ASDA was absolutely rammed on Monday morning, dear blog reader. Almost entirely with chaps with large bellies and tattoos wearing no tops and shorts which left little to the imagination and all of whom seemed to have their trolleys full with cans of Red Stripe. Anybody would think the weather had turned nice and the World Cup starts this week. Oh, hang on ...
Here's the great John Oliver on that very subject. The lad's certainly got a point with regard to the 'comically grotesque' FIFA, of course. Case in point, FIFA's president, the odious appeaser of corruption Sepp Blather has claimed that allegations surrounding the Qatar 2022 World Cup bid are 'motivated by racism.' Qatar was chosen as host in December 2010 but corruption claims have prompted FIFA to begin an inquiry. 'There is a sort of storm against FIFA relating to the Qatar World Cup,' the odious Blather said. 'Sadly there's a great deal of discrimination and racism.' FIFA will rule on the validity of the bidding for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups in September or October. At that point, the president of football's world governing body said, the 'matter will be closed.' Speaking to African football officials in Sao Paulo, Blather confirmed that the latest allegations 'would be discussed' at the FIFA Congress on Tuesday and Wednesday. He said FIFA 'needed to combat anything that smacks of discrimination and racism', adding: 'It really makes me sad.' 
At its general assembly in Sao Paulo, the Confederation of African Football condemned 'the repeated, deliberately hateful, defamatory and degrading attacks by some media, notably British, on the image and the integrity' of CAF, its members and the 'entire African continent.' CAF added that it would urge the executive committee 'to file a lawsuit, if necessary, so that the authors of this smearing and defamatory campaign against African football leaders are brought to book.' Qatar overcame competition from Australia, Japan, South Korea and the United States to be named as 2022 hosts. But the bidding process has been hit by a series of corruption claims. American lawyer Michael Garcia is currently involved in an independent investigation into the bidding process and is due to deliver his report to FIFA in mid-July. The odious Blather told delegates from the Asian Football Conference that Garcia would also speak at FIFA's congress to update delegates on his inquiry. Garcia is said to be investigating everyone connected with the bidding process for both the 2018 World Cup, to be staged in Russia and the 2022 event. Qatar's World Cup organising committee continues to reject claims of wrongdoing and says it is confident the vote was won fairly. One or two people even believed them. Whether Garcia's report will be the whitewash that many within the game expect is another matter entirely.
Meanwhile, the odious Blather has been urged to quit next year because of the damage that continuing corruption allegations have inflicted on football's governing body. Michael van Praag, boss of the Dutch Football Association, told Blather he should not seek re-election in 2015. 'Few people still take FIFA seriously and, however you look at it, Blather is mainly responsible,' said Van Praag. Greg Dyke, chairman of the English FA, said Blather's response to corruption claims over Qatar 2022 was 'worrying. These allegations need to be properly investigated and properly answered,' said Dyke. 'Mr Blatter, many of us are deeply troubled by your reaction to these allegations.' Addressing Blather at a meeting of European football officials in Brazil, Van Praag said: 'You are not making things easy for yourself and I do not think you are the man for the job any longer. FIFA's image has deteriorated because of everything that's happened in recent years. People link FIFA to corruption and bribery and all kinds of old boy's networks.' Dyke told assembled journalists he had told Blather at Tuesday's meeting that Blather's remarks about racism were 'totally unacceptable.' He added: "'he allegations being made are nothing to do with racism. They are allegations about corruption.' Blather was also urged to step down by UEFA vice-president David Gill. He said it was 'disappointing' Blather had decided to run again. Asked whether he thought Blather should step down next year, Gill added: 'Personally, yes. I think we need to move on.'
Brazilian riot police have used tear gas against protesters in Sao Paulo, three days before the World Cup opening game in the city's main stadium. Which makes an interesting change from using it against England supporters. The BBC's Katy Watson at the scene said that about three hundred demonstrators were there and helicopters circled overhead.
Sao Paulo metro workers, who called the protest, have since suspended a strike over demands for a salary increase. Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff said that she would 'not allow' violent demonstrations to mar the World Cup. The strike, which began last Thursday, has caused widespread disruption in one of the world's most congested cities. A union spokeswoman told the BBC on Monday that they had suspended the strike for two days to allow for negotiations and that protesters would meet again on Wednesday to consider their position. If staff threatened with dismissal were not reinstated, she added, the protest would resume on the opening day of the World Cup.
