Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws endured a familiar frustrating afternoon in front of goal as they were held to a one-all draw at yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle. Herr Klopp saw his side dominate possession and create several chances but, once again, they failed to capitalise as former Reds boss Rafa The Gaffer Benitez guided the hosts to a battling draw at a rocking St James' Park. Philippe Coutinho gave The Yee-Haws the lead with a fine twenty five-yard curler but poor defending allowed Joselu to equalise before the break after a pinpoint through-ball by Jonjo Shelvey. Liverpool were dominant for the majority of the second half but could not find a way through as Benitez continued his record of never losing against Liverpool during his managerial career. Herr Klopp's side have now won but one of their last seven games in all competitions and are seventh in the Premier League. The Magpies, who defended stoutly and looked dangerous on the counter-attack, were well worth their point and remain in ninth place with ten points from their seven games. In Sunday's two earlier Premier League matches, Jeff Hendrick finished off a magnificent Burnley team move to beat Everton Soft-Centred Toffees at Goodison Park as The Clarets' impressive start to the season continued and The Arse beat Brighton & Hove Albinos two-nil. Nacho Monreal put The Gunners ahead at The Emirates when he shot through a crowded penalty area and, later, a slick passing counter-attack was emphatically finished by Alex Iwobi.
The Scum loaded more misery on Crystal Palace Nil as Juan Mata's early opener, followed by a Marouane Fellaini double and a Romelu Lukaku strike, downed the hapless visitors on Saturday. The Eagles, who are still yet to register a point or score this season, saw their game-plan go out of the window almost immediately as Mata prodded home after just three minutes in United's first attack of the game. Fellaini followed up in the thirty fifth minute to double The Scum's lead as he latched onto Ashley Young's cross at the back post. The Belgian then doubled his tally after half-time when he met Marcus Rashford's delivery to head past Wayne Hennessey. With four minutes remaining, the in-form Lukaku grabbed his now expected strike - his eleventh in ten appearances for The Scum. Roy Hodgson's Palace remain goalless - as Alison Rudd pointed out on Sky's Soccer Supplement, they are the only club in a top division in Europe who are yet to score this season - and, indeed, pointless. Hodgson himself subsequently described his side as 'like a boxer fighting in a class he's not able to handle.' Bournemouth and Leicester's troubled starts to the season continued as the pair played out a tame goalless draw at The Vitality Stadium. Eddie Howe's Cherries had the majority of chances but were unable to deliver a crucial blow to the misfiring Foxes. Peter Crouch's late winner helped Dirty Stoke snatch victory after Maya Yoshida's spectacular scissor-kick appeared to have earned Southampton a share of the spoils. Mame Biram Diouf had handed The Potters the advantage five minutes before the break but Saido Berahino (who, like Crystal Palace Nil hasn't scored in ages) squandered a golden chance to give Dirty Stoke a two goal lead as his penalty was saved by Fraser Forster. It looked as if that miss could have cost Mark Hughes' side as Yoshida equalised with a delightful finish in the box. But Big Crouchy was to have the final say as he turned the ball past Forster to seal the win. Richarlison scored a dramatic late equaliser to earn Watford a deserved share of the spoils as they came from two goals down at West Bromwich Albinos. The Baggies took the lead courtesy of Salomon Rondon, before Jonny Evans doubled the advantage three minutes later. Abdoulaye Doucoure reduced the deficit before the break but it looked as if Watford's efforts would go unrewarded until Richarlison levelled five minutes into injury time. Diafra Sakho's late strike handed Slaven Bilic and West Hamsters United a vital three points in their clash with Swansea City. In a game of few chances - and limited quality - the Senegal striker redeemed himself, after trying to force an exit in the summer transfer window, by netting his first league goal of the campaign in the fourth minute of injury time. Harry Kane said that he has probably had his 'best month' after taking his September goal tally for Stottingtot Hotshots to thirteen with two in a four-nil victory at Huddersfield. The twenty four-year-old bettered his own record for goals scored in a calendar month as The Terriers became the fifth club side to suffer at the hands of the England marksman this month. Kevin de Bruyne scored an excellent winner as Sheikh Yer Man City beat Moscow Chelski FC to go back to the top of the league. City - without injured striker Sergio Aguero, who broke a rib in a car crash in Amsterdam on Thursday - were the better side against the champions. To make matters worse for Moscow Chelski, top scorer Alvaro Morata limped off with an injury in the first half.
