With just a couple of weeks left in the 2017-18 footerball season, dear blog reader, things are becoming ever clearer with regard to the various races for trophies, promotions, play-offs and relegations in all five divisions of the English Footerball League and all that. In the Premier League, of course, Sheikh Yer Man City were already crowned Champions a couple of weeks ago and now the only question is will they break Moscow Chelski FC's existing records for the most points, wins and goals in a Premier League season. One would not back against Pep Guadiola's boys, frankly. The Scum, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Stottingtot Hotshots are all-but confirmed for Champions League qualification although Moscow Chelski FC still have a vague chance of a top four finish, though they are five points behind Spurs with four games remaining. Below them, The Arse and Burnley will qualify for the Europa League finishing in sixth and seventh respectively. At the bottom, West Bromwich Albinos could have been relegated on Saturday but their victory at Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies (who, after a good recent run have suddenly started playing like a bunch of girls again) means that they still have a slim chance of avoiding the drop. As do both Dirty Stoke (who gained a vital point at Anfield to take them to thirty points) and Southampton (whose win at home to Bournemouth took them to thirty two). Southampton are now just a point behind Swansea, albeit The Swans have a game in hand over The Saints. Don't count out Huddersfield, beaten at home by Everton on Saturday, also getting sucked into the relegation melee. Although they have thirty five points, their three remaining games are against Sheikh Yer Man City, Moscow Chelski FC and The Arse and results elsewhere could yet drag The Terriers down among the dead men. West Hamsters United are also on thirty five points but should be safe with four games remaining. As is the case with the Premiership, the Championship title was already wrapped up with Wolverhampton Wanderings claiming the honours, so the race for promotion remains the main focus. Cardiff (eighty nine points) and Fulham (eighty eight) are fighting for the second automatic promotion place. Cardiff host Reading on the last day of the Championship season next Sunday whilst Fulham visit Birmingham with both opponents still in danger of being relegated. Aston Villains and The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters will join either Cardiff or Fulham in the play-offs along with Derby County although Preston Both Ends and Millwall both still have slight chances of snatching the final play-off place if Derby slip up. The Rams could have confirmed their place in the play-offs with victory over Aston Villains but a late Lewis Grabban equaliser meant that Derby still need a point from their final game at home to Barnsley. At the bottom, Blunderland were relegated last week but the other two relegation places could go to any one of five clubs - Reading and Birmingham (both with forty three points), Barnsley and Burton Albinos (both forty one) and Notlob (forty). Blackburn Vindaloo's defeat at Charlton and Wigan Not Very Athletic's home draw with AFC Wimbledon meant that the League One title is still to be decided and will go to the final day of the season. Wigan are away to Doncaster next Saturday whilst Blackburn entertain Oxford. Given their vastly superior goal difference, a point would be enough to take the title to Wigan. Shrewsbury and Rotherham are confirmed for the play-offs, Charlton (seventy one points) and Scunthorpe (seventy) should join them although Plymouth Argyle (sixty eight) still have a chance to grab the final place; both they are Scunthorpe have two games remaining - one of which is against each other on Tuesday at Glanford Park - whilst Charlton visit Rochdale on the final day. With Bury and MK Dons already relegated, Northampton's defeat at Walsall meant that The Cobblers are also - barring a mathematical miracle - going down. The final relegation place is between Rochdale (forty eight points), Oldham Not Very Athletic (forty nine) and Wimbledon and Walsall (fifty one) although both of the latter have two games remaining whilst Rochdale and Oldham have only one (the former at home to Charlton whilst the latter visit Northampton). The League Two title was decided this weekend in one of the genuine stories of the season, via Accrington Stanley's victory over Lincoln. The promotion places are already decided too, with Luton and Wycombe Wanderings joining Stanley in League One. The play-offs will be contested between Exeter, Notts County, Coventry City and either Lincoln (who only need another point) or Mansfield, who must beat Crawley Town next week and hope that Lincoln lose to Yeovil. At the bottom, Chesterfield were already relegated from the League for the first time since 1922. Barnet (forty three points) are favourites to join them in the National League, although victory in their final game against Chesterfield and a defeat for Morecambe (on forty five points) at Coventry would change all that. Macclesfield were confirmed as the run-away National League champions some time ago, meaning they return to League football for the first time since they were relegated from League Two in 2012. Tranmere Rovers, Sutton United, Boreham Wood, Aldershot, Ebbsfleet and AFC Fylde all make the - fiendishly complicated - National League play-offs to decided the second side to go up to League Two. Dover missed out despite winning at Woking. Guiseley, Chester, Torquay and Woking are all relegated to the National Leagues North and South which form the sixth level of the EFL pyramid.