Ashley Cole is to be questioned by police over claims he assaulted a TV presenter in an American nightclub. The Moscow Chelski FC footballer, who is in the United States after - amusingly - failing to be selected for the England World Cup squad, is to be interviewed by the Los Angeles Police Department in connection with the alleged battery. Cole is reported to have thrown champagne over Donatella Panayiotou, shouting: 'You know what this is for?' Panayiatou, reportedly slapped Cole during the brawl and both parties hurled abuse. The presenter, who is the daughter of nightclub millionaire Angelo Panayiotou, told police officers that she was 'pushed and shoved' during the argument, which she said resulted in her throat piercing being ripped out. The incident was witnessed by dozens of partygoers, with one saying it resembled 'a saloon bar brawl. The whole bust-up came out of nowhere,' the - anonymous - clubber told the Mirra.
'Ashley's group were spending a fortune knocking back the drinks. At one point Ashley and Donatella were at the same table and drinking happily.' Another witness added: 'Donatella was stunned by his outburst. They went at each other and had to be separated.' Panayiotou, who has appeared on the ITV series Young, Posh and Loaded, GMTV and Loose Women, declined to give details about the fight but told the Mirra: 'There was an incident and it is now in the hands of the police authorities following a formal complaint of assault against Ashley Cole.' One of the TV presenter's alleged friends allegedly said that the alleged incident 'may be connected' to 'a tryst' between Panayiotou and Sheikh Yer Man City winger Scott Sinclair, who is a friend of Cole's. Cole is expected to leave Moscow Chelski FC this summer after eight years. He had hoped to join a US club in Major League Soccer, but if charged and convicted, Cole's dream of a lucrative American career could be over. Which would, admittedly, be really funny. In the US, a simple battery conviction carries stiff penalties including up to six months in the county jail, community service and a maximum fine of two thousand bucks or probation for up to three years following a conviction.
Meanwhile, complete and total tragedy has stuck the World Cup on the eve of the tournament. Jennifer Lopez has reportedly pulled out of performing the official World Cup song at the opening ceremony. Oh, no. What are we gonna do now? Officials said that the singer could not attend Thursday's show because of unspecified 'production issues.' Lopez was due to perform alongside the rapper Pitbull (no, me neither) and the Brazilian singer Claudia Leitte, with whom she has recorded the song 'We Are One (Ole Ola)'. Pitball and Leitte will, apparently, go ahead and perform accompanied by drummers Olodum. 'For production issues, Jennifer Lopez, one of the artists of the official song 'We Are One', will not be able to perform at the World Cup opening ceremony,' said a statement from FIFA.
The twenty five-minute ceremony in Sao Paulo will feature six hundred artists, including acrobatic gymnasts, trampolinists, marshal arts-style performers and stilt walkers. Last week, Lopez said that she was 'thrilled' to have been given the chance to perform at the opening ceremony. Lopez's cancellation comes amid protests and strikes in Brazil, where some are unhappy about the amount of money being spent on the tournament. The action has been on a smaller scale to the mass protests last year, which delayed the building of stadiums and key infrastructure projects. However, a poll by the Pew Research Centre suggested that sixty one per cent of the Brazilian public now felt that hosting the World Cup had been a bad idea, as it diverted money from public services such as healthcare.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United have signed midfielder Jack Colback on a free transfer from their bitter North-East rivals, Blunderland. Colback has agreed to leave The Stadium of Shite and sign a long-term deal at St James' Park after his contract with The Mackem Scum expired. 'To come to the team I supported as a boy, my home town team, will be really special for me,' claimed Colback. Blunderland trained Colback from the age of eight and said that the move left 'a bitter taste' because they could not recoup their 'significant investment.'
Colback becomes the first player since Lionel Perez in 1998 to leave Blunderland for the Magpies, although the likes of Paul Bracewell, Lee Clark, Barry Venison, David Kelly, Bobby Moncur, Len Shackelton and Stan Anderson have previously represented both clubs with great distinction. And then there was Titus Bramble who, merely, represented both clubs. The Killingworth-born twenty fout year-old joined The Mackem Scum at the age of ten and has made over a century of first team appearances since his debut in May 2010. Previous to that Colback had spent some time on loan at Ipswich Town. In a hilariously whinging statement, The Mackems whinged that they had 'agreed to all of the terms demanded' by Colback and, at the player's and his representatives' request, put talks over his future on hold until the club's Premier League status was secured. They will receive no compensation as Colback is older than twenty four, the age at which a fee is no longer payable to a club for their work in developing young talent. 'To our dismay, however, we were subsequently never given the chance to negotiate with him to stay,' the club added. Colback, who can operate at full-back or in midfield, played thirty three times in the 2013-14 season as Blunderland avoided relegation with five wins and a draw from their final six league games and reached the final of the League Cup. In all, he made one hundred and fifteen league appearances for The Mackems. He added: 'If you asked fans around the world the one thing they'd like to do before they die, it would be to play for the team they support and I've got the chance to do that. I've only got good things to say about Sunderland. They gave me my chance and I want to thank the fans and the club for all their support.' Newcastle manager Alan Pardew, who signed Spanish striker Ayoze Perez on Friday, described Colback as 'versatile' and 'a great passer.' At least, we believe that's what he said. 'He's also a local lad and knows exactly what playing for this club means,' said Pardew.