Wolverhampton Wanderings stormed into an automatic Championship promotion place after a resounding four-nil victory at struggling Burton Albinos.
Nuno's side raced out of the blocks with two goals in the opening eleven minutes from Jota and Romain Saiss. Ruben Vinagre added a third just before the break and Leo Bonatini put the game beyond any doubt after sixty two minutes. Burton have failed to score in five of their last six Championship games but second-placed Wolves are now just a point behind leaders Cardiff. The Bluebirds were held to a goalless draw by Derby at the Cardiff Stadium, but extended their unbeaten run in the league to four games. Sheffield United failed to take advantage. The Blades weren't sharp enough as they fell to a two-one defeat at Nottingham Forest and slipped to third place. Birmingham City's new boss Steve Cotterill watched on as The Blues fell to a comprehensive six-one pants-down spanking at Hull. The Blues appointed Cotterill as Hapless Harry Redknapp's successor on Friday, but Lee Carsley was left to take the team at the KCOM Stadium. Under-pressure Blunderland boss Simon Grayson - having controversially appeared to criticise The Mackems' support earlier in the week - picked up a valuable two-two draw against his former club Preston Both Ends at Deepdale. George Honeyman broke the deadlock for The Black Cats in the twenty eighth minute, but Josh Harrop levelled with a free-kick ten minutes after half-time. The hosts took the lead two minutes later courtesy of a Jordan Hugill strike before Aiden McGeady hit back for The Mackem Filth, who have still won only once in the league all season and remain rooted in the relegation zone. Notlob are rock bottom, one place below Blunderland, and without a victory this term after a defeat at Aston Villains. Jonathan Kodjia picked himself up after being fouled by Mark Beevers to convert a penalty after thirty nine minutes before Neil Taylor was sent off for the hosts. Martin Braithwaite scored his first goal for The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters in the two-two draw against Brentford at The Riverside Stadium. Elsewhere, Barnsley and Bristol City both picked up three-one away wins at Millwall and Ipswich respectively. Goals from Josh Brownhill and Famara Diedhiou put Bristol City two-nil up before Martyn Waghorn pulled a goal back for Ipswich. But Bobby Reid made sure of the three points. Norwich City extended their unbeaten run to seven games as they inflicted a fourth loss in six matches on Reading in Saturday evening's game. James Maddison's curling free-kick put Norwich ahead but the hosts levelled promptly through Liam Moore's header. Cameron Jerome then side-footed against the post for the Canaries, before heading them in front after half-time, unmarked at the far post from a corner. Fulham won two-one at Queens Park Strangers on Friday night.
