The Glorious Leader's Boys v Cristiano Ronaldo's Winkers
Work duties - for I do have a few - entailed me missing the first few minutes of this one. Turning on the TV, the first thing I heard was Mick McCarthy's droning voice wittering on about 'passion and commitment.' Is there an alternative commentary for this one? The first half-hour produced not much, really, until the Portuguese took the lead. Faced with a packed North Korea defence, Tiago played a terrific pass, perfectly weighted, into the path of heavily tattooed butch-boy Raul Meireles racing into the area and he rifled a low shot past Ri Myong-Guk.
'There wasn't much North Korea could do about that goal as there was some excellent Portugal movement and passing in the build-up,' noted Graham Taylor on 5Live. 'It will be interesting to see how North Korea will react to that goal.' Bombing Lisbon? Just a suggestion. 'The North Koreans have paid the price for adventure,' noted Hansen at half-time. He, Shearer and Lineker were very enthusiastic about the game and the effort, if not the quality on display.
And, then it all went horribly wrong! Goals by Simao, Almeida and Tiago in seven second-half minutes put the game to bed. The third goal, Almedia's, in particular was a beauty - a header from Fabio Coentrao's pinpoint cross. The only hope for the neutral, now, was that Ronaldo would again dramatically fall over like he did in the first half and get booked for simulation, thus causing him to miss the Brazil game. Tragically, this didn't happen. 'He does get whacked a lot and he asks for a lot of it when he goes dancing over the ball at 4-0,' said Mick McCarthy to massed cheering right across Europe. I hate this game - it's made me agree with Mick McCarthy. It's just doesn't get any worse than that. A fifth goal was added by the substitute, Liedson. A sixth by Ronaldo. The smirk on his face just made you want to kick him, hard, in the knackers. Though, Eusabio's reaction in the seats was much warmer and more dignified. Tiago got a seventh two minutes from the end as the Koreans capitulated completely. 'In 1966 Pak Doo-Ik, the scorer of the winning goal for North Korea against Italy was promoted from Corporal to Sergeant in the army. You've got to fear for this lot,' noted Gary in something approaching political comment as the BBC's coverage ended. But, the biggest losers, here, were the Ivory Coast.
Voodoo Chile v Young Boys of Bern
A really fascinating clash from Nelson Mandela Bay, this one. Guy Mowbray stuck the knife in early with a spiteful little reminder of Mark Bright's disastrous four months playing with the gnomes of FC Sion which seemed to catch Brighty mind-strop.
The game got off to a right old bit of palaver as Humberto Suazo became one of the quickest booking in World Cup history (fifty eight seconds). And, that sort of set the tone with a very picky referee. There were moments of individual skill and class amid a welter of stop-start and niggly fouls and it was pretty inevitable that, sooner or later, somebody was going to get sent off. It just had that feel to it. After thirty minutes, we got what we'd been expecting. Valon Behrami was given his marching orders for an elbow on Arturo Vidal. It didn't actually look too outrageous at normal speed and the Chilean clearly made a meal of it with his reaction but, on reflection, TV replays did justify the referee, Khali Al Ghamdi's decision.
In the second half Sanchez had a goal disallowed for offside (it was), which caused a momentary pause in Mark Bright's brown-tongued love affair with the Chilean. The Swiss held on, broke a record for not conceding a goal in World Cup games and, despite Chile's flair and guile, the longer it went on, the more a part of you actually wanted them to hold on and get a battling draw. 'It's one of the oddest games of football I've ever seen,' noted Guy Mowbray. Not odd, exactly. Curious. Then, finally, Estaban Paredes beat the offside trap and crossed for Gonzalez to score. 'The key to unlock that Swiss bank vault is found!' said Guy, poetically. They then missed a hat full of chances to wrap the game up. They were almost made to pay in the last minute when Derdiyok missed a sitter to equalise. Really good game in the end - despite the referee!
Spain v Poor Bloody Honduras Haven't Got A Chance
Do my ears deceive me? Is that Alan Shearer really doing a voice over on a Morrisons adverts? After ITV had done their stint at destabilising the England camp by running as 'Capello slags off Terry' interview, and Chiles had ramped up the 'DRAMATIC BREAKING NEWS' shite (the dramatic breaking news being, in this case, 'the England manager asserts his right to, you know, manage and tell his centre half to shut the hell up'), we were off for forty five minutes of quite disgraceful slavver from Drury and Beglin over Spain.
Yes, they were good in the first half - only scored one, mind, but still they knocked the ball about something lovely. But, to hear Peter and Jim go on you'd think they had Torres and co. giving them a lap dance and smothering their naughty bits in slimy love butter. I mean, it's just a game of football, chaps. Yes, David Villa's goal was indeed a thing of beauty. Yes, they're good. But, there are two teams playing, you know. In fact, one of the highlights of the half, was Pique getting hit right in the stones with the ball blammed at him from close rang. Fair brought tears to the eyes, so it did. Try looking sexy after that, senor!
Second half? Bit boring to be honest. Well, not boring, but predictable. Villa scored another. Villa missed a penalty. Honduras hardly got the ball out of their own half. Spain strolled around like they owned the place. Fabregas came on and, with his first touch had a goalbound shot cleared off the line. It drifted. It ended. We learned, frankly, nothing we didn't already know.