At its general assembly in Sao Paulo, the Confederation of African Football condemned 'the repeated, deliberately hateful, defamatory and degrading attacks by some media, notably British, on the image and the integrity' of CAF, its members and the 'entire African continent.' CAF added that it would urge the executive committee 'to file a lawsuit, if necessary, so that the authors of this smearing and defamatory campaign against African football leaders are brought to book.' Qatar overcame competition from Australia, Japan, South Korea and the United States to be named as 2022 hosts. But the bidding process has been hit by a series of corruption claims. American lawyer Michael Garcia is currently involved in an independent investigation into the bidding process and is due to deliver his report to FIFA in mid-July. The odious Blather told delegates from the Asian Football Conference that Garcia would also speak at FIFA's congress to update delegates on his inquiry. Garcia is said to be investigating everyone connected with the bidding process for both the 2018 World Cup, to be staged in Russia and the 2022 event. Qatar's World Cup organising committee continues to reject claims of wrongdoing and says it is confident the vote was won fairly. One or two people even believed them. Whether Garcia's report will be the whitewash that many within the game expect is another matter entirely. Meanwhile, the odious Blather has been urged to quit next year because of the damage that continuing corruption allegations have inflicted on football's governing body. Michael van Praag, boss of the Dutch Football Association, told Blather he should not seek re-election in 2015. 'Few people still take FIFA seriously and, however you look at it, Blather is mainly responsible,' said Van Praag. Greg Dyke, chairman of the English FA, said Blather's response to corruption claims over Qatar 2022 was 'worrying. These allegations need to be properly investigated and properly answered,' said Dyke. 'Mr Blatter, many of us are deeply troubled by your reaction to these allegations.' Addressing Blather at a meeting of European football officials in Brazil, Van Praag said: 'You are not making things easy for yourself and I do not think you are the man for the job any longer. FIFA's image has deteriorated because of everything that's happened in recent years. People link FIFA to corruption and bribery and all kinds of old boy's networks.' Dyke told assembled journalists he had told Blather at Tuesday's meeting that Blather's remarks about racism were 'totally unacceptable.' He added: "'he allegations being made are nothing to do with racism. They are allegations about corruption.' Blather was also urged to step down by UEFA vice-president David Gill. He said it was 'disappointing' Blather had decided to run again. Asked whether he thought Blather should step down next year, Gill added: 'Personally, yes. I think we need to move on.'
Brazilian riot police have used tear gas against protesters in Sao Paulo, three days before the World Cup opening game in the city's main stadium. Which makes an interesting change from using it against England supporters. The BBC's Katy Watson at the scene said that about three hundred demonstrators were there and helicopters circled overhead.
Sao Paulo metro workers, who called the protest, have since suspended a strike over demands for a salary increase. Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff said that she would 'not allow' violent demonstrations to mar the World Cup. The strike, which began last Thursday, has caused widespread disruption in one of the world's most congested cities. A union spokeswoman told the BBC on Monday that they had suspended the strike for two days to allow for negotiations and that protesters would meet again on Wednesday to consider their position. If staff threatened with dismissal were not reinstated, she added, the protest would resume on the opening day of the World Cup. Ashley Cole is to be questioned by police over claims he assaulted a TV presenter in an American nightclub. The Moscow Chelski FC footballer, who is in the United States after - amusingly - failing to be selected for the England World Cup squad, is to be interviewed by the Los Angeles Police Department in connection with the alleged battery. Cole is reported to have thrown champagne over Donatella Panayiotou, shouting: 'You know what this is for?' Panayiatou, reportedly slapped Cole during the brawl and both parties hurled abuse. The presenter, who is the daughter of nightclub millionaire Angelo Panayiotou, told police officers that she was 'pushed and shoved' during the argument, which she said resulted in her throat piercing being ripped out. The incident was witnessed by dozens of partygoers, with one saying it resembled 'a saloon bar brawl. The whole bust-up came out of nowhere,' the - anonymous - clubber told the Mirra.
