Friday 31 August 2012

Days Of Yer Actual Europa

Haris Vučkić's long-range bender - steady - was enough to help yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still unsellable) Newcastle United beat Greek side Atromitos to reach the Europa League group stages. Newcastle lost their goalscorer from the first leg, Ryan Taylor, to a serious-looking knee injury early on. But his replacement, the young Slovakian midfielder Vučkić, struck a diagonal shot for his debut Newcastle first team goal to earn the lead after twenty first minutes. Tim Krul was perhaps fortunate to stay on the pitch after he appeared to bring down Chumbinho in the penalty box and Elini Dimoutsos wasted a late chance as he fired wide. Slovenian Vučkić signed for Newcastle from NK Domzale in January 2009 aged sixteen. He made his first-team debut in the 2009-10 season but broke his hand the following season after making his Premier League bow. In February 2012 he went on loan to Cardiff where he scored his first goal in English football. Denis Epstein also shot over as the Greek side finished strongly, but overall Newcastle enjoyed a relatively comfortable night as they qualified for the next round on their first European foray in more than five years. Alan Pardew's side will face far sterner tests in this competition, but there were encouraging performances from the occasionally frustrating Gabriel Obertan and Sylvain Marveaux on either wing and, particularly, an assured display by another teenager, Gael Bigirimana in midfield in place of the injured Cheick Tioté. The wide pair caused havoc down the flanks and were among seven changes made to the team following Newcastle's defeat at Moscow Chelski FC, with Marveaux testing Atromitos keeper Charles Itandje early on after James Perch curled wide. Vučkić's introduction on eleven minutes came after Taylor was injured when skipping over a challenge and then collapsing as his knee seemed to give way on the slippy turf. It looked like it could be a grave problem, but twenty-year-old Vučkić wasted little time in putting Newcastle in front when he collected Danny Simpson's throw-in from the right, moved inside and lashed a shot into the bottom corner via a deflection off Matias Iglesias. The substitute could have added another, but despite the hosts holding the upper hand in the first half, Brazilian Chumbinho caused several moments of concern. First, his shot was saved by Krul and then the Newcastle keeper evaded a red card and a penalty in the same moment when he seemed to have brought down the Brazilian after he fumbled Denis Epstein's shot although, on replays, there was some suggestion that Chumbinho may have kicked Krul's hands and then fallen over rather than the other way round. The referee decided to book the Atromitos forward for diving. Newcastle looked comfortable to begin with after the break and Obertan could have doubled the lead on the night, as former Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws keeper Itandje parried his firm shot. But as the time ticked away, the visitors grew more dangerous and they missed a golden chance when Iglesias's shot was deflected into the path of Dimoutsos, but he blazed wide of the post from an angle about ten yards out. There were a few more nervy moments for Newcastle's defence before Alan Pardew was able to celebrate his first managerial success in European competition, whilst both Dan Gosling and Marveaux shooting wildly over when well-placed late on. The decent crowd of twenty nine thousand two hundred and forty two greeted the final whistle with a certain amount of relief as United completed the job, although Taylor's injury was a major disappointment on an otherwise satisfactory night in Toon.

Incidentally, to any dear blog readers watching the game on ITV4, is yer actual Keith Telly Topping on drugs or does than not look like the TARDIS on Atromitos's shirts?
Any club hoping to lure a big name away from yer actual Newcastle United during the remaining days of the summer transfer window would have to make an 'astronomical' offer to succeed. The Press Association says it understands only bids which the club simply 'could not ignore' would prompt the Magpies to even consider parting with the likes of skipper Fabricio Coloccini or midfielders Cheick Tioté and Yohan Cabaye. Coloccini has been linked with Premier League champions Sheikh Yer Man City in recent days, while both Tioté and Cabaye have been touted as targets for The Arse ahead of Friday's deadline. Gunners boss sour-faced Arsene Wenger has played down his reported interest in the Côte d'Ivoire international, although Newcastle counterpart Alan Pardew will be a relieved man if he gets to Saturday morning without losing any of his key players. However, potential purchasers will be left in little doubt that, with the Magpies not looking to sell, they would have to find in excess of twenty million smackers to give themselves any chance of landing a member of Pardew's blue chip brigade. Indeed, it is understood that if Wenger was to pursue an interest in Cabaye, for example, it would take much of the proceeds of Robin van Persie's twenty four million knicker switch to The Scum to unlock the door at St James' Park. The values of all three men have grown appreciably during their time on Tyneside with Coloccini recovering from a difficult start in English football to not only justify his ten million quid price-tag, but prove an astute acquisition. Both Tioté and Cabaye, of course, are products of the club's much-envied recruitment policy which has seen chief scout Graham Carr scouring the continent and identifying players with potential for the Magpies to snap up at competitive prices. The Ivorian cost Newcastle just three and a half million smackers when he joined from Dutch side FC Twente during the summer of 2010, while the Frenchman's signature was secured from Lille in return for £4.8million a year later. Both have been big hits in the Premier League with Tioté's all-action, aggressive style complementing Cabaye's cultured passing game, and both have played central roles in the club's return to prominence. Pardew, who spent the first two months of the summer hoping no club would activate the £7.5million release clause in striker Demba Ba's contract (now expired), knows all players have their price following Andy Carroll's thirty five million knicker departure for Liverpool just weeks into his reign. However, he is desperate to strengthen, rather than weaken, his current crop and to that end, still has hopes of adding further recruits of his own. Pardew has so far drafted in midfielders Dutch Vurnon Anita, Gael Bigirimana, Romain Amalfitano and Australian teenage defender Curtis Good, and is keen to boost his options in both defence and attack. His interest in Lille full-back Mathieu Debuchy and Twente's Brazilian central defender Douglas has been well-documented, while Carroll's proposed return from Anfield, either on loan or at a knock-down price, remains a big talking point in the press at least despite the Reds' disdain. But with all three deals having proved difficult to execute, the club has alternatives, although all activity will be governed by the insistence of owner Mike Ashley and managing director Derek Llambias that they will only do business on their own terms, a policy which has occasionally frustrated fans but which, in the long term,s seems to be paying dividends.

German referee Dr Felix Brych embarrassed himself in a Bundesliga match between Hannover and Schalke on Sunday by drenching himself with his own bottle of water. Bet he felt like a right drip. He may well be a doctor in law and refereed some of football's top games in the Champions League, but Brych was left wet-faced after a battle with a water bottle. Mid-way through the second-half, the thirty seven-year-old saw the opportunity to take a quick swig when a Hannover defender was being treated for an injury. But despite all those years of studying, he struggled to undo the admittedly odd sachet of water. After asking for help from goalkeeper Ron-Robert Zieler, Brych could only succeeded in bursting the liquid all over his mush. Brych was officiating Hannover's match against Schalke on Sunday, which ended 2-2 thanks to a last minute equaliser from Adrian Nikci.

A team in Romania was thrashed 31-0 (that's THIRTY ONE - nil) against lower league opposition. The cup match saw second division side CS Buftea face third division side ACS Berceni, but at half-time, ACS Berceni were already leading twelve goals ahead. Berceni scored another nineteen goals in the second half without reply. CS Buftea had fielded a team of mostly teenagers, and fell to reportedly the heaviest defeat in Romanian football. Stephen Stana, president of the winning side ACS Berceni, told local media: 'I'm ashamed to tell you the score. But it's not our fault that [CS Buftea] disregarded the competition.' CS Buftea won promotion to the second division last season.