Shrewsbury continued their strong march at the top of the League One table to maintain a four-point lead thanks to a two-nil victory over Scunthorpe. Stefan Payne's first-half header put the leaders ahead before Carlton Morris sealed maximum points with three minutes left as their opponents dropped to seventh. Second-placed Wigan Not Very Athletic recorded a win by the same score thanks to a brace from Will Grigg. The Northern Ireland international smashed home his first from close range on the half-hour mark and he made no mistake from the spot when awarded a penalty after he was felled by James Wilson ten minutes after the break. Charlie Wyke and Nat Knight-Percival were on target as Bradford claimed a two-nil win against local rivals Doncaster to move up to third. Peterborough dropped to fourth as Oxford fought back for a four-one victory after Jack Marriott had given the London Road side the lead. Josh Ruffels equalised three minutes after the break, before Jack Payne set up both Wes Thomas and Joe Rothwell, while Agon Mehmeti added a fourth eight minutes from time. Dominic Samuel's fifth goal of the season was enough for Blackburn Vindaloos as they defeated Gillingham at Ewood Park and edged into the top six, while Tarique Fosu-Henry's hat-trick saw Charlton win three-one at Fleetwood, who equalised through Bobby Grand midway through the first half. Eoin Doyle came back to haunt his former club with a goal in each half as Oldham claimed their second consecutive win and moved out of the bottom four with a two-one victory at Portsmouth, who scored a late consolation through Brett Pitman. MK Dons stretched their unbeaten run to four matches after claiming a two-nil win at Bury thanks to Osman Sow's early opener and Ethan Ebanks-Landell's header. Southend moved up a couple of places to twelfth following a two-one win at home to Blackpool thanks to goals from Anthony Wordsworth and Simon Cox. Kyle Vassell replied for the visitors. Bottom side Plymouth Argyle suffered more misery as they lost two-one at Bristol Rovers and lost Gary Miller to a straight red card for serious foul play. Elsewhere, Kieffer Moore's fifty second-minute effort was enough as Rotherham edged Northampton and the game between AFC Wimbledon and Rochdale finished goalless.
League Two leaders Notts County saw their six-game winning streak come to an abrupt halt with a three-one defeat at local rivals Mansfield. Danny Rose made it four goals in as many games for The Rampant Stags with a second-half brace before a Richard Duffy own goal sealed the points - all three goals inside sixteen pulsating minutes. Carl Dickinson grabbed a consolation for Kevin Nolan's County two minutes into added time with a twenty five-yard free-kick but the win extended Mansfield's unbeaten run against The Other Magpies to ten league matches. Jayden Stockley scored a brace as Exeter returned to winning ways with a four-one win over Morecambe - a result that left them level with County on twenty five points. Troy Brown and Dean Moxey were also on target for Exeter, with Vadaine Oliver hitting a consolation for The Shrimps. Seamus Conneely hit the only goal as third-placed Accrington Stanley beat Forest Green, a result which leaves the hosts rooted to the foot of the table. Duckens Nazon's early strike saw Coventry overcome Crewe and a pair of Danny Hylton goals helped Luton to a three-one win over Newport. Stevenage made it three wins in a row with a two-nil victory over Port Vale thanks to goals from Tom Anderson and Anthony de Freitas. Wycombe Wanderers also made it three successive victories as goals from Adebayo Akinfenwa, Josh Umerah and Nick Freeman gave them a three-one win over Barnet. Swindon picked up just a second home win of the season, with goals from on-loan pair Keshi Anderson and Harry Smith seeing off Cambridge. Grimsby and Lincoln played out a goalless draw and Jack Lester's reign as Chesterfield manager started on a losing note with a pair of goals from Mohamed Eisa giving Cheltenham a two-nil victory. Elsewhere, Hallam Hope's strike gave Carlisle a win at Crawley and Colchester beat Yeovil one-nil thanks to Sean Murray's effort.
