and Lecce have both been excluded from Serie B, the Italian second tier, for the 2012-13 season for their part in the scandal. In May, police searched more than thirty homes, including those of players, trainers and administrators of clubs in Serie A, Serie B and lower divisions. Lazio captain Stefano Mauri, thirty two, was held along with former Genoa midfielder Omar Milanetto, while officers visited Italy's pre-Euro 2012 training camp to question left-back Domenico Criscito, twenty five. Five people were also arrested in Hungary on suspicion of being part of an illegal international betting ring.
'Several' Premier League clubs are alleged to be interested in signing former The Scum striker and odious greed bucket Michael Owen, according to his agent. So, almost certainly, he'll be turning up playing for someone in the Championship in that case. Or, rather, playing once every three or four games and developing mysterious groin strains the rest of the time. Stoke City are alleged to be one of those interested. Don't do it, Mr Pulis. You're only buying damaged goods. The Little Shit was released by The Scum this summer after three uneventful seasons at Old Trafford. He is said to be 'drawing on the services of experts,' such as former Liverpool physiotherapist Mark Browse, as he bids to continue his career in the top flight. The former England striker has also drawn attention from clubs in the Middle East but the Premier League is still his preferred option. Obviously.
Cos, that's the only place where he'd be allowed to get paid loads of wonga for doing as little as humanly possible. Owen tweeted in July to say that he would not drop down to the Championship and hinted at retirement if his desires were not met. Here's hoping. 'If a good opportunity doesn't come my way then so be it,' he said. 'I know I can still bang them in at the top level. I proved that nearly every time I played for Manchester United.' Owen joined The Scum from yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle on a free transfer in 2009 moving far faster to get out of Toon than he ever did during his time in a black and white shirt and after having, frankly, taken the piss for four years. But his appearances became less frequent in his second year at the club, and last term he played in just one Premier League game as The Scum, it would seem, found out what a waste of space he is.
The return legs are scheduled for 30 August. The winners of the two-legged games will join Stottingtot Hotshots in the group stage. Both Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Newcastle have previously won the competition. Liverpool, when it was the UEFA Cup in 1973, 1976 and 2001, Newcastle when it was the Inter City Fairs Cup in 1969. Meanwhile, Glasgow Celtic have been drawn to face Swedish side Helsingborgs in the Champions League play-off. Celtic are due to play the first leg in Sweden on either 21 or 22 August, with the return in Glasgow on 28 or 29 of the month. It is the first time Celtic have faced a Swedish club in European competition. Liverpool beat FC Gomel 4-0 on aggregate to take their place in the final round of Europa League qualifying, while Newcastle are back in Europe for the first time since 2007, when they lost to Dutch side AZ Alkmaar in the last sixteen of the UEFA Cup. Newcastle's opponents Atromitos finished fourth in the Greek Super League last season. Motherwell are also in the play-off round after crashing out of the Champions League qualifiers with a 5-0 aggregate defeat by Panathinaikos. They have been given a tough assignment against Spanish La Liga side Levante.Juventus coach Antonio Conte has been banned for ten months after an investigation into match-fixing claims. Last year Conte, forty three, led the club to the Serie A title in his first season in charge without losing a single game. Conte was accused of failing to report alleged match-fixing involving former club Siena in the 2010-11 season. In addition to Juventus and Siena, he has also managed Arezzo, Bari and Atalanta. After being questioned by police in May, Conte denied the claims and said he was 'strongly determined to prove his total innocence.' But then, it would seem, Conte coughed his guilt and begged for mercy saying he'd been led astray by older boys. or something. Charges against Conte of direct involvement in match-fixing were dismissed last month, but the FIGC said it was satisfied that he was 'aware' it was taking place during his time with Siena. Conte had a plea bargain deal rejected by the Italian federation earlier this month. He put forward a proposal which would have seen him serve a three-month suspension and pay a fine of two hundred thousand euros. The federation has now confirmed the ten-month sanction. Police had previously said Conte was being investigated on suspicion of sporting fraud and fraudulent association over allegations concerning a match between his Serie B side Siena and Novara in April 2011. His assistant coach at Juve and formerly at Siena, Angelo Alessio, has also been banned for eight months, while former Lecce president Giovanni Semeraro and former Grosseto president Piero Camilli are facing longer suspensions. Former Atalanta captain and Italy midfielder Cristiano Doni was banned for three-and-a-half years in August 2011 for his part in the Calcioscommesse scandal involving Serie B matches last season. He was also arrested in December 2011 over match-fixing and betting allegations. In addition, former Lazio and Italy striker Giuseppe Signori was banned for five years and fifteen other players were banned for between one and five years for their parts. Grosseto and Lecce have both been excluded from Serie B, the Italian second tier, for the 2012-13 season for their part in the scandal. In May, police searched more than thirty homes, including those of players, trainers and administrators of clubs in Serie A, Serie B and lower divisions. Lazio captain Stefano Mauri, thirty two, was held along with former Genoa midfielder Omar Milanetto, while officers visited Italy's pre-Euro 2012 training camp to question left-back Domenico Criscito, twenty five. Five people were also arrested in Hungary on suspicion of being part of an illegal international betting ring.
'Several' Premier League clubs are alleged to be interested in signing former The Scum striker and odious greed bucket Michael Owen, according to his agent. So, almost certainly, he'll be turning up playing for someone in the Championship in that case. Or, rather, playing once every three or four games and developing mysterious groin strains the rest of the time. Stoke City are alleged to be one of those interested. Don't do it, Mr Pulis. You're only buying damaged goods. The Little Shit was released by The Scum this summer after three uneventful seasons at Old Trafford. He is said to be 'drawing on the services of experts,' such as former Liverpool physiotherapist Mark Browse, as he bids to continue his career in the top flight. The former England striker has also drawn attention from clubs in the Middle East but the Premier League is still his preferred option. Obviously.
Cos, that's the only place where he'd be allowed to get paid loads of wonga for doing as little as humanly possible. Owen tweeted in July to say that he would not drop down to the Championship and hinted at retirement if his desires were not met. Here's hoping. 'If a good opportunity doesn't come my way then so be it,' he said. 'I know I can still bang them in at the top level. I proved that nearly every time I played for Manchester United.' Owen joined The Scum from yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle on a free transfer in 2009 moving far faster to get out of Toon than he ever did during his time in a black and white shirt and after having, frankly, taken the piss for four years. But his appearances became less frequent in his second year at the club, and last term he played in just one Premier League game as The Scum, it would seem, found out what a waste of space he is.