'Ashley's group were spending a fortune knocking back the drinks. At one point Ashley and Donatella were at the same table and drinking happily.' Another witness added: 'Donatella was stunned by his outburst. They went at each other and had to be separated.' Panayiotou, who has appeared on the ITV series Young, Posh and Loaded, GMTV and Loose Women, declined to give details about the fight but told the Mirra: 'There was an incident and it is now in the hands of the police authorities following a formal complaint of assault against Ashley Cole.' One of the TV presenter's alleged friends allegedly said that the alleged incident 'may be connected' to 'a tryst' between Panayiotou and Sheikh Yer Man City winger Scott Sinclair, who is a friend of Cole's. Cole is expected to leave Moscow Chelski FC this summer after eight years. He had hoped to join a US club in Major League Soccer, but if charged and convicted, Cole's dream of a lucrative American career could be over. Which would, admittedly, be really funny. In the US, a simple battery conviction carries stiff penalties including up to six months in the county jail, community service and a maximum fine of two thousand bucks or probation for up to three years following a conviction. Meanwhile, complete and total tragedy has stuck the World Cup on the eve of the tournament. Jennifer Lopez has reportedly pulled out of performing the official World Cup song at the opening ceremony. Oh, no. What are we gonna do now? Officials said that the singer could not attend Thursday's show because of unspecified 'production issues.' Lopez was due to perform alongside the rapper Pitbull (no, me neither) and the Brazilian singer Claudia Leitte, with whom she has recorded the song 'We Are One (Ole Ola)'. Pitball and Leitte will, apparently, go ahead and perform accompanied by drummers Olodum. 'For production issues, Jennifer Lopez, one of the artists of the official song 'We Are One', will not be able to perform at the World Cup opening ceremony,' said a statement from FIFA.
The twenty five-minute ceremony in Sao Paulo will feature six hundred artists, including acrobatic gymnasts, trampolinists, marshal arts-style performers and stilt walkers. Last week, Lopez said that she was 'thrilled' to have been given the chance to perform at the opening ceremony. Lopez's cancellation comes amid protests and strikes in Brazil, where some are unhappy about the amount of money being spent on the tournament. The action has been on a smaller scale to the mass protests last year, which delayed the building of stadiums and key infrastructure projects. However, a poll by the Pew Research Centre suggested that sixty one per cent of the Brazilian public now felt that hosting the World Cup had been a bad idea, as it diverted money from public services such as healthcare. Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United have signed midfielder Jack Colback on a free transfer from their bitter North-East rivals, Blunderland. Colback has agreed to leave The Stadium of Shite and sign a long-term deal at St James' Park after his contract with The Mackem Scum expired. 'To come to the team I supported as a boy, my home town team, will be really special for me,' claimed Colback. Blunderland trained Colback from the age of eight and said that the move left 'a bitter taste' because they could not recoup their 'significant investment.'
Colback becomes the first player since Lionel Perez in 1998 to leave Blunderland for the Magpies, although the likes of Paul Bracewell, Lee Clark, Barry Venison, David Kelly, Bobby Moncur, Len Shackelton and Stan Anderson have previously represented both clubs with great distinction. And then there was Titus Bramble who, merely, represented both clubs. The Killingworth-born twenty fout year-old joined The Mackem Scum at the age of ten and has made over a century of first team appearances since his debut in May 2010. Previous to that Colback had spent some time on loan at Ipswich Town. In a hilariously whinging statement, The Mackems whinged that they had 'agreed to all of the terms demanded' by Colback and, at the player's and his representatives' request, put talks over his future on hold until the club's Premier League status was secured. They will receive no compensation as Colback is older than twenty four, the age at which a fee is no longer payable to a club for their work in developing young talent. 'To our dismay, however, we were subsequently never given the chance to negotiate with him to stay,' the club added. Colback, who can operate at full-back or in midfield, played thirty three times in the 2013-14 season as Blunderland avoided relegation with five wins and a draw from their final six league games and reached the final of the League Cup. In all, he made one hundred and fifteen league appearances for The Mackems. He added: 'If you asked fans around the world the one thing they'd like to do before they die, it would be to play for the team they support and I've got the chance to do that. I've only got good things to say about Sunderland. They gave me my chance and I want to thank the fans and the club for all their support.' Newcastle manager Alan Pardew, who signed Spanish striker Ayoze Perez on Friday, described Colback as 'versatile' and 'a great passer.' At least, we believe that's what he said. 'He's also a local lad and knows exactly what playing for this club means,' said Pardew. 