The Premier League's six richest clubs are reported - by the Gruniad Morning Star if not anything more reliable - 'facing stubborn resistance' against their efforts to seek a greater share of income from the next multi-billion knicker round of TV deals. In a plan allegedly 'believed by the fourteen others' to be supported by The Scum, Sheikh Yer Man City, Moscow Chelski FC, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Arse and Stottingtot Hotshots, the Premier League is proposing to end the system by which money from international TV rights sales is shared equally by all twenty clubs. Richard Scudamore, the Premier League's chairman, is 'understood,' the Gruniad claim, to have presented a proposal to a meeting of the other fourteen clubs held at Tthe Pullman Hotel in London on Wednesday, for thirty five per cent of the next international TV money to be distributed according to 'merit' – in other words, where clubs finish in the league. That would be a major change to the arrangement which has operated by agreement since the original 1992 breakaway of the then First Division clubs to form the Premier League, which was itself motivated by the bigger clubs no longer wanting to share TV money with the Football League's other three divisions. Income from international TV rights twenty five years ago was negligible, so the clubs agreed to share that money equally, while only a third of British TV income is divided equally, the other two-thirds shared according to where clubs finish in the league and how many times they are shown on television. Now, though, the Premier League's popularity has made it prime content for burgeoning pay-TV operations around the world, delivering approximately three billion smackers to the twenty clubs in the 2016 to 2019 round of deals. That bonanza added to the five billion quid from the competition between Sky and BT for British subscribers, plus other highlights deals, makes a total of £8.4bn in the current three-year cycle. The distribution of TV money last season showed that the champions, Moscow Chelski FC, received one hundred and fifty one million smackers in total while bottom-placed Blunderland were paid ninety three million notes, but the booming international income was shared equally, the twenty receiving thirty nine million knicker apiece. The so-called 'Big Six' clubs argue that as the global revenue rises, as it is expected to again when the 2019 to 2022 deals start to be negotiated later this year, they should receive a larger share because they are the ones which international viewers tune in to watch. The other fourteen clubs - including this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies have been resisting these moves, in an effort to hold on to their equal share of the money and arguing that the Big Six are, in fact, a bunch of greedy fuckers who should be given a good, hard slap in the mush. They are arguing that the sharing arrangement helps them to sign high-quality players - or, not sign quality players in the case of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies - and keep the league, as Scudamore describes it, 'competitive and compelling' and therefore attractive on TV. Three of the smaller clubs are said to have been 'inclined' at the meeting to agree the new thirty five per cent merit payment arrangement, but the agreement of all fourteen is needed to effect such a substantial change, and eleven 'remain firmly opposed.'
A fan who hit a Premier League player during a game has been banned from watching football for three years. Jordan Woods, from Blackburn, admitted assaulting Burnley's Ashley Westwood during the club's EFL Cup game against Blackburn Vindaloos in August. Woods also received a four-month jail sentence, suspended for two years, at Blackburn Magistrates Court on 14 September. Woods was one of two fans who ran onto the pitch after Jack Cork's opening goal for Burnley in the second round tie on 23 August. He grappled with Ashley Westwood before tangling with a steward as he was led away. Woods admitted two counts of 'assault by beating' and also encroaching onto the pitch at Ewood Park. After the match Burnley's manager Sean Dyche criticised the time it took stewards to remove the Blackburn supporter. 'Our players had to eventually defend themselves and that can't be right anywhere in football,' he said. Four other fans received bans arising out of disturbances during the match. The football banning orders exclude the men from 'all UK football matches' as well as prohibiting them from being within a five-mile radius of the centre spot of specific football stadia in Birmingham, London and Manchester on match days. Although quite why a bunch of Blackburn fans would be in Birmingham, London or Manchester - as opposed to any other towns or cities in the country - is a question perhaps best left for another day.
More than thirty people have now been arrested in connection with violence before a pre-season football match between Blunderland and Glasgow Celtic. Police were called in after trouble flared at a book signing in Blunderland by the English Defence League founder Tommy Robinson on 29 July. Initially twenty four people were arrested, but Northumbria Police have said this week that figure had now risen to thirty one. An eighteen-year-old man suffered a head injury during the disturbance. A force spokesman added that further arrests were likely. At the time officers said the majority of arrests were unrelated to Robinson's book signing and included people being drunk and disorderly, committing a breach of the peace and using illegal pyrotechnics. Robinson was wearing a Glasgow Rangers shirt - the arch rivals of Celtic. Footage posted on social media showed a flare and other objects being thrown towards a shop where the signing was taking place before fighting broke out on the street with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. The spokesman added: 'Most of the fans who came along were, as we expected they would be, good-natured. It was very disappointing to see a small handful tarnish the city with their disruptive and violent behaviour. Since the disorder we have been working relentlessly to identify those involved which has resulted in further arrests.'