Fulham owner Shahid Khan has made an offer, thought to be worth a total of eight hundred million knicker, to buy Wembley Stadium from the Football Association. It is understood that Khan's bid includes five hundred million quid for the stadium and three hundred million for the FA to keep the Club Wembley debenture and hospitality business. The FA board discussed the approach at a meeting on Thursday. 'We would strive to be the best possible steward for a venue that is iconic,' said Khan. The owner of NFL side Jacksonville Jaguars added: 'Wembley would return to private ownership and The Football Association would be able to focus on its core mission of developing players. I trust many if not most of you are also supporters of the England national teams, so I hope you welcome the potential of this becoming a reality.' Fulham coach Slavisa Jokanovic said at a news conference on Thursday that Khan told him 'about his plan a year-and-a-half ago. He's very ambitious.' BBC Sport suggests that selling Wembley would allow the FA to make a major investment into football at grassroots level. The ninety thousand-seat stadium, which is the largest in the United Kingdom, cost seven hundred and fifty seven million smackers to build and opened in 2007. The FA said in January it would finish paying for the ground by the end of 2024. Stottingtot Hotshots have played their home Premier League games at Wembley this season whilst work on their new stadium takes place. Spurs also have a deal with the NFL to stage a minimum of two games a season over ten years once their new stadium is complete. Sottingtot Hotshots' chairman, Daniel Levy, said that the link-up with the NFL was 'a compelling and exciting partnership.' NFL executive vice-president Mark Waller said having stadium options in London has been 'critical to the NFL.' His statement added: 'The potential purchase of Wembley Stadium is a further powerful sign of their commitment to the UK and their vision to help us grow the sport. This new relationship would allow for even greater flexibility in scheduling future NFL games in London.'
Zlatan Ibrahimovic will not be coming out of retirement to play for Sweden at the 2018 World Cup in Russia. The LA Galaxy and former The Scum striker said recently that he would attend the tournament but would not say in what capacity. Swedish FA chief Lars Richt said: 'I talked to Zlatan on Tuesday. He announced he did not change his mind about the national team - it is no.' Ibrahimovic retired from international football after Euro 2016. The Swede, who also played for Ajax, Barcelona, Juventus and Inter Milan, scored sixty two goals in one hundred and sixteen games for his country and appeared at World Cups in 2002 and 2006. And, despite a knee injury plaguing his final season at The Scum, he showed he still had form by netting a brilliant strike in his LA Galaxy debut last month after joining the Major League Soccer side in March. Sweden qualified for Russia 2018 without him, beating Italy in a play-off to secure their qualification. It will be the team's first World Cup since 2006 after missing out on the 2010 and 2014 tournaments.
Blunderland manager Chris Coleman says that he 'doesn't know' where want-away midfielder Jack Rodwell is, mentally. The already-relegated Mackem Filth travelled to promotion-chasing Fulham in the Championship on Friday - and lost, two-one - but long-term absentee Rodwell did not feature. 'I don't even know where Jack is, to be honest with you. So no, he won't be involved [at Fulham],' Coleman said. Afterwards, Coleman clarified that he was referring to Rodwell's mental state rather than his actual whereabouts. The former Everton and Sheikh Yer Man City midfielder reportedly earning seventy grand-a-week at the Stadium of Plight, is currently training with Blunderland's Under-Twenty Three squad. Rodwell has not made a senior appearance for Blunderland since September and has asked to leave the club he joined for ten million knicker from Sheikh Yer Man City in August 2014. Sunderland offered to tear up his contract earlier this season, but Rodwell decided to stay and collect his, massive, weekly wage packet. His current deal, set to expire in the summer of 2019, does not include Blunderland's usual forty per cent wage reduction clause following relegation. In a newspaper interview in January, Rodwell insisted that he was 'fit and available' for selection and said it would be 'unfair' to ask him to walk away from a lucrative contract. Coleman believes that he does not want to play for Blunderland again. The former Wales boss added: 'I'm quite sure we've gone down the legal route of that situation and we're stuck with a player that doesn't want to play for Sunderland Football Club and wants to leave. But then where's he going to leave and go to? There's the conundrum.' Rodwell has made only fifty three starts for the Black Cats, with only three league appearances coming this season.