Goals: 67
Red Cards: 10
Work duties - for I do have a few - entailed me missing the first few minutes of this one. Turning on the TV, the first thing I heard was Mick McCarthy's droning voice wittering on about 'passion and commitment.' Is there an alternative commentary for this one? The first half-hour produced not much, really, until the Portuguese took the lead. Faced with a packed North Korea defence, Tiago played a terrific pass, perfectly weighted, into the path of heavily tattooed butch-boy Raul Meireles racing into the area and he rifled a low shot past Ri Myong-Guk.
'There wasn't much North Korea could do about that goal as there was some excellent Portugal movement and passing in the build-up,' noted Graham Taylor on 5Live. 'It will be interesting to see how North Korea will react to that goal.' Bombing Lisbon? Just a suggestion. 'The North Koreans have paid the price for adventure,' noted Hansen at half-time. He, Shearer and Lineker were very enthusiastic about the game and the effort, if not the quality on display.And, then it all went horribly wrong! Goals by Simao, Almeida and Tiago in seven second-half minutes put the game to bed. The third goal, Almedia's, in particular was a beauty - a header from Fabio Coentrao's pinpoint cross. The only hope for the neutral, now, was that Ronaldo would again dramatically fall over like he did in the first half and get booked for simulation, thus causing him to miss the Brazil game. Tragically, this didn't happen. 'He does get whacked a lot and he asks for a lot of it when he goes dancing over the ball at 4-0,' said Mick McCarthy to massed cheering right across Europe. I hate this game - it's made me agree with Mick McCarthy. It's just doesn't get any worse than that. A fifth goal was added by the substitute, Liedson. A sixth by Ronaldo. The smirk on his face just made you want to kick him, hard, in the knackers. Though, Eusabio's reaction in the seats was much warmer and more dignified. Tiago got a seventh two minutes from the end as the Koreans capitulated completely. 'In 1966 Pak Doo-Ik, the scorer of the winning goal for North Korea against Italy was promoted from Corporal to Sergeant in the army. You've got to fear for this lot,' noted Gary in something approaching political comment as the BBC's coverage ended. But, the biggest losers, here, were the Ivory Coast.
Voodoo Chile v Young Boys of Bern
A really fascinating clash from Nelson Mandela Bay, this one. Guy Mowbray stuck the knife in early with a spiteful little reminder of Mark Bright's disastrous four months playing with the gnomes of FC Sion which seemed to catch Brighty mind-strop.
The game got off to a right old bit of palaver as Humberto Suazo became one of the quickest booking in World Cup history (fifty eight seconds). And, that sort of set the tone with a very picky referee. There were moments of individual skill and class amid a welter of stop-start and niggly fouls and it was pretty inevitable that, sooner or later, somebody was going to get sent off. It just had that feel to it. After thirty minutes, we got what we'd been expecting. Valon Behrami was given his marching orders for an elbow on Arturo Vidal. It didn't actually look too outrageous at normal speed and the Chilean clearly made a meal of it with his reaction but, on reflection, TV replays did justify the referee, Khali Al Ghamdi's decision.In the second half Sanchez had a goal disallowed for offside (it was), which caused a momentary pause in Mark Bright's brown-tongued love affair with the Chilean. The Swiss held on, broke a record for not conceding a goal in World Cup games and, despite Chile's flair and guile, the longer it went on, the more a part of you actually wanted them to hold on and get a battling draw. 'It's one of the oddest games of football I've ever seen,' noted Guy Mowbray. Not odd, exactly. Curious. Then, finally, Estaban Paredes beat the offside trap and crossed for Gonzalez to score. 'The key to unlock that Swiss bank vault is found!' said Guy, poetically. They then missed a hat full of chances to wrap the game up. They were almost made to pay in the last minute when Derdiyok missed a sitter to equalise. Really good game in the end - despite the referee!
Spain v Poor Bloody Honduras Haven't Got A Chance
Do my ears deceive me? Is that Alan Shearer really doing a voice over on a Morrisons adverts? After ITV had done their stint at destabilising the England camp by running as 'Capello slags off Terry' interview, and Chiles had ramped up the 'DRAMATIC BREAKING NEWS' shite (the dramatic breaking news being, in this case, 'the England manager asserts his right to, you know, manage and tell his centre half to shut the hell up'), we were off for forty five minutes of quite disgraceful slavver from Drury and Beglin over Spain.
Yes, they were good in the first half - only scored one, mind, but still they knocked the ball about something lovely. But, to hear Peter and Jim go on you'd think they had Torres and co. giving them a lap dance and smothering their naughty bits in slimy love butter. I mean, it's just a game of football, chaps. Yes, David Villa's goal was indeed a thing of beauty. Yes, they're good. But, there are two teams playing, you know. In fact, one of the highlights of the half, was Pique getting hit right in the stones with the ball blammed at him from close rang. Fair brought tears to the eyes, so it did. Try looking sexy after that, senor!Second half? Bit boring to be honest. Well, not boring, but predictable. Villa scored another. Villa missed a penalty. Honduras hardly got the ball out of their own half. Spain strolled around like they owned the place. Fabregas came on and, with his first touch had a goalbound shot cleared off the line. It drifted. It ended. We learned, frankly, nothing we didn't already know.
Goals: 67
Red Cards: 10