Fußball-Club Bayern München have been charged by UEFA after fans ran onto the pitch at the end of their Champions League semi-final first-leg defeat by Real Madrid. The German champions, who were beaten two-one, have also been charged over an offensive banner which was displayed at the Allianz Arena. One supporter grabbed the shirt of Bayern forward Franck Ribery, whilst another took a selfie with some of the Real Madrid players after the final whistle. This case will be dealt with on 31 May.
Germany and Turkey have both confirmed their bids to host the 2024 European Championship finals. The German Football Association submitted its application on Tuesday, with the Turkish Football Federation following suit on Thursday. UEFA will announce the host nation on 27 September. Euro 2024 will return to a single-host format, after Euro 2020 is held in twelve cities across Europe. Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland had considered a joint bid but did not proceed - the deadline for applications was 27 April. The DFB withdrew its application to host the semi-finals and final of Euro 2020 to focus on this bid, ensuring the English Football Association unanimously won the vote, with Wembley hosting all three matches. 'I am certain that we will once again feel great enthusiasm and create a new spirit of solidarity at Euro 2024,' said former Germany defender Philipp Lahm, who is a DFB bid ambassador. West Germany hosted the 1974 World Cup and 1988 European Championship, while the 2006 World Cup was held in Germany. The Germans first announced their intention to bid for Euro 2024 in 2013 before officially declaring 'an interest' last year. 'We are building bridges between people of different nations, and are making an important contribution to bringing alive both the values of football and those of a modern civil society,' added DFB president Reinhard Grindel. Turkey has never hosted a major tournament, after unsuccessful bids to jointly host Euro 2008 with Greece and the 2012 and 2016 finals on its own. 'It's now our time and we are ready to share together with the whole of Europe,' said TFF president Yildirim Demiroren. 'All guarantees are given without any reservations, including some additional and innovative guarantees that will ensure the financial success of the tournament - thereby benefiting all UEFA member associations.' Euro 2024 is expected to use the twenty four-team format introduced for Euro 2016, which was won by Portugal.
The Daily Scum Express has grovelling apologised after it published 'an ill-informed and wrong' article suggesting that Liverpool fans 'shared responsibility' for violence before their Champions League semi-final match. The article, which was described as 'an appalling slur' by the mayor of Liverpool, Joe Anderson, was published on the paper's website after Sean Cox, a Liverpool supporter, was left seriously injured after an alleged - and, seemingly unprovoked - attack by Roma fans before the game at Anfield on Tuesday evening. Cox is currently in an induced coma in hospital. Filippo Lombardi has been charged with violent disorder and causing grievous bodily harm and Daniele Sciusco was charged with violent disorder. Both men are from Rome. In the article, which has since been deleted, the journalist Colin Mafham wrote that trouble 'seemed to follow' Liverpool fans like 'bees round a honey pot.' Mafham said he feared that after the stadium disasters at Heysel and Hillsborough, the latest generation of the club's supporters 'could well add another chapter to England's footballing book of condolences.' A statement on the Scum Express website said: 'This article was ill-informed and wrong. It did not, in any way, reflect the views of the Express.' One or two people even believed them. 'It should never have been written and was very quickly removed. We unconditionally apologise, both for the article itself and any offence, understandably, caused. The journalist who wrote the piece was immediately suspended. Express.co.uk is conducting an inquiry into how the article came to be published on our website.' In the comment piece with the headline Liverpool must take serious action after Roma violence or risk further trouble, Mafham wrote: 'You would have thought the deaths of thirty nine Italians at the European Cup final Liverpool lost to Juventus in 1985, plus the five-year ban on English clubs that consequently came after that, would have had a sobering effect. You would have thought the horrors at Hillsborough and ninety six more deaths that followed only four years later would have made everyone more aware of their responsibilities to each other. Those two tragedies, in which the central figures were sadly mostly from Liverpool, are arguably football's most painful Achilles and hopefully will never happen again. So why do I fear that the latest generation of that club’s supporters could well add another chapter to England's footballing book of condolences?' He added: 'When you have a team capable of playing the joyous football Liverpool have for most of this season, how on earth are their fans always seemingly involved in such horrific altercations on big European nights. Why does trouble seem to follow them like bees round a honey pot?' Writing on Twitter on Thursday night, Anderson asked why the paper thought it 'acceptable' to publish the article, two years to the day of the Hillsborough verdict. He called on the Scum Express editor, Gary Jones, to 'face the city and apologise.' Anderson later tweeted that he had received 'a really passionate, sincere [and] heartfelt apology' from Jones and that 'the journalist concerned has rightly been suspended and an investigation is being held.'
The Professional Footballers' Association says that no complaint was made by Harry Kane or his family about a joke told by its chairman Ben Purkiss at the union's awards ceremony last Sunday. It was widely reported -albeit, not by anyone that you'd trust as far as you can spit - that Kane and his 'camp' were 'unhappy' with Purkiss' remark that the England striker was 'so prolific that he is able to score without touching the ball.' This was a reference to the goal Kane claimed against Dirty Stoke earlier this month, with Stottingtot Hotshots launching a successful appeal to have the goal credited to him after Kane claimed to have got the slightest touch to a Christian Eriksen effort. One or two people even believed him. It was reported - although, again, not by anyone with the slightest bit of credibility - that Purkiss' position at the PFA was 'under threat' but a statement from the union released on Thursday read: 'In response to recent media coverage we can confirm that no complaints have been received by the PFA from Harry Kane, Harry's representatives or Harry's family. At no point has any party demanded an apology. Out of courtesy our chairman Ben Purkiss contacted Harry personally to explain that the comment had been taken out of context. Harry has not expressed any concern at all about any comments and appreciated the joke. Furthermore Harry was categorically not at the event. We hope this brings an end to all the widespread inaccuracies. All concerned would now like to draw a line under this matter and move on.'
US President - and hairdo - Donald Trump has warned nations opposing the North American bid for the 2026 World Cup they risk losing the United States' political support. FIFA has received a bid from Morocco and a joint bid from the United States, Canada and Mexico to host the tournament - which will follow Qatar 2022. Trump issued his support for the shared North American proposal ahead of the final decision, which will be made at a FIFA Congress in Moscow on 13 June. 'The US has put together a strong bid w[ith] Canada & Mexico for the 2026 World Cup,' Trump blustered on Twitter. 'It would be a shame if countries that we always support were to lobby against the US bid. Why should we be supporting these countries when they don't support us (including at the United Nations)?' Trump's comments could - indeed, almost certainly are - in breach of FIFA's rules on political interference regarding World Cup bids. Football's world governing body promised a 'fair, objective and transparent' decision process last month, following suggestions by Moroccan bid chairman Moulay Hafid Elalamy that FIFA was 'privately backing' the North American proposal. Whether FIFA - a hypocritical bunch of corrupt gangsters at the best of times - will have the stones to stand up to Trump and tell him where to stick his opinions is, of course, an entirely separate matter. The North American bid boasts large stadiums and an excellent infrastructure but is no certainty to win the June vote. The Morocco bid is expected to receive strong backing from FIFA's African and Middle East countries. France plans to back Morocco, the country's football federation president told local media recently, while Russia, which will host the 2018 tournament has said it will also vote for the North African nation's bid. The chairman of the North American bid, Sunil Gulati, said in January that 'political factors' were complicating the effort. 'This will be a tough battle,' he said. 'This is not only about our stadiums and our hotels and all of that. It’s about the perception of America, and it's a difficult time in the world. There are only certain things we can control. We can't control what happens on the thirty eighth parallel in Korea. We can't control what happens with embassies in Tel Aviv and we can't control what happens with climate-change reports. We do the best we can.' Africa hosted the World Cup in 2010 - in South Africa - but the Northern part of that continent has never been involved in hosting and Morocco has had several previous attempts. The controversial nature of Trump's regime and his strong stance on immigration are considered potentially damaging to the bid, although it should be remembered that Trump would be out of office by 2026, even if he were to serve two terms.
